Change
"You don't have to do this." Captain Archer's voice cuts the heavy silence of the Mississippi afternoon. T'Pol, who until now has been staring at the door, looks over at him. He's wrong, she does have to do this.
"Captain, you know as well as I do that is not true." She says quietly. While watching him press the doorbell she takes a deep breath and prepares herself for the uncomfortable, upsetting conversations ahead. Just another of many she's had over the last several days.
The funeral had been a quiet affair, with only Trip's family, the bridge and Engineering crew in attendance. It had been a stifling morning, the sticky southern heat already well in the air by the time the service started. T'Pol had gone with the full intention of speaking to them at the funeral and leaving shortly after with the rest of the crew but Captain Archer had told her that Trip's mother, Elaine, had invited them both over. The invention had surprised T'Pol, she didn't expect that Elaine Tucker would want to speak with her, as far as T'Pol knew Elaine didn't know the true nature of her friendship with Trip.
The opening of the door pulls her out of her thoughts, the woman at the door doesn't resemble Trip very much, but T'Pol knows it's his mother from the service. "Jonathan." She greets him with a forced smile and a hug.
"Elaine, thank you for inviting us." If possible, Captain Archer's smile is even more forced then Elaine's. T'Pol will never understand human's tendencies for false pleasantries, they seemed more emotionally draining then simply acknowledging the unpleasantness of the situation and moving on. "Elaine this is T'Pol, my –" In the few moments he seems at a loss for words it occurs to her that he has no idea how to address her now that he's not her Captain. The thought leaves yet another strange empty feeling in her stomach. "She knew Trip as well as I did."
"It's agreeable to meet you Mrs –" The woman's rather forceful hug nearly causes T'Pol to drop the case of Trip's things and recoil. T'Pol doesn't return the hug and gives the Captain a look she feels adequately expresses her displeasure.
When Elaine Tucker releases her T'Pol takes a breath to begin again but she's cut off. "I know who you are honey. Charles used to talk about you, a lot." It takes her a moment for her to realize Elaine is talking about Trip, and realize that she must have been the only one to call him Charles as she'd never heard anyone else call him by his given name. Then the realization that Trip spoke of her – and often – makes T'Pol forget what she is going to say and take a moment to further push her emotions back. They've been lapping at the surface all day, threatening to make her cry. "Come in, both of you come in." Elaine leads them through the door into the living room where a man who can only be Charles Tucker the second sits. "Charlie, you remember Jonathan, and this is T'Pol."
For a brief moment T'Pol worries he too will try to hug her, but he doesn't. Instead he offers the solemn Vulcan greeting, which T'Pol returns with no small amount of relief. She sends the Captain another apprehensive glance T'Pol sets the box of Trip's things on the ground.
"I've brought Trip's belonging's, I thought you'd like to have them." She says softly, straightening up and looking at Trip's parents.
"Thank you, it means more then you know." Charlie says. "Trip has told us a lot about you."
"So I've heard." T'Pol says softly, looking around the living room. She knows this isn't the home Trip grew up in, that was destroyed in the Xindi attack seven years ago, but there's something about this place that tells her he undoubtedly called it home.
"Albert and Miguel are out back, they'll want to see you." Elaine says motioning the small group out to the back yard.
T'Pol is about to follow when she spots something among the group of pictures that cover the mantle. She walks quietly over to it to see if it really is what she believes it to be. She pushes aside a picture of a toddler who can only be Trip riding on a large brown and white dog and picks up a frame that holds two pictures. Both are years old but make her heart ache.
On the left one of her and Trip's daughter Elizabeth lying in the incubator only hours from death. Until now T'Pol had no idea Trip had taken a picture of just Elizabeth, he must've done it when she'd gone to shower and change clothes. She also had no idea that Trip's parents had reacted positively to Elizabeth, she'd known Trip was going to call them about it but by the time it occurred to her to ask what they'd thought it hadn't mattered. The image of Elizabeth doesn't shake her as much as the image next to it. Elizabeth was sleeping against T'Pol's chest in sickbay and Trip had an arm around her, and is looking at Elizabeth. Someone else, Ensign Mayweather perhaps, had taken the picture.
"He was real proud of that you know." Elaine's voice carries from across the room surprising T'Pol who quickly sets the picture back in it's place.
"I'm sorry I shouldn't have touched it." She whispers. "What is it he was proud of?"
"Havin' a family." Elaine crosses the room to T'Pol and takes the frame off the mantle to look at for herself.
"I-I would hardly have called us a family." T'Pol whispers, the word pains her even more then the picture does. They could've been a family if Elizabeth had lived, or if T'Pol hadn't pushed him away after her death. "Our daughter died mere hours later, the loss was not something the two of us could overcome.
"He didn't believe that for a second." Elaine shakes her head. "The way he spoke of that little girl when he told us about her, he was so happy. Even after she was gone and you two were distant the way he spoke of you was enough. He wanted to make it work, he wanted to try."
