Al cuor non si comanda (When love takes hold of you )

Standing at the window, I looked outside. It was dark. I just saw the lights of the city. Some cars drove here and there. It was late. How late? I didn't know. How long have I been waiting here? Six hours, eight hours? I lost track of time. I heard a constant cheep. Normally it would have bothered me, but now it calmed me.

I turned around.

It was a typical sickroom. It was sparely lighted. Just one lamp was turned on and gave the room some light. I went to the bed in the middle of the room and looked at her. If I didn't know better, I'd think she slept. She looked so peaceful, just one thing destroyed the pacific image: the cables from the medical devices and the transfusion on the wrist.
I took a seat, still watching her. The doctors said she was lucky, but she shouldâ–“ve been awake long ago. I was lost in the thoughts of what happened..

Flashback

We were in the field to visit a suspect. We knew he was dangerous, so we split. She and I went to the back entrance and waited for our boss to beckon us. But then everything happened very fast: The backdoor was pushed open and before anyone was able to react the man in front of us aimed a gun at me. "That's it" I thought and closed my eyes. I heard one shot, then another. But nothing happened. I didn't feel the pain I expected. I opened my eyes and saw the man lying on the floor. His head was bleeding and his eyes looked numb to the top.

I stared at him, as a familiar voice asked: "Is he dead?"

Looking at her, I nodded, thankful. She still had her gun in her hands. Smiling at me, she sank to the floor. In the last second I caught her and felt something running down on my hands. Blood. Carefully, I laid her down as I heard something. I turned around and saw my boss walking to us.

"Boss, call the ambulance!" I screamed.

"Hey, look at me. Come on, stay awake" I said devastated and energetic at the same time.

She opened her eyes and looked at me. "Hey, don't sleep!"

I put my jacket under her head, saying "Thanks."

She saved my life. She smiled. This smile she didn't show very often, which always made me feel captivated. I really do love her, but never told her that. I pressed tighter to the wound on her shoulder, as I noticed her closing her eyes.

Saying, "Hey, no. Stay awake. Say something!", I looked at her.

She seemed to hear it and opened her eyes again.

"What.." She said so quiet I almost didn't hear it.

"I want you to stay here. Don't give up"

Where the hell was the ambulance? She was bleeding so much and I wasn't sure how long she would hang on.

"Stay.. with you?" She looked me in the eyes.

Though she was shot, her eyes had a glance I just saw once. When she met that guy. Did she feel the same as I did?

"Yeah, stay with me." I said and looked at her.

"I.. can't." Her last words, then she closed her eyes.

I became hysteric and shook her.

"Don't sleep, stay here. Damn, stay here, hold on. I love you.."

It seemed to help, she opened her eyes again and looked at me.

Her voice was quiet, saying "So do I".

Then her body sank into my arms.

"No, don't!" I shook her and cried.

I've never felt something like that before. Someone drafted me. Trying to resist, I got a slap on the head, which helped me getting down-to-earth. I looked in my boss' blue eyes.

"Ambulance's here." Now I noticed two guys treating her.

Flashback End

She saved my life. And now she lay there, where I should be lying. Sighing, I closed my eyes.

"She can't die." I thought again and again.

But then I heard a noise, which made me open my eyes again. She looked at me questioningly. She tried to talk, but it didn't work. Automatically I took her hand and said:

"You're okay. You've been shot and now you're in hospital. You remember?"

She nodded carefully and whispered "Water.. thirst".

Immediately I gave her a cup standing on her bed stand and helped her.

While I put it back, she said "I remember everything."

Looking at her, I thought "Everything? You remember me confessing my love to you? You and me, that would never work. We're too different. And there is rule 12, almost forgot that. She did say "So do I", but was she in her right mind? Maybe she thought I was another person."

I looked at her and smiled. She pushed my hand.

"Yes, even your words."

I felt the warm push and said "It's okay. Just rest and don't talk much. Just forget it."

She closed her eyes and fell asleep. I watched her sleeping, just assuaged she felt better. Without noticing I fell asleep next to her, my head fell on her bed.

I woke up, feeling something on my head. I opened my eyes and blinked. The room was bright. What time was it? I looked up and realized it was her hand touching my head. I smiled at her. But before I was able to say anything, she said "I won't forget that."

At first, I didn't know what she meant, but then I realized.

"Why not?"

Great, what a question. I gave me a mental slap on the head. She seemed like she looked for the right words.

"'cause I feel the same"

She whispered. I watched her, my mouth opened. Was it that easy? I just should've said that? I couldn't believe it. Was I dreaming? She interrupted my thoughts and said

"Come on, kiss me."

I wanted to fulfill that desire. Slowly I came closer to her and kissed her gently. She replied the kiss so gently I could never imagine from our trained mossad-liaison.
I closed my eyes and just enjoyed the kiss. Suddenly I heard a cough. Appalled I turned around and saw the rest of the team standing in the room. Gibbs had a grin I couldn't interpret. I looked to Abby, who gave me a wide smile. She was the only one I told about my feelings to Ziva.

"Our little bambino and the mossadkiller. Unbelievable"

A voice said from the door. I followed it and saw Tony grinning. Slowly he came to me.
He looked att Ziva, who smiled back at him, and I felt his hand on my shoulder.

He said:

Al cuor non si comanda.
(When love takes hold of you.)