Book 1 of 'Forget Me Not' series. The truth Of Reality and Perception
So much has changed, so much is new
But through it all I'm here with you.
My teacher, my mentor, my father, and friend,
I'm here with you until the very end.
It's one hell of a battle, but I'll see it through.
No matter how broken I get, I will save you.
I'm in love with the safety you project,
A chance to betray you I'll always reject.
The times I have hurt you I forever regret,
No matter what I know that you'd never forget.
Chapter 1
"Please Watto, don't sell my daughter." Shmi Skywalker begged her owner, her face was wet but for once it was not sweat from Tatooine's twin suns.
"I don't want to but it's business, I need the money, you understand." Watto said blowing off her arguments. She never argues with him unless it concerns the safety of her children, and boy did this ever. Watto exchanged the money and told Shmi to say goodbye.
"It's happening isn't it mummy." Five-year-old Arleia Skywalker asked frightened. She managed to reign it in and stay calm because she knew that the baby she held was sensitive to other people's emotions. If she panicked, her little brother would be scared too and she would never do anything that scared her baby brother.
"I'm so sorry Arlie, now listen. I need you to be brave, we will see each other again, I know it. Have faith that things will be okay sweetheart, and remember that I love you." Shmi told her daughter who bit her lip to keep from crying. Shmi was overcome with pride, her daughter was strong and she would be okay. Arleia handed her brother to her mother before kissing his forehead.
"I love you Anakin." She whispered careful not to wake him, she didn't want her brother to see this. "Goodbye."
2 years later…
Everything happened so quickly, Arleia was on the ship transporting her and her owners to another outer rim planet when there was a sudden and harsh jolt that left her sprawled on the floor. Then they were boarded, she saw people running past her that she realized must be pirates. She'd heard of pirates from smugglers but she didn't think she'd ever meet any, she was curious about them and hoped perhaps they'd need help and free her to live among them. One of them noticed her and grabbed her, she closed her eyes and wished with all her might that her dream would come true, she would be freed and would be a pirate too, then she could steal her mother and brother from Watto and they could all be pirates. It wasn't until she was shoved into a tiny room in their ship that reality caught up with her, she'd just been kidnapped by pirates, and there would be no freedom for her.
She woke up sometime later and didn't remember going to sleep, she was so scared she thought she might have cried herself to sleep. Then she saw a blue light coming from the darkness surrounding her, it grew and grew until she could barely look at it. It was some strange oval of swirling shades of blue just floating in the darkness.
"Come Arleia, let me save you." A melodic voice called softly from within the swirling light. She weighed her options, either she went in, or she stayed with pirates. As far as she was concerned, there was little choice, her mind made up, she stepped into the light.
In the next moment, she found herself in a place that seemed to be solid blackness and total white at the same time.
"Careful, take your time. I know it can be disorienting at first. Human brains were not made to process this place. No one was really." The voice called again, now though she could sort of see who was talking. Everything looked wrong though, she wondered if this was how people saw things while high on spice.
"Who are you? And, where am I?" Arleia asks, even to her ears her voice sounded slurred, or perhaps only to her ears. Things were very confusing, but they seemed to be clearing up as she finally adjusted to this new place she found herself in.
"You're in the in-between. I'm a force-seer. I was told about your predicament and couldn't leave you where you were while so defenseless." The woman in front of her explains, poorly. Now that she could see clearly, Arleia realized that the lady in front of her was a Wookiee, only she spoke perfect basic. Or did Arlie gain the ability to speak perfect shriwook. "It's hard to explain, but everything here is being tailored so that you can perceive it in the best way it can be perceived. I'm not speaking basic and you aren't hearing my language but that's how it seems." The Wookiee tells her, Arlie questioned whether or not she had spoken aloud.
"What's an in-between? And what's a force-seer?" Arleia asks feeling more confused every time the lady in front of her tried to explain.
"Okay, so, beginner's physics. There are universes beyond our own that run parallel to ours. No one should be able to cross them, but I have friends in high places. The in-betweens are the spaces that don't quite exist and separate these universes. This one stands between our universe and one that doesn't have a name, but the galaxy closest to this point in a complicated relative sense of no distance but infinite distance is called the milky way." The female Wookie answers.
