Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha. I'm writing this based on my own life with a fictional twist. My boyfriend, Eric Davis, passed away December 19th, 2010. Inuyasha will be very depressed for a long time in this story, because he is based off of myself. I figured this would be a good way to vent and write like I used to. I hope you like it. Please review...feedback is always a treasure.

"I'm so sorry for your loss, Inuyasha."

You say that, but do you mean it?

"I know how much you loved her."

You all know nothing.

"She was too young to die."

Apparently not, otherwise we wouldn't be here right now.

"She was such a nice girl."

You barely knew her. Quit pretending. Just stop it. Don't act like you understand how I feel. You can only imagine what kind of pain this is. You're not sorry. No, you're glad. You're glad it happened to me instead of you. I don't need your sympathy. Especially when it's a big, fat lie.

You all make me sick!

Inuyasha stayed at her burial site long after everyone had left. His older brother and his friends all tried to stay behind with him, but he said he would be fine by himself and he would just walk home later. He knew they all were reluctant to grant his wish, but they all knew he needed time to be alone with what was left of her.

His brother merely nodded in silent understanding and made a swift exit. His friends Sango and Miroku each hugged him, said to call if they were needed, and went their separate ways. He watched them all leave the cemetary and once they were out of sight he turned to face her stone.

"Kikyo. This isn't really happening, is it?"

He fell to his knees instantly and at last he finally gave in to the tears that had been fighting to escape ever since he had arrived. He sobbed and sobbed, crying out in pain and frustration and anger and pure sorrow. He was lost without her. She was his whole life, his everything.

Why did this have to happen? Everything was going so well between the two of them. He had honestly believe that nothing could ever touch them or tear them apart.

But he was wrong. Death had proved him wrong.

Every time he took a breath it was like he could feel all of his insides shake. He felt like he would fall to the ground in pieces any minute now. How could he still sit up right now when he felt like lying down and never getting back up? His body felt as though it would cave into itself with every memory of Kikyo and him that came crashing through his mind. The force of the pain and sadness hit him like violent waves of a tsunami. It was such an intense, indescribable feeling. So intense that no one could ever hope to put their finger on it. The best way Inuyasha could put it was that his soul was on the verge of breaking and he felt like he could lose himself at any given moment.

He could have fallen on the ground before his dead love's grave and never gotten back up, if he had chosen to. He never wanted to move again. Never wanted to do anything ever again. Nothing was worth it anymore. His reason for even living was dead.

Her death had come out of nowhere. Kikyo had randomly left home on a cold December night with her friend, Naraku, and gone to a party. Inuyasha had known Naraku and knew for a fact he posed no threat to his and Kikyo's relationship. Inuyasha was supposed to see her that night. But he wasn't able to get in touch with her. She wasn't home and she wasn't at Naraku's or with Sango or Miroku. She also didn't have a cell phone of her own and no one knew exactly where the party was being held.

Kikyo was reported missing the next morning and Inuyasha had received a phone call from Kikyo's sister, Kaede. Immediately he had driven out with her to help search for Kikyo. They called the police, and they eventually showed up. Then the ambulance came. Inside it was a body, they were told, and she sounded like what they had described about the missing girl. Inuyasha and Kaede had stepped inside of the ambulance and watched as the body bag was opened slowly. As soon as he saw her hair he knew it was her. Kaede did too because instantly she was in tears. It was a sight Inuyasha would never forget for the rest of his life.

No one would know any details until an autopsy report came through. All they knew was the story the police had come up with the day she was found. She had apparently been drinking and decided to go for a walk down the road. She stole a vehicle that still had keys inside and ran it into a tree, then into a pond. After that she crawled out the back and tried to go up the hill surrounding the pond. It was there she could go on no more. She stopped crawling and froze to death.

Inuyasha punched the ground angrily. If only he had tried harder to find her the night of the party. He could have protected her! Why didn't she call him with another person's phone? Why?

"WHY, KIKYO? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE?" he yelled in a broken outcry of agony.

Once it was dark, Inuyasha decided he needed to head home. He had to pull himself away from her gravesite to make his way out of the cemetary. He walked all the way across town, staring right ahead of him. He didn't really take much notice in the business surrounding him. He didn't care anymore. When he arrived at his house he unlocked the door and came in, locking it behind him. Sesshomaru was sitting on the couch in their living room holding a cup of sake and watching the news. He looked up at Inuyasha as he entered, but said nothing. Inuyasha glanced back at him before wordlessly ascending the stairs leading to his room.

Sesshomaru sighed and shook his head. "He just can't catch a break, can he?" He grew tired of the news shortly after they started talking about Kikyo's death and changed the channel.

Once he was in his room, Inuyasha shrugged out of his formal clothes he'd worn to the funeral service and redressed himself in his pajamas. He plopped onto his back on his bed, facing up toward the ceiling. He lay there for a long while, it felt like, staring up. He snapped back to reality and rolled over after several minutes to face his night stand. On it was a picture of Kikyo wearing a whtie sundress and smiling, bordered by a simple black frame.

That was the beginning of many nights that he would cry himself to sleep.

A/N: I know, I know. It's sad. Kikyo's death is exactly what Eric's was like. The only difference is that I had to ID his body with his mother. Truly, I'll never forget him. Just like Inuyasha will never forget Kikyo. I felt that since Kikyo died in the original anime it would make it easier to use her for this kind of story. I'll bring Kagome in soon, promise. Please review, I'd like to get this out there.