DISCLAIMER: the usual stuff, I do not own Criminal Minds, I own seasons 1-3 on DVD though, that's about a close as I'm gonna get really.
"What I did is not such a great harm, with all these surplus women nowadays. Anyway, I had a good time." RUDOLF PLEIL
A desperate cry. A flash of silver. A splash of red. Tears forever lingering in crystal blue eyes.
Spencer Reid woke with a start, chest heaving and pulse racing. His eyes frantically searched the room trying to take in his surroundings.
His pulse slowed and he let out a relieved sigh, he was at home, it was a nightmare. He had been having them frequently since that night. His conscience wouldn't let him rest.
Spencer needed help and he knew it, he felt like he was failing. He had searched for answers, questioned his actions and put everything into a language he understood: statistics. The emotions, the location, the person involved, time and date, there was a 9% chance of this happening, she had a 91% chance of stopping him. Why didn't she?
Chance, it all came down to chance he decided. There was no fate, no destiny and certainly no statistics. What good were statistics when everything was out of his control? He couldn't even pretend to have an idea of the future.
He knelt by his bedside and took a deep, shuddering breath. He had never been one to pray. He believed he controlled his own destiny. God didn't need to create the Earth, science took care of that. As a child he had sought answers in faith and the Bible, when he found none he abandoned any remnants of faith and fully accepted scientific theory. Science was right about everything else, why not this?
"God, um… I'm falling. I can't do anything right…. So I'm guessing I should just ask right? Lord forgive me-"
"Spencer Reid! FBI!" a voice boomed.
"Wait! What?!" Reid's arms were forced behind his back as he was pushed against his bed.
"Get up." the voice spat with disgust.
Reid was dragged to his feet and shoved into the arms of a waiting Agent. Reid's fear filled eyed locked with cold, dark eyes as he was pushed out the door "Hotch…"
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"Why did you do it?" Morgan demanded as he glared down at Reid, his protective nature long gone.
"I don't know what you are talking about!" Reid repeated.
"Don't even try it Reid, you've been working on the case, developing the profile!" Morgan yelled, upset that his friend, well someone he thought was a friend, could do this.
"Ok, so I know the case, I know the victim-"
"Not 'the victim' Reid! A friend. A friend you killed! Now I want to know why." Morgan ordered.
"I didn't kill her! Why would I kill her? We profiled a killer with a motive, I don't have a motive-"
"You also don't have an alibi-"
"The Unsub had a reason, a purpose. He meant to do it. Why would I kill her? She was a friend of mine." Reid explained, exhausted by the lengthy interrogation.
"We found a witness Reid, you were the last person seen with her. The profile fits you." Morgan replied, "Successful white male. Well educated. In a position of authority. Someone non-threatening, possibly someone she knew, someone she trusted. You should know it Reid, you helped write it."
"Why would I help develop a profile that pointed straight back at me?" Reid demanded, "The profile also has the Unsub down as 'impotent' and 'charming', neither of which I am."
"Oh, is that why you don't have a girlfriend? Can't get it up? Pills weren't even working for you right? Had to find a bigger thrill? Well did it work for you? Was killing one of your first real friends worth it?" Morgan demanded, eyes blazing.
Reid stared back into the eyes of the man he once considered family, hurt and anger clearly written across his face. "You can't get in my head like that Morgan, I'm a profiler too remember?"
'Not for much longer' Derek thought. "Fine then. Tell me why you were the last person seen with her. Why is it she was last seen with you and now she's dead?"
"We just finished up the case and went for a walk. She said we needed to talk. I suggested we could get some coffee, she said she just needed to talk so we headed to the park. It started to rain when we got there so I said we should go inside or talk later, she said it couldn't wait. We had a fight, I left and the next morning I hear she's been found dead. I didn't kill her." Reid explained, pain evident in his voice.
"What was the fight about?" Morgan prodded.
"Nothing important, it was just a stupid fight and I regret having it." Reid snapped.
"You know as well as I do that everything's important now." Morgan replied, continuing to anger the young man before him.
"It's none of your damn business, it was an argument between two friends. It was a private conversation." Reid said through gritted teeth as he tried to remain calm and not rise to Morgan's baiting.
"You're being accused of murder, nothing is private." Morgan stated as he took the seat across from Reid. "Your business is my business now."
"The fight wasn't about anything important. It was stupid. If I could change it I would, but I can't." Reid replied with sadness etched across his face.
