Gone
Kensi paced the living room for the hundredth time; she was surprised she hadn't worn a track in the carpet. The junior agent, who had been temporarily benched, placed her hand over her swollen stomach and glanced to the clock once again.
They should have been back by now. They should have been back hours ago. Where were they? She wanted to go out. Look for them. Look for him. She felt the panic ebbing into her mind again but shook her head not permitting it to take over, to consume her. She had to be strong. She had to keep it together. For him; for them.
But they should have been back. Tears welled in her eyes as she thought the worst and shook her head again, violently this time. No.
She pushed the chilling thoughts away, out of her mind, not letting herself go there. Not letting herself imagine. No. It wouldn't happen. It couldn't. He would come home. He had promised. He had promised he'd come home to her. To them.
When the front door swung open Kensi spun around on the spot her messy hair flying. She met his blue eyes in a second and in one more knew that something was wrong. Something was very, very wrong.
They met half way. One of his hands went to her cheek another around her waist pulling her flush against his chest as his lips met hers. She reached for him, needing to touch him, feel him in her arms, to convince herself that he was really home. That it was alright. The power of his kiss, the urgency scared her. He cradled her face in his hands as he pulled away and she met his eyes that were slightly glossy. Kensi allowed her eyes to flicker over his shoulder to see Sam, Deeks and ...Renko? What was Renko doing here?
But she didn't get a chance to ask as he turned her around and began to walk up the stairs. She followed him worried by the grip he had on her hand. As if he never wanted to let her go, as if something would happen if he did.
What was going on?
"G" she said as they walked through the doorway to their bedroom. But he didn't answer her and she didn't get a chance to ask again as he shut the door and backed her into it kissing her all over again. Tears leaked from her eyes and she was unable to stop them. Something was seriously, completely, undeniably, horribly wrong.
His hands traced her face, her body. Every inch in reach until finally one settled on her stomach and he dropped to his knees. Slowly Callen pulled her shirt up a little so he could see the small bump that had formed on her stomach. She could almost hear her heart thumping loudly but she smiled when he traced her stomach smiling slightly as he did whenever he saw her stomach. Their baby. Their baby that they had created. That they would meet in seven months.
When he pressed his lips to her stomach, his thumb still caressing her skin she watched a tear fall from his sparkling eyes and the sight shook her to the core. Hardly able to stand she dropped to her knees in front of him, one of her knees on each side of his.
"G...please" She asked again her tears thickening and he met her eyes again. After leaning forward and kissing every tear away he pulled back and rested his forehead against hers,
"Kens. I need you to listen to me okay, trust me" he whispered and she could feel his hot breath against her lips. She nodded,
"Kens they're after me. They're still out there and they want me-"
"Why" She interrupted but he shook his head placing a finger over her lips,
"I don't know baby but I...I have to go Kens" her jaw dropped as everything clicked and she realised what was happening. Her heart sunk into her stomach and she felt a wave of nausea wash over her body leaving it cold,
"No" was all that she could get out but she shook her head at him her tears falling again,
"No G...NO" she yelled an angry look contorting her face. As her husband leant forward and kissed her again she began to sob and they could both taste the salty tears.
"Kensi I have to go for a while, until we sort this out. I can't have you...you can't be near me, around me until I sort this out. We can't be together, I can't risk them finding out about you, coming after you. You...and the baby. I can't ...Kens I need you both safe. I have to know you're safe" he whispered on her lips but she shook her head again,
"No G, we can work this out. I can come with you and—" But he silenced her again with a kiss,
"No Kens we've gone over every option in the book. Every single one. It's the best...the only way to keep you and the baby safe...Kensi look at me" he gently pulled her chin upwards to meet her gaze and wiped her tears away with his thumb,
"You know that I would never ever leave you if I didn't have to Kens...this is the only way to ensure that you and our baby are safe okay" she stared at him for what seemed like hours,
"Breathe Kensi" he said gently,
"Breathe" she let out a shuddering breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding as she felt her airways close over and her thoughts blur. Suddenly he pulled away and she let out a strangled noise as she felt the loss, but he was back in front of her in seconds after pulling a large black bag from out beneath their bed. She eyed it shaking her head not understanding what was happening.
