Broken Toys
(Author's notes: Yes, I realize so many people have done fics like this. It's always Duo and Quatre talking about admitting their feelings and then they run out to have a happy ending. Warning: yaoi, shounen ai, lime, angst, and God knows what kind of pairings. If that offends you, don't read my story.)
Broken was the only word Duo Maxwell could use to describe his state of being at the moment. It was beyond depression even though he never felt depressed. He knew the world was a harsh one and had learned to deal with it. How to with Heero's denial of him was something he hadn't, though. It hurt immensely and was tearing him apart from the inside.
Why he was on his way to Quatre's apartment was beyond him. He vaguely remembered Quatre calling, claiming he felt that he was hurting. Quatre wanted him to come over to talk about it and from the sound of his voice, Duo could tell that Trowa had probably denied him as well. Duo sadly recalled the day he and Quatre decided they would confirm their feelings towards Heero and Trowa.
Duo was watching Heero and Relena sitting on a garden bench through a closed window. They were talking, laughing, playing, and having fun. Trowa was most likely with Catherine, practicing new routines. Quatre was with Duo, quietly sitting reading a magazine and drinking some hot tea.
"She thinks she's so hot," Duo muttered aloud.
Quatre lifted his head and grinned. "You're just jealous." He took a sip of his tea.
"Jealous? What the hell do you mean?" Duo all but yelled.
Quatre patted his chest over his heart. "I can feel your jealousy radiating, silly. That's what the hell I mean." He took a sip of his tea.
"Now hold on just a minute. I'm quite fond of Hilde, I'll have you know!" Duo was yelling.
"Sure, just not as fond as you are of Heero. I think you know exactly what I mean. You're only yelling to cover up the fact that you might be bisexual."
Duo just stared at Quatre who stared back with such honesty in his eyes that Duo knew he wasn't disgusted with this knowledge. Duo sighed and looked back out of the window realizing there was no use in denying it. "I don't want to, but I think I love him," he said quietly.
"I know how you feel. I'm like that with Trowa," Quatre muttered.
"At least you've had some confirmation with Trowa. Right?" Duo looked back to Quatre. His face had fallen.
"Sadly enough, Trowa's as clueless as Heero is," Quatre muttered, closing his eyes.
"What?!? But it's... obvious that Trowa is completely enamored with you!" Duo said.
Quatre shook his head. "I can't tell. That scares me."
"Well, tell him for godsakes! At least one of us could be happy!" Duo couldn't believe that Quatre and Trowa really weren't together.
"Why don't you tell Heero?" Quatre shouted back. Duo had obviously struck a nerve. Quatre took in a deep breath. "Sorry, it's just... It's not easy."
"Don't I know it. We oughta just throw all our caution to the wind and tell 'em. Just forget whatever else they have to say about it," Duo said.
Quatre looked at him as if that was the most intelligent thing he had ever said. "Let's do that," he said, a positive tone taking over his voice.
"What? Quatre, you've gone nuts. We can't," Duo said.
"Yeah we can. The worst they can do is kill us, right?" Quatre asked.
Duo sighed. After thinking for a moment or so, he nodded. "Fine. We'll do it. Now I just gotta wait for the right time..."
Duo pressed the 8th floor button in the elevator. The doors closed as well as his eyes as the elevator rose up towards Quatre's apartment. He never thought heartache was an actual ache. He wanted to cry, to scream, to beat the hell out of Relena... anything to get Heero out of his mind and heart. He rubbed his jaw, remembering the night before.
"Hey, Heero, can I talk to you for a minute?" Duo asked, nodding towards the living room of Heero's apartment. Relena was there but busy with cooking. He felt like this was his only chance.
Heero had grunted and followed Duo. "What?" he asked.
"Look, I don't know how to say this or anything. I'm not that great with words so I'll have to give it to ya bluntly. I was wondering... if you've ever had any feelings towards me," Duo stammered.
"Hnn? Feelings?" Heero's eyes narrowed.
"Oh god," Duo thought. "Feelings. Like... Dammit, Heero, I think I'm in love with you!" Duo said.
Heero stood for a moment, letting the words sink in.
Duo felt Heero's fist connect with his jaw. He had not had time to dodge because Heero was too damn fast.
"Get out of my house, Duo Maxwell. And don't come back, you faggot," Heero said, returning to the kitchen with Relena.
