AN: Heehee enjoy. Reviews keep my happy and make my flower garden grow faster. 3

DISCLAIMER: Don't own.

I've been thinking that it may be prudent to fashion a condom for the Wolf. I mean, honestly, how am I to know if there is such a thing as canine STDs hmmm? Ohhhh…. I wonder if you can transfer lycanthropy though sexual fluids…. That would be pretty bloody awful, cause I'm not too great at lots of practical things, but Sirius says I'm a freaking sex god.

Now… Where was I? Oh yes, Werewolf condom. It would need to be a metal-rubber alloy I think. I think silver would be a great werewolf spermicide, but it might burn the wolf's little pecker off. Well… actually it's pretty fucking big; it's not little at all. At least a foot and a half long, much to padfoot's delight.

But I suppose since Sirius is actually a man, I wouldn't have to worry about spermicide would I? Although lately he has been looking a bit glowy…. Oh, I do hope he's not pregnant. Especially since they would all be puppies. I mean really, what man wants to give birth to thirteen squirming, wriggling, scratching puppies? Besides which, I mean, where would they come from? I know for a fact that they don't come out of the anus; because the reproductive glands don't connect to it I'm pretty sure.

But then wouldn't that mean it would have to happen via the penis? God- that would just fucking hurt don't you think? And how the hell would you push? Is it even possible to push out through the penis?

Oh yay it's Sirius! Oh shit… He really is looking round isn't he? Oh I'm not ready to be a father! NO! ! How are we going to feed them? I mean, I'm a werewolf, and Sirius has been disowned and and and and and… Holy Fucking Shit! Where the hell are we going to keep them? I mean, we can't exactly keep them in the dorm, and where else would we keep them? Oh, I can just see that conversation now… "Professor Dumbledore sir, could I speak with you about something?" "Yes of course my dear boy, you can always speak to me about anything." "Professor! Sirius is pregnant! With thirteen puppies children that he conceived when the Wolf fucked him raw three full moons ago! Tell me sir, will he give birth through his penis, or will the puppies simply burst through his stomach?" and then of course he would say: "I'm not sure Mr. Lupin, although I do say, it would hurt quite a bit if puppies burst out of your penis hmm?" - No, that would be much too awkward.

We would have to keep it a secret. Wait- why am I even wondering about this? Sirius isn't pregnant. It's not even possible for men to be pregnant. Hmm… I wonder….

Professor McGonagall was teaching a class to the fifth year Gryffindor and slytherins about animal to human transfiguration. She had spent countless hours preparing this exact lesson, and if she did say so herself, it was one of her better selections. She had just started demonstrating the vibrating wand motion when a hand shot into the air, and brought the body attached with it.

Remus Lupin jumped out of his seat and into the air, his hands waving wildly.

"Professor! Professor!" McGonagall looked to him in surprise. Normally, Remus wasn't the type to interrupt a lesson.

"Yes Mr. Lupin… what is your question?" Remus started spluttering embarrassedly while his classmates watched him slack-jawed. All but one. Immersed in his spluttering, Remus didn't notice his friend James Potter sneaking up behind him with malicious intent. As he finally worked up the nerve to speak, James made his move. So it was thus, with his pants and trousers around his ankles that Remus blustered out his question:

"Professor! If a man got pregnant, would he give birth through his penis, or would that baby simply burst through his stomach?" McGonagall fainted on the spot, traumatized by both the question and the sight of Remus's hanging genitals.