Title: Usuratonkachi Wedding

Genre: Romance/Humor

Rating: T (for language and sexual themes, innuendos, whatever...)

Summary: "Naruto, Ino is sick, so I need you to be my maid of honor". Wait, what?! A story of love, cake, and dresses one size too small.

Pairings: SasuNaru (main)

KibaSaku

ShikaIno

Others: NejiHina, LeeTen

A/N: So I was looking through my little collection of stories, and I was appalled that I hadn't written any SasuNaru yet, even though it is my OTP. So after some intense brainstorming, I came up with this. It took me awhile to put together the plot, but I have a pretty good idea how I'm going to write this story. Wish me luck and enjoy!

Warning (?): The following contains shounen-ai. If you are offended, please turn away now.

Disclaimer: Naruto not mine *sad face*

Usuratonkachi Wedding

She was smiling.

Shit. And it had been such a good day too.

Jade eyes shining, she raised her hands in a sign of greeting, pink lips forming the first syllables of his name.

Naruto willed his body to move but he stood frozen, his feet glued firmly to the ground by some invisible force. What was that called again?

Oh yeah, gravity.

She was only a few hundred feet away, a sparkling beacon as the sun reflected off her rose-colored locks. Her white dress fluttered around her like a cloud that had drifted down from the heavens. It was such a holy scene that Naruto half expected to hear the soul-moving voices of an angelic choir.

Instead, he heard her voice, shrill against his ears as she called out his name. It sent shivers down his spine and a cold sweat broke out on his forehead.

Every nerve in his body twitched and burned to move, but the stream of messages that they sent to his brain fizzled out somewhere halfway so he was forced to stand there and quite possibly meet his doom.

No. No way.

His body screamed in protest as Naruto struggled to bring his hands together, fingers already forming the proper seals. He would escape, he would-

"Naruto!" And then she was in front of him.

He was in trouble.

Oh, Fate was a cruel mistress indeed. If he had waited five more minutes at home, he would have missed her completely, but a prospective mission had drawn him out of his hideaway into this dangerous, dangerous world.

Dropping his hands to his sides, Naruto flashed his trademark grin, hoping Sakura could not see the fear in his eyes.

"Uh, hey, Sakura-chan!" His voice squeaked but they both ignored it.

"Oh, Naruto, I'm so glad I finally caught you. I've been looking for you forever". She gushed breathlessly.

So he had heard. Persistent as ever she was and he had been a fool to think he could hide forever.

"Oh you know me. I was here and there..." He trailed off. He was a horrible liar. They both knew that, but once again, they ignored it.

"Well yes anyway, you know the wedding is in just three days, and-" Sakura began her ritual ramblings, detailing all the flaws and errors of the upcoming event and outlining the list of people she needed to kill before it.

Naruto tuned most of it out. He had heard enough about "The Wedding of the-" no, not the century, but the "Millennium", capital M and all. The whole village was in an uproar about it. Tickets for the event had been sold and sold and finally sold out. Everyone was practically peeing their pants to see the nuptials of Tsunade's prized pupil and her chosen husband.

Everyone except him, the guy who had wished to be that husband for years. He wasn't angry at Kiba anymore...well not really. He was mostly angry with himself and the hesitation that had caused him the love of his life.

He had never been nervous before, but when the time had come, he had chickened out, and one of his best friends had stepped in, and taken his place.

It was too late now.

"...so yes, this is where you come in" Sakura's voice was once more in his ear as Naruto returned to reality.

"Pardon?" he asked stupidly. After all, he was supposed to be listening. However once more, it was ignored.

His lost love composed her face into a calm mask that had his heart beating painfully against his ribcage.

"Naruto, I need you to do me a big favor" she began slowly.

Here it comes, he thought wearily, the big finale.

"Ino is sick," Sakura grinned, not because Ino was sick, but because what she said next, "so I need you to be my maid of honor".

There it was. The punch line to the unfortunate joke that was his life.

"What?!"

Several citizens turned around at the sound of Naruto's screech. Sakura winced visibly and made a motion for him to quiet down.

He would NOT.

"Sakura-chan, are you fucking kidding me? Are you insane? Maid of Honor?" He didn't know whether to be insulted or embarrassed or just plain scared. So he chose all three.

"Naruto, please, not so loud. Just listen, please..." Her green eyes widened in panic as Sakura attempted to calm down her over-emotional friend.

Naruto stilled his tongue, reluctantly, once he saw the spark of fury behind those eyes. Even if he fell to the floor kicking and screaming, one way or the other, she would get him to listen to her, and it would be painful too.

Crossing his arms defiantly over his chest, he avoided her gaze but nodded at her to continue.

"You see, with such short notice, I don't have time to go searching for another maid of honor, everyone already has their designated roles. So while I know it is a bit unorthodox, I was really hoping that you could fill that role for me, Naruto, please?" Her mouth formed into a pink pout that twisted his heart, but he held out and reached for reason.

"But you still have three days, " he protested, "Isn't that enough time for Ino to recover from her sickness?"

