Disclaimer: Song belongs to Paramore. 3 CSI:Miami belongs to Jerry Bruckthingie and people like that.
Summary: Because I'll never let this go, but I can't find the words to tell you I don't want to be alone, but now I feel like I don't know you.
A/N: Little piece I thought of when my friend Marloes was sleeping over. Can you see what she does to my mind? She makes me want to hurt people, haha! (but I do love her)
Maybe if my heart stops beating
It won't hurt this much
And never will I have to answer
Again to anyone
Breathing, quick, frantic breathing.
Air, cold, dry air.
Darkness, blinding, surrounding darkness.
Voices, loud, screaming voices.
And pain. The nagging, unbearable pain.
It was chaos.
She didn't know what was going on, didn't know where everyone was. All she knew was that the sound of the gunshot was still ringing in her ear. Her vision was double, but she could make out the red liquid covering her hand as she lifted it from her stomach.
In the noise around her, she couldn't make out anything. High-pitched voices were screaming, children were crying loudly, a couple of authoritarian voices were yelling orders to each other, to the crowd, maybe to her but she didn't understand what they were saying. She heard the words, she just couldn't place them.
Please don't get me wrong
What could she remember? She had to try and remember. She knew it was important to think, important to stay conscious. She remembered a Hummer, she was in a Hummer. But she wasn't driving. No, there had been two Hummers, she had seen the other one in the right-side mirror. They were passing the limits, had to get somewhere, fast. They had ran through red lights, crossed intersections without letting right pass first.
They had stopped, rushed out of the car. She recalled taking her gun off her hip. Shots were fired just after they got out. Someone let out a yelp, a woman. She was knocked to the side by a tinted arm. Eric. She felt the recoil of her gun as she shot in the direction opposite of her, where the shots came from. Her magazine was empty, her gun made dry clicking sounds. Arms encircled her waist and she was dragged behind the car. Ryan. He handed her the things to reload her gun. Be careful, he told her. She nodded. Always.
She stepped away from the safety of the Hummer; saw Horatio in the distance, his gun smoking. She decided to go and help him. And then she went down. A ripping pain went through her stomach and she fell down onto the hard, stone ground. More shots were fired, someone called out for her. Who? She couldn't remember. She wanted to remember. A tear of defeat rolled down her cheek.
Because I'll never let this go
But I can't find the words to tell you
I don't want to be alone
But now I feel like I don't know you
"Calleigh!"
Her name. She knew it was her name, so someone had to be calling for her. A figure kneeled next to her; she felt a hand on her cheek.
"Calleigh? Calleigh, look at me. Hey, Cal?" She saw a blurred face above her, she saw it twice. She tried to focus, tried to make it one, tried to at least make it sharper.
"The ambulance is on its way Cal, hold on, okay?"
But the sound of the voice made the vision unnecessary. It was Ryan, leaning over her, nudging her to stay awake, to stay with him. She gasped for breath and grabbed his arm with her hand. He took her hand in his and squeezed.
"I'm here."
He gently wiped the bottom of her eyes and the blurriness disappeared. It had been tears ruining her view.
One day you'll get sick of
saying that everything's alright
And by then I'm sure I'll be pretending
Just like I am tonight
She felt all the warmth slip away from her, being replaced by coldness, like someone was wrapping an icy blanket around her. She shivered. Ryan took his jacket off and laid it over her trembling body.
"Natalia, hand me your pull-over."
"What?"
"Your pull-over, give it to me."
Calleigh lay silently and listened to his orders. She saw him take a dark purple bundle from someone else; Natalia came into her line of sight, her eyes concerned. She kneeled down next to Calleigh and started applying pressure to the wound. Calleigh winced.
Ryan lifted her head and placed the purple bundle, Natalia's pull-over, under it.
"Damnit Calleigh, why didn't you wear your vest? Everyone was wearing a vest." He said, looking at the ground.
She swallowed, her throat dry.
"I…don't know." She spoke. Her voice sounded raspy, not like her at all.
Ryan looked up as if he hadn't meant to say it out loud. "Oh, Cal, don't worry. It's going to be alright. Really."
She didn't reply. She'd seen shootings, seen the chances on survival. And most importantly, she felt the pain she was going through, unsure of how much longer she could hold on.
Please don't get me wrong
Because I'll never let this go
But I can't find the words to tell you
I don't want to be alone
But now I feel like I don't know you
"The…rest?" She asked, causing her to struggle for breath for a few seconds after.
"We're fine Cal. Eric and Horatio are chasing the one who shot you, they're not gonna let him get away. Natalia got a nasty scare but her vest stopped the bullet. And I'm just worried about you right now."
