Summary: Karkat has loved John for 5 years. He wants to tell John how he feels but he also doesn't want to risk loosing him. Will he finally tell John how he feels, or will he keep his love a secret forever? JohnKat Rated T for language and eventual fluff. Not gonna get to be rated M. I'm just not that brave (yet)

Chapter 1

The wind blew gently through his hair. Black, ebony locks flew gently. The cool midsummer's breeze warped around him, encasing him in its warmth. The beauty of they boy would be described as geeky or nerdy to most, but not to me. John Egbert may have been the most geeky and nerdy looking boy in the entire universe, but to me, he was the most fucking beautiful thing I ever laid my eyes on. I knew that I've always loved him and his buck-toothed smile, I just refuse to show it to him or anyone. I've always yelled at him with profanity and my hatred of others, yet he would always laugh and tell me how funny I was. No matter how much I've hated myself and wanted to die, he's managed to be my sole reason for living. My name is Karkat Vantas, and I am madly in love with my best friend.

"Karkat, come on!" I slowly stood up from the grass to join John as he was running towards his father's vehicle. We had decided to go to the movies as a 'best-friend-leaders-not-date-date' to celebrate our first meeting when we were 13, 5 years ago. It also happened to be a week before John's birthday.

"Come on, hurry up! Else we're gonna leave without you!"

"I'm coming Egderp, hold your horses," I growled out. I would've said something more profane, but I try to act my best around his dad. I remember cussing someone out in front of him when we first met and he gave me a very strict lecture, so I made sure not to do that again.

"So what movie did you want to see," Mr. Egbert asked us.

"'We're the Miller's' just came out, let's go see that!"

"Are you ok with that, Karkat?"

"Yeah, that's fine." It really was. We could've been going to go see the fucking Wiggles and I still would've been fine with it, as long as I was with John. Ok, maybe not the Wiggles because that's super gay, even for me. But you get my point.

The movie was surprisingly good, the parts I saw anyway. At the end they included bloopers of what happened in the movie and instead of playing that (insert song name here srsly what even is it) song they played the opening to 'Friends' to pull a prank on Jennifer Aniston. Most of the movie, though, I was staring at John's face. His flawless ivory skin; the thick, luscious, ebony locks, completely opposite in color from my snow white hair; the way he smiled and laughed at the cheesy puns; just his everything. I love his everything. There were so many times I wanted to kiss him. I'd lean a little closer to him about every five minutes and he'd occasionally turn to me to joke about something in the movie, and I'd just stare into his eyes and agree with him, giving the occasional chuckle. But I know I can never do that. He's said it so many times. 'I'm not a homo Karkat! There's no way I could love another guy like that!' I've heard that quote so many times, I've lost count. There were times when I'd cry for hours on end because I knew this was true. But recently I've realized, even if I have to give him up to someone else, I'd just be happy being next to him. I just want to kiss him once. Just once, to know how it feels. But I can't. I don't want to risk losing him for good. I just couldn't live anymore. Which is why I won't kiss him, no matter how soft and pink looking his lips are. I just have to keep my little love a secret and I'll be happy. My Secret Love. But maybe it won't stay secret like I thought it always would.

~~~~~~~~~ A/N ~~~~~~~~~~

Ok so I'm writing a new story! Yay! I kinda gave up on my other one, sorry! I'm not abandoning it, I just have this major writer block on it. Chapter 2 is actually on deviantArt (I am either Lizzy_chan4199 or Lizzy-chan4199 I keep forgetting oops), I'm just not very happy with it. Anywho I started this story earlier today and somehow managed to finish chapter one today. Yay! I don't know how often I'll be updating, with school just starting and my AP classes, as well as trying to get a job (going for Carmike Cinemas wish me luck! )

Please R&R it really would mean alot to me!