Morgan could see he wasn't getting anywhere with Reid and decided to change his tact, something had to push the right buttons. "You been having nightmares recently Reid? More often than usual?"
"What?"
"Nightmares like those are the product of a guilty mind. You may be a genius but your subconscious is just as telling as everyone else's." Morgan said in a superior tone, "So why are you feeling guilty? Regretting what you did? Maybe you wished you hid her a bit better? Or maybe even that you hadn't picked a member of your own team, you had to know we would notice when she didn't show up for work.
"So you went for a walk. She said something that upset you, maybe she said you were like a little brother. Hearing that too often would make me angry to."
"I don't know where you are going with this…"
"I bet you do. Anyway, she rejects you, you get angry and she doesn't change her mind, laughs at you even. You snap and fly into a rage and hit her, she puts up a fight-"
"I wouldn't do that to her!"
"and you panic, I mean you aren't a big guy and she's one of the best shots in the Bureau. It's a cold winter night, it's raining and you're already wearing gloves so you take her own gun-"
"No, I didn't do it! Why would I even want to hurt her?!"
"and you hit her over the head with it. In the split-second she is dazed you take out a knife and-"
"NO! I didn't hurt her, I couldn't hurt her! I love her!" Reid sobbed.
Hotch, Rossi and Prentiss stood behind the mirror watching the scene before them, each of them glad they weren't in Morgan's position, it must have been tearing him up inside.
" 'love' not 'loved'. He still loves her, it wasn't a cold bolded killing, it was a crime of passion." Rossi said quietly.
"It still doesn't excuse what he's done." Hotch replied, brow furrowed as he watched the scene unfold before them. Tears rolled silently down Prentiss' face as she accepted that she was about to loose a second friend, a second member of their BAU family.
"Alright, I'm sorry! I didn't kill her but I may as well have!" Reid cried, "We were fighting because I was sick of hiding, I wanted her to leave Will. She said she couldn't, that she loved him and we were just a mistake. I got angry and left, I told her I'd see her at work and I just left her there! In the middle of the park, all alone in the middle of the night! Any other night I would have walked her to her car but I was angry and upset. I never laid a hand on her!"
"I wish I could believe that kid." Morgan said with a frown and tears starting to form in his eyes.
Just as Reid regained composure in the interrogation room Anderson entered the observation area. "Agent Hotchner? They ran the supplementary tests you asked for. They found a hair matching Agent Reid on the collar of Agent Jereau's coat, they can't believe they missed it before now."
"Thank you Anderson." Hotch replied as he accepted the file from the other Agent. "I'll take him to the prison myself." Anderson nodded and left to return to the bullpen area.
"Aaron, are you sure you want to take him?" Rossi asked gently, "Another Agent can do it…."
"No Dave, I have to, I need to do this. I need closure. Prentiss can you see if Garcia can track down a current number for Gideon? He would like to know." Hotch sighed before entering the interrogation room.
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Reid was brought to his cell in an orange jumpsuit that was too big for him and not remotely comfortable. How did it all come to this? Where did it all go wrong? He turned his big, tear filled eyes to Hotch, glad that at least one person cared enough about him to be here.
It just didn't make any sense, how did his hair get on her coat? Had it fallen there during the plane ride? Why didn't they find it before? Why wouldn't it have come off during the rain? He had been asking these questions since earlier that day when Hotch told him they found physical evidence. It just didn't make any sense.
They stood at the door to Reid's cell and Reid's heart sunk, he wasn't supposed to be here. Hotch looked at Reid and saw the terror the young man was experiencing, he needed to know this wasn't his fault and he believed in him, that they had the wrong man.
Hotch turned to the wardens, "Can I just have a brief moment with him? It will be ok. We'll be fine." Hotch fixed Reid with a steely glare, his eyes cold as ice, "Reid, I know you didn't do this, you aren't capable of something like this. I also know that JJ's last breath was the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced. I had been waiting so long, thank you, you finally gave me the opportunity." Hotch caught the wardens attention as Reid struggled to find his voice, "Thank you, we're done here."
Reid was ushered into his cell as Hotch walked away from the cell. He stopped for a brief moment and called back, "Don't worry Reid, this isn't over with yet. I'm sure Prentiss will be more than willing to help me end this."
"I haven't blocked out the past. I wouldn't trade the person I am, or what I've done - or the people I've known - for anything. So I do think about it. And at times it's a rather mellow trip to lay back and remember." TED BUNDY
A/N: So how was it? Yes I'm a horrible excuse for a human being but hey, it was fun. Reviews are love