Ryan ran his fingers through her hair. Calleigh searched for his hand, grasped it, and looked into his eyes. His beautiful, beautiful eyes.
"I'm with you. Just don't give in, alright?" He said.
"I…I…"
"Shh. Don't talk. Just stay awake."
"It hurts."
"I know. I know."
And she was aware of the fact that he knew. A bullet to the stomach must hurt as much as a nail to the eye. He'd gone through the pain, and he'd survived it, and now he was counting on her to be just as strong, and hold on too. This was a side of Ryan she hadn't seen much. He was vulnerable, because she was vulnerable, hurt, because she was hurt. It was like her emotions were shared with him through some invisible connection.
Sirens were heard in the distance, but Calleigh started to feel lightheaded. Her breathing sped up again and she felt the blood draining from her.
"Calm, Calleigh. They're almost here. Don't leave me now. You still owe me drinks." He tried to lighten the situation. She didn't laugh, didn't smile. Neither did he.
Let this go, let this go
Suddenly a wave of pain hit her and she cried out. That caused her to start coughing and she rolled onto her side, pushing herself up the best she could. Ryan's arm went around her shoulder, the other on her upper arm as he kept her from collapsing and made her feel warmer at the same time. She covered her mouth with her hand, and when she pulled it away it was covered in blood.
"Ryan…" She called out in a panicked voice.
"Oh God…"
She looked at him with big, fearful eyes. He pulled her close against him.
"Natalia, run ahead, lead the ambulance the right way and fill them in. We need to hurry, okay?" He ordered.
Natalia just nodded and ran off.
"I promised Horatio and Eric that I'd make sure you'd be okay. I'm not intending to break that promise Cal. You've got to help me here."
Calleigh leaned her head against his shoulder. The coughing had stopped and she was starting to feel numb from the pain. She heard the beating of Ryan's heart and his breathing, smelled his scent and his firm hold on her. Her eyes slowly blinked a couple of times before completely shutting on her. The last thing she remembered were Ryan's soft lips against her forehead.
But I'll never let this go
But I can't find the words to tell you
I don't want to be alone
But now I feel like I don't know you
Her eyes didn't open for two full days, and when they finally did, it was so bright around her she had trouble believing that this was real. When her eyes got used to the amount of light around her, she immediately noticed the clean white sheets around her, and the IV sticking into her arm. She turned her head to see Ryan asleep in a chair, looking rather pale.
A nurse walked by and smiled. "Don't worry, he's alright. He donated some of his blood for transfusion to you, that's why he looks so drained. I'm sure it will get better soon. Glad to see you awake. The doctor will be with you after he finishes his surgery."
Calleigh just nodded. She lay quietly for a moment. Her stomach was irritating, but not even close to hurting her as much as before. She caught herself staring at Ryan. His hand was lying on the edge of her bed and she placed hers on top of it, tangling their fingers. The movement awoke him, and his face instantly seemed to get some of its color back when he saw her.
"Cal! Oh thank God." His eyes darted to the sky for a second. "How are you feeling?"
"A whole lot better." She answered, surprised at the sound of her voice. It sounded like her again.
"We were all so worried. We're taking turns in keeping you company. Well actually, they're trying too. I refused to leave last night. Horatio gave me the day off; I think he's feeling sorry for me."
"Why?" Calleigh asked.
"Because…well, I was with you when you reloaded your gun. If I'd kept you there for just a moment longer…"
Shaking her head, Calleigh pulled on his hand, causing him to lean closer to her.
"No, no, no. I left. I didn't pay attention when I got back up. I should have scanned the site to see where the shooters were. You had nothing to do with that."
"I could've been your back-up. I should have been."
"You were. You were with me so soon after I fell down, you kept me awake."
"No I didn't. You fainted anyway."
"I gave up on trying to stay awake because I felt safe, and I knew you would make sure I was alright."
Silence fell between the two of them, until Calleigh added: "And you did."
A weak smile lightened Ryan's face.
"It's probably a good thing Horatio gave you the day off." She stated.
"Why that?"
"I don't want to be alone." Calleigh said, swallowing.
Ryan leaned on the side of her bed, and brushed her cheek with his thumb.
"You'll never be alone."
He brought her hand to his face and kissed it softly, his eyes sparkling. A shiver ran down Calleigh's spine, but a different kind of shiver. A good shiver. This was a new Ryan she was seeing, a different side of him, but definitely a side that she wanted to see more often.
It was still chaos in her mind, but she knew that she didn't have to sort it out by herself. She was about to get to know him a lot better.
And I'll never let this go
But I can't find the words to tell you
That now I feel like I don't know you
A/N: And there you go. My original plan was to kill her, but the song didn't fit with that and I just didn't have the heart. I will some day though. Be warned, haha. Leave me a review?