So what does the Dark Forest do when we're not watching? Well, I made this spoof to find out! Being evil and plotting to destroy the Clans must become tiresome, so let's just see what they're like on their time off.
Disclaimer: Warrior Cats and all characters pertaining to this book series were created by Erin Hunter! (Aka: Vicky, Cherith, Kate and Tui.) This poorly executed spoof belongs to me.
#1
Somewhere in the bleak territory of the Dark Forest full darkness and trees, Thistleclaw vainly struggles against the pressures of staying in character. Let's just see how this goes...
Thistleclaw: We should be out there now, training to destroy the Clans! Mapleshade, surely you understand this whole thing is-
*pause*
Clearly our *ahem* 'hero' seems to have run into an obstacle.
Thistleclaw: Mapleshade, what are you doing.
Mapleshade: I was asleep. You imbecile, you woke me up!
Thistleclaw: You're sleeping in the middle of our training grounds!
Mapleshade: Hehe, and I'd like to see you try to move me. Besides, being fueled by nothing but hate and spite is taxing. I need my beauty sleep.
Brokenstar: Define 'beauty.'
Thistleclaw: Brokenstar? When did you show up?
Brokenstar: I've been here the entire time. You were too busy being in character to notice.
Sol: Hey! *busts through fourth wall* Only I can break the fourth wall!
Thistleclaw: Who is this?! How did you get in the Dark Forest without us noticing?
Sol: The answer is yes.
Brokenstar: DX That's not an answer at all!
Mapleshade: You should really not use emoticons.
Sol: *shrug* Blame the author's poor attempt to make a funny and original spoof.
Brokenstar: That explains why every cat is so out of character. Except Thistleclaw, he's too boring.
Thistleclaw: Say that to my face you piece of foxdun-
Hawkfrost: *appears in a cloud of dark and ominous smoke* I HAVE RETURNED!
Sol: Let vengeance begin?
Mapleshade: ...That was pretty in character for Hawkfrost.
Thistleclaw: *growls in frustration* Idiots, all of you! I shall destroy the Clans myself! You all go make fools of yourselves while I go do something useful and productive in destroying the Clans!
Our evil protagonist has left the training grounds. Wait – what? Hey, you're the main character for this episode…*sigh*
Sol: *yelling* You can't use double negatives in a sentence!
Thistleclaw: *far away* Shut up!
Brokenstar: Wait, where is Tigerstar? He should have been here by now...
Tigerstar: *quickly walking by* I'm not in this episode. I already discussed this with the author.
Mapleshade: *grumbling* The amount of levels to which I care are at an astounding zero percent.
*silence*
Hawkfrost: WE SHALL RIP THEM ASUNDER!
Brokenstar: Hawkfrost, just...stop. As my underling, you embarrass all that is vile and evil by shouting your evil motives.
Hawkfrost: Hey, ugly, who is it who convinced all those apprentices to join the obvious dark side? This cat, right here. Also, who's the one with the motto 'Death to the Clans' for our DF trainee motivational poster?
Brokenstar: Y-y…*seething* YOU WERE FOLLOWING TIGERSTAR'S ORDERS YOU ARROGANT BRAT!
Hawkfrost: See, the thing is that calling an arrogant brat won't phase me, because that accusation is true. You forget I'm the only villain without a tragic or abusive backstory for why I am evil.
Brokenstar: What if I told you that you died a pathetic death alone and you'll die a pathetic death alone? You haven't even directly killed a cat!
Hawkfrost: You dare insult my evil honor? *takes off white glove and slaps Brokenstar with it* This is a duel between two evil gentlecats now. Wield your swordfish and have at me!
Brokenstar: I don't even know what a swordfish is!
Sol: Gentlecats? How are either of you two 'gentle?'
Mapleshade: *staring boredly into space* You're both acting like kits.
Sol: Seriously you two. Brokenstar, you brutally murder tiny kits, and Hawkfrost, you solve your problems by violently wrestling them to the ground. How is that gentle?
Hawkfrost: *grinning ear to ear* That's not the only thing I wrestle-
Mapleshade: -Okay, I've had enough of this stupidity. I was going to watch you two kill each other but I swear, the idiocy is contagious. I'll be plotting my enemies' downfall and washing my luxurious and beautiful fur if you need me. ...Don't need me.
Brokenstar: Luxurious?
Hawkfrost: Beautiful?
Sol: As a member of the Tortoiseshell Society, I am sworn to secrecy against all fellow tortoiseshells.
*silence*
Brokenstar: I have no idea what this cat is talking about. And why is there a poisonous prickly puffer fish positioned next to my paws all of a sudden? How do I even use this thing without being poisoned to death again?!
Hawkfrost: Hey, that's not fair! Swordfish are really pointy but puffer fish are poisonous and pointy!
Brokenstar: Come to think of it, how do we even know what these types of fish are?
Sol: Poorly. Constructed. Spoof. *disappears in a cloud of pink smoke*
Snowtuft. Uh...Am I the only one who noticed some random cat disappear into thin air?
Brokenstar: Have you been standing there all this time doing nothing but watching us? That's really creepy, Snowtuft.
Snowtuft: We're dead evil cats. Creepy is a part of our job description.
Hawkfrost: Enough talking! Now is the time for war! Have at ye and defend your evilness...ness!
Sparrowfeather: *shows up huffing and puffing with a clownfish* Am I...too late...to...join...the due-ACK! *trips over on puffer fish*
Brokenstar: *carelessly prodding Sparrowfeather with a broken stick* ...I didn't know a puffer fish could cause paralysis.
*Sparrowfeather is out cold*
Hawkfrost: *evil grin* Lets draw a mustache on her.
Note: The Tortoiseshell Society is an organization founded by Spottedleaf for all tortoiseshells who qualify for the organization. Tortoiseshell must have either died, suffered
tragedy, did not get the mate, or failed in life at general to qualify. They call themselves the Tortoiseshell Rendezvous of Losers and Lovers, or T.R.o.L.L. for short. Famous
members include: Spottedleaf, Mapleshade, Sol, and Redtail.