Title: Why Couldn't I save Him?
Summary: A Jedi Master suffers the loss of his first apprentice.
Disclaimer: George Lucas own everything even remotely related to Star Wars.
Read the companion piece to this story, Scars on the Heart.
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"You shouldn't be here, Master. You're not welcome," the tall, blonde-haired Padawan Learner stated calmly.
"We have things to discuss, young one," came the Master's harsh reply to his student.
"I don't want to hear anything you have to say! You mean nothing to me, Master," he spewed hatefully at the older man, turning his back on him.
The sound of a lightsaber igniting and the accompanying blue glow glinting off the cave wall grabbed the Padawan's attention. He pivoted sharply, his booted feet scraping the rough ground beneath. He quickly locked his blue eyes onto those of his former mentor. His gaze never once wavering, the Padawan thumbed on his own weapon, the blue glow now tinged in red. Slowly, he twirled the saber and smiled, a smile that used to convey warmth and genuine caring but now only reflected the rage and torment the young man felt.
"You don't want this fight. You don't want to fight me, Master," the Padawan said, too calmly for his Master's liking. "Or maybe you do. Maybe you want to see your training in action," he taunted, his eyes lit with hatred for the man standing in front of him. "Perhaps you'd like a demonstration of my true power," he said as the two men had begun to slowly circle one another.
"You don't have to do this, Padawan. There is another way, I can…," he stopped abruptly, suddenly sensing danger through the Force only seconds before his former student launched his attack. It was the last mistake the student ever made.
/
"Certain you are, that gone he is?" Yoda asked his fellow Jedi Master.
"Yes Master, I am certain that my former Padawan Learner is dead. I watched his…," he paused to clear his throat, then continued moments later,"…I watched his body fall into the crevasse in the cave myself. He is gone, I assure you of that," he finished, his voice steady and even.
"Very well, dismissed you are," Yoda told him.
The Master wasted no time in striding from the room and heading towards his quarters, the quarters he'd shared with his Padawan just weeks before. Now he had the task of removing the young man's belongings. A solemn task to be sure and one he certainly wasn't looking forward to.
He stepped up in front of the door expecting to see the familiar placard with their names emblazoned for all to see, but found it gone. Frowning slightly as he sensed a presence inside, he punched a button on the control panel next to the door and watched as it slid open. Seeing the figure seated on his couch, the Master sighed deeply.
"What are you doing here?" the Master asked quietly, his energy gone. He practically fell into the hover chair that was placed across the room from the couch.
The older man raised an eyebrow. "I should think that was obvious," he replied somewhat teasingly.
The Master wasn't amused. He was tired, irritable and all he really wanted was to take a nice hot shower, eat a warm dinner and sleep for the rest of his life. Now that wouldn't be possible, supposing it ever was in the first place.
"Tell me what happened," the older man commanded in a soft voice, his concern for the Master coming through in his tone.
"What's to tell?" the Master asked conversationally.
"My Padawan, a boy I first met when he was merely a child, decided that my teachings and my guidance weren't enough for him. He decided that his new Master, a Sith no less, was more qualified to be his teacher, his mentor," he said as if he were giving a simple mission report.
"Several hours ago, I confronted my former Padawan Learner and we fought. Now he's dead, and I'm alive and I can't change that and neither can you, or Yoda, or anyone else!" he yelled, his emotions finally boiling over.
Tears were raining down his tanned cheeks as he dropped his head into his hands and sobbed for his lost student, a boy he'd raised and loved as his own son.
The older man stood and went quickly to the younger man's side. He pulled him into his arms and held him as he cried, just as he had done when this strong man had been a child. He rubbed slow circles over his broad shoulder and back, slowly easing away the tension of the last few weeks.
"I c-couldn't save h-him. W-why c-cou-couldn't I s-save him, Master?" he sobbed, begging the older man for an explanation. "Y-you saved m-me, why c-couldn't I do it f-for him?" he continued to cry.
"You did save him, Padawan. You did save him," the older man said with conviction. "Losing one's self to the Dark Side is a fate worse than death. You spared him that agony, Padawan. Always remember that. Always remember that you did save him," he finished quietly, still holding tightly to his crying former apprentice.
"It h-hurts, Master. I m-miss him so m-much," he sobbed. His tears hadn't abated, and the older man knew that they wouldn't for a long time to come. Even when the physical evidence of them was gone and his eyes were dry, his soul would cry still and his heart would bleed.
The older man clutched the sobbing Jedi closer, his own eyes starting to water at the raw emotion he felt coming from his former student. "The pain will lessen in time; I promise you that, my Padawan. Losing someone you love leaves a scar on the heart that never quite heals, but it does become easier to live with," he told him, hoping that his words of wisdom would serve his former student well once more. Then, placing a fatherly kiss atop his matted hair, Obi-Wan Kenobi left Anakin Skywalker alone to come to terms with the loss of his first apprentice.