It all started with a kiss. That stupid little kiss. It was supposed to mean nothing, but it meant everything, and I hate it. I guess I should tell you the story from the beginning. It all started with a dead fish..
"Hey Carly, is Sam here?" I asked a little scared. Okay, not a little, more like a lot. So, Sam put a dead fish in my locker. Who does that? But anyway, to get her back, because I never do, I decided to handcuff her to someone. It wasn't that bad I swear.
"No, why?" Carly asked, kind of laughing.
"Cause I pulled a prank on her" I kind of feel relieved. Me, Freddie Benson actually pulled a prank on the Sam Puckett.
"You pulled a prank on Sam?" Carly asked. She was scared for me, I could tell.
"Uh huh." I said.
"What, are you tired of living? Why would you mess with Sam?" Carly was really scared.
"Cause she put a dead fish in my locker, smell this. " I stated, waving my backpack in front of Carly's face.
"No, gross, I don't wanna smell your fishy backpack." Carly said, kind of laughing now. "What prank did you play on Sam?"
"Let me in." Oh shit. That's Sam.
"Call the police." I was waiting and waiting, any second now, and she's gonna come in, and beat my ass.
"Open this door." Shit, she's getting more mad.
"We're even." She's in, I'm terrified.
"Come here Benson." She screamed at me through her teeth.
You handcuffed her to Gibby?" Carly asked, getting more and more scared for me.
"She put a dead fish in my locker." I stated again. This time, with more anger in my voice. Seriously though, where did she even get the dead fish from?
"Gibby's way worse than a dead fish." Sam said. Damn she's pissed off, and she looks pretty beautiful. What? I'm not gonna lie.
"My mom thinks im awesome." Gibby said defensively.
"Give me the key." Sam said angrily.
"Give her the key." Carly quickly repeated, getting more scared by the second.
"Only if she promises - " Before I could finish, Sam was screaming so loud. There was murmured nonsense that I didn't quite catch, and before I knew it, I was pinned down on the table, Sam holding my arm in an awkward way that arms shouldn't be held. "Ow, ow, my arm."
"Where's the key?" Sam asked.
"In my front pants pocket, left side. " I said, kind of hoping she would reach down and get it, but I knew that day would never happen.
"Get the key out of his pocket." Sam said, she obviously didn't want to reach anywhere near there on me.
"Okay. Ew, no." And neither did Carly.
"Just let me up, and I'll give you the key." That was true, I mean why would I play games with an angry Sam?
"Please!" Gibby screamed. I couldn't be THAT bad to be handcuffed to the beautiful crazy Sam Puckett.
"Now unlock me." Sam said eager to get away from Gibby.
As soon as I unlocked them, Gibby ran to the front door crying.
"Like gibby's therapist didn't have enough to deal with." Carly said sarcastically.
Before I could do anything, Sam pulled on my shirt until our faces were just inches apart. For a second, I thought she was gonna kiss me, but then, I remembered by she was so mad, and got scared again. "Come on, you put a dead fish in my locker, I handcuffed you to gibby, we're even."
"Yay, who wants lemonade?" Carly asked trying to lighten up the mood and make us forget about what happened.
"I don't play to get even." Sam said as she pulled me closer. This would have been kind of nice, if I never handcuffed an angry Sam to a nerdy Gibby. "Mama plays to win. I'm gonna get you, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. but i'm gonna get you."
"I'm not scared." I said, trying to be confident.
"Really?" Sam asked as she walked to go to the front door. As she was doing this, I got extremely scared. I looked around, I grabbed a pot and headed for the back door.
"Are you gonna throw up in it?" Carly asked, it was like she read my mind.
"Mhm." I managed to mutter before I ran out.
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It was about time for the iCarly rehearsals. I was about to walk out of my apartment when I remember the words that Sam had said to me. I got scared again, so I looked for a weapon that I could use against her if she tried to kill me. I figured a baseball bat would do, so I grabbed it and made my way over to Carly's. When I got to the iCarly studio, Sam and Carly were sitting on the bean bag chairs.
"Hey," Carly said to me as I walked in. "What's the baseball bat for?"
"Nothing, as long as Sam keeps her distance." I said as I walked over to my bean bag, turning around to face Sam with the bat before I got there.
"Relax, I'm too tired to get you back tonight." Sam said nonchalantly.
