A/N – Just a one-shot that I've been bumbling over for a few days now. Tag to 4x15 Stand By Me. Mostly Caroline-centric but there's some Steroline, and Daroline, and of course Klaroline. Review?
I will grieve for you when no one else can.
Her knees hurt and her fingers were raw. She'd been at this for hours, trying to wash away the remnants of Kol's corpse from the hardwood floor. She's not sure what time it is, but she knows that when she started the sun was beaming in the kitchen and now it's casting shadows in the living room. The black stain had managed to seep its way deep into the grain of the wood and nothing that Caroline tried seemed to work. She knew they should have moved him sooner. There were only a couple of options that remained at this point; sand and re-stain or buy a pretty runner to cover it up. Caroline's brow furrowed as the darkened wood stared back at her mockingly. She could almost hear Kol cackling behind her as he reveled in the fact that even dead he could still grate against her very last nerve.
Tyler left, Klaus was who knows where, and everyone else was still on creepy Shutter Island….or whatever. She hadn't heard a single peep from anyone, doesn't know if Bonnie is alive, doesn't know if they found the cure, if Silas is dead….She doesn't know, and it's driving her to the brink, which is why she's here, in the Gilbert house waging war against a black ashen stain on Elena's hardwood floor. Because she has to do something, contribute somehow, because she can't sit idly by while the whole damn world crumbles around her.
She almost jumps out of her skin when the front door opens.
"Hey you're home!" she starts cheerfully as she pushes her stiff body off the floor. "I was trying to clean the burn mark where Kol…." She trails off when she notices Stefan walk through the doorway carrying Jeremy, his eyes desperate and lost. "I couldn't get the spot out," she finishes weakly, dejected, her eyes locked with Stefan's. He shakes his head just slightly as Elena stalks up the stairs ordering him to follow with Jeremy so they can wait 'till Bonnie arrives and fixes this mess. She stares after them helplessly fearing that this is a mess that can't be fixed and that Jeremy is truly dead dead and not just dead (the simple dead, the easy dead, where he'll come back in a few hours like he just needed a long nap or something).
She feels her chin quiver, feels tears start to well up in her eyes as she suddenly has flashbacks of playing tag with Jeremy and Elena in the back yard, letting him kiss her on the mouth in his tree house in the sixth grade, helping him with his algebra so he wouldn't have to go to summer school for the second year in a row.
She swallows down the lump in her throat and wipes away the tears that managed to escape and kicks the bucket of soapy water clear across the room and leaves a message for Tyler.
xXx
They're standing in the kitchen, the faucet running in a lame attempt to drown out their voices as Stefan tries to explain the situation to her. He's going on about how Elena's in denial and it's the only way she can cope right now because she's a vampire and her emotions are heightened and the grief cold very well destroy her. He says the ring won't work this time but he doesn't have the heart to tell her, that they need to try to hold out for Damon to come back so he can use his sire bond to help her deal with her emotions.
She feels the lump in her throat getting bigger, feels the floor giving out from under her but she needs to be strong because she always has been the strong one and Stefan looks so lost. So she swallows down the lump and tries to comfort Elena when she comes down the stairs and adamantly denies that she is in denial.
And isn't that ironic.
xXx
They're standing on the porch. Elena is upstairs with Jeremy. Stefan is talking about how he too has been in denial because he thought this quest for a cure would actually work and Elena would be human again.
Caroline wants to tell him that it wasn't denial, it was hope, and they all believed it would work. But instead she works on dealing with the bigger mess. They're going to have to cover this up somehow because they can't very well say that Jeremy died on an island while looking for a cure for vampirism after all.
Stefan agrees.
And neurotic control-freak Caroline paces around the porch making a list of things that needs to be done. She needs to find her mother and work on an obituary and plan a funeral and what's that smell?
She stops her frantic pacing and Stefan somberly confirms that the smell is Jeremy. That he's starting to decompose and there's that lump again, and her stomach tightens as she pushes back a wave of nausea, and he adds calling Dr Fell to her growing to-do list. She makes a mental note to call Matt as well and leaves Tyler another message.
xXx
Damon comes home with Bonnie and Caroline hugs her tight because she's alive and it's the best news she's gotten in days. Bonnie says she can save Jeremy, bring him back, and Caroline feels her heart swell at the possibility, completely embraces the small glimmer of hope. But Damon looks tired and tells Caroline to get Stefan. She doesn't hear him at first, too focused on Bonnie and her promises of bringing the dead back to life.
