Once upon a time, in a land not so far away, well, below us actually, there lived a dwarf. A she dwarf. A very pretty she dwarf, as she dwarfs go, which isn't very far, if you think about it.
One day, she met a he dwarf. A very handsome he dwarf. (Anyone else getting a feeling of de ja vu here?)
But anyway, the very pretty she dwarf and the very handsome he dwarf fell in love, and had a very ugly baby he dwarf thing, to cut a long story short.
This thing was called Mulch. Only, he was sooooo ugly, his father (the very handsome he dwarf, in case you hadn't worked it out yet) abandoned the thing and his mother. The very pretty she dwarf was completely besotted with her newborn son, although this might be something to do with the fact that she lost her glasses.
Anyway, back to Mulch the thing dwarf. Mulch was a very innocent dwarf. For about 3 seconds that is, until he pocketed the midwife's watch. Well, at that point, he didn't actually have any pockets, but you'd be amazed what he could fit in his mouth.
So this is the story of how Mulch lost his innocence.
Written by Niffler & Tortoise on a high.