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(note: flashbacks/memories are italic)
"Hoss, Hoss wake up Hoss, please get up." Nothing could stop the tears young Joe cried. He and Hoss had been riding out nearby when his horse was spooked and gave a little speedy gallop tossing both himself and his brother off. After hitting his head Hoss was unconscious and Joe being only nine was deeply afraid.
He remembered back to when he was five and saw his mother crushed beneath her horse in front of their house. He remembered crying and not understanding what or what had happened. He felt that fear then too.
The fear, which fear was upon Joe again. His big brother hoss had always been the gentle one. The kind sole of the ponderosa, he reminded them to feel to use their heart to love, now could he be gone?
"Erick" Adam had only called his brother that once before. Vary long ago when the bouncing five year old had found his way into the bulls corral and mad his way toward the massive animal. "Howdy" the boy squeaked in excitement and guiene interest. It took only a moment for Adam to pull him out. When he did the tears started to flow. " I know you're just trying to be friendly, brother, but that bull doesn't want to be friendly back." Adam had tried to quiet his brother not wanting to disturb his father in the house tending to a very pregnant wife. Fear like that was what he knew meant he loved his brother.
Adam passed outside his brother's door, the same fear the frear that only came with love filled his body, overflowed him with emotion and mad his mind spin. His baby brother the one he'd looked after on the wagon train and many years after that was in bed, possibly going to die. Hoss always confused Adam, he showed kindness and love to everyone. Even with a gun to his chest the big brother never said an unkind word.
He was the happiest baby Ben ever saw. Hoss had veen born well he was away checking for water up ahead the party. When he came back all the women were stirred up and he knew what had happened. Inger sat up holding a very large but happy baby. Adam sat next to her admiring his new brother. The baby was growing fast and then the raid. Ben defended his family with his rifle in the commotion Inger was shot and after the Indians had been driven off Ben looked back at the rubble of what was once their wagon. The baby was in the wagon and Adam searched through the rubble for him. Ben feared the infant could have been harmed in the raid and that fear made him sick. The boy was big and strong though and made it through the smashing of his home fine. Ben realized his fear was not fear but a type of love pretending to be fear.
"Hoss son," Ben spoke in an eager gentle voice, his middle boy did not answer. Doc Backer shook his head and pulled the sheet over the mans face. The door crept open and in walked Adam and Joe, "Pa?" creaked the voice of his youngest. All Ben could do was embrace them.