-You have finished packing after all. – I said to Alfred feeling something weird on my chest and stomach, as I always feel before an important mission like the one we are getting in today.
-I never thought I would have to dress me as a German.
-You did many things that none of us ever thought you would. – He laughed lightly. -Can we talk alone for a moment? – He nodded, we walk always from the classroom and I closed the door behind us.
-What did want to say?
-I am sorry.
-What for?
-I scared you.
-You don't have to say sorry for it, at last, not for me only, the others deserve to hear this words as well.
-I am going to say sorry to them too.
-Why are we talking alone then?
-I just thought you deserve be the first one hearing this, because you…
-Because I am leaving. – He said painfully.
-Because you've been defending my point since we've met, however wrong I was. –He shook his head in denial.
-You've never been wrong, just a got lost, we all did.
-And you were there to find us.
-Is the minimum I could do.
-Harry were right, you should lead us.
-No, he wasn't, they need you, not me, Harry just didn't realize it yet.
-I am going miss this. Talking whit you. – Alfred smiled.
-Me too. I am going miss your voice most than all.
-That night, when Harry got hurt, you told me that it taste different, do you remember? – Alfred looked back at me whit a little joy in his green eyes, it took a moment until I realized that I've asked if he remembered something. –Sorry, stupid question.
-You are saying sorry many times today.
-How different does it taste? - He diverted his eyes of mine, shamed, as on that night, but this time, I must hear what he have to say about it. I touched his face and made him look at me. –Tell me.
-Do you remember what blue represents to me? – I could feel how nervous he was saying these words.
-Home, safety. – He agreed whit his head.
-Your voice isn't blue, it… It's above this. It make me feel safe, and peaceful, no matter what is going on, my heart beat slowly, as if I was dreaming, the war seems disappear and it make the world prettiest.
-Alfred…
-Have those feeling in my head made me accept the idea of dying by your hands, it kept me strong under German interrogation, it didn't let me break and I never thank you for that. – He smiled nervously as move his eyes away from mine. I took my hand out of his face.
-Give me your hand. – He obeyed as he would if it was an order in the middle of the chaos into the battlefield. I put it on my chest where he could feel my heart proving the truth in the words I was about to say. –As… As we are saying "thank you", I'd like to thank you for everything you've done for me. – I slowly move my hand to his chest so I could feel what he was feeling; his heart was beating frenetically as he were in danger.
-You don't have to…
-Thank you, for tried protect me, even if it put us in jail. Thank you, for being by my side when I most needed and never charged anything in return. Thank you, for didn't tell Sinclair that I had the shoot. Tank you, Alfred, thank you, for everything you've done. - His heartbeats were so hard that I feared it was hurting him.
His eyes were closed while I spoke, but when I stopped, he opened them. We started to get closer, until we were so close that I could feel his shallow breathing all over my mouth. Until it was the only thing, I wanted to feel for the rest of my life. Until I was completely sure that I would never ever forget Alfred Graves. I closed my eyes to enjoy the situation, I can't even imagine how does it feel to him whit all his senses linked, it must be overwhelming.
-You welcome. – He whispered. I don't know where Alfred took all that courage from, he got a little closer and our lips touched sweetly, so sweetly that I barely feel it. It seems he was afraid doing something wrong, afraid hurting me.
The Canadian tremble when I get our lips tightly together, my heart was pulling out of my chest when he moved his mouth deepening the kiss. We are enjoying our last moment as much as we can, because even if the both survive today he is leaving and I don't want miss him, not today, not now.
We break the kiss panting for air, but we remained close whit our foreheads pressed together, when I reopen my eyes, I saw his expression of pain and joy.
-Alfred. – I whispered.
-This war, it won't last forever and when it ends I'll search and find you, so stay alive. – Tears fall from his still closed eyes. – I am not asking you to don't kiss or fell for others, I am not asking you to wait for me as in that fictional romances that I've read all over my life, just… Just stay alive, don't die, don't let me live in a world whiteout you, because I've live in this world before, it's miserable and pitiful. – He was crying so desperately that something in me broke.
If there's rules in war, one of them definitely is "Don't make love promises while in war", but seeing that brilliant and kind man crying like that I couldn't help myself.
-I'll never stop waiting for you, Alfred, I will never fell for anyone else, help us to win the war, stay alive and we'll meet again, I swear. – I dry the tears of his face, we hugged, like two scared kids.
-I am not saying forever. – I whisper on his shoulder.
-My mother left me when I was just a little boy; my father took himself not much after that. So, lets just say that I am not used to notion of ''forever''. – Alfred pressed his hands harder on my waist and I finally realized how much I would miss him.
-Please, don't go, stay here, The team needs you.
-You will find someone else.
-I need you. – The first tears fell from my face to his clothes. He caressed my hair.
-I don't wanna go, but I am the only one who can what I am about to do. – I nodded.
We break the hug. Our eyes were red and swollen. I smiled to him, something deep inside me broke today, but I smiled, even whit my heart heavy as a rock, I smiled, pretending I am not hurt as I really am, pretending I am happy, he did the same, we dry our tears and came back to others, to our endless wait for the inevitable "good bye".