Bored at Work

Characters: Josh, Donna, and a smattering of others
Category(s): Humor (or at least trying to be) – sometime in say, between Season 3 and 4 (before all hell broke loose and Sam left!)
Rating: TEEN
Disclaimer: Not mine, not mine, not mine. Feel free to sue if you like, but it would be a waste of your time since you all have more pocket change than I have in my checking account!
Summary: What the Assistants do during the down time in the office during the Senates' Summer Recess
Author's Notes: I will admit, my best friend inspired this story, so I hope it works. We were sitting through the preview for "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" (LOVED IT! WOULD SEE IT AGAIN!) over the weekend and we saw a preview for some Martin Lawrence movie. He did something to the kids and my friend (a recent WW convert who is a J/D nut just like me) starts to laugh hysterically. When I ask, she says "oh my god, wouldn't it be funny if Donna did that to Josh!" and it got me thinking. You have to understand, my friend thinks BW is the funniest person alive and laughs so hard she cries when he falls down (like in Election Night or What Kind of Day has It Been or The Stackhouse Filibuster) or when he make a fool out of himself (she refers to the Gordon's Fisherman outfit from Take This Sabbath Day). I found the list on a website when I googled "office practical jokes". Enjoy!

"This blows!"

Donna looked up from her game of computer Solitaire to see Margaret, Ginger and Carol standing around her desk.

"What blows?"

"We are all bored. Nothing to do – but let me guess, Josh found something for you to do."

She giggled and turned her screen to show her friends her winning hand of Solitaire and they laughed along with her. Donna shut down the game and turned in her chair to face her friends.

"Please, Josh hasn't had anything to do all afternoon. He only had like 2 meetings this morning."

Ginger smiled. "Where is he now?"

"Last time I checked – over in Sam's office flipping a quarter. So, what do you all want to do?"

Carol looked at the other two and handed Donna a piece of paper. Donna started to read what she had been handed.

Play the Office Game – play with all your friends. Most points at the end of two weeks wins, but only if you are still employed!

1 POINT:

Run one lap around the office at top speed. Walk sideways to the photocopier.

Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.

When they're not looking, pour most of someone's fresh up of coffee into your mug, leaving them with an inch of brew.

Ignore the first 5 people who say 'good morning' to you.

Call someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."

To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.

While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the door opens.

3 POINTS:

Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it." Double points if you do this to someone higher up.

Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.

Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

5 POINTS:

At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).

Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.

For an hour, refer to everyone to speak to you as 'Bob'.

Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do number 2"

After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in 'the report's on your desk, mon'. Keep this up for one hour.

While an office mate is out, move their chair to the elevator.

In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter 'shut up, all of you just shut up!'

In a colleague's schedule, write in at 10am "See how I look in tights."

Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person – "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say "I can't talk about it."

Speak with an accent during a very important conference call.

Tuck one pant leg into your sock and when asked, answer 'not now' and walk away.

Donna was laughing so hard tears were streaming down her face. She looked at the other three.

"You can't be serious."

Margaret just smiled and nodded. "Absolutely, we are! You in?"

"Hell yeah! What do we win?"

Ginger pulled a large banner out of her bag that read 'Best Assistant in the World' – "The winner gets to hang this over her desk for 2 weeks!"

Donna was laughing again. "So, any special rules?"

Carol answered. "Well, we decided that the stuff with elevators is out since there isn't one anywhere near the West Wing and that the army fatigues are probably not going to happen, but other than that, there's just one."

"What's that?"

"We do these to Senior Staff. You can mess with your own boss or someone else's. We decided double points if you do it to Leo or the President."

"So, I get to mess with Josh for two weeks for a banner…"

"And dinner. The winner gets dinner bought by the losers – winners' choice. You still in?"

"More than ever!"

All four agreed to meet at 8 every night to tally points. They also decided that since it was Friday, they would start the fun on Monday morning.

Monday afternoon, week 1

Toby storms into Margaret's office.

"That stupid son of a bitch. I'm going to pull his spine out through his nose. Is Leo busy?"

Margaret looked at him – "he'll be off the phone in a minute, mon. Go on in."

Toby was halfway through the door before he stopped and turned to look at her. "Did you just do a Jamaican accent?" Margaret just kept typing.

Thursday morning, week 1

Josh was looking over the day's schedule that Donna left on his desk while he was on the phone with the Speaker's office. He scanned down and he saw it.

