Shut up, Sam, Dean thought as he scrubbed his face at the bathroom sink. Just shut up. I don't want to think about a case, I don't want to think about anything.
Dean had had thoughts like that ever since he got back from Purgatory, he couldn't make them stop. His skin itched, his heart raced, his eyes were constantly looking for danger, and above all else, he couldn't get the chant of Where's Cas where's Cas where's Cas out of his head.
He kept his head bowed over the sink as he vaguely listened to Sam prattle on about their mission. He took a few deep breaths to calm himself down. In through the nose, out through the mouth. He continued the exercise for several moments.
Another deep breath in, but this one was let out as a shaky sigh. Dean slowly opened his eyes and raised them to look at his reflection.
However, there was another person in the mirror. A very shaggy, rugged person. Dean wheeled around, not sure that he believed what he had just seen.
"Hello, Dean," came the deep voice. It was raspier than before, but that was obviously from the trials of Purgatory.
Castiel's knees buckled, and Dean instantly stepped forward to catch him. Dean pulled Castiel's waist into his own with one hand, his other bracing the angel's back.
"Cas," he called to the almost unconscious angel. "Hey, heyheyhey. Come on, Cas, please."
Castiel's eyes closed and Dean started to panic. He bent down and placed his arm in the crease of Cas's knees and hoisted him up, carrying him like a bride.
Sam jumped to his feet when he saw who Dean was holding. "Is that...?"
Dean didn't even glance at Sam, but Dean let out a quiet "shh!" as he laid Castiel down on the cheap hotel bed. Dean started to carefully cover the angel with his jacket when Sam cleared his throat.
"Hey, uh," Sam started awkwardly. "I'm gonna... Just... Ah, screw it. You both went through Purgatory, and I don't know what that was like. I'm not trying to be insensitive, but I think if you two are alone, you'll have a better chance to ease both of your nightmares."
Dean nodded in thanks. His brother knew that Dean couldn't voice his feelings, so Sam accepted the nod, clapped his hand on Dean's shoulder, and then left the hotel room.
Dean watched Cas for hours. He sat on the edge of the other bed, elbows on his knees, chin rested on his hands.
How are you back?
He didn't care how Castiel got out, not really. He was just glad – ecstatic, truly, but he'd never admit it – that he was here.
Castiel started to groan in his sleep, his brow furrowed. The angel's hands clenched at the comforter on the bed.
Dean knelt down next to the other bed and grasped his friend's hand. "Hey, Cas. Cas, I'm here." Dean rested his other hand on Castiel's chest. "You're out, Cas," he murmured. "You're out, and you're safe."
Castiel's eyelids fluttered for a moment, but then his breathing returned to normal. Dean chose to stay there.
Dean woke to his name being shouted.
He had fallen asleep holding Castiel's hand, so when Cas screamed "Dean, go!" it was too close to not wake him up.
Without thinking, in his sleep-haze, he jerked and yelled, "Cas!"
Then they were both awake, both grasping at each other, making sure that they weren't in some sick dream, some terrible hallucination.
"Cas, we're out," Dean said when he finally sat down next to the other man and pulled Cas into an embrace. "We're safe. It's not 360 degrees of combat anymore."
Castiel wrapped his arms around the hunter desperately. "How am I out? I deserved to be there, why did I get sent back here?"
Dean smiled grimly. "Maybe God thinks we're a good team. We stopped the Apocalypse, didn't we?" He looked down at the shaking creature in his arms. His smiled faded. "I'm not gonna lie to you, Cas. It's gonna be a while before you stop having nightmares about that place. But I can promise you that I'll be here to help you through it."
Castiel looked up at him, complete trust in his eyes.
"You didn't deserve to be there, Cas," Dean said as he laid down to hold the angel in a more comfortable position. "You did the best that you could."
As they both started to fall asleep in each other's arms, Castiel whispered against Dean's neck, "Maybe I didn't deserve Purgatory, but I don't deserve you."
Dean responded by pulling the angel closer to his body. "If there's anything on this Hellhole of a planet that's good," he murmured in response, "it's us. We fit. And nothing, not Hell, not Purgatory, nothing will take that away."
For the first time in a year – Hell, maybe more than that – Castiel fell asleep with a smile on his face.