Comments: Again a little bit angsty thank you for reading.
As she watches him, laughing and twirling around the dance floor with another lady much finer in looks and clothes than her .... another piece of her heart crashes to the floor. Does he know the pain it causes each time another lady or princess arrives here and claims his attention? Another turn around the floor and his eyes find mine...the way he looks at me is like an arrow piercing her heart and she grips her chest.
Life was not meant to be like this, she was living on the edge of a fairytale....not able to turn the page to make it a reality. Her heart and body ached to feel something, to feel a touch, a kiss, anything but just a look...she couldn't breathe.
Her father dances across her mind and as if he was standing next to her now, she could imagine the words that would drift from his mouth. "Take your head from the clouds Gwen, find someone more obtainable" She felt like laughing, that is what she thought about Lancelot, but where was he now? She looked at him again as the lady he held leaned her head back and laughed at an unknown joke and a realisation dawned on her...she couldn't do it anymore, she couldn't carry on looking at him, praying that one day the world would not look so cruelly on their love. The truth was their love was forbidden and that is where it needed to remain, she needed to be able to breathe again to be able to feel the simple pleasures in life...she had to move on, so he could move on and marry one of these worthy ladies. She needed to leave for the sake of Camelot for the sake of her heart.
Her eyes burned with tears and her heart screamed in pain but her mind was made up, she took one final look at him and walked out of the hall. She kept walking through corridors, doors...until she finally made it out to a balcony over looking Camelot and took a painful breath....the tears welled up and her heart finally broke, the pieces dropping to the ground below in the tears that escaped from her eyes.
The next morning she woke up, her bed stained with tears...no more thought and stood up. Her fingers traced the wooden box her dad had carved for her, today was a new day, she planned not to confront him, but to just allow them to drift apart by allowing distance. She would talk to the head of the servants and get taken off the royal list and she would fill the hours between helping Gauis with a more local job, she knew enough people to secure a position quickly.
That way she would hardly see him and maybe after a long time, she would be able to move on and meet her less royal Prince Charming.
"But Gwen you have worked with us since you were a child...you are my best" Ms Anna pleaded with her, Gwen was her most popular and efficient maid, to lose her services was a loss indeed.
"Thank you for your kind words, but I have made up my mind" she took a deep breath and stood tall.
"Are you alright?" Ms Anna reached out to touch her arm.
"I am" she tried smiling although her heart would not allow her smile to reach her eyes.
"Very well, should you need anything my door is always open" she turned and left.
She had taken a job on the outskirts of town at the local school as a teacher, It had many benefits as it came with accommodation over the school, which meant she had little chance of anyone visiting her and for now she needed her distance.
Arthur looked out of the window, he had not seen her in 3 weeks, 5 days and about 14 hours...not that he had been counting. He had tried walking past her house in hope of a glimpse of her, but he didn't have such a pleasure, his heart ached to see her.
"Merlin...where is Guinevere?" Merlin thought about it, he had been so busy with the royal visit he had not seen her at all for ages.
"I don't know, I have not seen her in weeks" he continued picking up his clothes from the floor. The last time he saw Gwen was walking in town a few weeks ago.
Arthur stared at him causing Merlin to call to action "I will find out" he put the clothes on his bed and went off to find Gwen.
He asked around and when he found out that she had given up her position in the castle, he felt sick that he had not been there for his friend in a time of need.
Gauis told him, that she worked somewhere else now, but he did not know where, but that her work had meant she could not help him anymore, which had made him very sad.
Merlin could not believe it, he went to her house "Gwen?" her house had not been touched, he wiped the table and the dust covered his fingers. He felt awful, she had left her father's home and her long standing position, she must be really in need of a friend now.
He went into her drawer and picked out a handkerchief and closed his eyes, his eyes glowed as the words came out of his mouth and as he looked onto the simple cloth a map now glowed on it.
She was at the lower town school, he put the cloth in his pocket and set off.