Donna was sitting at her desk, typing up a memo, when Josh came out of his office, holding the piece of paper.

"Umm… Donna?"

"Yes Josh."

"Yeah, it would seem that my 10am today says 'see how I look in tights'.

Without looking up from her computer, she responded. "Really, that's very interesting. I would imagine you would look kind of silly in tight, but I could be very wrong."

Josh stood there and watched her while she typed. He eventually just went back into his office, shaking his head and staring at his schedule.

Friday afternoon, week 1

Josh was coming back from a late meeting on the hill. He was strolling through the bullpen when he saw Donna and Ginger sprinting around the Communications bullpen. He saw Sam, who had about the same look he did. They watched the women do one lap, full sprint, stop, look at both men, high five, and then head back to whatever it was they had been doing before.

Saturday morning, week 1

Josh was reading a memo while Donna was working on index cards for his meeting Monday morning. Josh went out to get a fresh cup of coffee, made just like he liked it. He sat back down in his chair and put the cup out in front of him. He picked the memo back up and started to reach for the cup when Donna beat him to it. She poured the majority of his coffee into her cup and took a sip. He stared at her, eyes wide and mouth hanging open.

"Mmm… that's pretty good."

"Donna, have you lost your ever lovin' mind?"

"Nope. Here are your cards." She dropped the cards in front of him and walked out of the office, his coffee in her mug in her hand.

Monday morning, week 2

"…so it's going to be a slow week again, but things will start to pick up after the Senate returns next month. Anyone got anything else?" Sam looked around at the Communications staff.

Ginger raised her hand. "Yeah, Sam, I think it would be nice to end this meeting with the National Anthem." And, before he had a chance to respond, Ginger launched into the opening bars. She was quickly joined by the rest of the staff while Sam stood there, eyes bugged out and mouth hanging open.

Wednesday morning, week 2

CJ was busy typing an email to her dad and talking to Leo at the same time, when Carol came in, holding her own laptop. CJ looked at the woman.

"Carol, something wrong?"

She just smiled at Leo and CJ before extending her arms and holding out the laptop in CJ's direction – "Wanna trade?"

CJ was floored. "Trade? Laptops?"

Carol smiled like it was the most normal question in the world. "Yeah!"

"Umm… no thanks?"

"OK then." Carol turned on her heel and walked back to her desk while being stared at by CJ and Leo.

Wednesday afternoon, week 2

Sam and Josh were busy discussing 452 in Sam's office when Donna came by. They didn't notice her walk into the office while they were talking, but they did notice when she started to turn the lights on and off, ten times by Josh's count. When she was finished, she just smiled and walked back to her desk.

Thursday morning, week 2

"Josh!"

"Yeah Sam."

"What's wrong with Donna?"

"Oh good god, who knows at this point?"

"What did I do?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why is she mad at me?"

"Why do you think she's mad at you?"

"She completely ignored me when I said good morning to her when I came in. Has she said anything?"

"Sam, are you serious? Have you not seen her the last two weeks? I'm about to have her committed!"

Thursday afternoon, week 2

Josh approached the Press Secretary's assistant. "Hey Carol, she busy?"

"No, you can go in, but I'm going to have to ask you to call me Bob."

"I'm sorry?"

"Bob, just call me Bob."

He just stared at her as she continued writing. "Okay, then… sure… well…"

"You can go in."

He walked in and stared at CJ. "Bob?"

CJ just shook her head. "Oh dear god, I have no idea so don't ask."

Thursday night, 8PM, White House Mess

Donna was the last to arrive. They spent the better part of an hour talking about the last two weeks and laughing until they cried. The funniest one by far was Ginger drinking out of the water cooler right in front of Zoey and Abbey Bartlet. She got triple points for that.

When they tallied points, they were all in a couple of points of each other, with Ginger in front because of the water cooler incident.

Donna decided they needed something big to declare a winner.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean one big thing. Each of us does one big thing, tomorrow, to decide the winner."

Each woman got an evil smile on her face. Then, Donna got creative.

"We have to get each of our bosses!"

Margaret looked horrified. "Leo? I'll definitely get fired!"

Ginger patted her hand. "You can have Sam, I'll take Toby."

Donna smiled back. "Good, it's settled then. Tomorrow is for all the marbles. Get creative and may the best woman win!"

