Will

Entry 1- Prepare

Yes, we are getting ready. Mentally and emotionally preparing ourselves for the journey that lies ahead. All except Elizabeth. She acts as if nothing is wrong. As if she did not destroy us. Our relationship. As if nothing is wrong. She just mopes around, and claims to be preparing the way the rest of us are, but everyone can see that she is hurting, and that she is in no way preparing and asking questions, things that she normally would be doing if Jack were here. Even if no one else could tell, I could. Her face stays frozen, like she's hiding behind a mask, and she's refusing to talk to me, to let me in. Or maybe I'm refusing to let her let me in.

She is driving me crazy. Or maybe I'm driving me crazy, and blaming it on her. I suppose I should break our engagement. But until we find Jack and she is happy again, that would be very barbaric- not even Jack would do something that horrid. So I've mostly avoided her, not that she notices. The only time I can't avoid her is at night, when I need sleep. Then everything floods back. The pain I'd tried to forget over the day.

Do you think I will ever be able to forget the look she has been carrying for a week?

I'll be lucky if I can ever look at her again and not see it.

The pain is coming back again. It does that; haunts me. Because you know I'm desperate for it to come back. Oh yeah, most definitely. And as I said, it comes back every night. Every night, because unfortunately for me, I don't trust anyone else on this ship to sleep that little distance away from her and not take advantage of her.

Granted I know very well it's doubtful they would, but then again I remind myself: They are pirates. So Elizabeth and I share a room. My bunk, on the right as you face it from the doorway. She sleeps less than a meter away from me. And that's when it comes back. Those urges that I didn't used to have to hold back- the ones where I could touch her, and look at her… tell her things… so I try to avoid looking at her. Because then those urges come back. And I can't have those, not when she's in love with someone else.

I'm sure she doesn't notice that I stopped looking at her most of the time; she's probably too busy thinking about her and Jack's reunion.

You know what I just noticed? I haven't told her that I love her in two weeks.

Not that she's noticed. Though every time I see her, it almost slips out. But somehow, without having to sew my lips shut, I manage to contain it. Maybe it's me very wonderful photographic memory reminding of Jack and her's kiss. Damn you, brain. Well, after we rescue Jack, I can go back to being a blacksmith and avoid the sea to avoid her memory. Yes, Miss Swann's memory (ouch, okay, that hurt a lot).

Maybe I'll consider seeing a lady that had been coming to supposedly "check up" on me, but really just wanted to chat with me, and she was quite flirtatious if I remember correctly. I don't know anymore, because she knew I was (am) engaged and she pretty much stopped coming to see me. So maybe I'll consider seeing her. Jaynie Pierce. Maybe I'll get married, even. Be happy, have kids, and hope to

Forget I was ever in love with Miss Swann. Hope to forget her name, even; and not to mention bloody Jack- excuse me, I meant "Captain" Jack Sparrow.

How un-gentlemanly of me (kiss my bloody arse). Okay, this writing is making me furious again. Like I need to go and find him so I can kill him with my bare hands. There my mind goes again. Repeating that bloody kiss. Damn you, brain. Now I remember why I had tried to stop thinking all together. To avoid my nice brain repeating that over and over and over… oh, and over again!

I had stopped thinking, I was just doing. Tia Dalma says that my future has become clear, and she keeps repeating this to me, no matter if I ask her a question or tell her she looks like hell (tried both) "The sun that you believe is now setting, is only just beginning to rise." And that makes me furious all over again.

WHAT SUN?

My life? The actual sun? What is that supposed to mean, anyhow? Oh, I had better leave for now. Elizabeth has entered the room. That riddle is still stuck in my head. "The sun you believe is now setting is only just beginning to rise." Riddles… I hate riddles.

-Will

Elizabeth

Entry 1 -Prepare

I watch very warily here. And I want to know horribly: Why is Will ignoring me? It is getting quite irritating. I can't tell what he's feeling anymore, let alone thinking. I used to be able to tell, anyone who wanted to know, what most likely was running through his mind. But now? His face is frozen, shows no mercy, no feeling. No emotion whatsoever that could possibly betray his thoughts. His eyes don't even show the gentle warmth they used to.

His eyes are like rusted steel. Rusted for the color, but steel all the same. What is the matter with him? I keep waiting to see his face change, for that awful mask to leave. But it does not. He reminds me of a caged animal, how wild and free he used to be, now sullen and unchanging. And it honestly makes me wonder: Did he see me betray the friend we are now going after? Did he see me betray him as well as myself?

Maybe that is why he treats me so harshly now? I feel so lost without him to open up to. He avoids me constantly, most likely thinking I do not notice. William, I notice all right. And it pains me that you avoid me like I am an unclean heathen. It feels like any second now he's going to break off our engagement. I want him to know more than anything that I want to marry him so badly. But since he avoids me the way he does, it is extremely hard for me to open up to him, or corner him and tell him to let me talk to him. Like I'm contagious or something.

Like I smell badly, which I probably do, considering I haven't had a proper bath in two weeks, but I don't smell any worse than he does- in fact I probably smell better.

There I go again. I'm being "more holy than thou" which is to say: snobby, and I really am not though Will avoids me as if I were. And it hurts. And who's counting, but he hasn't told me he loves me in almost two weeks. TWO WEEKS! That's like almost impossible! He's driving me crazy! What's wrong with him! He doesn't even touch me anymore- not even accidentally because… oh, yes, now I remember… He avoids me like the plague!

I mean, seriously; who am I to judge, but William is starting to be less like the man I fell in love with and more like the man I killed. Yes, alright? I killed a man. Jack Sparrow! I killed Captain Jack Sparrow! Is the world happy now? Can I have my life back? Can he touch me now? Can I be me instead of pretending to be some fearless, heartless pirate? Am I allowed to cry now? Here's something I never thought I'd say… can I wear a corset and dress? Be treated like a lady instead of a pirate? Can I please quit being affiliated with Jack, move on, have a life of my own, have children, and maybe be normal?

The witchdoctor, Tia Dalma, says that my future have become clear to her. That "The tears you shed now will become harsher; they may even kill you. But it is worth it in your end." Please, someone explain to me what she means! The tears I shed now… is she saying that the pain I'm suffering now will be worth it? Nothing is going to be worth this. Nothing. Ever. I must bid you good bye, lessons continue, and I wouldn't like to miss the last one over mentally preparing…

-Elizabeth