Ding. The elevator bell woke him up from his memories. Duo pulled his snow covered coat closer around him as he walked down the hallway. He stood in front of Quatre's door, about to knock.
x
Quatre sat in his apartment, not able to do anything but cry. He was draped over his recliner sideways, his head hanging upside down, tears running down his forehead. He had stopped sobbing, but the tears refused to stop. Why did it have to hurt so badly? How could just a few words from one person hurt so damn bad? Staring at his white ceiling, he recalled how Trowa had left.
Trowa was seated on the recliner, visiting Quatre. Quatre was on the couch and he had decided it was time.
"Hey Trowa, I was talking with Duo the other day. This is pretty funny, but did you know he thought we were a couple?" Quatre asked.
Trowa gave a slight grin. "Heero had said something to me to the same effect before."
"Really?" Quatre's heart leapt.
Trowa nodded.
"Whoa. Would you ever think of me like that?" Quatre asked.
"I'm afraid I know where this is going," Trowa said.
"Afraid?"
"Yes. I've had many people say that you like me for more than a friend." Trowa closed his eyes.
"Well, maybe that's because... I do," Quatre said.
"Well, sadly, I don't. You're a great friend and you've always helped me when I needed it, but... I'm just not that way, Quatre. I really think that it'd be best for you if I just disappeared. I hate that, but I don't want to hurt you any more than I already have," Trowa said. With that, he left.
Quatre's throat was too constricted to call after him.
Quatre had known the exact moment Heero had denied him as well. It caused him to double over with a cramp in his stomach and his teeth began to hurt for some reason.
He heard the elevator ding and hoped it was Duo. He got up, wiped his eyes and went to the door. He could tell it was Duo and he opened the door. Duo was there, his hand poised to knock, a black bruise covering his jaw. Violet eyes would not rise to meet Quatre's blue ones as he stepped inside. With the door shut, Quatre hugged him.
x
After making some hot tea which Duo gratefully accepted, the young men sat in Quatre's living room talking. They shared their own stories of denial. Duo was careful not to cry in front of Quatre but Quatre felt no shame in it.
"This fucking hurts, Quatre. It hurts so damn bad," Duo said, shaking his head.
"I know," Quatre squeaked.
Seated on the couch together, both fell quiet for a moment. Duo set his tea down and leaned back.
"Duo, do you believe that something is better than nothing?" Quatre asked softly.
"Yeah. If he'd of laughed at me and sent me away for a while and not forever, I'd feel a little better about this," Duo said.
"What did you want from him?" Quatre asked.
"Want?"
"Yeah. What did you want him to do to you in your fantasies?"
Duo sighed and closed his eyes. "I wanted his lips on my neck and his mouth on my..," Duo stopped quickly when he felt Quatre's lips on his neck. "What. what are you doing?"
"Keep your eyes closed. Keep spilling your fantasies. Keep feeling that this is something rather than nothing. Keep wishing I were Heero," Quatre whispered, climbing down onto the floor on his knees in front of Duo, unbuttoning his pants and doing every little thing Duo whispered.
Duo sat in ecstasy, finding it wasn't hard at all to imagine Quatre was Heero and give his body to him. It even felt quite nice to cry out Heero's name as he came. Quatre's choking brought him back to reality though.
When Quatre returned from rinsing his mouth out, he bit his lip looking at Duo.
"So now I return the favor, only I become Trowa," Duo said, not really minding. Quatre's fantasies lied more in having his body taken rather than a simple blowjob, but Duo obliged. Gently removing the blonde boy's pants and forcing himself inside his cavity proved pleasurable for them both, only it ended with Quatre crying again after screaming Trowa's name. Duo held him until the sobbing subsided.
"Thank you, Duo. A little relief is better than none, huh?" Quatre finally said, climbing out of Duo's arms and pulling his pants back on.
"Yeah. I just don't understand why you did that." Duo buttoned his pants back up.
"I don't know. I just needed someone. Both of us are really caring people and we've been denied. Almost like toys that were never loved enough but just needed a bit of affection to be cool," Quatre said, taking a drink of his now cold tea.
"It'll be strange for me to come back here. I mean, I care about you, but..," Duo started.
"Don't say it. I feel the same way. I understand as well. I feel a bit better now," Quatre said.
Duo pulled his coat back on. "I feel pretty happy for now. But I should go, right?"
Quatre nodded. Duo gave him one last hug, and left.
