Title: Untitled for now

Author: JennyLD

Rating: I put it at K+ but I'm really not sure

Notes: If you haven't, please review. Since I'm new to writing and Stargate (only been watching for a few years now) I could use all the advice I can get.

Untitled

Chapter 1: Aftermath

The quiver in her voice was unmistakable. He could sense with every ounce of his being that she was trying, desperately, to sound unscathed. Despite the effort, she was failing miserably.

Daniel knew now that something wasn't right. He stared in shock at the back of Vala's head. Was she actually crying? Had his honest, albeit harsh, judgment upset her that much? No, that simply couldn't be. There is no way she could care that much about what other people thought of her; if she did she certainly would not have led a life of thievery and of treachery for so long...but what if she really was crying? What other reason could there be for the unexpected waterworks? It couldn't possibly be that she was serious about the whole proposition...no, that definitely could not be it. There was no way this whole nasty situation could be anything more then just another game to her. Just another laugh at poor sweet Daniel Jackson, right?

Afraid of finding out the answer but unable to go on without knowing the truth, he tentatively reached out to her. He meant to turn her towards him, to look deep within her eyes for the knowledge that he sought. But he hesitated; she was so very, very tense. He wasn't sure why that surprised him. After all, the way she looked sitting there on the edge of his bed reminded him distinctly of a deer, taut and poised, alert to the slightest scent of danger. She was ready to bolt.

"Look at me," he whispered as gently as he could. His voice was barely audible, even to himself; he doubted she had heard him. She made no attempt to turn to him, she said nothing in response, she just sat there, still silent, unmoving. He could not even feel the rise and fall of her shoulder as she took each breath. Then suddenly he noticed the uncontrollable shaking that comes from someone trying hard to keep their emotions in check. He knew that feeling intimately himself, and now, finally, recognized the truth; she was crying. He could not deny that fact; had no need to look at her face, to look into her eyes to know that he had really and truly hurt her.

He ached for all the cruel words he had just flung at her for he knew with the deepest sense of his being, if not in his head then in his heart and in his soul, what was happening. Yet he could not begin to believe, even for a second, that this woman cared so much for him. She had held him hostage in his own ship, pummeled him with a fire extinguisher, and had always found such pleasure in cracking a joke at his expense. Sure, she flirted with him all the time, hinted at intimacy between the two of them...but didn't she do the same with every man she met? He had always known that was all an amusing diversion for her, so why should he have ever thought it was any different with him?

As frightened as he was of what he would find out, he had to know for sure, "Vala please look at me." He was on the verge of yelling but she still gave no response, no sign that she heard him.

"Vala," again nothing. His eyes flashed in anger. He could not let it go now; he refused to continue on day after day wondering what all of her little "come hither" looks really meant. He had had enough.

"Vala, look at me now!" he had not meant to sound so forceful. He wanted her to look at him, to talk to him, to have an adult conversation with him and straighten this whole awful mess out. He did not want to scare her but he just could not take the silence anymore, it was driving him mad!

But he did scare her. Quick as lightning she was on her feet and rushing towards the door. He would have tried to stop her if he had had the chance. He would have reached out to grab her and pull her back to him but it all happened so fast. He didn't even have the time to utter her name once more before the doors to his room closed behind her.

"What have I done?" he asked the empty room.

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She ran as swiftly as she could but it did not feel fast enough. She had no idea

where she was going, and she did not care. She just knew she had to get away from him. She could not slow down and doubted she could stop. Her legs were too intent on pumping as hard as they could, her mind too intent on forgetting all that had just transpired, her heart too intent on escaping the pain that was still reaching out for her from Jackson's room.

She could no longer see where she was for the tears in her eyes blurred her vision too much. She could not see the corridors fly by or the infinity of space outside the windows. She could not see the rest of the crew as she passed them by and most of them did not see her either. She moved so fast it was like she had not even been there; Carter looked up from her work, sensing a presence nearby but finding no one; General Landry noticed nothing but his collection of beautiful plants that flourished under his gentle hand; Mitchell scarcely avoided running right into her as he jogged past a corridor she had just fled through. Teal'c was the only soul on the ship who witnessed the phantom's passing and knew it for who it was. He saw her pained face and would have stopped her, would have asked her if she was all right, but something made him think the better of it.

She continued to run, down first one corridor and then another. Left, right, and left again. Where she was going did not matter to her; all that mattered was that she kept running. She ran for what felt like hours until finally she hit a dead-end and could run no further. She tried to scream in frustration, but all she could muster was a whimper.

