A/N: Salutations, dear readers!
This is a little idea that my muse presented me with several nights ago. As many of you might know, Disney is a big fan of the, "Almost Kiss", trope. While this trope is utilized with the intention of frustrating preteens and shippers, alike, it occurred to me that Troy is hit especially hard by this little gimmick.
He's a hormonal sixteen, and later, seventeen, year-old boy. If you think about it, he only gets to kiss his girlfriend six times in the two years that they're together, and those six times are actually two instances where their lips meet and part three times. Before that first set of three little kisses they were together for about six months. I assume that we're meant to find Troy's frustration every time something gets in the way of him kissing his girlfriend hilarious. I mean, Gabriella seems to think it's funny. However, that sort of extreme lack of physical affection in his relationship has to be damaging to Troy in some way.
But, hey, these are the same writers who decided to end the main trilogy with Troy becoming so dependent after enduring nearly two years of battering to his psyche, that he decided to follow his abusive girlfriend to college, so she would continue to tell him what to do and who to be, until she found a guy at Stanford to manipulate, and discarded Troy like he was a broken toy that outlived its usefulness.
Don't worry. I will be finishing Resilience Of Marshmallows, and the sequel to Introspective is on the way. In the meantime, here's this little piece of character insight.
This story can also fit tightly into the Introspective universe.
Disclaimer: It is an unfortunate fact that I've yet to acquire the rights to any characters, or other recognizable elements of the High School Musical series. The © still belongs to Disney and Peter Baroschinni.
Warning: Like all my work, this story contains slash, or male/male. At one point, said slash ventures into risque territory. If this fact doesn't sit well on your stomach, perhaps you're more than a bit close-minded, and it might do you well to seek out one of the thousands upon thousands of Troyella stories on this website. If you have a thing for abusive relationships being romanticized, that's just a little bonus, for you.
Repressed
Eight times that Troy Bolton was restrained, and the one time that he finally wasn't.
A kiss. One person pressing their mouth against someone else's, as either a method of demonstrating powerful affection, or celebrating something. There wasn't anything all that complex about the kiss, itself. The build-up to the kiss, as Troy Bolton knew all too well, was what ultimately mattered.
Yet, as simple as the action of giving and receiving lip-to-lip contact seemed to be, for whatever reason, perhaps that he was so lucky in other areas, Troy kissing people had been a rare occurrence. The brunette rapped his fingers against the dashboard of his tired old pick-up truck as he contemplated the fact that, even though he had tried his best to establish the proper romantic atmosphere, over a span of two years, he'd only shared six kisses with his former girlfriend.
Well, technically speaking, it was more like two instances of kissing, where their lips parted and rejoined three times each.
It wasn't as though the physical aspects of a relationship were the only thing that mattered to Troy. No, that was quite far from the case. Even though he was a hormonal teenage boy. It simply struck the athlete as odd that the number of times that he had been unceremoniously interrupted before he could place his lips on hers was, mystifyingly enough, about six times. Give or take a few.
1.
Adrenaline coursed through Troy. He'd done it. He'd managed to both make it on time to ace his callback audition and win the lead role in the school musical, and lead his teammates to victory in their championship game. As the gym erupted with cheers, and guys joyously clapping each other on the back, Troy focused on leaning in, intent on topping off all of the day's unexpected triumphs by kissing the pretty, brilliant, olive-skinned, dark-haired girl who was responsible for everything.
He expected to feel soft lips brushing against his own. Maybe he'd even get to taste Gabriella Montez's lip gloss. Instead, he got a face full of orange and black stripes, and a nose filled with the scent of rubber as Troy's best friend, Chad Danforth, shoved a basketball in Troy's face.
2.
"'T' as in Troy?" Gabriella inquired, her girlish voice soft, incredulous, and faintly amused, as she turned around after taking in the shape of the letter pendent hanging off of the silver chain that Troy had just fastened around her neck.
"Y… Yeah," Troy admitted shyly, his heart rate picking up. He waited for a, "thank you". It never came, but that was okay. This was it. This had to be it. He took Gabriella's hands into his own and leaned in. The hallways of East High were filled with the few stragglers who were still gathering up their belongings before departing for the summer. Quickly. Troy had to be quick if he didn't want to get interrupted. Again.
