Chapter 1: The Girl She Can't Get

I couldn't do this, I thought to myself, gripping the strap of my backpack, and using my other hand to run it down my jeans, palms sweating. My throat clogged up and my chest began to swell. I felt as if I might hyperventilate at any moment now. I'm nervous and scared and just wished that I was back at home, underneath my safe blanket; to never have my alarm clock sound so I'd have to wake up and face this hell-hole. But I was here now, and there was nothing I could do about it. I watched students that were now Juniors (as was myself), giving one another hugs, reuniting with boyfriends or girlfriends that they haven't seen over the summer, and other things that teenagers do when school starts again.

And then that's when I saw her. The girl that I'm infatuated with to no end. She wore a sky blue tank top with a cropped white jacket and a pleated pink skirt. Her hair came down in curly tendrils and her make-up was top-notch. She was so beautiful and I was completely in love with Kagome Higurashi.

I knew that she was out of my league with her being the second popular girl in school (her sister, Kikyo was the first), and her being surrounded by so many boys didn't give me any leeway either.

I watched as she entered the abundant school with all the other 1,000+ students that attended Shikon high.

I inhaled several deep breaths, emptying my mind of anything that had to do with Kagome Higurashi and made my way into a place that I would never survive.

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I pushed through as many confused Freshman and excited Sophomores as possible, until I reached the table that held my schedule for the first semester of school. I gave them my last name, and the plump woman with large glasses began ruffling through stacks of papers, trying to get to my name. I waited patiently, and off to my left I could hear girls giggling; probably Freshman glad that they've survived middle school and now want to take on high school.

But when I looked over it wasn't hysterical Freshman, but Kagome and Kikyo. Since I didn't find anything humorous in the least bit, I had to wonder if they were laughing at me. Were they? I hid behind a curtain of my long brown hair, but then moved my gaze towards her; Kagome.

Being in close proximity with her was like a dream. What a gorgeous smile she has. I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. But how could she smile and not look my way?

Was she trying to block out what happened between us on that last day of summer? Well…even if she forced to forget what occurred that night, that doesn't mean that I was doing the same. That moment meant everything to me…Now…it's as if it never happened.

"Excuse me?"

I jumped, startled. I set my eyes on the woman who had finally retrieved my schedule.

"Th-thanks," I stammered just before leaving the crowded desk area. I scanned over the sheet to see if was I was going to go through with some of my classes or just have my schedule changed before the end of this week. So far I liked what I saw.

After a majority of the school received their schedules, the principal had gone over the intercom, making an announcement that every student was to report to home room. I glanced at my schedule to see who my homeroom teacher was and the room number. I made my way to my destination, the room half-empty or half-full because of the amount of students. I took a seat in the back thinking, and wondering if I was going to run into Kagome by accident…or on purpose.

I was just taking out a novel that I'd been meaning to catch up on when I heard a girl giggling. Looking up, I saw that it was Sango, my best friend, laughing it up on her cell phone. The teacher frowned, extending her hand to confiscate the device, but Sango gave a farewell to whomever she was talking to and put her phone away.

She slid into the seat right next to me.

"Hey, Rin."

I gave her a big smile. "Hi, Sango."

"So how was your summer?" she asked, pulling out a stick of gum and popping the strip into her mouth.

"Hmm, pretty good," I told her. "Went to a lot of different places with the family. Things like that."

She nodded her head. "Yeah, my summer was pretty cool too. I met a lot of different guys." She said that last part with a grin. "You meet any cute girls?"

I slightly blushed. But not at the fact that Sango knew I was a lesbian, but at the mentioning of meeting any other girls. The only girl that had been on my mind was Kagome. And I could freely tell Sango that. After all, she was the first person I came out to. I was a bit nervous at first, unsure of how she would react with finding out that her best friend since middle school was gay.

Once discovering, she even asked me if there was a time that I was into her. I honestly admitted that I was, but since I knew that she wasn't like that, we both decided to leave it alone. Sango was perfectly fine with knowing that I was into girls, and didn't see me any differently.

When I failed to answer her question, she narrowed her eyes at me.

"Don't tell me you're still chasing Kagome," she guessed.

I mumbled incoherently.

She scoffed, almost spitting out her gum. "Get over her, Rin. I know there might have been a time when you thought she was a total lesbo, but she's not. And besides, Kagome has her oh-so-perfect boyfriend."

I didn't say anything; only thinking.

More students filed into the classroom and the teacher then took the opportunity to introduce himself. I listened intently, just wondering when this day would be over.

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Half-way through the day and I was already done with two classes. Now it was time for lunch and Sango and I agreed to both eat in the courtyard instead of the over-crowded and unsanitary cafeteria. I told her that I'd meet her there in two minutes, because I had to drop off my books at my locker. I fished in my pocket, pulling out the scrap of paper with the number and combination. Going through the usual routine of unlocking it, the green metal door came ajar. I stuffed unnecessary text books into the tight confinement and ready to meet Sango, when I heard her.

