Prologue: My sad, miserable existence

Jess's Point of View

Can life get any worse? I've had one hell of a week and I mean that not in a good way. Everything was sooo fast paced I didn't even have time to catch my breath. I hate school. I hate it to the maximum level of hateness. I cannot wait to graduate and leave high school. Oh yeah, that is, if I graduate. What with my awful grades? I cannot cope with all the school works. I do not get them. Trigonometry.. Physics.. Economics.. I think I have dyscalculia. It's like dyslexia but instead of words, I'm having difficulty with numbers. It's not as if I'm out there doing something else.. the sad part is, is that I do try my best to study. I mean really, I don't even have a social life anymore (actually, I never really did have that much of a social life). Why is school so hard? Who invented numbers anyway? I'm fine with reading and doing essays.. hell, bring them on! But numbers.. *shudders* I cannot do numbers.

Then there's PE class. We've started playing Ultimate Frisbee now. I used to be the sporty girl, the athletic one. I was even part of the volleyball team when I was still studying at an all-girls school. I got bullied though, the team under dog. I lost passion for training and then eventually, I quit. I also hate the fact that we have to wear gym clothes and that the school nurse weighs us every now and then. To some girls, that's not much of a problem.. but for me? Boy what a big problem it is. Yeah, emphasis on the big.

I'm not like most girls, with those to die for bodies and flawless skin. You could say I'm the opposite, I'm chubby and my skin isn't so perfect. The funny thing though, is that I used to be skinny—before I realized how much I loved food. Pretty soon I started gaining weight like crazy. It didn't really bother me that much until puberty came. Everyone became conscious of their weight and appearance. I never really did think of myself as unattractive, on good days, I would go as far as thinking I look hot. On bad days though.. well, let's just say that I can be mean to myself, but not all the time. I weigh 187 pounds and even if a lot of people are more over weight than me, I still feel fat. I love my height, though 5'6 to be exact, and the brunette-ness of my hair. It's so shiny and soft! Anyway, I hate PE because I feel exposed when I run. Like all my fat are wiggling and jiggling for the world to see. My breasts are also sort of fat, so I have a hard time running as well.

Is it any wonder why I feel this depressed about my school? It's bad enough that I get awful grades in Trig and Physics, and that I can't run to save my life, now I have to deal with back-stabbing bitches and rude jerks. Don't even get me started on the other aspects of my life! Take my family, for example. Everyone is so goddamn perfect and smart that I feel mediocre when I'm with them. My dad, who is a successful doctor, my mom, who owns a little restaurant of her own (Oh, and they wonder why I'm fat. We own a freakin' restaurant. Surely something's bound to happen). I have an older brother, Scott, who's in college now. He's going to be a professional baller, at least, he thinks he is. I have a sister too. Caroline (as in Ca-rol-leen) is 24 now and she's studying to be a doctor. She models part time too. I know right? What did I tell you? Epitome of perfection! Then there's me.. the boring old me. Sheesh, how pathetic.

But lo and behold, today is Friday! Hooray for the weekend! As usual, my friends and I are having a night in. Today is movie night, and I'm so excited! We're watching the latest Dash Harper movie. And who may you ask is Dash Harper? Well, how do I even begin? He's the hottest guy since.. well, ever! He was first known in the small screen, with hit shows like Revenge and a few guest appearances here and there. He was really noticed when he starred alongside Disney babies such as Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez. Now, he's making it big in the silver screen. He's a full-fledged movie staaar! (And I say that in the most dramatic way for emphasis). Oh my god, I sound like such a fan girl. Come to think of it, I am a fan girl. I might even buy one of those Mrs. Dash Harper shirts I always see girls wearing. In between sighing over Dash's hotness and refilling the popcorn bucket, I noticed that something was terribly wrong in this scene. That's when it hit me. My friends are all coupled up and I was the 5th wheel. Oh great. See there's Steph and her boyfriend Paul, then there's Pia and Kenneth, who are now back together. God this sucks. They're all cuddling and I'm the only here who's holding on to a pillow. Don't get me wrong, of course I'm happy for them, but still, I can't help but feel a teeny bit jealous. Why?

I've never had a boyfriend.

As in single since birth.

Yes, no boyfriend EVERRRRRR!!!

I always believed that life would somehow be a little more bearable if I had someone to lean on. I used to have great friends.. until they all became "cool". Maybe if I had a boyfriend, yes? But noooo…I have never experienced romance before. No one to cuddle, no one to talk to, no one to spend valentines day with, no one to cheer me on when times get tough. No one to share my life with. Cheesy I know, but hey, that's how I feel.

I've been alone pretty much the whole 17 years of my life. My grade school and middle school years were spent in an all girls school. High school is the first time I went co-ed. No guy has ever laid their eyes on me, like I was just invisible. Oh what I wouldn't give to love and to be loved.. . I could go on and on about my problems in life (I have loads of stuff to say on the world economic crisis!), but really, what's the point?

So for the next hour or so, I was quiet and not even glancing at their direction. Sigh. What I wouldn't give to have a guy of my own. Just to see how it feels like. I focused on Dash instead and felt the ache in my heart feel deeper. I would love to be a celebrity. Everyone wanting to be with you, and never being lonely. Maybe it was just the stress, but I was feeling very depressed right now. Of course I can't talk to my friends, or even parents. I was empty and I felt hopeless. I am soo going to end up as an old maid.