"Caroline," he says more firmly, and God he never calls her by her name and she remembers that tone all too well. "Bring Stefan out here."
"What happened?" she asks weakly and he shifts his eyes towards Bonnie and she suddenly feels that slim glimmer of hope vanish into thin air.
She brings Bonnie inside and tells Stefan to go talk to Damon because she has to be strong, and she always was the strong one and Bonnie is kind of scaring her but she won't let it show.
xXx
Elena's snapped and Caroline's scared out of her mind. She can smell the gasoline and Jeremy's on the couch and the match is lit and holy shit. Stefan tells Damon to help her so he tells her to "turn it off" and no jackass that is not what Stefan meant! But it's too late. She's flipped the switch and lit another match and the flames are licking up the furniture and how did it come to this?
She's scared out of her mind and leaves the burning house and leaves Tyler another message.
xXx
The next morning she goes back to the Gilbert house, what's left of it anyway. The fire trucks and police cars and coroner are gone. The only evidence of their presence is the yellow 'Caution' tape surrounding the property.
She stands on the sidewalk and for a moment allows all of her childhood memories to come back. She remembers the summer when her dad had left and she would come here every day on her pink bike and Elena's mom would be cooking breakfast and her dad would be on the phone talking work and Jeremy would be playing video games and her and Elena would dream of the day when they would fall in love and get married and have babies. And it was so bright and full of love and perfect and Caroline clung to it like it was her last breath.
She can still smell the smoke in the air, the burnt wood….and flesh. Finally, she crosses the yellow taped barrier and carefully steps on the burnt remains of what was once the front porch, the foyer, the living room.
She feels a deep ache in her chest and that lump in her throat that won't go away and God she should not be the one here, doing this. Elena should be here, not her.
She's all but given up on Tyler. Hasn't left him a message in over twelve hours and she can't help but feel all alone with this heavy burden. She lets a couple tears fall as she stands among the ashes, lets herself grieve the loss of Jeremy, the loss of this house, the loss of their innocence.
"Caroline," says the devil with a smooth British accent that makes her weak in the knees but she'll never admit it. Not to him anyway.
Great.
"What?" she asks sharply as she quickly turns her back to him and wipes away her tears with the back of her hand.
"What happened?" he asks almost softly, cautiously keeping a safe distance from her as if he's taking the meaning of the yellow Caution tape to heart.
"Like you don't know," she replies bitterly. Klaus fists his hands in his coat pockets as he eyes the baby blonde vampire warily. "Well you should be happy," she continues when the silence between them starts to make her feel uncomfortable. "Jeremy's dead. So you know, eye for an eye. Or whatever…" Her voice trails off as she continues to refuse to make eye contact with the Original Hybrid.
"Why are you here?" he asks taking a tentative step closer to her as he takes in the burnt house around her. She lets out half a laugh as she kicks away some debris with her foot. Noticing the singed edge of a photograph she kneels down and gingerly picks it up, almost afraid that it will turn to ash like everything else around her. She feels the lump in her throat grow as she lightly runs her fingers over the photograph, the image of Jeremy's face blurring from her tears.
"Someone needs to be," she says quietly, her eyes still focused on the photograph.
"Where's Elena?"
Caroline stands and carefully tucks the photo in her coat pocket and murmurs, "She'll want this someday."
"Caroline, where's Elena?" he tries again.
"Damon made her shut her humanity off. She couldn't handle this," Caroline says quite matter-of-factly while she once again begins her slow walk through the burnt remains of the Gilbert house. Klaus frowns slightly as he watches her tread lightly on the burnt wood.
"She's not strong like you." Caroline turns suddenly and finally looks at him. He almost breathes a sigh of relief when she does. He doesn't care if her eyes are filled with hate as long as they aren't filled with indifference. She stands there, perfectly still as she watches him almost curiously and silently mulls over his words.
"Maybe," she finally murmurs with a shrug walking away from the burnt foundation.
She crosses the yellow 'Caution' tape and walks down the sidewalk without giving him a second glance.