A/N: YAY i can finally post! *stupid 2 day waiting period.*
Emmett: Yay for you! *claps*
me: You're so cute when you clap...ANyways!during my horrible 2 days of waiting, me and my friend itsatay started writing a story together. well I started it..and sent it to her in a File transfer on AIM, and she asked to help. So this was all before itsatay started helping me. Chapter 5 onwards is both Tay and I. So now you may Enjoy it ladies and Gentlemen!
Emmett: *claps again* Yay!

DISCLAIMER: "Sadly, Tay and I do not own Twilight. If we did that'd be awesome. Oh but I DO own myself and my posessed sansa, and my dog, and my cats, and guitar hero, and my clothes...and this lis can go on and on so i'm not continuing, and Tay owns herself. And I own Emmett, while Tayowns Edward...but Shushies, Stephenie doesn't know that we took Emmett and Edward from her. So don't say anything."~Felivia

Oh Shitake mushrooms! It's Felivia!!!

Hey look it's the Cullen boys in my driveway.

I woke up in the morning, found my pajamas and put them on. I walked down the hallway, glanced into my father's room, Oh yeah…my dad's at my cousin's house and he won't be home until tonight… I thought. Then I glanced into my sister's room. Oh…I forgot. They moved out yesterday… So I went to the kitchen. Made myself some Dr. Dew and then attempted to hook my Sansa up to the surround sound. After failing about ten times, and then finally succeeding, I turned the surround sound up half way, and my Sansa up all the way. Voltaire's Land Of The Dead started blaring out of the speakers. I started singing along. "The Menotaur's my butler the Cyclops my valet, a Centaur drives my chariot, that takes me down the way, to a river made of fire, to a street that's paved in Bones, I got a dozen zombie skeletons to walk me to my throne. In the land of the Dead, Heck boy ain't it grand? I'm the over lord of the Underworld 'cause I hold Hara's hand, in the land of the dead, I'm dark side royalty." When all of a sudden I heard a knock at the front door.

I walked to the kitchen, glanced out the window that looked out on the driveway. "Hm, why's there a red jeep that's not my dad's in the middle of the drive way…." I asked myself, and then turned my head to the side to look out the window leading to the front porch. "Oh shi--…It's the Cullen boys!" I squealed. I tapped on the window. Carlisle turned his head, and I said, "Go to the back door…walk around the right side of the house and it should be back there," with a smile. Just as I was walking back to the laundry room Ex Lover's Lover started playing. I pulled the sleeping bag away from the back door and opened it up. "Hey, hey, hey." I said with a huge grin. "What brings you boys here? In the Middle of Nowhere?"

From the living room came: "will the corpse expose I would work in haste, and I might burry the bones, in a shallow grave, and the rain comes and moves rocks and the stones, washes away all the dirt and the mud flows, bones are exposed, and well you know how that goes! I wait for the day when I'll finally defile the bodies of my Ex lover's lover, I'll pile high to the sky the bodies of my Ex lover's lovers, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, watch them Die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die…"

"Um…wow, that's a lovely song you have playing there…" Emmett said stifling a laugh.

At the same time, Jasper was snickering, saying "And a lovely outfit too."

I looked down, and saw that 1) I wasn't wearing any panties or a bra, and 2) My shorts & shirt were both holey and about 6 sizes too big on me. I blushed. "Well I'm home alone, and I wasn't expecting visitors today…do you want to come in?" I said and moved out of the way.

The four of them walked in, and then went into the kitchen. "So what brings you boys here…I never got an answer." I said as I changed the song on my sansa, and turned it down slightly. Sugar Pie Honey Bunch by the Temptations started playing.

" The girls told us we needed some "male bonding" time so we decided to go across the country and see some of the 'world's largest' objects around the U.S…It was Emmett's turn to pick what we did for our Male bonding time. And well, Emmett here got us lost. He figured we could drive down this street and maybe find out how to get back to a place with people. We got to the end of the road…and saw the turn around and a crap-load of trees. Jasper smacked Emmett on the head, and he saw that the other neighbors weren't home and we all heard music coming from your house." Edward explained.

"Well now…why don't you four just stay here for a little while? I'm getting rather lonesome." I said laughing. "Besides, I might know what you're looking for. There's not too much to do 'round here, but I've done most of it. Unless you're looking for Pittsburgh…because the only thing I've done up there is go to the Andy Warhol museum and go to plays or musicals." I continued.

"Well Emmett wanted to see the World's Largest Teapot in West Virginia…are we anywhere near that?" Jasper said, saying "World's largest teapot" really weirdly.

"Oh. Yeah, its about 20 minutes that-a-way." I said pointing in some direction where I thought it was at. "You boys are in a completely different state…in fact, you have to go through Ohio to get to West Virginia from here." I said laughing even more.

"See, I told you Emmett! We shouldn't have taken that turn, but No, you refused to listen." Edward said smacking Emmett with the map.

"So are you boys going to stay here for a while? Or are you just going to go on your merry way?" I asked, trying to convince them to stay.

