If only….
That was pretty much the thought process of Ed for the past few days. He'd not been his usual happy go lucky self this past week. His trademarked goofy grin was gone, he'd simply walked to his destination instead of running towards it at full speed, leaning back with his arms swinging.
And to his best friend's horror, when he was offered some gravy, he said he wasn't hungry.
So to put things short, Ed just wasn't being Ed.
Ed was in the middle of a conundrum. Ever since Valentine 's Day, May had not been chasing him anymore. In fact, she seemed to be going out of her way to avoid him. Normally, this should've been a good thing, given the Eds' long track record of trying and failing to outrun their aggressively affectionate admirers.
But May looked sad. And Ed had never wanted her to be sad.
In truth, he really liked May. She was pretty, she liked the same food as he did, she loved monster movies and she was actually quite nice.
It should be so simple. If he liked her, why did he run? Well, the answer to that little question was what had been bothering him for so long.
"Girl germs", he sighed.
Stupid, icky, yucky, mushy girl germs.
If it wasn't for that, he would've gladly kissed May back by now. He really, really wanted too.
But Sarah told him that if he did, he'd get really sick and wouldn't like buttered toast or chickens anymore.
Ed was crushed. He didn't want to get that sick, but he couldn't stand seeing May this sad every day. It was tearing him apart.
So naturally, he sought the smartest person he knew for help.
"Double D! Double DEEEEEEEE!", Ed wailed, hammering the door of Double D's house.
Double D opened the door. "Oh why hello E-", Double D was cut off by Ed's fist still making a knocking motion against the now opened door, which unfortunately, knocked Double D to the floor.
"Double D!", Ed continued to yell.
"Ed!", Double D called out, rubbing his sore head sprawled across the carpet. He looked down with a small smile.
"Hello Double D! Why are you on the ground?", he asked, genuinely confused, apparently not noticing he nearly pounded his friend into unconsciousness in his desperation to gain his attention.
"Urgh, no, particular reason. Do make yourself at home. I'm going to, argh, acquire an ice pack to prevent swelling".
"Okey doke", Ed chirped, running upstairs to hop on Double D's, previously, neatly folded bed.
It didn't smell like his bed. Instead of delicious gravy and tasty snacks underneath the mattress it smelled of…
Ed had to hold back a wretch.
Fabric softener.
How does Double D sleep in here?
After a short while, Double D made his way upstairs, with an ice pack on his head and rolled his eyes, making a mental note to refold the sheets that Ed had just messed up.
"Are you okay Double D?", Ed asked, now noticing the ice pack.
Double D merely smiled. He knew Ed didn't have one bad bone in his body and never held it against him if sometimes his absent mindedness caused him to be a little, too excited.
"Fine Ed, just a little headache". Ed was visibly pleased his friend was alright.
Double D had a brief smile too, before a concerned expression replaced it.
"Actually Ed, I was wondering if you are alright. You have been acting, even by you own exceptional standards, strange. Would you care to elaborate?"
Ed looked to the ground, worried.
"It's…it's about May", he choked out.
"Oh dear. Has she resumed her regular schedule of hunting you down again? Well Ed, for as long as is necessary, you are free to hide here, assuming she doesn't think to…"
"No it's not that Double D it's…Double D, you're the smartest person I know".
Double D was clearly flattered by this. "Why Ed, thank you. I've always thought my intellectual capabilities had gone unnoticed and, ahem, unappreciated by sum (cough) Eddy".
"I need you're help Double D. Please?", Ed whined, eyes begging for help like a puppy pleading for a treat.
Double D snapped back to reality upon hearing the desperation in his friend's voice.
"Oh dear. Of course Ed, pardon my interruption. Please continue".
"May is sad. Now Ed is sad. Ed doesn't know why May is sad, but Ed thinks something Ed did made May sad, and now Ed is very sad", he moaned. "Why must we endure so much sadness Double D? I feel like my heart has been pierced by the shards of the Lizard King's Neptunian ice fortress!"
Double was, despite being completely unaware of which of Ed's many horror movies he just referenced, aware of what Ed was saying. He had always believed Ed did have feelings for the blonde Kanker sister and that he was just shy. After all, Marie and himself had gotten along great after they actually talked for five minutes, rather than their past methods of expressing their affections.
"Ed, do you remember a week ago, on Valentine's day?"
Ed nodded.
"Well, May had attempted to ask you to be her valentine, but your reaction to her request…"Double D sighed. "She misinterpreted your shyness for repulsion and she was rather upset about the whole ordeal".
