Out of Exile

Rating: Mature
Characters: Primary GH Cast/OFC-Lucinda
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from General Hospital.

Premise: When tragedy struck his life five years ago, Jason Morgan left Port Charles to start a new life. When someone from the past he left behind suddenly reappears, Jason is forced to face the demons he left behind.

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Prologue

When I first came to this island,
That I called by my own name,
I was happy in this fortress,
In my exile I remained.
But the hours grew so empty,
And the ocean sent her waves,
In the figure of a woman,
And she pulled me out to sea.

- Out of Exile, Audioslave -

The nights were long and cold. Especially the nights when she was away or simply not sleeping beside him. Jason Morgan tossed and turned in his large empty bed. The chill of the night air blew through the open window. It was mid August and below thirty degrees. In the five years he's lived here, he'd never been able to get used to the weird weather patterns of London.

He's lived in different places before. New York, Italy and various other countries in the world, but if you'd told him five years ago that he'd be living in London he wouldn't have believed you. If you'd told him quite a few things he does now five years ago he'd have probably laughed.

Funny how things change, he thought.

As he rolled on his back for the nth time to stare at the ceiling veiled in shadows, he sighed. Funny how some thing never change, he thought rather bitterly.

Everything would be better once she came home to him. To their home, their bed and his arms. Everything was better when she was beside him.

Lucinda.

Rolling his head to the side, he looked at the picture on his nightstand. It was a picture of him and Lucinda together taken shortly after they started dating three years ago. Jason had to fight hard to suppress the urge to caress her photographed silhouette. Fought harder to suppress the urge of calling her… again. He'd already spoken with her once after she rushed out of their home in the middle of the night to return to the hospital after one of her patients tried to commit suicide. She promised him she'd return as soon as she possibly could… and now all Jason could do was wait.

Call him paranoid or call him cautious, but he'd rather have her next to him.

Shifting his gaze briefly from the picture of them to the clock with the blaring red number that read 12:30 am, he couldn't fight the dread that filled his gut.

Something was wrong.

If Lucinda was here, she'd tell him that is was just bad memories manifesting themselves.

Shrinks. They always bring their work home.

Jason didn't mind. Her expertise and dedication to her field and her patients garnished the admiration of everyone she encountered, from her colleagues to her patients.

Jason certainly admired her when he was her patient.

He'd never forget the first time he met her. He'd walked into her office, shattered and broken, and encountered an angel. A raven-haired angel, with her deep green eyes set again caramel skin and long legs supporting a statuesque figure. Jason couldn't deny he was attracted to her the first time he met her. Over the course of his treatment, he grew increasingly attracted to her and found her to be attracted to him; but being the professional Lucinda was, she never crossed the line.

Their work together on Jason's fractured psyche lasted a year… but Lucinda never accepted his affection until a year later. Jason chuckled softly in the dark. He often joked with her that he had to badger her for two whole years just to get her to agree to go to dinner with him.

Now they were living together, had been for the past nine months, and Jason had never been happier.

So much had changed since he started dating Lucinda, even before that really, before he ever came to London. Even he noticed the changes in himself. He'd finally come to terms with his past, or at least certain parts of it anyway. He'd reunited with his family, or at least as close as could be had when dealing with the Quartermaine clan, had taken the name again as well and his grandfather, Edward, so happy to have the prodigal son back in the family fold offered him a coveted job as the head of one of ELQ's holding companies in London.

Jason took the job and never looked back.

Jason Quartermaine arrived in London weeks later, was the head of an ELQ subsidiary as well as co-founder and CEO of ELQ-Knight Industries. A company he started with Lucinda. Jason Quartermaine was the man in love with Dr. Lucinda Knight. Jason Quartermaine was the man he was now.

Yet, every so often… Jason Morgan would rear his dangerous head.

Jason knew without a doubt that he couldn't erase those ten years he spent as Sonny Corinthos' mob enforcer. He couldn't erase all the pain he'd caused to countless people, or wash all the blood off his hands. He'd have to live with the screams of the innocent ringing in his ears. The coppery smell of innocent blood shed would always linger in his senses. Part of him would always be dark and sinister. Part of him would always live in the shadows and part of him deserved to pay for his crimes.

He wondered if he'd ever be whole again. Probably not. Too much had happened.

He looked at the picture of Lucinda again and thought resentfully that she deserved better. She deserved to be loved by a man that was a whole person. Deserved to be loved by someone who could give her everything she ever dreamed, materialistically as well as emotionally.

That wasn't him.

Could never be him as long as he kept running from his past.

But he'd be damned if he didn't try.

He'd never felt for anyone else what he felt for Lucinda.

Not Robin who taught him how to love. Not Carly who tested how strong his love was. Not Courtney who tried to use love to change him. Not Sam who loved him blindly. Only Elizabeth came close with her unconditional love.

Elizabeth…

Jason closed his eyes tightly and tried to brace for the onslaught of torturous memories.

Elizabeth would never be the same because of him.

He could remember, so vividly, her face when she told him that the baby was his. That she'd lied to him at first and said the baby was her husband's to protect the child and his relationship with Sam… but couldn't continue living a lie. Telling him that she had fallen in love with him again and the least she could do was tell him that he was going to be a father.

Despite initial thoughts, he was ecstatic to be having a baby with her. He loved her, too. She told him she was still scared of the risks and dangers, and he promised he'd protect her.

Always protect her.

But he couldn't.

She'd been badly hurt in gunfire meant for him and lost the baby. Nearly lost her own life.

She hadn't been able to look him in the eyes after that.

And he hadn't been able to forgive himself.

He would never be able to forgive himself…

He felt the bed sink down and opened his eyes to see Lucinda smiling down at him.

She chuckled lightly, her warm smile fighting against the dark shadows in his mind. "I thought you were sleeping," she whispered as she bent down to brush her lips against his.

Immediately, Jason's hand reached up to fist in her raven-locks and held her in place, deepening the kiss. Trying to convey in his kiss all she meant to him. Letting her break the kiss, he brushed his finger along the outline of her flushed lips.

"Jase, are you okay?" she asked, her smile just as warm but now a bit concerned. She knew he still harbored darkness in his soul from past events. Knew he still carried the weight of a man being forever tormented.

"I'm fine, Lu," he whispered as he caressed her face lightly. "I just missed you."

Lucinda smiled, detecting the note of worry he tried to hide in his voice. Kicking her shoes off and shrugging off the jeans she'd tugged on when she first climbed out of their bed, she fell soundlessly into Jason's waiting arms.

Pressing a kiss to his forehead, she stared down into his cerulean orbs, meeting his fears with her defiance. "Well, I'm here now, baby, and everything's going to be okay."

Jason wrapped his arms around his girlfriend's petite frame and held onto her tightly. She was his salvation in these treacherous waters. Nuzzling his face into her neck, he allowed her soft breathing and the words spoken to lull him to sleep.

His demons would have to retreat to the shadows tonight.