"Hey, Ruby, what does RPF-Remma stand for?" Emma asked, mentally complaining about teenage slang and how it constantly seemed to change. She considered herself to be very knowledgeable about computers and the internet, but tumblr was something new to her. She'd only just created her first tumblr blog that morning and was learning how to search tags. She'd come across this post by searching the tag, 'storybrooke.'
Ruby moved to better view Emma's computer screen, "It stands for….oh, you don't want to read that."
"What is it? Ruby, I'm not a child. I've read some pretty crazy stuff in my day, and you were the one who suggested tumblr was a good way to check for perps since the kids don't use Facebook anymore," Emma's patience was waning. She clicked on the 'Read more' link because really, whatever 'RPF-Remma' stood for, it couldn't be that bad.
Ruby tried to cover Emma's screen with her hands, "Ok, ok! RPF stands for Real People Fic, and as for Remma, it um, stands for Regina and Emma. People like to mash the names together. It's a thing."
Emma looked at Ruby confused, "People write stories about me and Regina? Why? Is it because of Henry's idea that I'm the Savior?"
"Emma, have you ever heard of shipping?" Ruby rolled her eyes. "Like when people want two people to get together romantically on a TV show?"
"I didn't know that was the new name for it, but yeah, by your definition, I guess I 'ship' Jane and Maura on Rizzoli & Isles," Emma answered slowly, worrying she would use the term incorrectly and have Ruby laugh at her even more.
"Haha. Exactly. Well, some people take it a step further and 'ship' real people. Most people find it kinda squicky, but often read and write it anyway," Ruby explained.
"So, what you're telling me is that there are people out there who want me and Regina to be together so badly they are writing stories about us?" Emma looked incredulous, "But we hate each other!"
Ruby giggled, "Some people find that hot. You know, opposites attract." She moved her hand away from the screen, realizing how silly she must look trying to protect Emma from fiction.
"What does '110 notes' mean?" Emma inquired, trying desperately not to blush as she read some of the things 'Emma' was doing to 'Regina' in the story.
"It means you two are quite popular," Ruby answered gleefully. "If you click on the word 'notes', you can see which tumblr blogs liked the post."
Emma clicked on the notes button and started to read the names out loud, "'Regal cricket', 'runs like a wolf', 'boredandnaughtymayor'….ha, Regina's going to kill whoever took that user name. 'I will always find you', 'good-day-dearie', 'sonofasavior'…wait, Henry?! I'm going to kill him. Did you read this story? What kind of twisted person likes reading about their mothers going at it on the kitchen table?"
"First of all, you don't know for sure that it's Henry. Second, he is getting to that age where boys get curious, and maybe, he just likes to imagine his moms being together as one happy family," Ruby wasn't quite sure why she was defending the little imp, but she feared Emma's wrath would be nothing compared to when Regina discovered Henry's interest in the world of fiction.
"I guess you do have a point about kids wanting their parents to be together, but…is this even anatomically possible? She did WHAT with an apple?" Emma exclaimed, turning an even brighter shade of crimson.
"Puts an interesting spin on the mayor's apple obsession, doesn't it?" Ruby teased.
"Who wrote this shit? 'A wish your heart makes'? How do I figure out who that is? I wonder if tumblr has IP address search capabilities," Emma mused, completely oblivious to the fact that she and Ruby were no longer alone in the room.
Regina strolled into the Sheriff's station as she did every Friday, ostensibly to make sure the Sheriff wasn't shirking her duties in favor of an early weekend. She was quick to discover that the Sheriff and her deputy were both sitting around doing nothing, yet again. She cleared her throat, "Sheriff Swan, is this how you spend the taxpayer's dollars?"
Emma shot up out of her seat, covering the computer screen with her back, "Regina! Um, Mayor Mills, what can I help you with?"
"Sheriff Swan, we've been over this. You could help me by being out on the streets looking for criminals, catching drunk drivers—in short, by doing your job," Regina added an extra touch of condescension in her tone of voice for good measure.
"Ruby and I were…she was just showing me a new way to catch criminals over the internet," Emma replied lamely. It was bad enough that the Mayor had caught her surfing the internet, but she shuddered to think what would happen if she actually read the screen.
"Really, Sheriff? Do tell," Regina smirked. She noted that Emma had similar mannerisms to Henry when he got caught doing something he shouldn't.
Emma floundered, "Mayor Mills, surely the day to day workings of the Sheriff's department can't be that interesting for you. Would you like a cup of coffee? Ruby can get you one."
"Your deputy is not a common secretary, Sheriff, even if she does insist on waitressing when she is off duty. You are perfectly capable of getting me coffee yourself. I like it black, now go," Regina motioned to the blonde to be quick about it when she saw Emma stalling.
Slumping her shoulders slightly, Emma moved to the coffee pot. She shouldn't be feeling guilty; after all, she wasn't the one who wrote the story. She just happened to come across it, and surely, the mayor would love to know that people were writing such filth about her, right? She started to tell Regina what she had found, "Regina…"
"Well now, I hardly think you're going to find any criminals on tumblr. It's just a bunch of teenagers with brilliant imaginations and high levels of creativity. It keeps them out of trouble; surely, you approve of that, Sheriff?" Regina asked, although she wasn't really expecting an answer.
"Well, I…."
"I see you've found Ashley's latest Remma story. She's really improved a lot recently; her sentences are more complex with vivid details, and she's even begun using literary devices such as foreshadowing in her stories," Regina continued.
Emma looked at her incredulously, "Wait, you knew that she was writing this x-rated story about the two of us, and it doesn't bother you?"
Regina looked at Emma like she had been born in a barn, "Sheriff, would you rather they were out egging houses or having premarital sex? Why should I be bothered by a work of fiction?"
"Because it's about us? Where are they even getting the idea that we like each other?" Emma said incredulously.
"Fiction, Sheriff. That means 'not real.' If it bothers you so much, you should probably stop staring at my ass every time I leave the room," Regina smiled. "Good day, Ruby."
Emma's jaw dropped. She didn't stare at Regina's ass, did she? Her eyes fell of their own accord as Regina turned to leave. It was rather toned and tight and readily accessible through those tiny pencil skirts Regina always wore. She licked her lips subconsciously.
"Oh, and Sheriff, it's not very becoming to drool," Regina said smugly, knowing full well the reaction she had solicited. "Granny's Diner, 7 pm. Don't be late."
"Huh?"
"If you have other plans, I suggest you cancel them," Regina declared as she left the station.
Ruby smiled, "Emma! Focus."
"Did the Mayor just ask me out on a date?" Emma wondered aloud.
Ruby laughed, "Yes, Emma, and we have to find you some decent clothes to wear. The whole town will be watching."
"How will they know?"
"I just refreshed the tag. Someone named 'boredandnaughtymayor' just posted about your date to tumblr for all of her followers to see," Ruby answered.
Emma paled, "So all these 'shippers' are going to be there…"
"Looking for inspiration for their next story," Ruby beamed. "You two look good together."
"Do not!"
"Do too!"
"Do not!"
"Do too!"
-Fin