Pout transformed into a wicked half-smile and Sakura rolled her eyes. "Let's just say, it'll take Ino about nine months to recover from her sickness".

He was not as slow as he used to be, so Naruto caught the implications quickly.

"Wow", he whistled, "Congratulations to Shikamaru".

"He doesn't know yet. And you shouldn't either, so keep your mouth shut". Sakura commanded lightly.

Pondering the shadow ninja's response to the news, Naruto decided Shikamaru would react to how he reacted to pretty much everything. He would say 'how troublesome' but be ecstatic. Ino would be miserable. She was probably already at the Konoha library, searching for books titled 'Dieting for the Pregnant Woman' or something like that. Too bad, they didn't exist.

"So anyway," Sakura continued, "Ino will be unavailable for some time, the next three days included. You see Naruto, I have no other options. You are my only hope, please don't let me down. We have the dress and every-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold everything. Did you say dress?" Naruto blanched, the idea of being the maid of honor becoming even more repulsive to him.

"Of course silly, as the maid of honor, what else did you think you would be wearing?" Sakura raised a questioning eyebrow.

"I don't know, considering I'm male, a suit or something". Wait, he was already choosing his clothes? He hadn't even agreed to the idea yet!

He eyed his friend suspiciously. The pink one had powers of persuasion, so he would have to be careful so not to fall into her trap.

"Naruto, " Sakura said slowly, resting a pale hand on his arm. His body twitched and his face flushed in response, but once more...they both ignored it.

"Naruto" she repeated, "this wedding must be perfect. I have designed it to be so, and it will be. I have the perfect groom, the perfect venue, the perfect decorators and caterers, and soon to be the perfect bridal party. No expense has been spared, because everything must be perfect".

Sakura's jade eyes had begun to sparkle with a pulsating fervor and Naruto winced as the grip on his arm strengthened.

"In order for this wedding to achieve total perfection, everyone must be perfect. From the way they speak, to the way they act; all the way down to the way they dress. You see Naruto, I spent months on those designs for the bridesmaid and maid of honor dresses so that they look perfect. How can everyone look perfect if they are all in their dresses, and you, in a suit? That is not perfect".

Naruto bit back a yelp of pain as razor sharp nails pierced his flesh. His whole arm was throbbing and he could feel his blood vessels ready to burst. And they would, especially if Sakura said 'perfect' one more time.

"It would really, really pain me if everything was not perfect, you know that Naruto? Really. Pain. Me".

The nails dug deeper and deeper and deeper until Naruto was seeing spots of black in his vision. He struggled to remain upright and suddenly, the pressure was gone, and Sakura pulled her hand away. Smiling, she tucked a stray strand of pink hair behind her ears.

"So you see," she said softly, dangerous undertones lurking beneath the surface, "the dress is mandatory".

"Naruto, "her voice changed once more, this time she was pleading, "You are one of my best friends. If you can do this for me, I will forever be grateful. It's just one day. One little, itty, bitty, day. So what do you say?"

What could he say? No? She would kill him. Slowly and painfully and worse, she would hate him, and he didn't know if his heart could take that. Yes? Then he would have to kill himself after, because he knew nobody would ever let him live the humiliation down.

"Please...Naruto". Sakura fluttered her bright eyelashes at him and pursed her lips in a move that would have made Sexy-no-Jutsu Naruto look like a decayed grandmother.

Resistance was futile.

"F-fine. I'll do it". Naruto bowed his head in defeat and felt his manhood seeping out of him. Already he began contemplating the easiest ways to end his life.

"Oh Naruto, thank you, thank you, thank you!" Sakura embraced him in a spine crushing hug, and for a second, as the perfumed scent of her hair wafted around his nose, Naruto didn't feel so shitty.

Then she was gone, running back the way she came, and he fell back once more into a state of distress.

What had he agreed to?

"Sasuke-kun!"

In the past Uchiha Sasuke would have turned away, ready to run when she called his name. However, now he faced her, his heart beating as he prepared himself for the news.

Sakura caught up to him quickly, her face the same color as her hair due to all the running she had been doing all day. She paused for a moment to catch her breath and Sasuke willed himself to be patient. He needed to know the answer!

"Well?" He asked, his jaw tightening in anxiety.

"He said yes. He'll do it". Sakura grinned and Sasuke's heart swelled. "Thank you so much Sasuke-kun for recommending Naruto. I don't know what I would have done!"

"No problem" He said calmly, but on the inside he felt like dancing in victory. He gave the bride-to-be a quick wave before she ran off to immerse herself in more pre-wedding planning.

Sasuke smirked as he turned towards his house, the gears in his head already spinning. So far so good. If it kept up like this, in the end, everything would be so perfect.

A/N: So not much SasuNaru in this chapter, but be patient! It will come :D This was just an intro-like chapter.

Also, I decided to ignore the whole feudal japan time setting thing and give them a western like wedding, as indicated by the dresses and suits and such. Just a heads up.

Comments, critiques, whatever, I love it all.

Much love

-dancer