(Author's notes: Yes, I realize so many people have done fics like this. It's always Duo and Quatre talking about admitting their feelings and then they run out to have a happy ending. Warning: yaoi, shounen ai, lime, angst, and God knows what kind of pairings. If that offends you, don't read my story.)
Broken was the only word Duo Maxwell could use to describe his state of being at the moment. It was beyond depression even though he never felt depressed. He knew the world was a harsh one and had learned to deal with it. How to with Heero's denial of him was something he hadn't, though. It hurt immensely and was tearing him apart from the inside.
Why he was on his way to Quatre's apartment was beyond him. He vaguely remembered Quatre calling, claiming he felt that he was hurting. Quatre wanted him to come over to talk about it and from the sound of his voice, Duo could tell that Trowa had probably denied him as well. Duo sadly recalled the day he and Quatre decided they would confirm their feelings towards Heero and Trowa.
Duo was watching Heero and Relena sitting on a garden bench through a closed window. They were talking, laughing, playing, and having fun. Trowa was most likely with Catherine, practicing new routines. Quatre was with Duo, quietly sitting reading a magazine and drinking some hot tea.
"She thinks she's so hot," Duo muttered aloud.
Quatre lifted his head and grinned. "You're just jealous." He took a sip of his tea.
"Jealous? What the hell do you mean?" Duo all but yelled.
Quatre patted his chest over his heart. "I can feel your jealousy radiating, silly. That's what the hell I mean." He took a sip of his tea.
"Now hold on just a minute. I'm quite fond of Hilde, I'll have you know!" Duo was yelling.
"Sure, just not as fond as you are of Heero. I think you know exactly what I mean. You're only yelling to cover up the fact that you might be bisexual."
Duo just stared at Quatre who stared back with such honesty in his eyes that Duo knew he wasn't disgusted with this knowledge. Duo sighed and looked back out of the window realizing there was no use in denying it. "I don't want to, but I think I love him," he said quietly.
"I know how you feel. I'm like that with Trowa," Quatre muttered.
"At least you've had some confirmation with Trowa. Right?" Duo looked back to Quatre. His face had fallen.
"Sadly enough, Trowa's as clueless as Heero is," Quatre muttered, closing his eyes.
"What?!? But it's... obvious that Trowa is completely enamored with you!" Duo said.
Quatre shook his head. "I can't tell. That scares me."
"Well, tell him for godsakes! At least one of us could be happy!" Duo couldn't believe that Quatre and Trowa really weren't together.
"Why don't you tell Heero?" Quatre shouted back. Duo had obviously struck a nerve. Quatre took in a deep breath. "Sorry, it's just... It's not easy."
"Don't I know it. We oughta just throw all our caution to the wind and tell 'em. Just forget whatever else they have to say about it," Duo said.
Quatre looked at him as if that was the most intelligent thing he had ever said. "Let's do that," he said, a positive tone taking over his voice.
"What? Quatre, you've gone nuts. We can't," Duo said.
"Yeah we can. The worst they can do is kill us, right?" Quatre asked.
Duo sighed. After thinking for a moment or so, he nodded. "Fine. We'll do it. Now I just gotta wait for the right time..."
Duo pressed the 8th floor button in the elevator. The doors closed as well as his eyes as the elevator rose up towards Quatre's apartment. He never thought heartache was an actual ache. He wanted to cry, to scream, to beat the hell out of Relena... anything to get Heero out of his mind and heart. He rubbed his jaw, remembering the night before.
"Hey, Heero, can I talk to you for a minute?" Duo asked, nodding towards the living room of Heero's apartment. Relena was there but busy with cooking. He felt like this was his only chance.
Heero had grunted and followed Duo. "What?" he asked.
"Look, I don't know how to say this or anything. I'm not that great with words so I'll have to give it to ya bluntly. I was wondering... if you've ever had any feelings towards me," Duo stammered.
"Hnn? Feelings?" Heero's eyes narrowed.
"Oh god," Duo thought. "Feelings. Like... Dammit, Heero, I think I'm in love with you!" Duo said.
Heero stood for a moment, letting the words sink in.
Duo felt Heero's fist connect with his jaw. He had not had time to dodge because Heero was too damn fast.
"Get out of my house, Duo Maxwell. And don't come back, you faggot," Heero said, returning to the kitchen with Relena.