If T'Pol was fighting to keep her composure before it pales in comparison to the struggle she's having now. She's always suspected it but somehow the conformation that someone outside of the ship thinks the same thing makes the loss even more painful.
"He never was the type to let things go." She whispers. "I like to think that if Elizabeth had not been so ill and had lived things would've been different."
"No one knows what woulda happened, but he woulda loved you anyway. Burin' a child is somethin' no parent should ever have to do." Elaine nods. "How old would she be now?"
"Nearly five, we assumed her birthday was sometime in June." T'Pol whispers. "Mrs. Tucker, I am sorry for your loss – I'm not sure how much Captain Archer has told you, but Trip gave his life to save a little girl and her father from death. He wouldn't have wanted to die any other way."
"Oh honey, I know he died nobly, there ain't nothin' more noble then savin' a child." Elaine says. "But he'd still have liked to live a long life with you and that baby. At least now he gets to see her again."
T'Pol looks at the woman for a moment worried she's gone quite insane, then she remembers Commander Tucker telling her that his parents were quite religious, she must be speaking of the afterlife. "Vulcan's have not believed in the afterlife for some time but it is believed that some Vulcan's are able to transfer consciousness to objects and the bodies of others."
"That doesn't sound like a very nice belief, personally I'd like to believe he's in heaven with his sister and his daughter and they're all lookin' down on us and keepin' us safe." Elaine says. "The baby is buried on Vulcan isn't she?"
"Yes, we had her entombed next to my mother." T'Pol says the pain of losing both her mother and her daughter so close together flashing through her. "You're welcome to visit sometime, you could stay at my mother's house if you wish."
"T'Pol?" Captain Archer says before Elaine can respond, she turns to him and raises her eyebrows. "We'd better get going, I told Admiral Gardener we'd be back at the academy by 6."
T'Pol nods, relieved for the excuse to get out of the Tucker household. "Yes, thank you Mrs. Tucker for inviting us, it was pleasant speaking with you." She says politely, turning to walk back over to where the captain stands.
"It was nice havin' ya'll here, it really means a lot that you came to see us, and unless you're off in space somewhere I expect both of you to come back for Christmas." Elaine says. "Trip wouldn't want his family to turn their backs on his best friend and the woman he loved."
"We'll do our best, I'll drag her here if I have to." Captain Archer forces a smile and opens the door for T'Pol. Once it closes behind her she lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding. "Are you okay T'Pol?" He asks as they walk down the fronts steps.
She contemplates telling him she's fine but after ten years she knows he'll push it if he thinks something is wrong. "She had a photograph Ensign Mayweather took of us with Elizabeth. I-I was unware it existed or that Trip had sent it to her."
"Oh, Elaine has always been a bit sentimental, if you want to talk about it I'll always listen." He offers.
"Thank you Captain but I believe I can handle my emotions well enough on my own. I always have." She says.
"Jonathan."
"Excuse me?" T'Pol raises an eyebrow.
"I'm not your Captain anymore." And with that he turns to walk back to the shuttle pod, leaving her with a strange feeling of finality that pushes her just a little too far. "T'Pol?" He turns back to her and she takes a deep breath, blinking back tears.
"M-my apologies Ca- Jonathan, it has been a long week. I-I haven't had a chance to meditate and-" She stops, it's no use, even if she had meditated the damage done by the Trellium nearly six years ago had caused enough damage to her synaptic pathways that she was struggling to contain her emotions in normal circumstances. She shakes her head and steps into the shuttle pod. "We should go."
"We should, when we get back I want you to go get your bag from the Vulcan Compound." He says sitting at the helm.
"Sir?" She asks still hastily wiping tears while going over the preflight check list.
"I'm not turning you over to the Soval and T'Pau like this, your own people or not we both know how they'd react to you being emotional." He explains.
"And – and where do you propose I stay?" She takes a breath and closes her eyes a moment, finally able to regain some small amount of control.
"With me, I have an apartment in the city, it's got a guest bedroom you can stay in. You don't have to stay very long, just until I'm sure you're okay." As the shuttle pod lifts off the ground Archer turns back to her.
"Why? I-I know my people would be less then accepting, but you do not have to do this." She points out, watching him carefully.
"T'Pol, just because you're not my first officer any longer doesn't mean you're not my friend. So get your things and meet me at the academy an hour after we get back." He says, his firm tone tells her it's non-negotiable and even if it was she wouldn't fight it. With so much change afoot it's comforting to know that someone still had her back.
A/N - I wrote this about a week ago because I wanted to explore T'Pol dealing with the first of many big changes that follow the decommissioning of the Enterprise. In addition to that major change she's dealing with Trip's death and being confronted with his family and memories surrounding her and Trip and Elizabeth and her having to lean on someone else to get through them. Really the only person I could see her leaning so heavily on is Captain Archer because she trusts him the most, aside from Trip, Archer is who she's closest to on Enterprise.
Anyway I hope you enjoy and I hope to have a new chapter of Synesthesia on Friday.
- Galia