Peering to my left I saw Kagome four lockers down from mine. All I could do was stare. She was just a few lockers away from me. Could this day get any better? Her back was to me so I'm glad that she was unable to catch my lustful staring.

She seemed so care-free and indifferent about what happened between us over the summer. Is she really who I think she is or not?

At this point I wish that she were alone; but no, she was with Inuyasha, her boyfriend. Both were giggling and trading affectionate kisses, and tender touching.

He grabbed for her hand and they made their way towards me. I quickly hid my face in my still open locker. I heard them walk right by me without so much as a second glance. I hadn't known that I was holding my breath until I let out an exasperated sigh.

So caught up in Kagome, that I almost forgot to meet Sango.

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I repeatedly made a mental note of not thinking of Kagome for the remainder of the day. Along with my Junior year starting, having constant thoughts of her was already creating stress that I didn't need at the moment. I munched on my sandwich while Sango daintily chewed on her sushi.

"You know that stuff is gonna kill you," I pointed out.

"Oh yeah?" she pointed her red chopsticks at me. "How?"

"It's probably full of parasites waiting to eat you inside-out," I deducted, half joking.

"Yeah, well until that day…" she speared something pink and raw, injecting it into her mouth.

I picked at a piece of ham that was sticking out from the side of my sandwich.

"So, what are the plans for after school?" I asked, just so we wouldn't sit in total silence.

"Not sure," said Sango. "I guess we could just hang or whatever. You know, catch the latest movie."

I pondered that for a moment. "Yeah. Got nothing else better to do."

"Cool."

I took a few more bites from my sandwich, washing it down with a swallow of grape juice.

I hated that the bell had rung and that meant lunch was over and I had to now continue with the rest of the day. Sango and I collected our trash, disposing it properly instead of dumping it anywhere like all the other students.

We were making our way back when Sango placed a soft, warm hand on my shoulder.

"Don't worry about her, Rin."

"Hmmm."

"As soon as we hang out, you won't even be thinking about her," Sango reassured.

I gave her a faint smile, just to let her know that I wasn't totally in the dumps, and said, "Yeah, I know."

"Good. I'll see you later, then."

I nodded in agreement then we both went our separate ways.

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I finished another class and now it was off to my final one for the day; Chemistry. I took a seat in the back, quiet as always, and watched as other students began filing into the room. Once it was at its max, the teacher went through the ritual of introducing herself and then taking roll call. It wasn't long until she began assigning us minor classwork; something that even I could do on my own, but Ms. Hige (the teacher) insisted that we work with one of two other people. I opted to work alone, stating that I could get all of this done before anyone else.

It wasn't long before the door opened and Ms. Hige said, "Nice of you to finally join us. Late on the first day, Ms. Higurashi?"

My pencil dropped at that moment. Higurashi? But wait. Maybe I'm just jumping to conclusions. That could just be Kikyo, the nastiest bitch in the whole school. Ugh! I have a class with her? I am in no way ever going to associate myself with her. Not even if she says one word to me.

"Hi."

Glancing up from beneath my bangs, my mouth ran dry and my hands were sweating. It was Kagome.

"Oh….uh….hi."

"The teacher said that I should work with you," is what she told me. She sounded annoyed.

"Um…ok." Gosh, why was I stammering?

It was probably because we were sitting less than a foot apart and it was first time since school started that she even looked at me, let another spoke to me.

"So what do we have to do?" she asked, snapping me out of my stupor.

I gave her a quick run-through of the assignment and she soon got to work. The air around us seemed to have gotten warmer and it felt as if suddenly I couldn't breathe again. Why hadn't she said anything else to me? Why weren't we talking about what happened during those last few weeks of summer? Why was Kagome ignoring me?

When I couldn't bear the silence any longer, I decided to speak first. "You almost done yet?"

She ducked a thick lock of hair behind her right ear, and I could clearly see her cute earrings. "Yeah, I guess."

I ran through some of the problems that she did and most of them were wrong, but that wasn't something I couldn't fix before the end of class. There was fifteen minutes left and Kagome took the opportunity to whip out her cell phone and secretly text.

I stared at her in dismay. It's as if her mind had been wiped totally clean of the events that took place just a few weeks earlier. The only acknowledgement that she gave me was when she walked into class and asked about the assignment. I mentally sighed. Maybe Sango was right, and Kagome isn't who she really is.

In no time the bell had rung and Kagome and a few other students were the first to burst through the door. I gathered my things, hoisting my green messenger bag across my body, I also made my exit. I ventured into the student parking lot and approached my 2009 red Kia Optima and unlocked the door. Tossing my bag into the passengers seat I slumped in behind the wheel, resting my hands and head on the plastic-covered circle.

I took in a few deep calming breaths, before wiping the sweat from my head and running my hands across my face. Across the parking lot I could see a giggling Kagome jumping into the side of Inuyasha's car and giving him a tender peck on the cheek.

I sighed. Starting my car and I exited the parking lot with one thought on my mind; was Kagome the girl that I would never get?