Before his eyes could close, however, he spotted a yearbook and pen headed toward his face, both being held out by a small freshman boy who looked up at Troy with pleading eyes. After a moment of mingled dismay and confusion, Troy came to his senses, greeted the kid, "How's it goin', man?"and scribbled out his signature onto the pages of the boy's yearbook.
Once that had been settled, and the boy was on his merry way, Troy returned to Gabriella, who seemed to be amused by the situation, if her smile was any indicator. He began moving in, once more, his eyes falling closed…
"Hoops!" Chad called.
Troy just about jumped, and had to fight not to glare at his bushy-haired friend.
"Let's go!" Chad waved his arm, signaling for Troy to follow him, and continued down the hallway.
"Yeah, sure," Troy replied. "Sure, 'cause I'm not busy," he made a quick gesture to Gabriella, "or anything". Frustration heated his insides, but he let it go. He had the whole summer to make up for his second failed attempt at getting to kiss his girlfriend.
3.
A picnic on the golf course at the beautiful Lava Springs Country Club, Troy and his friends' place of employment for the summer, made for an excellent date. Sure, Sharpay Evans, the frightening theater queen of East High, being a member at Lava Springs, and her parents owning the place, had been an unpleasant surprise. But, Troy had learned to always look on the bright side of every situation. He and Gabriella had frolicked on the green after eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, the one food item that Troy had any real skill at making.
Now, the moment was just right. It was just the two of them out there. Her hands were in his, and he closed his eyes, convinced that there would be no interruptions. He was so close this time, he could feel her breath on his mouth.
Instead of sun-warmed skin meeting his lips, however, cold water splashed over him. Troy jumped, Gabriella's hands leaving his grasp. All around them, there was the sound of water spraying. Gabriella let out a mixture of a laugh and a gasp, raising her arms to shield herself from the incoming showers.
Troy took in his surroundings, realizing that the lawn sprinklers had been turned on. He expressed his annoyance and shock with an exclamation of, "No way!" while Gabriella continued to laugh. Once more, she was amused with the entire situation. Troy didn't share in her glee, but he owed it to her to give her the best summer that he could.
Besides, he would still have other opportunities before the summer ended.
4.
Moonlight was reflected on the clear blue water of the swimming pool at Lava Springs. Troy's hair was sopping wet, and probably sticking out in an unflattering way, but the mood was right, and his heart was telling him that the time was right, too. He'd convinced Gabriella to sneak into the pool after hours with him, but their rule-breaking had been worth it. With everything going on, Sharpay Evans commandeering most of Troy's time at work, he hadn't really had the time to enjoy himself. But, with Gabriella beside him, waves of cool, chlorinated water lapping gently against his midsection, and the sound of crickets chirping and coyotes howling in the distance, it was finally starting to feel like summer.
If only he could just get this one last element to make everything perfect…
He repeated the formula; eyes closed, lean in…
And, achieved the same result.
This time, it was footsteps that served as the intrusion. Troy pulled away from Gabriella and looked up to see the country club and resort's manager, Mr. Fulton, standing over them. Recalling the last time that Troy had encouraged Gabriella to violate the rules, and how Gabriella had been the one who suffered the consequences, Troy's stomach dropped, and it felt like it had fallen right out of his body, and sank to the bottom of the pool.
5.
He'd just asked Gabriella to the senior prom. They'd danced their way across the school rooftop as she taught him some dance moves to erase his insecurities about his abilities. A minor cloud burst occurred, bringing rain showering down on them, but dancing in the rain was exhilarating. Troy loved it. He never really paid any mind to the consequences of soaking his clothing. And, Gabriella seemed to love it every bit as much, which was what really mattered.
As their dance came to a finish, his blue eyes were locked on her liquid brown ones, her hands rested on his shoulders. "Is that a, 'yes'?" He asked.
"In every language," she said, combing her fingers through the locks of his hair that touched the back of his neck. "Oui. Si. Ya. Yes." She leaned in, this time. His eyes were already closed when her nose touched his cheek.
The shrill tolling of a bell pealed out, and it, coupled with Gabriella's gasp, nearly made Troy's heart stop.