It was 11:30 AM and Donna had yet to come up with anything good. The morning had started with Sam. Donna has no idea how she managed it, but Margaret had rigged Sam's chair so that every time he tried to swivel in it, he fell right on the floor. He eventually took to standing behind his desk, giving scared glances at the chair in the corner.

Toby was working on the President's speech to the AFL-CIO and had been for the last few days. He was putting the finishing touches on it Friday morning. He got the rubber ball out of his desk and went to bounce it against the wall. He threw it down against the molding, only to have it land with a thud on the floor. Ginger had managed to deflate the ball enough so that it wouldn't bounce. Toby went for another ball, only to have it do the same.

Donna's phone rang.

"Josh Lyman's office."

"Donna, its Lucy from the Vice-President's office. He was wondering if Josh could join him for a jog this afternoon at about 3 to discuss 452."

Donna smiled and a plan began to form. "Yeah, Lucy, he's free. I've got it down."

Donna hung up the phone and sauntered into the Deputy's office. "Oh Joshua…"

Somehow, Carol had managed to get "The Jackal" to play right in the middle of CJ's 2 o'clock briefing and with the enlisted help of Danny Concannon, CJ performed the Jackal for the entire White House Press Corps. That just left Donna.

The other three assistants had gathered around Donna's desk to see what she had in store for Joshua Lyman.

"Are you ready, Josh?"

"Yeah."

"Did you drink water?"

"Yeah."

"Did you put on suntan lotion?"

"Oh good god Donna, no I didn't. I'm not hitting the beach, I'm running with the Vice-President, which I still don't understand why you agreed to this meeting, but we will get into that later."

"Josh, it's like 100 degrees outside with no cloud cover. You haven't seen the sun in weeks and I'm not dealing with you being pitiful tomorrow because you got yourself a nasty sunburn."

"Well, suntan lotion isn't something I happen to keep handy, so…"

"I've got some in my bag."

"You keep lotion in your bag?"

"Sensitive alabaster skin, Joshua, of course I keep it in my bag."

"Whatever, Donna, just hurry!"

Donna scurried out to her cubicle and grabbed a white tube from her bag. Carol noticed it had writing on it, but couldn't see what it said. Donna turned back to Josh's office.

"Give it to me."

"No Josh, turn around, I'll get your shoulders. Your legs will be fine."

He smirked at her. "Just looking for a quick thrill, Donnatella."

"Shut up and turn around or you will be late."

"You know, you didn't have to go through all this just to feel me up. If you would have just asked…"

"I said shut up and turn around."

Donna started to rub the lotion on Josh and he took off to the North entrance. She smiled at the other three women and slipped the tube back in her bag.

"So, where's the joke?"

She just smiled at Ginger. "Just be back in about 20 minutes."

Sure enough, 20 minutes later, Josh Lyman came running in the bullpen with his arms straight out at his sides moving up and down, like he was trying to fly away. Margaret, Ginger, and Carol could barely contain their laughter.

"DONNA!"

"I'm right here Josh, don't yell."

"What the hell did you do to me?"

She looked at him very innocently. "Whatever do you mean Joshua?"

"That lotion or whatever it was, what the hell was it? My arms are like on fire and I had to run like this for the last 10 minutes with Hoynes looked at me like I had lost my mind. I'm pretty sure I was making the Secret Service nervous and I would bet money that that guy taking pictures works for the Post or the Times or something."

"Actually, the photographer is with Newsday."

"WHAT? How in the world… ok, what the hell did you do to me? That wasn't lotion that you put on my arms, was it?"

She smirked at him. "Well, Josh, I may have 'accidentally' gotten the suntan lotion mixed up with the tube of Icy-Hot I had in my bag and…"

"Oh, good god almighty!"

With that, Josh took off towards the bathrooms to try to get the Icy-Hot off his arms.

Donna looked back to see the other three bowing to her.

Carol was the first to respond. "And the photographer?"

"Friend of mine from Newsday. Told him about what we had been doing and when I concocted this plan earlier I called him to see if he could help. He's not going to run the pictures, but he definitely is going to keep them in his portfolio!"

Ginger and Margaret bowed to the blonde. "You are the winner supreme Donna."

Ginger pulled the banner out of her bag and hung it over Donna's desk.

Margaret picked up the phone to make the call. "So, Donna, dinner tonight is going to be at…"

THE END