Ding. The elevator bell woke him up from his memories. Duo pulled his snow covered coat closer around him as he walked down the hallway. He stood in front of Quatre's door, about to knock.
x
Quatre sat in his apartment, not able to do anything but cry. He was draped over his recliner sideways, his head hanging upside down, tears running down his forehead. He had stopped sobbing, but the tears refused to stop. Why did it have to hurt so badly? How could just a few words from one person hurt so damn bad? Staring at his white ceiling, he recalled how Trowa had left.
Trowa was seated on the recliner, visiting Quatre. Quatre was on the couch and he had decided it was time.
"Hey Trowa, I was talking with Duo the other day. This is pretty funny, but did you know he thought we were a couple?" Quatre asked.
Trowa gave a slight grin. "Heero had said something to me to the same effect before."
"Really?" Quatre's heart leapt.
Trowa nodded.
"Whoa. Would you ever think of me like that?" Quatre asked.
"I'm afraid I know where this is going," Trowa said.
"Afraid?"
"Yes. I've had many people say that you like me for more than a friend." Trowa closed his eyes.
"Well, maybe that's because... I do," Quatre said.
"Well, sadly, I don't. You're a great friend and you've always helped me when I needed it, but... I'm just not that way, Quatre. I really think that it'd be best for you if I just disappeared. I hate that, but I don't want to hurt you any more than I already have," Trowa said. With that, he left.
Quatre's throat was too constricted to call after him.
Quatre had known the exact moment Heero had denied him as well. It caused him to double over with a cramp in his stomach and his teeth began to hurt for some reason.
He heard the elevator ding and hoped it was Duo. He got up, wiped his eyes and went to the door. He could tell it was Duo and he opened the door. Duo was there, his hand poised to knock, a black bruise covering his jaw. Violet eyes would not rise to meet Quatre's blue ones as he stepped inside. With the door shut, Quatre hugged him.
x
After making some hot tea which Duo gratefully accepted, the young men sat in Quatre's living room talking. They shared their own stories of denial. Duo was careful not to cry in front of Quatre but Quatre felt no shame in it.
"This fucking hurts, Quatre. It hurts so damn bad," Duo said, shaking his head.
"I know," Quatre squeaked.
Seated on the couch together, both fell quiet for a moment. Duo set his tea down and leaned back.
"Duo, do you believe that something is better than nothing?" Quatre asked softly.
"Yeah. If he'd of laughed at me and sent me away for a while and not forever, I'd feel a little better about this," Duo said.
"What did you want from him?" Quatre asked.
"Want?"
"Yeah. What did you want him to do to you in your fantasies?"
Duo sighed and closed his eyes. "I wanted his lips on my neck and his mouth on my..," Duo stopped quickly when he felt Quatre's lips on his neck. "What. what are you doing?"
"Keep your eyes closed. Keep spilling your fantasies. Keep feeling that this is something rather than nothing. Keep wishing I were Heero," Quatre whispered, climbing down onto the floor on his knees in front of Duo, unbuttoning his pants and doing every little thing Duo whispered.
Duo sat in ecstasy, finding it wasn't hard at all to imagine Quatre was Heero and give his body to him. It even felt quite nice to cry out Heero's name as he came. Quatre's choking brought him back to reality though.
When Quatre returned from rinsing his mouth out, he bit his lip looking at Duo.
"So now I return the favor, only I become Trowa," Duo said, not really minding. Quatre's fantasies lied more in having his body taken rather than a simple blowjob, but Duo obliged. Gently removing the blonde boy's pants and forcing himself inside his cavity proved pleasurable for them both, only it ended with Quatre crying again after screaming Trowa's name. Duo held him until the sobbing subsided.
"Thank you, Duo. A little relief is better than none, huh?" Quatre finally said, climbing out of Duo's arms and pulling his pants back on.
"Yeah. I just don't understand why you did that." Duo buttoned his pants back up.
"I don't know. I just needed someone. Both of us are really caring people and we've been denied. Almost like toys that were never loved enough but just needed a bit of affection to be cool," Quatre said, taking a drink of his now cold tea.
"It'll be strange for me to come back here. I mean, I care about you, but..," Duo started.
"Don't say it. I feel the same way. I understand as well. I feel a bit better now," Quatre said.
Duo pulled his coat back on. "I feel pretty happy for now. But I should go, right?"
Quatre nodded. Duo gave him one last hug, and left.