"Good." I said relieved. "So, how was The First Kiss?" I already knew the answer to this, I just wanted to hear what they would say.
"Worst movie ever." Carly said with a little smile on her face.
"I told you guys that movie was gonna be awful. I mean even the title, The First Kiss." It was true, I mean don't tell anyone, but I went to see that movie last week with my mom. Afterwards, on the way home, she lectured me about how my first kiss should be when it happens, and also about being safe. That was kind of awkward.
"I know." Carly said, she really should've listened to me when I told her that.
"So, who was your's?" Sam asked, facing Carly. Good, I hope she doesn't ask me. Could you imagine what Sam would do if she found out that I've never kissed anyone? That'd be a living hell.
"Who was my what?" Carly asked. At times, she could be so stupid.
"Your first kiss." Sam said with an obvious look on her face.
"Sam." Carly said like it was the biggest secret ever.
"C'mom we're all friends here. Well two friends and a co-worker." She said as she stared at me. She could be so rude sometimes. "Who was your first kiss?" Sam said persistantly.
"Uh okay. It was Ben Hoopsher." Carly said happily. Although, her happiness kind of faded when she looked over to find me and Sam dying of laughter about this boy's last name.
"Nobody's last name is Hoopsher." I said as I laughed some more.
"Yes it is! He kissed me under a kumkwatch tree and his lips tasted like potato salad." Carly described with a dreamy look on her face.
"Was it good?" Sam asked, she really seemed into this story, and I can guess why - potato salad.
"Just an average little kiss." Carly said, she was remembering this time and smiling.
"No, the potato salad." Sam said like it was obvious. It was kind of obvious though, like I said, Carly could be so stupid sometimes.
"Oh yeah, really good." Carly said with a chuckle.
"Nice. My first kiss was with Buddy Hinton at a Cuddlefish concert, in a porta-potty." Sam said. Wow, that's kind of disgusting.
"Mm, so romantic." I said sarcasticly. Hey, I'm only saying what I think.
"Whatever, all i know is, now i can't stop thinking about potato salad. Does that little market across the street stay open late?" Sam asked.
"Yeah." Carly told her.
"Does that skeevy guy still hang around out front?" Sam asked again.
"Yeah." Carly told her like it was obvious.
"I'll be back." Sam said right before she grabbed the baseball bat right next to me and left for the door.
"So, who was your first kiss?" Carly asked as she waited for Sam to leave. Damn, I really didn't want this to happen.
"You don't need to know." I said trying to play it all cool, she'll fall for it, I know it.
"I absolutely need to know. Okay then just tell me her first name." Carly said with a sweet voice.
"Huh, is that a new ceiling?" Okay, so I know that's pathetic, but maybe if I change the subject she won't notice.
"Who was your first kiss?" She asked with a persistant voice.
"I haven't had my first kiss." I decided to tell her the truth about it, instead of her pestering me about it.
"Oh shut up." She said laughing, great. She thought I was kidding.
"I've never kissed anyone." Maybe she'll believe me now.
"But, but what about that rotten girl that you dated last year? Valerie? You kissed her right?" She asked obviously trying to convince me otherwise.
"No, well, for like half a second at school with a bunch of kids hanging around, but no, I've never had a real kiss." That's kind of confusing, but no. I've really never kissed anyone.
"Oh, well I think it's kind of sweet that you haven't kissed anyone yet." Carly said. She really wasn't thinking that and I could tell.
"It's not sweet it's lame. And you gotta swear to me, that you won't tell anyone, esspecially Sam." I stated, god, I really hope she doesn't tell Sam.
"There's nothing to be embarrassed of." She said as if she knew what I'm going through.
"Carly, i mean it. Promise me?" Good thing I can trust Carly with anything.
"I promise." Carly said with a meaningful smile.
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During iCarly, we were watching the Kelly Cooper Terrible Movie trailer on the pull-out screen. Filming this was quite surprising. By that I mean, I didn't think that Sam would WANT to be the girly girl in a move, but I guess she did. She looked stunning in that trailer, but she looks even more beautiful in her normal clothes. When the trailer ended, Sam pressed a button on her remote and the girls said their thanks.
"Oh, oh thank you." Carly said laughing a little.
"That's just too much for us." Sam said also laughing.
"Okay, well that wraps up iCarly for tonight." Carly was saying before Sam cut her off.