She was rushing back toward the stairs by the time he opened his eyes.
6.
The rehearsal for the prom number in the spring musical had gone fantastically. Troy made sure to congratulate Ryan Evans, his petite, flamboyant friend, for Ryan's amazing choreography, by taking Ryan's hand into his own. It was thanks to Ryan that Troy had been reunited with Gabriella, after she'd left him over the summer.
Ryan had done so much more for Troy, that Troy often wondered how he would ever go about thanking the incredibly attractive blond with his adorable overbite and, "dangerous tail".
Troy had gotten Gabriella alone, away from interferences. They were both still in costume. She was leaning in when-
Jimmie Zara, a particularly grating, scrawny sophomore, who, as a demonstration of his severe case of hero worship, styled his shaggy brunette hair similarly to Troy's, plopped down beside Troy with a loud SLAM that almost made Troy's heart burst out of sheer shock. "Hey, Troy. Good job, man!"
"Dude, will you stop doing that?!" Troy looked to Jimmie, his eyes wide.
"Sorry," Jimmie said meekly, the smile not leaving his face. While Troy smoothed his hair back into place and concentrated on not having a heart attack, Gabriella tried not to laugh.
7.
Gabriella had moved away. One thousand miles away, to be precise. She accepted the early enrollment into the Freshman Honors program at Stanford University. Troy had encouraged her to.
That didn't change the fact that her absence hurt. Especially when Ryan's sister, Sharpay Evans, the intimidating blonde drama queen who seemed to fail at understanding the concept of personal space, and who didn't know how to leave Troy alone, was Gabriella's understudy in the musical.
But, then there was Ryan. Sweet, understanding Ryan who took it upon himself to offer himself as a partner, and assist Troy with a bit of choreography that Troy just couldn't seem to execute properly while dancing with Sharpay. Even though Ryan should have been beyond irritated with Troy, because Troy's melancholy in the wake of Gabriella's departure lowered the morale, and dampened the spirits of the rest of the cast.
Ryan, who offered Troy a comforting pat on the shoulder when their drama teacher, Ms. Darbus, announced that Gabriella was no longer available to them.
Ryan, who wasn't exasperated with Troy for ruining his musical.
Ryan, who fit snugly and comfortably in Troy's arms as his light, even voice lead Troy through each movement.
Ryan, who, after Troy spun him out, looked back to Troy, and encouraged him gently, "See? You've got it."
Desperation suddenly filled Troy, resulting in him leaning into Ryan, and staring right into the boy's blue eyes. "You're easier to dance with than she is…!" The urge to sweep Ryan into his arms, crush his lips against Ryan's candied pink ones, and possibly even squeeze Ryan's, "dangerous tail", just about overpowered Troy.
When Sharpay pushed her way between them, demanding her, "turn", with Troy, Troy was the one who was exasperated, and feeling like he'd reached the end of his rope.
Troy checked his hair in his dashboard mirror, smoothing a few stray strands back into place, and grabbed the items that he had brought with him, before leaving his truck, and heading up the driveway toward the Evans mansion. With Gabriella, disruptions of their comparably tame intimate moments was, pretty much, a regular occurrence. As Troy rang the doorbell, he counted his blessings that such disturbances were practically non-existent in his new relationship.
Well, save that one time….
8.
Heat pooled in Troy's stomach, intensifying as it reached the head of his manhood, which pressed against the front of his jeans. Ryan's taste and his aroma were equally intoxicating. Ryan, himself, was addictive, and Troy couldn't get enough. He slipped his hands into the front of the smaller boy's too-tight jeans, tantalizing the bit of skin above Ryan's groin that was accessible to his fingertips.
A soft whimper of pleasure escaped Ryan's throat. "Troy…!"
"Mmm…" Troy bit back a groan. Something about hearing Ryan say his name like that, in that beautiful, lilting alto-tenor, drove Troy crazy. Removing his hands from Ryan's clingy boxer briefs, Troy clenched the seat of Ryan's jeans, and pulled the blond in close. "Oh, Ryaaaan…"
Ryan knew exactly what Troy liked, and he was committed to giving Troy what would make Troy the happiest. It was a quality of the fair-skinned blond that Troy absolutely adored. Ryan's luscious lips brushed against Troy's earlobe, the sensation shooting straight down into Troy's nether regions.