After I said that, This cocaine makes me feel like I'm on this song by System of a Down started playing. I quickly ran over to change the song. It changed to If You Were Gay from Avenue Q. I just started laughing, Emmett's eyes lit up, and he started singing to Jasper: "well okay, but just so you know…if you were gay, that'd be okay. I mean 'cause Hey. I'd like you Anyways! Because you see if it were me, I would feel free to day that I was gay, But I'm not gay. If you were queer, I'd still be here, Year after year, because you're dear to me. And I know that you, would accept me too if I told you today, Hey Guess what I'm gay! But I'm not gay. I'm happy just being with you. So what does it matter to me what you do in bed with guys!!! No its not! If you were gay! I'd shout Hooray! And here I'd stay! But I wouldn't get in your way, you can count on me to always be beside you every day to tell you it's okay you were just born that way, and as they say its in your DNA you're gay!! If you were gay!!" and I started laughing at Jasper's facial expression, it was a mix of annoyance, amusement, and anger.

"Okay…that was random…" I said with a smile. "So guys, are you staying or going?" as I said that, Should I stay or Should I go by the Clash started playing. "Wow, this damn thing is possessed. It plays either the worst possible songs or the best songs for the moment at hand.

"I guess we can stay for a little while…" Carlisle trailed off. Jasper and Edward looked very scared.

"Carlisle…You aren't hearing what's going on in that messed up little brain of hers…we should get out of here as soon as possible." Edward whispered to Carlisle from his left side.

Jasper, who was on Carlisle's right side whispered, "Yeah, you don't know what she's feeling, and I don't like it. So let's get out of here."

"Oh boys, it cant be That bad…can it?" Emmett said coming over to me and putting his arm around my shoulders. "So, shortie. What's your name?"

"Not shortie…I can tell you that much. I'm not that short. I'm proud of my five foot one and one half inches! And my name's Felivia." I said thinking about kicking Emmett in the shin…but then thinking twice about it. I didn't need to get hurt.

Jasper started laughing. "Oh wow you're really short."

"We can't all be freakishly tall like you four. I mean all of you are like over a foot taller than I am…" I complained.

"Em, you can stay if you want, but Jazz and I are leaving." Edward said grabbing Jasper's arm and dragging him towards the back door.

"Noooo don't leave! Please, I promise I'll behave!" I said and dove to the ground, wrapping my arms around Jasper's leg.

"Wow…did you lose your mind or something?" Edward responded.

"No silly, I sold it on E-bay. To a big black guy named bubba!" I said with one of my huge grins getting up off the floor.

"Alright, I'll stay…Edward, I guess if you want to leave you can…" Jasper trailed off. Edward cringed anticipating the cling-fest that was sure to come.

"Buhbyes Edward. I'm fine with these three, I don't even like you all that much." I said with a smile. He raised an eyebrow, and just walked out to Emmett's jeep.

"He's such an idiot. He doesn't even have the keys." Emmett said holding up his key ring, "And the door's locked."

"Hah! What did you think that a raccoon would try to steal your Jeep and take it for a joyride?" I said with what I call a 'giggle-snort.'

"Um…no, why?" Emmett said looking confused.

"The neighbors don't steal things…and there's a bunch of raccoons and turkeys out here." I said with another smile, and another giggle-snort.

I feel Lucky by Mary Chapin Carpenter started playing and I started singing. Carlisle figured he'd sit down on our white couch and use the coffee table as a footrest, and Jasper and Emmett mimicked him.

I started doing an 'air guitar' solo and almost fell over because my dog came running out and started barking at the boys.

"Now eleven million later I was sitting at the bar, I bought the house a double and the waitress a new car, Dwight Yokems in the corner trying to catch my eye, Lisle Lovett's right beside me with his hand upon my thigh, moral of the story is simple but its true, hey the stars might lie, but the numbers never do, I feel lucky oh, oh, oh, I feel lucky yeah, hey Dwight, hey Lisle, boys, you don't need to fight. Hot dog I feel lucky tonight. I feel lucky. I feel lucky yeah, think I'll flip a coin, I'm a winner either way, hmmm I feel lucky today." At the lines, "hey Dwight he Lisle boys you don't need to fight" I walked over and sat on Carlisle's lap. I would have sat on Emmett's lap, but my dog decided to do that in the middle of my singing.

"Hey Buddy. You like Emmett too?" I said petting my German Shepard Collie mix right before his tail. He started growling and Emmett started laughing.

"Why's he growling like that?" He asked.

"Because, that's his "Happy spot."" I said laughing. "Okay, get down Bud."

Just then my other dog, Coby came out and jumped on Jasper's lap. Jasper's eyes darkened slightly, and then he shoved Coby off of him and onto the floor.

"Jazz, go ahead, I hate that little shit-head dog. He always chews up my stuff and no one else's. I mean look at my wallet for example." I said laying back on Carlisle's legs to reach the Coffee table and grab my wallet. I basically did a sit-up and then I opened it up and showed them how the middle compartment had bite-marks in it. "Then again, my sister would kill me if she came back and her dog wasn't here…" I said. Just then Wake Up Call started playing and I smiled and opened my mouth to start singing again.

"No singing!" Jasper said and put his hand over my mouth.

"You're no fun." My response was muffled, but I knew they understood it.

"Oh my God. Is that a drum set for Rockband?" Emmett said with a huge grin.

"No…its for Guitar Hero: World Tour." I said laughing. "Rockband's for losers."