"What do you mean don't quite exist? We're here now, it has to exist." Arleia says emotion clouding her voice, she was so very confused and was beginning to wish she had stayed with the pirates.
"Ah and there is the crux of the matter, your perception determines your reality. Do you remember how I told you this place was trying to make it easier for you to perceive it? Well it can't be processed by your brain because it isn't exactly here. It's a place of nothing between two somethings and therefore doesn't quite exist but also can't not exist."
"Somehow I think I am actually beginning to understand. You still haven't told me what a force-seer is."
"Yes of course, a force-seer is someone that the force has chosen to interact with in a more direct way than most force sensitive beings get to. It's a very fortunate gift to have even if it then means that you have to put up with knowing a great many things you probably wished you didn't. I wasn't exactly supposed to interfere with your kidnapping but I couldn't just leave you there. I'm a Jedi you see, it's hard wired into me to protect those that can't protect themselves."
"Does that mean that you're going to keep me here?"
"No Arlie of course not, when I send you back though, you'll appear exactly where you were at the same moment you left, that can't be helped."
"Then why bring me here at all?"
"I told you, I couldn't leave you there defenseless. I'm going to teach you to defend yourself, when I send you back you'll be able to survive long enough for help to arrive. And help will arrive Arlie, I promise."
"Well then, Madam Force-seer, we best get on with it."
Some indeterminant time later…
"Madam force-seer, you said a while ago, or maybe not that long ago, that I would arrive back in the same moment I left. How is that possible?" Arleia asks as they sit, or seeing as there wasn't really a ground or any solid surface I suppose they just sort of existed in a position that if there had been a ground, would have had them comfortably on it.
"When I brought you here I pulled you out of the universe, out of all universes, such a thing should not be possible. I'm sure you've realized on some level if not conscious thought, there is no life here, there is nothing here. We sit on nothing, we don't eat as there is no food, we do not breathe as there is no air, and we do not sleep for we have no need to. We are in a place that does not exist and thus, we do not exist. Not in any way we can understand anyway. In this place, we will not age nor will we die. No time has passed since you arrived yet in your perception it was a long time ago, or perhaps mere moments. When left with no reality, we all perceive nothing differently. It's also important to note that even in our universe time is just a construct that sentient beings have made, that's why it can be measured differently by different standards. Everything is happening at once when a part of reality, our minds just perceive things as linear, in this place though, nothing is happening." The force-seer replies sounding highly amused as she watches her charge's face scrunch in confusion.
"Okay got it, we are in nothing, so we are nothing and since we are nothing so is time. Nothing is happening so no time can be passing so I'll be returned to where I was in the same moment because we are still in that moment even though we aren't in anything."
"You catch on quick."
"How did you know my name?" The Wookie looks at her in confusion, "You called me Arlie, no one calls me Arlie anymore. Actually, it's been a long time since anyone called me or asked me my name at all, so how did you know?" Her teacher gives her a kind smile, the smile Arleia has learnt means she will get no real answer.
"You will answer that question yourself one day."
In that prolonged non-moment Arleia learnt more than she could have ever possibly imagined. Not only that but she gradually learnt to accept that what she perceived as existence was a lack of existence. What seemed both black and white was her mind attempting to comprehend the lack of colour, the lack of anything. She knew that she could hear nothing in this place yet somehow when her teacher spoke she understood her words perfectly. As there was no need to rest, for no one tires in less than a moment, they worked constantly and Arleia soon found herself perfecting all that her teacher hoped to teach.
"What is it that you are teaching me my mentor?" Arleia asks politely, she had begun picking up the force-seer's mannerisms despite having spent no time together, equally they had spent eternity in this in-between place of non-existence.
"It's called force-magic. Not many people know of its existence. It didn't fit in with current, or well, in the time you exist in reality, understandings of the light and dark sides of the force and so went out of practice. When the force began talking to me it taught me how to use force-magic. Said that one day it would be the difference between all realities existing and nothing."
"That's a lot of pressure to have been placed on you."