He pulled her off the floor and walked her to the bed sitting her on it before kneeling before her,
"Kensi listen to me, I'll be back for you. I'll be back, I'll come back I promise but until then I—"
"How long?" she interrupted her jaw clenched. When he didn't answer she felt her mouth open and heard herself repeat her question at a yell,
"HOW LONG?" tears fell from his eyes as well now and he shook his head,
I don't know Kens... I can't know that" she felt another sob wrack her body at his answer and shook her head again but he spoke before she could object,
"I'll be back before he or she is born Kens...I promise you I'll be back to meet our baby" she felt her stomach hollow out, she felt empty, cold.
"Seven months?" she breathed out,
"G ...I can't...I need you...no please I need...you G I need you I can't do this without you" she watched him shake his head furiously at her words and the emotion in his eyes intensify,
"Kensi you are the...strongest woman I know...no look at me" he said as she looked down her tears overwhelming her,
"Look at me Kens. You can do this...we can do this and we have to do this for the baby. Kens I love you ...I love you so much. I know you can do this. I know you ...and I love you and I will be back before you know it" But she knew and she knew that he knew that a day apart... a week...a month would feel like a lifetime. They were inseparable. They were together, they needed each other. This was hell. This would be...unbearable.
"Can we talk, can we...can I see you, can I...ring you" she tried but she already knew the answer. He was disappearing. He was going to disappear. No contact. No trace. And he didn't answer. She knew that it was probably because he couldn't.
There was a knock on the door and they heard Sam's voice through the wood,
"G!" it was time.
No.
They needed more time. She needed more time.
She couldn't breathe as she shook her head, her eyes wide with panic and fear. No more words. He simply stood up and pulled her with him so she was kneeling on the bed and kissed her. Hard.
He pulled back a moment later.
"You be strong for me, for the baby. For you" He lowered his head so he was face to face with her and she nodded, promising him.
"Look after yourself Kensi, you hear me" she nodded again. She would do anything, anything for him.
"I love you... I love you so, so, so, so much Kensi" He kissed her again,
"I love you" another kiss,
"I love you" another,
"I love you, I love you, I love you" and then he kissed her with everything he had and she kissed him back with everything she possessed. They felt every feeling, heard every I love you, remembered how the other tasted, felt. Savoured being there, together.
Another knock at the door only caused them to pull each other closer.
Neither cared for oxygen.
Neither cared for the increasing amount of knocks or the voices.
They didn't care for anything around them. Anything else but each other.
Callen's hand found her stomach again while the other caressed her cheek.
"G" Sam said and Kensi closed her eyes burying her face in her husband's neck. She'd never despised a friend so much as she did Sam in that moment. He was there to take him away, away from her.
She didn't hear the words passed between the men but felt his hand tangle in her hair and his lips on her forehead.
"Kens"
Her hands fisted into the material of his shirt not letting him go. She felt Callen grip her hand that was with his on her stomach. And then there were others there and he suddenly stepped away from her.
"No" the word ripped from her throat and she followed him down the stairs as he all but ran out the room,
"G!" she screamed and she watched him stop even though her vision was blurry with tears.
"G!" she repeated and he turned,
"Promise me you'll come back!" she begged and felt strong arms around her and knew they were the only thing holding her up. She watched Callen run back up the stairs and he took her face in his hands again,
"I promise Kensi...I promise you I'll come back, I'll come back for you okay. I promise you. I'll be back. I love you" he said again and the conviction in his voice, the sincerity and certainty in his voice made her believe his promise even though a part of her knew...knew that he couldn't promise such as thing.
"I love you" she whispered,
"I love you G"
He kissed her once more before he ran his hand down her face and turned for the last time. He left the house and as the front door shut Kensi felt her legs collapse from beneath her and her body double over with pain. She couldn't hear anything else but her own loud sobs that were ripping from her body. He was gone.
He was gone.
