Connect

Stella sat in the middle of the recreation area of Broadfield's Women's Prison. Today was the same as any other day there and will be the same as any other day that would come until she was released.

The daily grind of prison life was getting to her and the incident which had happened at Larkhall only the week previously had become common knowledge in her block. With many prisons applauding her for going for a Screw but calling her an idiot for it as well. She had been two weeks away from parole at that time and now she had added another six months to her sentence.

All of the prisons thought she had flipped, perhaps she had. And she had attacked her as some sort of revenge. But she wasn't about to tell them why she had and the fact that the woman was her mother.

If anyone was to found out that information her life would be over. A prisoner can't have a screw for a mother.

"Gough…"

Stella's head came up at the mention of her surname. And she noticed a prison office standing in front of her, she hadn't even realized that anyone was near her.

"Gough…." The woman said again.

Stella looked at the woman before speaking.

"Yes Miss?"

"Letter for you." The officer said offering the letter to Stella.

"Are you sure Miss?" Was her response.

She didn't usually get letters. The last time she had got anything it had been her birthday , and all it was, was a card from her foster parents saying they wanted nothing to do with her once she was released.

"Unless there is another Stella Gough in this wing. This letter is definitely for you." The officer said placing the letter in front of her.

Stella looked at the letter and took it back to her cell with her, for once thankfully that she had a cell to herself. She sat down her on her bed and opened the letter after staring at it fearfully of the contents

Stella,

I'm not sure that this letter is going to be welcome at all, but please take a moment to read it. This is my pathetic attempt to explain what happened then and what happened between us recently and ultimately apologize for what has happened.

As you already figured, you being born was something which I hadn't planned to happen, it was just a long line of events which happened. You see I never planned to have children, the thought never passed through my mind. All I wanted to do was concentrate on was my career in the army.

You were right to say that I didn't think through sleeping with you father. As I have said already I was drunk and was trying to prove something to my regiment, to cover up my sexual preference.

In those days you couldn't be a woman, gay and in the army.

But I went the wrong around that situation and the consequence was you.

You asked me why I didn't have an abortion, and I told you I would of have had one if I could have had one. I wished I had never told you that. For a second I considered it, but didn't go through with it. But to tell you like that, that was tantamount to a slap in the face and I apologize for that.

And the story about the rape was stupid, and the only way at the time I thought I could control the situation. By making the reason i didn't want you being that you were a rapist child something which had you stigmatized. It was dumb to cry wolf like that and especially after what you said about your own rape idiocy, I'm not sure if you would believe me when I say this, but after you told me that all I wanted to do was hold you.

But as for you saying that I didn't want you, I wanted you so much. That was the reason for my tattoo as a reminded everyday of what I lost when I gave you. But at that time I couldn't cope with the situation. And I wished I had the guts to find you instead of the other way around

But I didn't, and from that moment the situation spiralled out of control. The way I treated you was wrong, and the way I told you everything was wrong as well. But I was scared.

You said try harder to me, and I hope this is a start, A fresh start for both us, because know that we have found each other again I don't want to lose you.

Hopefully we can connect someday. So I can come what I want to be and what you want me to be.

You're Mum.

Stella sat there, tears in the side of her eyes The letter had been something that she had not expected.

The feelings that had been in the letter, unexpected considering what her experience of her mother had been like.

She walked across to one of her drawers and pulled out some paper and a pen and sat at her desk poised to write.

One thought prevalently in her mind.

The need she felt to connect with her mother too.

Part 1 of ?