A.N: So I realize this is quite similar to my other fic The Life and Lies of Effie Trinket, but I can't bring myself to care.
Songfic, to the song 'Alive' by Sia.
No copyright intended, just having a little fun.
A.N2: This site hates me, and somehow managed to lose half of the bold. GRRRR
I was born in a thunderstorm
I grew up overnight
I played alone
I'm playing on my own
I survived
You could say that Effie Trinket was born in the middle of a storm. Not your usual thunder, lighting, wind and rain storm, as it never ever rained in the capital. No, Effie was born into a storm of emotions.
Later her parents used to joke that Effie always had to be in the centre of attention, and that was why she was born the way she was. She just had to arrive with a bang.
It had been during an argument. Her mother was in a foul mood because Effie's father had missed yet another appointment with the doctors, and Darla Trinket was getting more and more terrified as her due date got closer. It hadn't been the easiest pregnancy, and the closer it got the more aggressive her mother got with everyone around her.
What wasn't known then, was that Effie's father was in the middle of a rather large business deal at the time, and was also prone to flying off the handle. It had finally all come to a head, and doors had been slammed, voices had been raised and they were now standing at the top of the stairs, hurling insults at one another when suddenly her mother had stopped, and had announced very quietly that she believed her water had broken. They had barely gotten her to the hospital when tiny Effie had made her appearance.
She had been what people would call a very good baby. She never got sick, hardly ever cried and smiled prettily at those who came to meet her. She could hold an average conversation with any adult by three, was dressing herself by four, reading by five, wearing make-up by six, heels by seven, donating to the Games by eight, attending 'adult' parties by nine and appearing on television by ten. She never had time to make any close friends, only the odd person to wave to if she saw them in the street. It only struck her how lonely she really was when she went to bed at night, and realized she had no one to tell her stories to.
Hey
I wanted everything I never had
Like the love that comes with light
I wore envy and I hated that
But I survived
High school hadn't been easy for her. By the time she reached her final year she was well known as the model, TV personality, and child star. One would have thought she would automatically be popular. After all, she had access to all the designers, all the Victors, anybody who was anybody really. But because she often had to miss school or leave early to attend some event or the other she still didn't have any friends.
They all wanted to be her, but no one wanted to play second fiddle to the great Effie Trinket. She wasn't bullied, exactly, but she certainly wasn't made to feel welcome. By the time the year end dance came along Effie was the only one who didn't have a date.
It would have been so easy to call one of her connections and whip up someone famous to go with her. She would be the envy of everyone else in the room. But Effie found herself staying home for the first time in years.
It surprised everyone in finishing school that Effie had developed a crush on Haymitch Abernathy. He was a victor from a few years back, and one of the few that Effie hadn't had the privilege to meet as yet.
Perhaps she liked the mystery that surrounded him, how he was there for the games, and then gone again like a thief in the night. He never attended the victory ball like many of the other victors did, and he did as few parties as he could.
Maybe she liked the danger he seemed to extrude. He was a Victor, a seasoned killer that had been known to fly off the handle after a few too many drinks.
But in actual fact it was none of these things. It was his eyes. Not the colour, or the shape, or even the lashes that surrounded them, but the sadness and loneliness that seemed to shroud them. She recognized the similarity every time she looked into the mirror. He might have been a flame that threatened to consume everything in its path, but she was the moth that was drawn to the light, not realizing that it might kill her.
I had a one-way ticket to a place where all the demons go
Where the wind don't change
And nothing in the ground can ever grow
No hope, just lies
And you're taught to cry into your pillow
But I survived
It was really no surprise that out of all the girls in finishing school that Effie was the only one to be made an Escort. She would do a year under Winter Willows, district Twelve's current escort, and then she would be on her own. That first year Effie stayed in the capital as Winter attended the reaping in the district, and worked on drumming up sponsors. She watched the reaping on television, watched as Winter smiled at the people who so obviously hated her, watched as the Mayor was lead onto the stage, followed by Haymitch who proceeded to be sick over Winter's shoes. She heard the commentators remark that this was fast becoming Haymitch's party trick, and that Winter must be glad that she was retiring at the end of these games.
Winter's hand shook as she pulled her final two names. A strong looking boy and a frail little girl. The camera's followed them all to the station, both children crying, Winter looking straight ahead and Haymitch trailing behind pausing to make obscene gestures in the direction of the cameras.
Effie met them all at the Capital station. It was now her job to get Haymitch looking vaguely presentable in time for the press conferences later that evening. Within moments of meeting the man, Effie was deeply regretting the posters she had bought, the fascination and the hours she had spent defending him at school. The man was an arsehole. No other way to put it. She quickly learnt to loathe him on sight, as he did with her.
Their games were over surprisingly fast. The girl had tripped running from the Cornucopia and had been taken out by a knife to the back, and the boy died from exposure a few days after that. When Effie returned from the lobby where she had been trying to convince a sponsor to support them, Haymitch had already left. Winter was drinking, a bottle of tequila on the table next to her. She looked u as the elevator doors slid open and took in the sight of Effie standing there, her eyeliner running from her tears, her nose red and her arms wrapped around herself.