"Wait, just one more thing." Sam said. Wait, what is she doing? This isn't planned.
"Sam." Carly said warningly. She obviously doesn't know what's going on either.
"You guys all know our technical producer Freddie, show yourself to the people Freddie." Sam said like this was a planned skit.
"Hello." I said shyly as I turned the camera onto myself.
"That was Freddie, who last week, handcuffed me to a nerd. So now, guess what? Freddie's never kissed a girl. Never, not once. I heard him say so myself, and Carly's a witness. Okay, later." Sam said. My heart stopped, and I dropped the camera, not even caring about it breaking.
"Sam, Sam, you just ruined Freddie's life." I heard Carly scream as she ran after Sam.
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"I don't wanna be here." I said as Carly pulled me into school.
"Come on, come on " Carly said as she kept on pulling me.
I struggled for a little while, but it's kind of sad that I still am not stronger than Carly Shay.
"I don't wanna be here." I repeated when I got into the school.
"You can't ditch school." Carly said like I wasn't gonna be made fun of.
"Everyone's gonna make fun of me." It's true. I mean, this is high school.
"You're being way too over dramatic. Now c'mon, take off that insane desguise?" Carly said nicely. I took it off, shaking my hair out a little. I probably had hat hair. "See, no one's laughing. I told you, you're being way too dramatic." Carly was saying, but before she could finish, she got cut off by annoying football players.
"Hey, it's Benson." The football players said as they made kissy faces and noises.
"Give me my afro." I said, all it took was a couple of football players, and I'm ready to go home.
"No, just cause a few rude guys made kissy noises at you, doesn't mean-" Carly was saying, but AGAIN got cut off.
"Freddie, I don't mean to be rude, but I hear you've never kissed a girl." Great. Even my teachers watch iCarly.
"Well thanks for stopping by." Carly said as she tried pushing him away, but it didn't work.
"The important thing, is to be proud of yourself. You need to face the world with shoulders cocked and say I am Freddie Benson, and I've never kissed a girl." My teacher said as he actually screamed that. Everyone started laughing. " Stop it, stop that. Stop laughing at this unfortunate child."
"Okay, so far things aren't going that well, let's just-" Carly said with a sad look on her face. Again she was cut off. This time by little girls taking pictures and pointing and laughing at me. Oh c'mon, this is a living hell.
"Can I go home now?" I asked sadly.
"I would." Carly said as she handed me my afro and hat.
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Sitting on your fire escape for about a week, can get really boring. I have my music, my phone, and my laptop. I was planning on watching iCarly which is on in 2 minutes. I guess I should go on the website now. I waited, and then Sam and Carly popped up on the screen, looking happy.
"I'm Sam." Sam said with a huge smile on her face. It was probably a real one.
"And I'm Carly." Carly said also smiling, but I could tell it was fake.
"And this is iCarly." Sam said to the camera.
"The only webside that contains no trans-fat." Carly said slightly laughing.
"And keeps kitty's litter boxes smelling fresh all day." Sam said waving her hands in the air like she was dreaming of that. That made me laugh. That also showed me that no matter how much Sam hurts me, I could never hate her.
"And now, what you've all been waiting for." Carly said glancing back and forth between the camera and Sam.
"Carly and I are about to have our very own," Sam said doing the same thing as Carly.
"Meatball war." They screamed together as Sam pressed the cheering button on her remote.
"We have our slingshots." Sam said excitedly.
"And 100 meatballs." Carly said laughing slightly.
"But um, before we start our meatball war, I wanna say something. On the last iCarly, I told you guys that Freddie never kissed anyone. and that was really personal, and I shouldn't of said it on the show. And for all of you people that have been teasing Freddie for it, lay off. Cause I bet a whole lot of you haven't kissed anyone either. Including me. Yeah, that's right I've never kissed anyone. So if you wanna tease someone about it, tease me. Which is a bad idea unless you live near a hospital." Sam said with meaningful emotion. Damn. She did it. She apologized to me, and she lied for me. That was amazing. She probably thought I didn't watch it, but I'm glad I did. Carly looked so shocked in the backround.
"Um, our meatball war will be happening soon, but until then, please enjoy this photo of a man with shrimp up his nose." Carly said as she pressed a few buttons and soon, there was was the man and the shrimp. All I could do was stare at the laptop for a few minutes. It felt like forever, and all that I could think about was Sam. I think I'm falling for her.