If only they weren't stuck on this damn ship, if only they were on Earth, or some other planet, any planet! At least then she could've kept running until she couldn't run anymore. Instead she was caught, not able to go forward and too exhausted to turn back to find another way.

Bracing her back against the wall she tried to catch her breath. Running and crying at the same time, she decided, was not a good idea. Besides being completely out of breath, her head was pounding so hard it felt as though it would burst with each heartbeat. She had to calm herself. She had to find her own room, or barring that someplace else where she could be alone. If she continued to stand here like this she was certain someone would happen upon her, someone with a million questions she did not want to have to answer. Or worse yet, Daniel would find her.

She could not face him right now. Frankly, she was not sure if she could ever face him again...or if she even wanted to.

Vala closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths; slowly but surely she started to regain control of her body. Her breathing slowed and with it her heartbeat. As soon as she was able to tame the sobs that racked her soul, she balled up her fists and rubbed the unfallen tears from her eyes. As long as she did not think of him again, of his harsh and uncalled for words, as long as she kept her thoughts elsewhere she would be fine. Her head still hurt, but she knew that pain would require some sort of medicine to subside completely.

When at last she finally opened her eyes again and took in her surroundings, Vala was relieved to find she was still alone. There was no one standing about, slack-jawed and staring at the recently bawling space pirate. At least some of the time her luck wasn't crap.

After gaining her bearings, Vala started off cautiously for her room. Though she had pulled herself together quite nicely (she had given her reflection a once over in a nearby window), she still did not feel like making pretense. Everyone was too nice to her here and, as good of an actor as she was it would have been difficult to put on a happy face right now. Besides, though she did not want to admit to it, she was beginning to wonder if any of it was genuine. Maybe Daniel was not alone in his opinion of her, maybe they all felt the same way! Maybe they did not really think of her as a friend and a colleague...

The thought was unbearable.

By the time she reached her room a few minutes later, her mind was made up. She had made a huge mistake and now it was time to make things right again. She was no longer needed here, if she ever truly had been. She was convinced her supposed friends secretly despised her and only kept her on the team because of…what? She wasn't sure, but she knew she had to be right.

After all, if Daniel – dear sweet Daniel – could be so cruel and heartless, how could she expect anything different from the others? She had thought she had cared for all of them...she had thought she had loved him…

Vala stretched out on her bed and pushed all thoughts of Daniel Jackson from her mind. Despite her new resolve, going into that territory again would only bring back the fear and indecision, because no matter how much she was now trying to convince herself otherwise, her feelings for him were still there and stronger then ever.

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While Vala tried to keep her mind off him, Daniel could not stop thinking of her. He sat unmoving for hours in the exact same position she had left him. He had wanted to get up and wanted to chase her down wherever she had run off too. He wanted so badly to, at the very least, apologize to her.

No matter what his true feelings were (he still wasn't entirely sure), his brutal assault on her character was uncalled for. And it was so out of character for him, so not "Daniel Jackson", he still could not believe it actually had come from his own lips.

But he could not deny it either. He would not try to excuse it; he was in the wrong and that was that. He needed to hunt her down and explain everything...but he did not.

He was not even certain what "everything" was himself. Why was this one thing so difficult for him to understand? "Daniel, could you decipher these ancient writings for me?" Not a problem. "Hey, Daniel could you mediate between these two races that have been at war for generations?" No problem. "Jackson, how exactly do you use this Ancient device?" Oh, that's an easy one!

But unravel all the tangled up threads of emotions caused by one annoying, but beautiful former space pirate? Impossible!

Eventually, the strain of not moving for so long overcame him and Daniel had to stand. It was a slow and painful process, but after a few minutes of stretching he was able to walk over to one of the many windows lining his room. How long had it been since Vala left? His watch (the only way he could make any sense of night and day on this awful ship) showed midnight, but when had she had first shown up at his door? He couldn't think; if only his head would stop pounding and his stomach would stop growling. Dinner? No, it was too late, and the thought of eating made him feel nauseous anyways.

Physical and emotional exhaustion finally got the best of him. Acting on autopilot he somehow managed to get into a nightshirt and climb into bed, and though he hoped otherwise, the sanctity of sleep did not come easily. He tossed and turned the whole night through, and what little sleep he did find was plagued with disturbing dreams. What they were about he never remembered.