'Real Slim Shady'

A/N got bored, might not be great. 'enjoy'.

Y'all act like you've never seen a bad guy before

I didn't kill Jesse, he's a ghost, can't kill the dead you know

So stop screeching like Kelly the whore

When I said it was over and she broke her nail slamming the door (Aaah)

It's the return of the …

"Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding,

he didn't say what I think he did,

did he?"

And Father D said … nothing you idiots!

Father D's dead, he's locked in my basement!

Horny woman love evil guys

(chigga chigga chigga)

"Paulie, I'm sick of him

Look at him, shifting around, making out with you-know-what,

Flipping off you-know-who,"

"Yeah, but he's so cute though."

Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose,

But it's no worse than loving a dead corpse named Jesse, Suze!

Sometimes I wanna kill him and just let loose but can't

He's already in his grave that damn pouf

My abs are on your lips, my abs are on your lips

And if you're lucky, I'll let you give them a little kiss.

And that's the message we deliver to little kids

And expect them not to know what a bastard really is.

Of course they're going to know what intercourse is

By the time they hit fourth grade,

They have the discovery channel don't they?

"We ain't nothing but mammals…" Well, some of us are shifter

we exorcise souls for a living, we is.

But if we can play god in this world and sell dope,

Then there's no reason that Suze and Jesse shouldn't elope.

But if you fell like I feel, I got the antidote,

Go back in time people and keep Jesse from dying folks!

CHORUS x2

Cause I'm Paul Slater, yes I'm the real Slater,

All you other Paul Slaters are just imitating,

So won't the real Paulie-poo please stand up,

Please stand up, shift your butt?

Jesse doesn't have to work out to get laid with Suze,

Well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too!

You think I give a good about ratings?

Half of you of you readers can't even stomach me, let alone get me,

"But Paul, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"

Why? So that Suze would die to get away from me?

So you can sit me next to Sister Weird?

Shit Kelly Prescott better switch me chairs,

So I can sit next to Brad Ackerman and her purse

And hear them argue over who bought first.

You little bitch, put me on blast in Carmel High,

"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's insane. Hee hee!"

I should download her audio on MP3

And show the whole world how she gave Brad VD (aaah!)

I'm sick of you little boy and girl groups, all you do is annoy me,

So I told Sister Ernestine to destroy you. (bzzzt)

And there's are very few shifters just like me,

Who cuss like me; who can't make out as good as me,

Who dress like me, shift, bitch and talk like me,

And just might be the next best thing but not quite me!

Chorus x2

I'm like a greek statue to look at, cause I'm showing you

Things that you dream about with friends in your living room,

The only difference with me and Jesse is that I got the balls to

Flaunt it in front of y'all and I don't gotta be false and where make-up at all.

I just get on the podium and shift it,

And whether you like to admit it, I'm great at it,

Better than ninety percent of you of you shifters out there can.

The you wonder why your kids eat up Mediator like valiums,

It's funny, cause I'll never be able to becoming thirty

I'll be the only book character who's on internet flirting.

Pinching Suze's ass when Jesse's off at Dunking's

And shifting even when Grandpa Gork's dying.

And every single person is a Paul Slater lurking,

He could be working at Burger King, practicing at shifting,

Or in a cemetery, stealing from the obituary,

Exorcizing ghosts, chatting with a host.

So will the real Paul Slater please stand up?

And kiss anything with legs that pouts?

And be proud to be a maniac with cash by the load

And one more time, Suze, which motel do we go?

Chorus x4

Haha, guess there's a Paul Slater in all of us,

Fuck it, I'll kill you all.

A/N okay… not great. Sorry.