"I do not believe it will solely be my responsibility to save it all, it's my belief that I must teach other Jedi the skill so that they may join me in whatever battle or situation I one day find myself in. Or perhaps I will not be there at all and it is simply my job to ensure others are prepared to defend reality from whatever threat is around."
"How are you going to do that? It sounds like the Jedi order would not be too fond of you teaching any of its members to use this."
"That, child, is exactly why I need the Jedi order to evolve by the time I reach the age and skill level I am currently at."
"Howwww are you gonna do that? I realize that time isn't really a thing so things can't really be in the past but you are already your current age." Arleia says feeling almost as confused as she was when she first arrived.
"Well, I am not exactly sure. Technically speaking, going 'back in time' should be as simple as stepping from one place to another. But it's not and I don't know that that is in fact the answer." Madam force-seer replies.
"Well where are you in my current perception of time in reality? Perhaps I can find you and help." She questions her mentor.
"I believe I was born three months previous to that point of reality." She gets in answer.
"You're a baby? But you're an adult? You're from the future, but you just said you can't time travel. I'm so confused. This is not the sort of thing a seven-year-old should have to put up with."
"You've been in this moment for eternity Arleia, you are hardly a normal seven-year-old. Besides, you don't exist. Your brain can't process any of this yet in a sense it does, do you really believe yourself trapped in a seven-year-old's level of thinking?"
"I suppose not."
"And in answer to your question, I didn't travel in time. I brought myself to this place and then reached out and pulled you in."
"I really need to learn when not to question things." Arleia decides while laughing, her mentor laughs with her.
"Ahh but young Arlie, the one who asks questions does not lose his way."
"I already told you Madam, no one calls me Arlie." She complains to the Wookie who simply chuckles at her.
"Yes, and since I do not exist at the moment, that statement remains truth.
"I am not arguing that point with you right now, but listen, if you are not yet your age and skill level in my perception of time in my current place in reality, then perhaps I can make the Jedi order ready for when you are."
"That's a lot of pressure to put on yourself Arleia, I can't ask you to do that." Force-seer says in concern. She truly had grown to care for this child.
"I know, but you've taught me to accept what reality truly is to the best of my ability for now. You've taught me to use force magic in a place where the force doesn't even really exist, where we don't. I know it will be difficult but I want to help." Arleia replies resolutely.
"All right Arlie, then when you go home and help comes and come it will, stay close to the Jedi and make sure they are willing to evolve. You'll have approximately 30 years and it may take all of them."
"I won't fail my mentor, I swear it."
"I know."
"You're ready Arleia, I've nothing more to teach you." The Wookie tells Arleia.
"I'll miss you Madam Force-seer. See you in 30 years I suppose. Thank you for all you've done for me." Arleia says trusting her teacher completely to know when she is ready.
"No Arlie, thank you…oh no." Arleia's teacher said, her voice full of panic.
"What is it my Mentor? What's wrong?" Arleia asks concerned, she had never heard her teacher scared before.
"Arlie, do you trust me?"
"Implicitly, even when you refuse to call me by my name." Her Mentor chuckles briefly.
"Good, now something is about to happen. Do you remember when I mentioned the galaxy called the milky way? Well you are about to end up in it. A heavily populated world called Earth. I don't know how long you will be there but I'll find a way to bring you back as soon as possible. I mentioned we aren't meant to be here, well we are under attack. It's hard to explain and one day I may be able to but not now. I need you to be brave Arlie and remember that I will find you and bring you home. And Arlie."
"Yes Mentor?" Arleia asks trying to stay calm, it was all too reminiscent of having to say goodbye to her mother so very very long ago.
"You have the greatest capacity to love that I have ever seen in anyone, including the force. Don't ever lose that." Her Wookie teacher told her, then everything became a total blur of overwhelming colour and noise and movement and feelings and oh my god how do you breathe? What is all of this? What's happening…and then nothing. Not the kind of nothing she was used to, but the kind of nothing that comes from a lack of conscious thought.