Troy threw his head back, bracing himself against his bedroom wall. Ryan's warm breath caressed the flesh of the athlete's ear, joining with his warm mouth to perfect a method that made Troy weak at the knees. "Ryan… oh, yes..!" His hips jerked forward, meeting Ryan's. The intensity of the contact caused the performer to pause long enough to inhale sharply, and bite down on his lower lip, before going back in.
Ryan started trailing kisses down Troy's neck, making his way to the expanse of Troy's sun-kissed skin that was visible over the top of his white t-shirt. Troy thrusted again, fighting to contain the moan swelling in his throat…
"Troy, your dad would like to watch the game with you."
"…DAMN IT, mom!" The words left Troy's mouth before he could truly register what they were.
Ryan stared at him, wide-eyed. His cheeks were stained a dark pink. His rigid posture betrayed the fact that, despite his shock, he was every bit as flustered as Troy, himself.
"What was that?" Troy's mother called from the other side of her son's bedroom door.
Troy swallowed. "I-I said I'll be out in a minute, mom!"
"That's what I thought."
Once the sound of his mother's footsteps faded, Troy sighed and slumped against the wall. He held tightly to Ryan to ensure that the repositioning of his weight wouldn't cause the proportionately petite boy to fall over. "I'm really sorry, Ryan."
"It's all right." Ryan smiled softly, reassuringly. "We'll… we'll just continue this some other time."
"Yeah." Troy nodded. His cheeks heated up, and his loins gave a faint twinge at the prospect. "Yeah, definitely!"
Carefully, Ryan righted himself, and offered a hand to pull Troy to his feet. Troy took the hand, but leapt upright, anyway. He didn't want to cause Ryan to have to strain himself.
"I suppose I should get going." Swinging his arms in that awkward way that Troy found incredibly endearing, Ryan moved to retrieve his hat from where it had been deposited on Troy's bed.
"Hey, you don't have to leave, yet." A fluttery feeling dominated Troy's heart and stomach when Ryan's face lit up in response to his words. "You can stay and watch the game with me and my dad, and I'm sure my parents would totally love having you stay for dinner."
Ryan paused in the middle of putting his hat back on his head to prompt shyly, a hopeful smile just daring to tug at the corners of his kissed-red mouth, "Really?"
"Really." It was Troy's turn to smile assuringly. He finished pulling his t-shirt back down and tugging his plaid over shirt into place. Then, he affectionately nudged the brim of Ryan's hat, setting the cream colored fedora askew.
Hand in hand, Troy and Ryan emerged from Troy's bedroom.
The front door to the Evans estate opened wide to reveal Ryan standing on the other side of it. One of the smaller boy's brows was elevated, a delighted smile playing on his lips. "You're right on time!"
Troy leaned against the doorframe, casually concealing one hand behind his back. His inner voice instructed him to play it cool, suave, charming. "I couldn't stay away a minute longer," he said, hoping that he wouldn't come off as desperate. It was the truth. Ryan exuded a natural feeling of ease that affected everyone in his vicinity. Troy knew that he could talk to Ryan about anything in the world. And, when Troy was in the actor's company, he felt like he could accomplish anything that he set his mind to. The way that Ryan regarded him with such reverence made it clear that he believed that Troy could be or do anything.
It was a feeling of self-confidence that Gabriella hadn't inspired since those first few timid, earnest months of their relationship. If Troy was honest with himself, as time went by, Gabriella often made him feel as though he couldn't do anything right. Including be the guy that she wanted.
But, Gabriella, her judgmental stares, her lack of belief in Troy, and her insistence that she knew what was best for the both of them, were all things of the past.
A fierce sparkle lit up Ryan's eyes. Every time Troy complimented him, or openly stated his affections for the smaller boy, Ryan reacted with such intense happiness, that Troy couldn't help but to simultaneously share in it, his heart soaring up somewhere among the clouds, and to feel a pang of guilt, his stomach clenching at the thought that Ryan even needed to be assured that their relationship was not the byproduct of some sort of drawn out hallucination.