He watched from the back of the class room as the children laughed and she danced around in circles and they followed laughter filing the air. If he thought about it, he had not seen her this happy in months...she had left Arthur, to move on with her life and he could not blame her.
The laughter stopped and Merlin realised he had been discovered. "Merlin" she walked towards him, her heart beating faster, she looked behind him to make sure he was alone and relaxed a bit.
"Gwen" he pulled her into a hug. "You didn't make it easy to find you" he whispered into her hair.
"That was the plan" he pulled back from her.
"Can we talk?" he asked not sure if she would even want to talk to him.
"I have a break in half an hour, if you can wait?" A smile lit Merlin's face, she had missed her friend.
"Of course" he didn't leave instead he wandered towards the children in a gesture to help her.
They wandered through the lower town "You know you would make an excellent teacher" he had been very good at telling stories to the children, even making the noises of the animals.
"It is only because I have the same mental age" they both laughed, Merlin put his arm through hers.
"Now...first off, I want to apologise for not being there when you needed me...I am a rubbish friend and I give you permission to put me in the stocks!" she laughed.
"Merlin...you will never be a terrible friend, in fact you are the best" his smile lit up the sky.
"Thought so" their laughter soon turned to silence, which Merlin finally broke "It's him isn't it...that's why all this?" he gestured around.
"No it's me...I needed a change, to start a normal life" she looked down and fiddled with her hands. "I realised that I could not stand on the edge of the dance floor in life anymore, I needed to dance, to laugh, to feel something...I can't with something so impossible"
Merlin reached out and covered her hand with his "Is there anything I can say to get you to return?" What he was really asking was if there was anything he could get Arthur to do.
She closed her eyes "No...please don't tell him where I am, not yet" she needed to be stronger before she faced him.
"Can I come and see you?" not sure if her leaving Arthur was also leaving him as well.
Gwen pulled him into a hug "Always" she had missed Merlin, the way they used joke around during the day whilst folding laundry or completing another mundane task.
As he walked away from her he felt his heart break at the gravity of a situation. His two friends loved each other, the kind of love that most people dream of. But the world they lived in did not accept differences...that is why he could never reveal his magic, because although he may only use it for good...Uther's world would not understand it.
As he walked up the steps of the castle he did not look forward to telling Arthur. The prince had lots of issues with speaking what was in his heart and Guinevere had started to chip away at his hard exterior and reveal who he really was. He took a few deep breaths as he knocked on his door.
Arthur stood up straight away, his own inquiries not finding out where Guinevere was.
"WELL" he approached him immediately.
"She has given up her position in the castle" Arthur looked hurt and confused.
"She's left?...where is she? How long ago did she leave?" he moved around picking up his sword, ready to make whatever journey to get her back.
"Arthur, she has um..."
He turned to face him "Um what?" his finger raised to poke him.
"She has left you, us...she wants a normal life" Arthur looked down taking in his words.
"Is she with him?" he didn't need to say his name.
"No" he waited for it, for the inevitable explosion but it did not happen he just slumped in his chair deflated.
"Has she left Camelot?" he asked, but did not look at him. Merlin could see his eyes were no longer clear and bright but swirling in emotions.
"No" he looked at his feet...please don't ask where she is.
"Did she not say anything before she left?" he wondered if there were a hidden note, something he had done wrong to make amends for.
"No" he didn't want to tell him that he had seen her, he had promised Gwen he would not.
Arthur finally looked at Merlin "Do you know where she is?"
"No" he looked away from his gaze.
Arthur knew he was lying...he needed to gather his thoughts and find her.
It took a further month to get the information out of Merlin, he was exhausted and he finally broke down and told him.
By the time he found out, he was at his wits end...he had not realised how much a simple gaze from her made it possible for him to wake up and get on with his day. Without her it hurt everyday, his eyes burned to see her purple dress, her eyes, her face anything. He had a thirst that all the water in Camelot could not quench, he needed her as much as he needed the air that filled his lungs. Before Merlin had told him, he had taken to walking the lower town and every time he got a glimpse of purple he would turn and follow...he needed to find her, to tell her the feelings that beat in his heart but had not ventured from his lips.