Arleia woke up, and wasn't that weird considering how long it had been since she experienced sleep. Or not long at all but perception wise, it's still confusing. In any case, she was not used to the feeling. She looked around and saw…things! It has been so long since she saw things. Her brain took in everything as if it had missed that ability. It was so hard to discern colours and she knew she'd have to relearn them. The sounds were the hardest thing, after so long, or short, without any kind of stimuli, the sound was the most overwhelming to suddenly have return.
She remembered in short order where her teacher had said she'd be, this is Earth. She took a look around and saw things she had never seen. Of course, the extent of her experience is poor outer rim settlements and cheap freighter ships. Well, and nothing.
She was on what seemed to be some kind of bed, it was strange to feel something beneath her again. She was wearing some odd kind of dress that she knew she hadn't been wearing before. There was strange equipment around her and something attached to her arm, it hurt. She also saw lots of signage that all appeared to be close enough to basic that she could easily piece together the meaning. It seems she was in some kind of medical facility, she'd never been in one of those before, slaves didn't have great access to such things.
"Ah you're awake. Hello, my name is Dr. Holp, I've been your attending physician since you arrived." A voice said from the doorway she had yet to notice.
"Um, pleasure to meet you Sir Dr. Holp." Arlie replied trying to be polite while she adjusted to the sound of someone actually properly speaking, something she had not heard, or been able to register, in a long, or short, time.
"Just Dr. Holp is fine Miss. Now what's the last thing you remember?" Dr. Holp asked patiently, she thought for a moment, what was she supposed to tell him? She couldn't feel the force and wondered if this universe had any knowledge of it. She decided that until Madam Force-seer returned her to the pirate ship she should keep a low profile, time to pull the scared seven-year-old card.
"I'm not sure sir, I-I do not remember anything." She said as she began crying, it took her a few seconds to realize they weren't fake tears. She hadn't had time to process the frightening experience of being captured by pirates and locked in that tiny room alone while in the in-between. Hell of a time for it to catch up with her.
"That's all right kid, no need to worry, we'll sort this out. Do you know your name? How old you are? Anything?"
"N-no, I'm s-sorry Dr. Ho-olp."
"Well, how about I tell you what I know and we'll see if that helps you remember?" Dr. Holp offers, Arleia nods hoping it will give her more information of where she is. "Well, an elderly couple found you in an alleyway in Rundle Mall. You were unconscious and had a nasty bump on your head. That was about 8 hours ago." Arlie reached behind her head and felt the bump, she guessed it must have happened when she fell during the pirate boarding of her owner's ship.
"What is Rundle Mall?" Arleia questioned curiously wanting to know more about the place she would be living for a little while. Apparently, it was the wrong thing to say because the man's face became grave.
"It's a shopping mall, do you know where you are?" He asked calmly.
"In a medical facility sir." She replied confused, he sighed quietly.
"I more meant do you know where the hospital is located." He explained. So, they call them hospitals here, interesting.
"The planet Earth." She answered calmly, unsure why she felt that may not be what he was looking for.
"Well, better than you thinking you were on Mars." He said, at her confused reaction he backtracked, "You're in Adelaide in Australia." Dr. Holp said growing more worried when there was no hint of recognition in her eyes. "Now, there's going to be a lady that's going to come talk to you. She'll ask you lots of questions about who you are, where you're from and your parents. It may get annoying if you still can't remember but try to be patient, she needs to ask them." He was nervous about how the child in front of him would do with child protection services poking their noses in but he had no choice. He did take note of the sad glimmer in her eyes when he mentioned her parents.
"I will do my best Dr. Holp." She replied bowing her head slightly, a habit she picked up as a slave. Things were always safer if you show recognition of authority, she had no idea that in this place, it was just weird.
There was a lot of anger and frustration following that. Dr. Holp was eventually forced to request the woman from CPS leave his patient alone as the stress may aggravate her head wound. The resulting argument ended with Dr. Holp getting temporary guardianship of his patient. As a result, when she was cleared later that day, she came home with him.
"I've just realized that we don't have a name to introduce you by." Dr. Holp said in the car on the way to his home. She was very grateful she could go with the person who had been her constant throughout the stressful day, but was nervous to meet the wife and son he had mentioned.