Ed felt like a knife just went through his heart.
He made someone upset? He made May upset?
"I didn't want May to be sad", he whined like a sad pup. "May shouldn't be sad. She should be happy", he put both his hands atop his head in frustration. "I wish I could make her happy".
It was then, Double D was curious.
"Ed, would you care to tell me just what you think of May, in general".
The idea of thinking about May brought about an instant smile and a dreamy sigh that had surprised Double D, albeit pleasantly.
"She is so funny Double D. She is pretty, and nice, and likes movies about giant alien monsters and…."
Ed sniffled.
"I didn't mean to make her sad".
Double D hated seeing his friend this way. "Oh Ed I know you didn't mean to hurt her feelings. It just surprises me that you have such strong opposition towards her. You seem to have nothing but complementary things to say about her".
Ed started banging his head on the wall. "Stupid Girl Germs. It's not fair".
At first, Double D was worried that Ed might hurt himself, not that this was the first hit to the head the yellow lump had taken. And then, it donned on him.
Girl Germs. Throughout all the time I've seen Ed with May, his only complaint was about Girl Germs.
"Ed? Would you care to elaborate what "Girl Germs" are exactly?"
"Sarah told me if I kissed a girl, I would get sick and not like buttered toast or chickens anymore. And now Ed is sad because he can't be happy with May because he will get sick".
"Sarah told you this?", Double D scowled. "Why that-" he purposefully cut himself off, lest he use language that went against the way his parents raised him.
"Ed, Girl Germs aren't real. It was just some childish prank by Sarah".
Ed's whole world stopped.
"Girl Germs…aren't real?", he tentatively choked out.
"Of course not. This is just deplorable. I know Sarah is a manipulative, selfish cretin at the best of times, but to toy with one's emotions like this, especially her own sibling for so long is nothing short of…"
Ed ran straight out of the room.
Double D stopped abruptly and rushed after the lanky lummox.
"Ed, what are you…"
Ed was running around in circles, his face relaying his ecstatic reaction.
"Girl Germs are not real!", he cheered. "May does not have Girl Germs! Ed must be happy with May!"
Ed's joyful cheers truly warmed Double D's heart.
Ed was too kind to waste time on anger that his sister had kept him from happiness for so long over a cruel joke. All he wanted, was to make May happy now.
"Go get her Ed", Double D congratulated.
"Thank you Double D! You are a general!"
"Genius, Ed. And you're welcome".
Ed ran for the door.
"Oh but Ed wait! Please open the…", a crash and the sound of wooden shrapnel flying around the house silenced Double D's pleas.
He sighed, knowing he'd have to once more repair the door again.
He reached for the phone and dialled Marie's number.
"Hiya Oven Mitt", cooed the blue haired Kanker.
"Hello Marie. Listen, Ed's heading towards the trailer park at an alarming speed. Just be ready for…anything".
"Thanks for the head's up sweety pie. May'll be happy to hear that", there was a hint of sadness in her voice in her words after that. "She hasn't been herself this past week".
That's when Double D decided that Sarah shouldn't get off with no consequence for doing what she did to her brother for all these years.
"Marie, what if I told you someone let May be this miserable?"
"Give me the name and I'll dig the grave", came a growl from the phone.
Double D smiled smugly.
Some days, you have to be cruel to be kind.
Park n Flush
May sat by the creek, looking upon her reflection with remorse.
Of course Big Ed ran away from me. Why can't I be pretty like Lee or Marie? It's just not fair.
The buck-toothed blonde lamented that her older sisters and their boyfriends had actually gotten together after they'd lessened the aggression of their affection.
But when she tried it, Big Ed still ran away.
Was it too much to ask for her to be happy? All she wanted was to hear her man tell her that…
"I LOVE MAY KANKER!"
May snapped out of her daydream at those long awaited words being yelled by an all too familiar voice.
She turned her head to see a certain loveable lump charging at full speed towards her, arms wide open.
"Big Ed?", she gasped.
"MAAAAAAY!", he cheered as he swept her up in a powerful hug, shocking and delighting the youngest Kanker sister.
"Ed is sorry he made you upset", he pleads with big puppy dog eyes that send May's heart into knots.
"I want to make things better. Would you come with me to see a movie…" he looked down at his feet a little shyly.
"…as my girlfriend?"
May's entire world stopped, exploded and was hastily put back together at his offer.