He watched her for a while playing with the children and laughing, he took a deep breath as if from his vantage point he could smell her, he needed to go in there take her into his arms and kiss the distance away.
The gasps from the children could be heard before she looked up to find Arthur standing in the doorway of the simple hut.
She didn't look into his eyes, she couldn't she just bowed "My lord" in an act that felt so familiar, but yet so strange now.
She heard him sigh.
The children stared at him in awe and even her assistant Arabel could not help but stare at him.
He got closer to her, well as close as he could between the children, crowded around her.
"May we speak?" he asked timidly, her eyes had not met his, he felt the wall between them and he hated it.
"I..am unavailable at the moment" she looked at the children instead, she couldn't look at him...she would break.
He shook his head "I will wait until you are available" he was not going to leave now, he wanted to hold her.
He went to the corner of the room and sat down his arms crossed, he would not leave this place until she spoke to him and it hurt that she could not look at him.
Gwen could not believe it, he had come and now was not leaving but sitting in the corner of the class, her eyes rose to his and luckily he was deep in thought and did not notice. He looked different, older maybe...but his appearance still took her breath away. His golden hair, his blue eyes, his arrogant and princely stance...he was like the sun.
"You are staring" Arabel broke her gaze.
She shut her mouth and went to tending to the children. The whispers of the children could be heard the prince had come.
"SILENCE" she shouted at them for the first time ever, due to the intensity of the situation.
The children all stood up at her commanding voice. "Now where were we?"
She tried to focus on the page of the old book she had in her hand, she tried to avoid looking back at him, each minute reading the book going too fast towards a conversation that she didn't feel strong enough to have.
The bell rang and the children started to leave. Gwen watched as a little girl wandered up to Arthur.
"Excuse me Sir...are you him?" she looked like she had been dared to go up and ask.
"With whom do you speak?" he sat up.
Her words seem to stumble out of her mouth under the gaze of his blue eyes "Prinnce...prince Arthur"
"I am...and your name is?"
She fiddled with her hair "My name is Leana, my lord"
He took her little hand and placed it to his lips "Then my lady it is a pleasure to meet you"
The little girl nearly passed out and Gwen smiled, he had a way to melt any womens heart.
The girl took her hand as if it was floating away from her body and left red faced.
"You really should not break their hearts so young" she tried to start the conversation light hearted.
He shook his head "I hardly think her heart has been affected by a simple kiss" she closed the gap between them.
She tried to look just past him not in his eyes, because if she did that would be it and she would lose all resolve. "On the contrary a simple kiss from a prince, will fill the young girl with aspirations above her station"
He sighed and behind her he could see the young women tidying up.
"You may leave" he gestured to the young women, he wanted to be on his own with her.
Arabel looked at Gwen who nodded and gave her a 'sorry' look as she left. Arthur was not good at subtly at all.
When the door closed, the air became thick between them and she dared to look into his eyes, his blue eyes were unreadable and his jaw set.
"You work here now?" start simple he thought.
"As you see" she took a few deep breaths.
"You didn't feel the need to inform me?" he grinded his teeth and it reminded her of the days long past in her home, when she had told him a few home truths.
"I hardly think a prince needs troubling with a servants work choice" she looked away from him.
"Guinevere" there it was as the name rolled off his tongue, her heart broke again. Why did he do that, how dare he come here and undo her in the mention of her name.
"Why did you leave?" he reached out to touch her hand and she moved it away, her action hurt him and his eyes showed it as she looked at him.
"What do you want me to say?".
"Well...how about telling me why you left?" he put his hands in his pocket to stop them from touching her.
"I left because it was the right thing to do"
"Right, for who?" he felt angry now.
"For me"
"Did I do something wrong?" not happy with her explanation.
She turned away, she needed to step away from him... did he do anything wrong, yes he did. He grabbed her arm "TELL me what I did wrong, tell me so I can take it back"
She laughed "You cannot take it back" she pulled her arm from his.
