Turn Away
Summary: wow, a Colette centered ficcie, this is new. Colette's thoughts as she waits for morning to come before the event at the tower of salvation. It's probably already been done, but I betcha mine's angstier! Done to Evanescence, Tourniquet. slight hints of colloyd
Dedicated to Colettebunny for telling me about anime, manga, and just about everything else that I spend the great majority of my time doing.
Disclaimer: I do not own Tales of Symphonia or the cute little blonde girl in this story.
Turn Away
Catch Me, as I fall...
Say you're here and it's all over now...
I stared at the ceiling that night. I didn't even bother to try, sleep had abandoned me long ago. It's puzzling, I was a little scared in the beginning of this journey, and now I'm frightened again. I never once paid any thought to the sacrifice I would have to make, and I don't regret it now. Sacrifice is not important, it is the new life that sprouts from it that we should pay attention to. I hope Lloyd understands why I didn't tell him before, he will worry, this is my journey, my burden, no one else should have to suffer. Everyone has been so good to me, I'm glad that I have friends, although I know it will only cause them pain in the end. Please, Lloyd, don't lose your hope, I couldn't bear it.
Tomorrow it will all be over, I wish I could say goodbye to them, I need to apologize to Sheena. She is a good friend, even though I'm a threat to her world. Why, why, why did this ever have to happen, I do not regret my fate, but this is a journey of salvation and still, by becoming an angel, more people will have to suffer because of me. That's not right, is it?
I curl up tightly in my comforter, even though I will never feel any heat...or cold for that matter. I'm weird, I know it. Lloyd says I'm a 'dork' for thinking like this, and I love him for it, even though it's all a lie. How can I not be weird, I have wings, I can't speak, I can't even feel. But, no matter how hard I try, I can't bring myself to succumb to self pity. That wouldn't be right, it's just one life. One life for the entire world's, when I think like that, I don't have any doubts. Lloyd says I'm strong. Maybe I am, I don't like to think of myself like that, It doesn't feel right.
Hima is a nice little city, the people here are kind. Whenever I see people I don't know, I tell myself that it's all for their sakes, and it is. Yes, because of me and my friends, countless lives will be spared. That makes me smile. I have another long night ahead of me, I've grown used to it. Someone once told me that I should count the stars when I can sleep, I wish I could thank Mr. Kratos for the peace he's given me, even if it's short lived.
I Know I can stop the pain if I will it all away...
If I will it all away...
I sit up in bed, letting the covers drop from my small frame. The stars sound friendly tonight. I stretch slightly and get out of bed silently, tip toeing across the wooden floor boards, careful not to wake anyone. I absently wonder what time it is, I hope the stars will be bright tonight, I will be disappointed if they are not. I don't even bother to dress in my normal blue and white uniform, choosing instead to remain in my thin night dress. The threat of cold is no longer important to me, I see the goose bumps, but I still don't feel anything. Hmmmmm...
Don't turn away, dive into me...
Don't try to hide...
Don't Close your eyes
Don't turn out the lights...
never sleep, never die...
The Hima paths are bathed in the moon light, to me, it looks breath taking. Lloyd would call me a dork for thinking that 'blackness' is breath taking, but it's so much more. I can barely make out my path in the dark, seeing that there are no street lights in this small town. I begin to make my way up the small mountain, the stars are the brightest there. I do a pretty twirl when I reach my destination. The billowing skirt swirls around me as I smile happily, I silently wish that I could feel the cool wind across my face. It feels so free. Opening my eyes, the stars twinkle above me, like millions of beautiful gems shining down on my. I want to giggle with glee. But I cannot, nothing can change that, but I am so glad that my last night is a happy one and I open my mouth to chime silently. I wish Lloyd was here with me, he makes any star brighter. I'm really going to miss everyone, I hope they aren't too mad at me. I can't tell anyone just yet.
I'm frightened by what I see.
But somehow I know that there's much more to come...
Immobilized by my fear and soon to be...
Blinded by tears...
I sit softly on the hard ground, letting my legs dangle over the edge, getting a rush from the sudden drop only a few feet in front of me. I choose not to look down, but up, towards the glowing sky.
Counting is always so relaxing, it brings me much needed peace. The contrast between the black sky and the pin pricks of light astounds me, and I gradually fall into semiconsciousness. Professor Raine says that I blank out almost as much as Lloyd. What does 'blank out' mean?
twenty five, twenty six...
I always lose track when I get to thirty, tonight I hope I can get farther. There are just so many, I wonder if anyone's ever counted them all. If they have, I would like to meet them, they must be wise.
I can stop the pain if I will it all away.
The morning will be here soon, my last night is over. Tonight, I only counted to nineteen, I guess nothing can ever be perfect. I sigh contentedly. In a few hours, Remiel will lead me to heaven, where Martel will take my soul.
...But for now, I will always have this night.
If I will it all away...