The Closest To Heaven I'll Ever Be
Chapter One
"You are my star student Dean…how I have longed for this day" Alistair snarled, lips curling up into a menacing smirk.
Blood fell rapidly from the girls now destroyed body, the screams echoed around the room and tears rolled down the girl's blood stained cheeks.
"Please…" She begged, lifting her head to meet with the emerald green eyes in front of her.
"Sorry sweetheart, today really isn't your day"
An evil grin formed on Dean Winchester's face.
And that's the exact moment he woke up.
Sweat ran heavily from Dean's body, he now sat upright in his unsteady motel room bed, shaking and reeling from his most recent nightmare of hell.
Glancing to his left Dean noticed that yet again Sam was absent from his own bed…fourth night on the run.
Sighing loudly Dean tossed the covers aside and padded into the bathroom, flicking on the light and groaning at the sight that greeted him in the mirror.
To say he looked awful was an understatement; three hours of sleep in the past week will do that to a guy.
Splashing cold water on his face and taking a deep breath, Dean made his way back to the bed and sat perched on the end of it, elbows resting on knees and face buried in his hands.
It had been exactly three months since he returned from hell and the nights weren't getting any easier. Full of vivid nightmares and recaps of his time spent in the pit, Dean just couldn't seem to shake the recurring images.
Some of the nightmares were exact memories plucked from Dean's mind, right down to each gory little detail and others were extensions of the truth, making Dean out to be more calculated than he actually was.
But none of it mattered, whether it was the truth or a slightly shaky version of the truth, it still happened and it still shook Dean to the core with guilt, sadness, terror and anger.
The sound of a clicking lock and the door being pushed open was enough to snap Dean out of it. He raised his head to see Sam slowly and quietly entering the motel room, clearly unaware that Dean was awake and sitting on the bed.
When Sam finally turned around, he jumped slightly at finally noticing Dean's shape sitting on the edge of the bed in the darkness.
"God Dean…you scared the crap out of me. Why are you sitting in the dark?" Sam shook his head slightly, knowing exactly why Dean was sitting in the dark, awake at 3am and looking like shit.
He knew something was up with his older brother and figured it was still "hell related" but since Dean wasn't spilling anytime soon, Sam decided it wasn't worth the effort if his brother won't talk about it. With his decision made about a month ago, Sam chose to stop asking, stop enquiring and Dean would tell him when he is good and ready.
Besides Sam felt there was more important matters at hand, like stopping Lilith and he firmly believed Ruby was helping him on his way to becoming strong enough to do just that.
Of course, Dean did not see it that way.
"Couldn't sleep…where the hell have you been?" Dean mumbled his reply to Sam, before straining out a question of his own, which he unfortunately already knew the answer to.
"Ruby found a lead on Lilith…I had to go check it out." Sam replied calmly, but ducked his head slightly and made his way to the bathroom, wanting to avoid yet another confrontation.
"Mmm hmm and?" Dean mumbled and shook his head, sighing loudly.
"And nothing…she got it wrong, nothing happened…I came back here." Sam snapped slightly, feeling defensive.
Even though Dean had not said anything directly about Sam's time spent with Ruby, his tone implied how disappointed he was in his youngest brother and Sam was growing tired of the same old tune.
With a final huff from the younger Winchester, he slammed into the bathroom and left Dean alone in the room, feeling even worse than he had before.
Dean had given up trying to tell Sam that Ruby was bad news and that she can't be trusted, it was clear Sam didn't know and probably didn't care anymore.
Tension between the brothers had grown a considerable amount over the past couple of months, neither Winchester wanting to talk about their problems and this pained Dean more than anything.
Living with Hell and not feeling like he could confide in his only brother was beginning to wear him down. He spoke with Bobby over the phone every so often, mostly about his concern for Sam's late night activities to which Bobby could only suggest talking to him and that clearly wouldn't work and hasn't done previously.
Even Bobby sounded a little defeated and at a loss, Dean didn't want to burden him further with his own problems. One Winchester's problems were bad enough.
So Dean stayed silent, let his own mind work overtime and slowly driving him to the point of shattering into a million pieces. He couldn't help but think that nobody cared enough to pick them pieces up and if heaven had a vacancy right now, Dean would gladly fill it.