"Perhaps you should pick one to address me by." Arlie suggested falling back on the politeness her mother had ingrained into her due to her nerves. It was a habit that had been encouraged by her Mentor and she knew would not leave her for many years, if at all.
"Are you asking me to name you?"
"Well, why not?" He considered her words for a moment.
"Fair point I suppose. What about Kellie? Hmmm no, Samantha?" He suggested, she scrunched her nose up at both of them. "Phoebe?" He looked back at her, "Yeah, I think Phoebe suits you well." Arlie thought it over for a moment, she hated lying to the man who had been so kind to her, but she had to think of her own universe, she made a promise to her Mentor to make the Jedi evolve and she couldn't do that if she couldn't get home. She still believed that keeping her head down was the best option, at least for now. She sucked in a breath and nodded her head, she could live as Phoebe.
"I like it. May I ask, what are you kin's names?" Arleia asks, every now and then she would say something and he would look at her in bewilderment, she mentally sighs her frustration as she realized what must be happening. Her dialect was standing out in those moments, she supposed it would fade in time, though she hoped she wouldn't be here that long.
"My wife's name is Tina and my son's name is Patrick or Patty. He's a bit older than you, I think at least. He's ten years old." Dr. Holp replied in answer. Patrick would be three years older than her if this planet's measure of time is standard, although she believed that they had no such thing. From what she had been able to gather, Earth was alone in the galaxy, there may be other species but the inhabitants of Earth couldn't reach them nor confirm their existence.
"I am effervescent to meet them, they sound like lovely people." Arleia found that to be true and was glad for it, she couldn't let nerves ruin this. She was building a profile for herself in her mind, better to get things straight now than as she goes. Perhaps she was overthinking this…but what was normal behavior for an 'amnesiac' as Dr. Holp had called it? He gives her an odd look again, she internally sighs at herself.
"Tina is definitely looking forward to company besides our son's friends. Don't get me wrong, they're great kids, for the most part, but I think she's looking forward to feeding someone not liable to make flatulence jokes at the dinner table." Dr. Holp explains with a chuckle. Arleia didn't know what that meant but she got the gist of what he was saying and so laughed along, that must have been his goal because he looked pleased.
Arleia was lucky, the kin she found herself with were unable to have more children and so had begun the process to be able to foster children. As it turned out, that was exactly why Arleia had been able to spend the night at Dr. Holp's home that first day, or Evan as she was then told to call him. It was Patrick, or Trick as she grew to call him, that first suggested they make her a permanent house guest and foster her instead of a baby. To Arleia's great surprise, Tina immediately agreed with her son, as did Evan. She had to spend two nights in a group home while she was put into the system to begin with before it was all set in motion and she returned to her place in the Holp's house, that was how she became Phoebe Faye Holp. Arleia felt bad for a while, she loved living with them and knew they were truly going to accept her into their family, but she also knew she would be returning to her universe soon. It was during her 10th birthday party that she stopped believing that, she broke down crying that night into the woman she had begun to see as a mother's arms. She was never going home.
It had been only three years but Arleia had gone to three schools, always being chased out by bullying either to her or her new brother. She had gotten kicked out of one school for starting repeated fights, but those asses shouldn't have been messing with the one friend she had. She was about to move schools again because she was moving house, she knew she would soon be losing that friend as well, no one ever bothered to keep in touch.
A year later Evan and Tina split up, she wasn't sure what happened, but Trick didn't speak to their mother for three months. A few years later Evan had a son with his new wife, Tina couldn't have kids but she was engaged to a nice enough man.
When she entered high school, Arleia had been to five different schools, had no friends and was the most cynical 13-year-old around. She had long ago stopped thinking she was ever returning to her old life, had grown to despise her mentor and this universe, and the old one, pretty much anything. But not her siblings, never her siblings. Sometimes she would look at her younger brother Sonny and wonder what became of her little Ani, she shut down that train of thought because it filled her normally cold or anger controlled heart with a sadness she didn't know how to deal with.
