Truth Be Told
By Zed-sama
WARNINGS: Cathartic writing, for lack of an actual plot.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Beyblade, or emotions for that matter, but I am a slave to both.
I love you.
It took me a long time to figure that out, you know. I'd never been in love before, so how was I supposed to know why I wanted you to look at me? I thought I just wanted to impress you – you, the greatest beyblader in the world! You, fearless, worldly and dangerous, I wanted your respect, I wanted your attention . . . I wanted you to look at me with those sharp blue eyes.
How was I to know that it was JEALOUSY I felt when you looked at others? Of course you looked at others, talked to them even, and each time you did I felt JEALOUS that it wasn't me you were looking at, talking to. Only, I didn't know it then. I just wanted to say that I knew you, that you were MY friend. I wanted your approval. That's what we all want from our friends, right?
Others saw it before I did. They made jokes about it. I laughed with them, not realising that they knew my heart better than I did. How ironic, those who knew nothing about me knew that I loved you! Was I that blind? Was I that obvious?
I was obviously blind in any case, because it was YOU who made the first move. Ah, but I'd never been loved before, so how was I to know that those casual touches weren't so casual? You went slowly, I'll grant you that, giving me plenty of time to understand what you wanted, if I had only been smart enough to understand.
I cried that time you said you couldn't come to see me. I think then I began to wonder if maybe, just MAYBE, my feelings for you went deeper than my other friendships. Were the others right? Was I . . . in love? I considered my feelings carefully. I am not one to rush into things. But like I said, I've never been in love, how could I possibly know if what I felt for you was more than mere affection?
Ah! There's that word: affection. Friendliness, warmth, fondness. None of these words can convey the feeling of utter and total contentment I feel when you and I lie together. How I long for those moments, those tiny pieces of heaven amongst the swirling chaos that is my life.
Like now, lying here, with you back curved against my chest and my face in the crook of your neck, breathing the scent of your hair, our fingers twined together as your free hand traces meaningless ( ! ) swirling patterns on my forearm. No words needed here. Or, perhaps and more likely, we are too scared to utter them.
We? Ah, I'm sorry: I. I am too scared to utter them. To lay my heart bare before you and wait agonized for your judgement is more than I am capable of. I've never felt peace like this before, and I don't want to lose it. I can't lose you . . .
Because I love you.
But I'll never tell you so.
AN: I see this as Kai talking about Yuriy, but hey, you could probably slip any of the beyblader characters into these roles.
And if anyone I actually know finds this . . . fck.