Those sparkling blue eyes took notice of the fact that Troy was obscuring one of his hands.
There was no use hiding it. Trying and failing at keeping his expression neutral, Troy brought his hand forward and produced a bouquet of red camellias and baby's breath. "Happy Two Month Anniversary, babe."
"Oh, Troy…!" Ryan raised his hands to cover his mouth as he gasped. "They're beautiful!" The bouquet changed hands, and Ryan took the petals of one of the camellias between his thumb and forefinger, caressing the silk-like surface. "You didn't have to get me anything."
"Well, this is our anniversary, and besides," Troy lowered his voice. He could feel his eyes misting a bit. "You deserve nice things, Ryan. Really nice things."
Ryan's eyes shined. He stepped forward, throwing his free arm around Troy's neck, and brought the brunette into a kiss. Pulling away for a few seconds, he murmured, "So do you."
Troy's heart swelled until his chest felt almost too small and too tight to contain it.
Troy took Ryan out for dinner and ice cream. Ryan loved Italian food and had a sweet tooth that he was somewhat ashamed of. Troy catered to both preferences without a second thought. Ryan was too skinny to be worried about his weight, anyway.
Ryan treated Troy to a ride on his electric blue moped. Troy clung tightly to Ryan's waist, the wind sending his brunette hair flying out in various directions. Much like dancing in the rain, riding on a motorized scooter with Ryan Evans was completely exhilarating. Afterwards, while in the process of fixing his hair, Troy promised that he'd teach Ryan how to skateboard. Ryan had killer legs, and an amazing center of balance from a lifetime devoted to the art of dancing. Still, it went without saying that Troy would be right there the entire time, of course, to ensure that Ryan's first time on a skateboard wouldn't result in a trip to the hospital.
As the sun began to set, and hues of purple, orange, and pink stretched across the sky, Troy drove Ryan out past the city limits, toward the desert region of Albuquerque. He'd spent a good three hours earlier that day repairing the deceased radiator cap in his damned truck. Nothing would put a damper on an evening that was meant to be perfect, like getting stranded in the middle of nowhere. He easily gave Ryan a lift onto the hood of the ancient Ford pickup, and then hoisted himself up beside his boyfriend.
"The view out here is just… phenomenal!" Ryan marveled, tilting his head up to take in the vast darkness of the night sky. There was no gray holding a faint tint of red, to bleed into the pure indigo and black, diluting it. The stars, which burned intensely, stretched on for miles and miles in every direction.
It was as picturesque a night sky as Troy could find without leaving the state.
"Yeah." Troy smiled softly. "If I get the time, I like to come out here, and just lay back and stare."
Ryan looked back to Troy, his eyes glowing almost as brightly as the stars. "Thank you for sharing this with me."
"Hey, no problem!" Troy's cheeks heated up as he moved into Ryan. "You share stuff with me all the time. Like, your ability to make possibly the best lasagna I've ever had." He stretched out his arm, slipping it around Ryan's shoulders.
A bashful smile played on Ryan's lips. "Hey, come on, now. I'm sure my lasagna isn't the best you've ever had."
"I'm sure it is," Troy insisted, butting Ryan's head ever-so lightly with his own. Sitting back, they nestled into each other. The faint scent of strawberries that emanated from Ryan's hair drifted into Troy's nose. Despite the dazzling sight directly above his head, Troy felt that the brightest star there was was on earth, sitting right beside him, snuggled into his chest.
And, he had no intention of letting that star burn out.
Ryan bit his lower lip, his blue eyes pleading softly. Troy couldn't say no to Ryan. Not to those eyes, those lips, that face… He put in a call to his parents, informing them that he would be staying the night at Ryan's house.
Troy's mother made a point to inquire if her son had, "protection".
Troy was sure that his face resembled a tomato when he said his, "I love you"s, and hung up the phone.
Ryan offered Troy a sympathetic look and a strained smile. "Moms, huh?"
"Yeah." Troy shook his head, pursing his lips. "Sometimes they care just a little bit too much."