When entering year 10 Arleia moved schools for the 7th time and went to ASMS 'Australian Science and Mathematics School'. That first year she made friends, properly good friends, or so she thought. Then her girlfriend tricked her, made her a monster. With a few sentences Arleia took everyone from a close friend, she had only meant to defend her girlfriend but instead left another girl completely alone. In the end, she made things right and that girl became her best friend, Arlie's now ex-girlfriend continued trying to mess with them for a long time but it no longer worked. That same year two of Arleia's friends killed themselves. Arleia discovered her best friend to be as much of a liar as her girlfriend had been. Thinking back on that year she could admit she had been no better and strived to change. Her mental health had been improving after having a psychotic break during year 9, she missed a lot of school in year 10 as well, the events of that year had not helped but somehow, she had begun to heal.
It was in year 11 that she started slipping again, panic attacks growing worse and more frequent. Then her father, the man she looked up to more than anyone had died in a car crash along with her step mother. She pulled away from her family over the next few months but was more protective than ever of her younger brother. One night, Arleia sat in front of Trick and realized she had something to say.
"Hey Trick, can we talk?" She asked hesitantly, she didn't know how he would react to this.
"You're my little sister Phebs, you can always talk to me, as I've been telling you for months." He replied a little coldly, she figured she deserved it. She wasn't the only one grieving after all and she had ignored that fact for too long.
"My name is Arleia, my birthday is the 19th of the 9th month. So, September." Arleia said counting it in her head to work out the month in comparison to the standard time from her old life, she hadn't bothered in a long time. It felt weird to say her name, say that birthday, it had been a long time and they didn't really celebrate birthday's on Tatooine.
"You remembered? When?" Trick asked looking shocked at his sister, she looked down guiltily.
"I never forgot Patrick."
He was very angry she had lied to them for all those years, all she really had by way of explanation was kidnapping and slavery, which she did use, she just didn't go into specifics and he figured she was from some faraway place where that was a thing. The truth didn't do much to change things between them, but when she had nightmares of her old life she'd go to him and they'd steal ice-cream from the freezer. Three months later, a week after her 17th birthday, or when they celebrated it anyway, she went to him again.
"Patrick." She said to gain his attention, he was a bit tipsy, stupid twenty-year-old brothers not sharing they're alcohol, it wasn't like she hadn't been drunk more times than he had anyway. Not that he knew that for certain though he suspected, he wasn't stupid after all.
"That is the same tone of voice you had when you told me your name was Aria or Alyssa or whatever." He said slurring slightly, Arleia knew he was concerned and she knew they had only spoken of it once three months ago but she was still hurt that he didn't remember her name. Not that she even really considered it her name anymore.
"I came to say goodbye." Arleia said surprising herself, she had no idea why but she knew she had to.
"You heading home?" He asked referring to the neighbourhood party happening on their street at their mother's house, she lived in the hills and such gatherings were common place.
"Yeah, I'll see you later." She said ending the weird conversation she had started, as she entered her house she realized she was crying, she had no idea how wrong her words had been.
The next day she went to Rundle Mall after school with the intention of going to the city library to study and then buy some pyjamas she'd been eyeing off when she saw a flash of blue in an alleyway. She walked down and saw a swirling floating oval of blue light just like the one she had seen a lifetime ago.
"Your choice." The voice of her mentor drifted out softly, she debated it for a moment. She had friends, she had a boyfriend and family and a life. She thought about when she was younger and hesitant to get close to her family because she knew she had to leave, thought about her telling her friends she wouldn't be moving again. Thought about everything she didn't want to lose, thought about her brother Sonny. Then she thought of Anakin and her mother, she thought of the mentor she thought had long ago abandoned her. She no longer cared to save the universe but she knew she had to go to her brother. Sonny would always have Patrick, but Ani had no one but their mother who is probably dead from sickness or being over worked or heat stroke or something. She turned around, looked out at the mall, thought of her whole life and came to the conclusion that there was nothing for her here but pain and ghosts, she walked into the light. She thought it would tear her heart apart to do so, but she had long ago shut off her heart to the pain of leaving others, too many schools, too many deaths, she looked at everything as fleeting and unimportant now.
Upon leaving this life she had built she had many rules but three stuck out the most.
Everything will eventually cause pain.
There is no good and bad, everyone is capable of doing both given the right situation.
Only fools trust people, including themselves.