I put my laptop down and turned my music back up, then sat back down. Running Away by AM was playing. I love that song, it's one of my favorites. Before I knew it, somebody was knocking on the window.
I was kind of surprised when I saw it was Sam that knocked, and I managed to plaster a little smile on my face and gesture her to come in. She moved the window more out, and made herself comfy. "Whats up?" Sam asked nonchalantly.
"Nothing." I answered trying to also be nonchalant. Since I now have a guest, I decided to get up and turn the music down slightly, but enough so that I could still hear her.
"Meatball?" She asked as she reached her hand out and held the meatbal.
"No thanks..." I replied kind of awkwardly. Before I knew it, she chucked the meatball into the city streets of Seattle. "That was really brave, what you said." I said trying not to make anything awkward.
"You heard?" She asked looking surprisingly embarrassed.
"You didn't think I'd miss iCarly?" I asked her smiling, as I waved my laptop around.
"I'm sorry, about telling people you've never kissed anyone. And about putting blue cheese dressing in your shampoo bottle, and about shipping your cell phone to Cambodia. Everything, okay?" She actually sounded kind of sincere about everything.
"So this means you're not gonna mess with me anymore?" I asked hopefully.
"No, I'm still gonna mess with you, I'm just gonna apologize every few years so I can start fresh." She said laughing a little.
"Good" I said with a smile.
"Good?" She asked so obviously confused.
"Yeah, it'd be too weird if you didn't make my life miserable all of the time. But you know maybe you could pull back just a little bit-" I plead, still trying to get a little bit less tourture.
"I don't think so." She said without laughter.
"Yeah I didn't either." I said truthfully. And then it got silent. It was kind of awkward.
"It's so dumb." Sam said. This confused me.
"What do you mean?" I asked questioningly.
"You know, how people get worked up for their first kiss. It's stupid." For once, I agreed with her. It was stupid. But I am utterly shocked that Sam has not kissed anyone.
"So you weren't lying, you really never kissed anyone?" I asked, kind of hoping I could be her first.
"Nope, sometimes, I just wish I could get it out of the way." Wait a second, is she hinting something to me? I guess I'll go along with it.
"Yeah I know, me too." I said. In all seriousness, I hope we kiss.
"I know right? Just so I can stop worrying about it." Sam said. It was so obvious that she's hinting to me now.
"Yeah." I said, unable to hold my chuckles in any longer.
"What?" She asked wanting to know what's so funny.
"Nothing, it's-" I was saying while waving my hands before she interrupted me.
"Tell me." She said forcefully, but nicely.
"It's dumb." I said chuckling a little bit more.
"Say it." She said obviously wanting to know now.
"I was just gonna say that-" Again she cut me off. But this time, I'm so glad she did.
"We should kiss?" She said, finishing my sentence.
"You're gonna break my arm now right?" I said trying to act scared so that she wouldn't know that I really wanted to kiss her.
"Nope." Was all she said. And we sat there for a few seconds, not making any eye contact at all.
"Well, should we, just so both of us can get it over with?" I asked. She looked around like she was trying to decide even though I know that she made her mind up a while ago.
"Hm, just to get it over with." She said as she got up from where she was sitting and sat closer to me.
"Just to get it over with." I said even though that's not what either of us were thinking.
"And you swear we go right back to hating each other as soon as it's over?" She asked. No, I don't swear.
"Oh totally, and we never tell anyone." I said. I'm lying through my teeth.
"Never." We stared around awkwardly for a minute before she said "Well lean." It was just like a first kiss should be. I could tell. Her lips, though unresponsive at first, were warm against mine. She soon got into the kiss a little, and I don't know how I resisted her, but I pulled away. We didn't make any eye contact at all. We just looked around at the city for a second.
"That was, um." I said speechlessly.
"Nice." Sam said standing up.
"Yeah, nice." I said awkwardly.
"Good work." She said.
"Yeah you too." She turned to leave, but I need to think of something I could say, that would make her know that it shouldn't be awkward around us at all. "Hey," She turned around and stared at me with her big blue eyes. "I hate you." I said with a big smile plastered on my face.
"Hate you too." With that she walked away. I couldn't help but turn my head to look at her while she was walking. God, I really am falling for her.