No..No..No..NO..NO..NO..NO. He couldnt' be gone. He couldn't go. He couldn't leave. He couldn't. She felt a rush of adrenaline surge through her and she tried to get back up. Tried to throw her body forward and go after him. Before he could leave.
When she didn't move she looked down only to realise she was still being held by somebody. She turned in his arms and met Renko's concerned stare.
"LET GO" she cried pushing him away,
"LET GO MIKE LET GO!" She screamed her fists battering against his chest but he didn't budge. She felt pain slice through as he old partner pulled her closer to him,
"NO..NO I HAVE TO GO...I HAVE TO...PLEASE...NO, NO LET GO HE'S GOING TO LEAVE RENKO HE'S GOING TO LEAVE"
"I know, I know Kens. I know. It's okay, shhh, it's okay" she heard him say his mouth near her ear and she felt her body weaken,
"No he's going to leave, I have to go, before he goes, please...please Renko please.. I have to..." She sobbed, begging him to let her go, pleading with him.
"He's gone love. Kens he's gone" he said and the cold words hit her and she let herself be pulled into him. She sobbed into his chest her body weakening until she collapsed before him. She vaguely felt herself being lifted upwards and a second later she was sat on her bed and then his hands were at her hips. She looked up confused and she watched his lips move. But there was no noise. She couldn't make out what he was saying,
She gasped in air desperately needing it and reinflated her lungs,
"Kensi where's your phone" her old partner spoke slowly and loudly,
Phone...where was her phone.
Downstairs.
Where she'd been waiting. Waiting for him to come home.
Now she was waiting again.
She hated waiting.
"Kensi" Renko said again but she could hear the concern laced in his voice,
"I need your phone Kens"
"Kitchen" she managed to choke out and he nodded,
"You okay for a second" she felt herself nod and Renko turned heading quickly out of the room. It was only then that her mind caught up and realised what he had asked,
Her phone.
He wanted her phone.
He was going to destroy it.
Her last way of contacting her husband.
Her only way.
No.
She pushed herself off the bed and stumbled to the door.
"No" he heard her...somehow and looked up from the bottom of the stairs phone in hand,
"I need...please...just one" she begged and his brow creased.
"Please" she asked again and a moment later she was sitting back on her bed her phone in her hand. She managed to force her trembling fingers to work properly,
We love you
It was all she wanted to say. All she needed to say. The three words that she hadn't said enough in that...whatever it had been. It was all a blur. She sent the message and felt her already stinging eyes well again.
She held her phone out for Renko who took it and quickly pulled the back off removing the battery. He didn't crush it beneath his foot like she'd suspected he would. He probably would later. To stop any chance of her breaking procedure and trying to contact him, to find him.
She felt him wrap his arms around her body again as she began to cry and her body began to tremble. For a moment she wondered if she was over reacting, if it was the hormones that had made her moody, upset and cranky all week that Deeks had been complaining about when he'd worked with her in the office since she'd been benched from all field work courtesy of her darling husband.
Pain sliced through her again as she thought of him.
What was happening?
Who was after him?
What had happened today, why did he have to leave?
Where was he going?
Hundreds of questions rolled around her mind as she continued to cry into Renko's chest while his arms held her tightly refusing to let go and it felt like she would literally shatter if he did.
She didn't know how long it was, all she knew was that she was numb and cold. She wondered if that was how it felt to be in shock. She vaguely heard Renko's voice no doubt trying to calm her down but she couldn't make out the words. And finally she felt darkness consume her fatigued body and exhausted mind that was thumping with an unforgiving headache. She allowed herself to drift out of consciousness, allowed her body to rest, her body to sleep. Her baby to rest. She saw Callen in her mind promising her he'd be back for her, telling her he loved her and their child. And his voice, his promise was the last thought in her head before she sunk into the peaceful darkness.
REVIEW PLEASSSSSE!
Okay so little thought I had that just came out : )
Really hope you like! And there will be another chapter...maybe more...maybe lots more I haven't decided I'll think about it...let me know what you think!
So please review!
Thanks Nina
Xx