She then did the only rational thing that came her mind…
And squealed in joy as loud as she could.
"Yes! Yes! YES!"
Ed's face lit up just as brightly as May's.
He then pulled her closer towards him, as their lips met in a tender yet powerful kiss. One Ed had been holding back for far too long.
May didn't want it to end, but the need for oxygen forced her to part from the big lump's kiss, though she quickly returned with full force, giving him light pecks on his face, causing him to chuckle.
Oh how she loved the sound of his laughs.
They weren't the cruel cackles she'd received from others.
Ed wasn't laughing at her. He was laughing for her.
He loved the soft touch of May's lips against his face, the tingly feeling of her hair between his fingers has he stroked her long blonde mane.
Ed made May feel beautiful.
And May made Ed feel happy.
To the pair of them, nothing much mattered after that.
Ed swiftly scooped May up, evoking a delightedly surprised gasp and a fierce blush from the blonde Kanker and held her tight to his chest as he carried her bridal style.
"What would you like to see?", he asked.
May would have honestly watched anything as long as it meant she could be with her man.
"Well, the new Chameleon Man movie is out…"
Ed paused. He had been wanting to see that movie all Summer. Or was it Spring? Ed was pretty bad with dates, but he did remember wanting to see it for a long time.
So the prospect of seeing it with his new girlfriend, was one that put an even bigger smile on the big dolt's face.
"Off we go!", he cheered, running at full force to the movies with May in his arms, laughing in joy all the way.
If this was a dream, May didn't want to wake up.
She was so happy right now, she couldn't help the tears building up in her eyes. Ed briefly stopped in his tracks, worried by the sight of May's blue eyes watering.
"May are you okay?", he asked worriedly.
And for once, May didn't trip up. Didn't babble. Didn't say the wrong words.
She just smiled and said, "I've never been better Big Ed".
Ed still seemed to have trouble understanding this, "But your eyes are raining sad water".
She placed a hand to his cheek and gave him another big kiss. "Feelin better now big guy?"
Ed smiled warmly as he tickled May's nose with his own. "Always feelin good when my girl is happy".
May sighed.
She was his girl.
And he was her man.
And this was their best day ever.
The End….
Wait, I think I forgot something. What was it again? Oh yeah Sarah.
Far off in the distance, Marie and Lee saw their little sister being carried away by her knight in shining armour.
Or lump in a smelly green jacket.
"Well woudja lookat that Marie. Little May's finally caught herself her man", Lee grinned.
"Took em long enough", the blue haired Kanker concurred.
"Now, where's this brat what's been keepin those two lovebirds apart for so long?"
"Remember the little redhead that sent you and me through a fricken tree?", Marie frowned.
Lee was visibly irritated at the memory of being outsmarted by Sarah.
"Oh ho ho, that little brat has crossed us for the last time. I say we teach little miss loudmouth a lesson in keepin her big yap shut", she growled.
"Same here", Marie grinned, as the two sisters cracked their knuckles simultaneously and headed towards the Cul-de-Sac, where a certain bossy red head was in for the worst helping of payback in her life.
Needless to say, after Marie and Lee were done with their "visit" Sarah never breathed a word to Ed about "Girl Germs" ever again. Nor did she bother Ed while May was around, apparently not willing to return to her old habits of getting Ed into trouble out of fear of the wrath of all three Kankers.
And all the while, a certain sock head was smiling at Sarah's apparent pacification, enjoying the fact that she had absolutely no idea he was responsible for her well-deserved comeuppance.
"Now whose afraid of the Kankers Sarah?", Double D chuckled quietly to himself.
The End. For reals this time.
So I was up late watching a few old Ed, Edd n Eddy episodes and I realised, the only reason Ed fears May seems to be his genuine belief in Girl Germs. And even then, he seems the most comfortable around his Kanker sister than the other three. Plus, I've loved Ed, Edd n Eddy since I was a kid and I felt I had to do one story for the show that made me laugh so much.
Aaaaannd, maybe I always wanted Sarah to get her punishment for being such a nightmare to poor Ed. I'd tell you what Lee and Marie did…but then this story is gonna lose it's K rating.
Also, off topic, seeing as Easter is coming up, as well as an increase in my other commitments outside of my stories, it may be a few weeks before I upload anything new, so I wanted to make something short just to let you know ol T-Rex Marine ain't going AWOL on you readers.
Until next time, this is T-rex Marine saluting (with his tiny two fingered hand) you readers and wish you an awesome time and look forward to hearing from you again.