So this thing was born from a midnight idea. It is Mary's magnum opus. Don't blame me. Well… do blame me because I wrote it. Um. ANYWAY.
MIDNIGHT PROMPT: AVENGERS/AVATAR CROSSOVER – YOUNG AVATAR STEVE ROGERS RAN AWAY FROM HIS BUNKER LAST NIGHT AND GOT FROZEN IN A THING OF ICE WHERE WATER TRIBE BLAK WIDOW AND HAWKEYE FIND HIM MEANWHILE BANISHED PRINCE LOKI TRAVELS THE REALMS TO FIND AND CAPTURE THE AVATAR
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Except the generous amounts of crack it took to make this in the first place.
One beautiful summer evening, Steve Rogers and Tony Stark were driving around in a Jeep, having decided to take a surprise leave of absence from the military (read: they were AWL). Unfortunately, they were located in Greenland, where the summers were 'FUCKING COLD' (according to Tony, who caused this situation in the first place). Why is Greenland even called 'Greenland' in the first place?
More information? Why not.
At the last gas station, Steve had gone to the bathroom, leaving strict instructions to FILL y TANK before flirting with women. He had forgotten to account for the hot cashier, who kept Tony occupied and caused him to forget about paying to fill the tank. When Steve got back, he assumed the tank was filled (a severe mistake), and after dragging Tony out of the store, they got back on the road. Midway through the drive, the GPS broke, and after listening to Tony's assurances "I totally know the directions. Listen to me." Steve let Tony take the wheel. And this is the story of how they ended up in this situation.
Back to Tony and Steve.
However, as they were stuck in the bitch-ass frozen fields of nowhere, Tony had a sudden Bright Idea (which might not have been a Bright Idea after all).
"Hey. Steve. Do you wanna play I Spy?" Tony said a little too brightly, with a suspiciously innocent expression.
"Sure, why not. There's nothing else to do." Steve sighed in resignation. There really was nothing else to do, and the car was going to run out of gas soon. He might as well amuse himself, but that smirk on Tony's face was mildy concerning…
"I Spy, with my little eye, something… white." Tony smirked as his plan was put into action, not caring about what would happen next. He was bored after all, and his boredom never ended well.
Steve sat there motionless for a grand total of six seconds, before an audible 'snap' could be heard as his inner Banner emerged.
"WHITE? EVERYTHING OUT THERE IS WHITE YOU BASTARD! DO YOU FIND THIS FUNNY? DO YOU REALLY? I WILL THROW YOUR ASS OUT INTO THE SNOW AND ROLL YOU OVER WITH THE REMAINING GAS IN THIS TANK." he shouted angrily, before bodyslamming a laughing Tony out of the car door and into a snowdrift.
Remember when I told you it was bitch-ass cold out there? I wasn't kidding. It was cold enough to freeze any bitch's ass, and unfortunately for Tony and Steve, they were acting like lil bitches when they were caught by the divine judgment of disturbing icy places. The Giant Hrungnir (before his untimely death at Thor's hand) passed judgment on their asses and they were sentenced to be frozen for a thousand years. He never specified where they were to be frozen, or when their thousand years would start, so his minions just dumped them at the next timeline they were called to. Don't use minions if you want a job done right. Do it yourself. Minions suck at following orders.
One thousand years later, in a completely different timeline…
The Water Tribe needed supplies for the next winter. Preferably food. They sent out various hunting parties to fish for fish. Were you expecting something interesting? Too bad.
One of the hunting parties, consisting of Natalia Romanova and Clinton Barton, was setting out across the icy tundra.
"Clinton, stop screwing around and get back to fishing. You're going to-"
Something fell in the water, causing a loud splash.
"-fall in." Natalia sighed in resignation, knowing that Clinton would have done something idiotic. Sure enough, a few seconds later Clinton's head popped out of the water.
"YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME THIS EARLIER!" he yelled as he climbed on top of the nearest piece of ice.
Natalia sighed again, before looking at the ice Clinton was sitting on.
"Is that… a person?"
Clinton looked down. The open eyes of Steve Rogers looked right back at him, causing Clinton to scream and jump off.
Seconds later, a thought occurred to Natalia.
"Shouldn't we get him some help?" she said pointedly, before staring at Clinton.
Clinton stood motionless for a few seconds, before running off in the direction of their village.
I doubt that this will ever become a thing. Expect very infrequent updates, if there are any at all.