"Don't cry, doll. At least not where they can see you."
"Don't call me doll." Effie said "they used to call me that at school."
"I'll call you doll, because that's exactly what you are." Winter had replied "at least to them. Until you get old, and even a needle can't fix you anymore. Then you're not even that."
Before Effie could reply, Winter had gotten up and walked surprisingly steadily into the elevator, leaving the half empty bottle of tequila on the table. She gave a slight smile as the elevator doors closed and Effie never saw her again.
I'm still breathing
Thirty four tributes
I'm still breathing
Seventeen games
I'm still breathing
Eight Stylists
I'm still breathing
One mentor
I'm alive
Hundreds of parties
I'm alive
Seventeen Victors
I'm alive
Twelve Districts
I'm alive
One Escort
I found solace in the strangest place
Way in the back of my mind
I saw my life in a stranger's face
And it was mine
She could never pinpoint exactly when it started. After all, she had learnt to hate the man that was Haymitch. But somehow, over the years they had started to comfort each other. It had started with her handing him a drink when it all went south. Laying a hand on his shoulder as he got lost in his own memories. Him squeezing her hand before she stepped up to reap the next two children. His hand on the small of her back when someone decided to stop her at a party and inform her how very dramatic the death of one of their tributes had been. Him hearing her cry and somehow unlocking the door and drawing her into his arms, whispering for her to breathe, it would be okay. Her turning over, and seeing the sadness reflected in his eyes. Her reaching up and pressing her lips to his, sighing into his mouth as he returned the kiss.
He left that year, before it could go any further. But the next year, after both their tributes were dead, he found his way to her bed again and this time he allowed her to undress him, to kiss his scars and to give herself to him completely. He took what she had to offer, and returned it and for the first time ever, Effie felt what it was like to be alive.
But it was dangerous, so very dangerous. The thick make-up started to hide the bites and bruises he left on her neck, and slowly spread to her face creating a mask. In time she became two people. His Effie, and the Capital's Effie.
I had a one-way ticket to a place where all the demons go
Where the wind don't change
And nothing in the ground can ever grow
No hope, just lies
And you're taught to cry into your pillow
But I survived
It never got any easier, and within time Effie succumbed to sever depression. She hated herself, hated the way she lived, hated the man she loved. One year, after he had left she had tried to end it all. She never knew how the bottle of sleeping pills ended up in her bedside drawer but they did and she swallowed them all, several at a time. An Avox found her, and she ended up in hospital having her stomach pumped.
She was sent to a therapist, who pulled her out of the games for the following year. They never really made progress, as Effie was too terrified to tell the woman everything. She too was a capital puppet and Snow did not need to know who Effie was sleeping with.
When she returned to the games the following year, Haymitch had dragged to his room and had his way with her so possessively that she began to wonder if there was a chance he might love her too. The year after that, Katniss Everdeen volunteered, and everything changed.
I'm still breathing
Hours of pleasure
I'm still breathing
Twenty Sponsors
I'm still breathing
Four broken people
I'm still breathing
Two loves
I'm alive
One inspiration
I have made every single mistake
That you could ever possibly make
I took and I took and I took what you gave
But you never noticed that I was in pain
I knew what I wanted; I went out and got it
Did all the things that you said that I wouldn't
I told you that I would never be forgotten
And all in spite of you
When the Quarter Quell rolled around and she found out that she would be sending her Victors back into the arena, Effie had made up her mind. She started wearing gold, she listened at keyholes for any details of the rebellion and had worked in her quiet way to make sure the plans would not be foiled. Haymitch didn't know it, no one knew except for Cinna, but Effie was slowly but surely declaring herself a rebel in full sight of President Snow.
They had been in the lobby when the Arena blew up, and the screens went black. She had turned away from the television and made her way through the crowds to where he was watching the clock carefully, a drink clamped in his hand. When she reached him, she glanced at the clock and noticed it was five past midnight. She took his drink off him and downed it in one go, before placing the empty glass on the table. She then wrapped her arms around his neck, pulled him down to her level and kissed him. It wasn't a simple kiss, it was tongue and teeth and him lifting her off the ground. There was silence as the crowd took in that capital darling Effie Trinket, currently had the drunken mentor's tongue down her throat.
"Go." She told him as they separated.
"Come with me." He said
"I can't" she answered. He stared at her for a moment before nodding reluctantly. She waited until he had left, before allowing the grin to take over her face. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, and strode out through the back door. It took the peacekeepers another eight days to find her and arrest her.
And I'm still breathing
A million memories
I'm still breathing
Over a hundred beatings
I'm still breathing
Over fifty electric shock sessions
I'm still breathing
Days without food or water.
I'm alive
Ten rebels coming to her rescue
I'm alive
Five days in a coma
I'm alive
four mental breakdowns
I'm alive
Three Victors
I'm alive
Two dead presidents.
I'm alive
One survivor.
One love.
One rebel.