He wouldn't let her go, he span her round to face him "TELL ME" he felt like shaking her, if he had wronged her in anyway, he needed to know.
The blood boiled in her "YOU cannot take back the first kiss you gave me to the last look that held my gaze...YOU can take nothing back, the only thing you can do Is leave me be, Arthur" the tears started forming in her eyes and she looked away from him.
"I am sorry for kissing you, I am sorry for caring about you....please Guinevere....whatever you want me to do I will do"
She made herself look at him, this was going to be hard but it was necessary. "You cannot see me again, we dabbled in an impossible dream and now I want to lead a normal life away from glances and stolen moments....you are prince go and find your Queen"
His heart broke and in amongst his perfect blue eyes a river that refused to flow was beginning to surface. "I cannot" he reached out and grabbed her arm again. "Please Guinevere...you say I should have a normal life that I should meet a queen, but I cannot. You are the only person I want...please understand this isn't easy for me"
She just snapped.
"Isn't easy for you, dancing with ladies and princesses while I wait from the sidelines and watch my heart break as the man I ..... care about dances with others. You say it is not easy for you Arthur, but for me caring for you is a death sentence and each day is nearer to the end. I need something more and you cannot provide that" he just stared at her so she continued on "Go find your princess, don't look back to what cannot be, leave now and let me be able to breathe, let me live a normal life"
She got out of his hold and made her way out of the back door, the tears fell as she ran up to her room.
He stood there numb and a tear fell down his face...he had not realised that his pointless laughing with the ladies as part of his duty had caused such harm. He was trapped in the role of a prince but also in a body of a man, who's every fibre loved her. It didn't take long for him to follow her.
Her found her in a small room looking out of a gap onto the town.
He closed the door and leaned himself against it "You say that your heart breaks every time you watch me dancing with those women, but mine also follows the same path. As Prince I may have to dance with them out of duty...but I take no pleasure in doing so, when the one person I want in my company, I cannot have"
He closed his eyes and searched for the right words to continue on. "I feel weak Guinevere, I feel a disappointment to all...because the man I am supposed to be, the Prince with all his titles and air's, I do not recognize anymore...I am in my heart Sir Willam you know that. You ask me to leave, but I cannot, I am a selfish man and each day without seeing you killing me"
He walked nearer to her and his hand reached for hers "If no words will sway you then I will go, but I would rather you pierce my heart with a sword, because without you this will not go on beating and death would become a welcome friend"
She turned around to look at him, both of their eyes awash with tears. "What would you have me do?"
He brushed a curl from her cheek "Just say you will not leave me, I will follow any command you give me...If you want me to tell my father I will go now and shout it from the streets my love for you...if you want us to leave together become Sir William and Guinevere I will pack and leave tonight...tell me what to do I am at you command" tears fell down his face as he begged her.
"I have no right to tell you anything" her eyes fixed on his.
"You own my heart and my soul what more right do you need?" his hand travelled to into her hair. "Just tell me Guinevere how I can make you happy and I will do it...just don't leave me, don't make me walk this life alone, I will not make it" his tears dropped down on her cheek. He felt weak without her, he couldn't help it he had never felt so venerable as he does now. He could not become king, he didn't have the strength without her.
"What about your destiny?" her voice broke.
"I give you my crown Guinevere, I give you everything that I am" he placed his forehead on hers, his eyes searching hers.
"You cannot"
"I already have" her rubbed her cheek.
Her lips captured his, he tasted every inch of mouth as they crashed together, knocking everything down as he took her onto her small bed. In between kisses and tears they remained in each others arms.
He had given himself to her and now the destiny of them and Camelot lay in her hands...she could not accept such a burden but she had forced him into a corner and now had to take the consequences. Should she ask him to leave with her, to leave the fate of Camelot in the hands of Uther! Her head swam as her head lay on his beating chest.
Note: Not sure if I will add more on it yet, let me know what you think? Thank you.