I own Nada. Markus Zusak owns it.
You know that feeling that seems to swallow you? The ones you can't control. Anger, jealousy, pity, and if you're lucky, love. I've felt them all. Most I regret, but their's one I would never erase.
I've seen to many fragile humans, with their pitiful emotions. To many times have I seen those looks on the faces of the recently deceased.
Sometimes I can't move fast enough. Sometimes these dreadful souls sit in the coldness of life's end forever. Or at least it seems that way. They struggle for their lives, they fight. Some don't. Some wait and except me, they only anger when I'm late.
And very rarely they call me, as if through thought. Very rarely an immensely amazing soul comes along that can summon death. As if such a thing were at all in the realm of logic. As if a mere human could summon me, Death.
Leisel did. She sat up right in her last moments of life. She sat up and merged with me. It was so easy so natural. It was ease that comes very rarely.
Most people fight me, especially the young.
Leisel was not young when she died, and she did not fight.
But I'm getting ahead of myself.
Before we view the death of our dear friend we must learn her life.
"Can I help you?" she asked the young man who was perched on the opposite end of the counter. He had a book in his hand and was reading vigilantly.
The man looked up and smiled. He had soft skin that crinkled around his eyes when he smiled. He smiled long and deeply at Leisel before he spoke.
"Just reading." he answered.
"Can I ask what you're reading?" Leisel asked. Curiosity lurked in every corner of her question.
The young man looked down at his book and handed it to Leisel. She looked over the faded cover and found the gold thread that indented the cover and pronounced the cover.
The Shoulder Shrug, it read.
"I've read it." Leisel amended as she handed it back.
"Have you know?" the man asked, "Did you enjoy it."
"I did very much enjoy it. It's a great book."
Leisel spoke the truth. She was now 17 and since the death of everything she cherished she had read so many books that she couldn't remember them all. She had the Mayor's library, and she was never afraid to search the ruble of town after the bombing. She was surprised by how many books she found. How many books Hitler never allowed. These books that had all been hidden in the houses that no longer lined Himmel street. All those people she thought she'd known. Despite her vast knowledge of books available and unavailable in Nazi Germany she would never forget The Shoulder Shrug. Never.
"What's your name?" the young man asked.
"Leisel, and yours?"
"Gabriel, you can call me Gabe."
"Well, nice to meet you Gabe."
"You too Leisel, You too."
And so a friendship was born. A girl who's heart was scared opened up to a Jew on the run. It wasn't the first time she'd done it.
Gabriel was Jewish, the worst thing to be in Nazi Germany.
He was hiding.
He didn't look Jewish. His blonde hair hid it well, so did his fair skin, it was the eyes that gave him away. His eyes were much like Leisel's. Brown. A chocolate brown, a whirl pool of sugar and milk. They were warm and open, they were the eyes of a Jew.
Leisel was grasping at sanity. She had lost everything because of the hate between German and the Jewish. She was so sick of it, so tired of the fight and the hate. So tired of the life she was given, the one were she was born hating Jews. But Leisel was different. She was born to hate Jewish people, sure, but she wasn't raised that way. She was raised as a girl who had just enough to eat, she had a Mama, a Papa, a best friend, she had plenty of friends, one of them being a Jew in her basement. She was born a German, but she never really fit the roll. Especially when she met Gabriel. She'd never felt so comfortable with someone, since Rudy that is.
Their friendship was complicated, more so than ever when the bombing ended.
It was a time of rare peace for Leisel. The sound of bombs sent her into a frenzy and Gabe still didn't know why. He begged for the answers, but she rarely gave them.
"Are you okay?" Gabe asked on day as they rushed into the Mayor's basement. The sound of sirens surrounded them, but you could still hear Leisel's labored breathing.
She didn't answer. She ran down the stairs, dragging Gabe by his wrist. When they where safe in the basement, Leisel fell onto Gabe and sobbed.
She curled up on his lap and cried, the gently shaking of her body eventually sent her into unconsciousness. When her breathing gentled, and her shaking slowed, Gabe brushed her hair out of her face. She was so beautiful, he thought. He gazed at her face, fantasizing different versions pf the future.
He pictured her in a simple white dress, her skin completely clean, he imagined the way she would glow in the light of luxury. The way she would blossom. He imagined the soft veil he would remove from her face. He sank into the comfort of her kiss. He imagined so much, so much he would never get. Leisel was just his friend, she didn't like him anymore than that. She never opened herself up, never let go of the past she hid, the piece of her life he would never be a part of.
It's sad what confusion can do to you, what being in love can do to you. Leisel struggled wit her growing love for Gabe because she knew he would get tired of her and move on. Nothing was constant anymore, he would leave. She was sure of it. So she figured staying shut was the only way.
Gabe loved Leisel so much, so much it hurt to look at her, it hurt to touch her because he longed for so much more.