They made plans to watch a movie. Those plans were quickly forgotten when, almost instantaneously, Ryan's legs were around Troy's waist, and Troy's face was buried in Ryan's neck, intent on leaving a mark. Troy squeezed Ryan's shapely rear, encouraging Ryan's strong, talented pelvis to begin grinding against him. Ryan's hips gyrated in a circular motion that caused Troy to close his mouth so tightly to prevent a yell from escaping his throat, he nearly bit the inside of his lower lip.
Ryan's skin was creamy and every bit as smooth as his voice. His voice which called out Troy's name and whimpered, "there, yes… oh yes", and growled, "faster, please", softly, and oh so sexily. Ryan was cool to the touch, but Troy's body heat easily transferred to him, especially when there was nothing standing between them.
And there was nothing there to interfere, or obstruct. They were there, on top of Ryan's bed with a mattress constructed of materials that were so soft, the mattress felt like a cloud. Skin-to-skin, Ryan's pale flesh arching into Troy's tanned form.
When it was over, when Troy had collapsed, faintly light-headed, tingling from head to foot, completely overwhelmed by a feeling of contentment that flooded every centimeter of his body, and hoping that he'd made Ryan feel the same, he scooted in close to Ryan, stroking the curve of the performer's ivory shoulder with his fingertips, and nuzzling their noses together.
"Thank you so much, Troy. F-For today… For everything," Ryan said softly, his voice low, thick, luxurious. His eyes were shining, again, and Troy was so in love, that it hurt.
"You don't need to thank me, Ry." No, if anything, Troy knew that he should be thanking Ryan. Everyday for the rest of his life. "I was just fulfilling my obligations as your boyfriend."
"'Obligations'?" Ryan closed his eyes, a smile that was a mixture of sad and wry amusement tugging at his lips.
The summer was ending. Troy could feel it in the tightening of his chest. He could hear it in the just audible wistfulness to Ryan's voice. Every second counted, because each one that wasn't taken advantage of, was another second closer to the day that Ryan boarded the plane that would take him to New York.
A battle of deliberation had been waged, pitting Troy's head against his heart, again. He couldn't hold Ryan back. He wouldn't. But, the thought of trying to cope without hearing Ryan's voice, without getting the opportunity to sing in perfect harmony with him along to whatever song was playing on Ryan's Ipod, on their way to the grocery store, or while Ryan prepared dinner, without knowing that he'd get to hold that slender body in his arms at the end of the day, for even the first few days…
Troy knew that he couldn't handle it. And, Ryan being alone in New York, one of the toughest cities in the country… No.
For better or worse, some part of him deep within his heart knew that he was inextricably bound to Ryan, now. Yet, this realization didn't cause Troy to feel as though chains were slowly dragging him down, sinking toward the bottom of the ocean, and he was inhaling his final breath of air before cold water closed over his head, swallowing him whole.
Being with Ryan had given Troy a key to escape those chains, and opened a door.
Ryan stared into Troy's eyes. "The only 'obligation', that you have as my boyfriend, Troy,", he raised a hand and tenderly brushed Troy's bangs out of Troy's eyes, "is to keep being you."
Troy swallowed, willing the tears in his eyes not to spill over. He didn't want to look like an overly sensitive idiot, crying after sex. Even though Ryan wouldn't laugh at him or judge him.
"What's wrong?" Ryan asked, quickly shifting into an upright position, his blue eyes filled with concern.
Troy choked down a sob. "I love you, Ryan. I love you so much."
Moisture shined in those sky-colored eyes. "I love you, too…!" Ryan's voice was quiet, but his inflection was heartfelt and sincere. He took Troy into the embrace that Troy had only just became aware that he needed.
That door had been opened specially for Troy. Gabriella was one thousand miles away at Stanford. Chad would be attending U of A in the fall. There was nothing holding Troy down, and no one standing in his way, anymore. It was just a matter of finding the courage to take that first step across the threshold.
As Troy nuzzled into Ryan's neck, the smaller boy's heartbeat and smooth, legato breathing pattern began lulling Troy to sleep. His thoughts blurred together as his consciousness slipped away.
"I love you, too, Troy," Ryan whispered, his lips brushing against Troy's cheek.
Troy's final conscious thought was that he'd be able to cross that threshold, and take on whatever waited for him on the other side, as long as Ryan was right there beside him, helping him to break free.