Uzumaki Minami
Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO...no matter how fun it would be to have Ita-chan, Kaka-baka, and Gaara-kun as my boy toys. Sauce-uke-teme too...*squeals*
Itachi, Kakashi, Sasuke, and Gaara: *shudders* I'm gonna be sick.
Anyway, I've become addicted to femnaru stories. So here's my attempt at what i think would happen had our fave wannabe hokage been a female. So you don't get confused, her name in this story will be Minami, or sometimes Mina.
"Mina-chan, what did you do this time?" Hyuuga Hinata questioned the tomboy who had been her best friend for the past four or so years. Minami just looked at her best friend out of the corner of one of her sapphire eyes as the two girls walked side-by-side to the way to their second-to-last day at the ninja academy and smirked slyly; her eyes glinted with unbridled coyness. It vaguely resembled that of a very mischievous and manipulative vixen-it was a look she knew from experience that only occurred when she had done something particularly crazy. The young Hyuuga heiress shuddered to think of what kind of interrogator/seductress Minami would become once the young wannabe kunoichi was let out into the field. The thought was psychologically scarring, to say the least, so Hinata hurriedly put the thought out of her mind lest she turn insane/mentally disturbed.
"What makes you think I did anything, Hinata-chan? You know just as well as I do that I am a perfect little angel." The blond girl flashed her a dazzling grin that would've brightened up the dark side of the moon, but Hinata snorted disbelievingly and shook her head as they passed the loud street vendors trying to sell their wares and food and walked on the sidewalk. With anyone else, she would have stutterred or wouldn't have talked at all, much less snort in such an unsuitable and impudent manner-according to her douche-bag father, it was unbecomeing of the Hyuuga name and very unladylike (she could no longer count the numerous names Minami had called her father- not mentioning the ones she called him to his face, of course. Those were much politer).
"Oh, I don't know...maybe because I saw that?" She said sarcastically and pointed at the hokage monument, which was positively glowing with bright neon paints as it towered above the citizens of Konoha. The paints, by the way, were painted on in such a manner that it made the four hokages upon the great mountain look like they were either gay drag queens or travestites, depending on whichever angle you looked and whether or not you were wearing any glasses (or contacts). That topic, however, is to be debated at a later time as it is not pertinent to this story-line.
Underneath the faces, the HUGE message 'THE MYSTERIOUS AND AWESOME PHANTOM PRANKSTER OF KONOHA STRIKES AGAIN; THIS TIME THE BLOW IS AGAINST THE VERY HOKAGES THEMSELVES. TAKE THAT, LOSERS. U DONT HAVE WAT IT TAKES 2 DO AWESOME PRANKS LIKE THIS, DO U?' was emblazoned in alternating colors, consisting mainly a combination of neon orange and midnight black, with some blood red mixed in. A red circle with an orange ghost in the center was painted next to the words. It was the symbol the 'Phantom Prankster' always painted somewhere at the scene of the prank. All in all, the monument had been turned into a gigantic eyesore.
Minami put on her most innocent face. Hinata was not fooled in the slightest, and gave her a very skeptical look. Minami herself had confided in her best friend that she was the unknown 'Phantom Prankster', who had established his or her reign of terror over the village with roughly two-hundred-something pranks in the last eight or so years. To everyone else, the identity of the prankster was a mystery, and some of the more superstitious villagers had speculated that it was a poltergeist who had been doing the mischief, hence the name 'Phantom Prankster'. Nobody had even come close to finding the truth. Minami was a quiet girl in class, studied avidly, and spoke only to her posse of friends, which was just the way she liked it. Rolling her eyes, the Hyuuga heiress said nothing and the duo walked on in a companionable silence.
"Troublesome girls." Shikamaru muttered and nodded his head to the two girls in greeting as he said his catchphrase and proceeded to walk alongside them. Minami grinned at him and Hinata immediately went into 'stutter mode'.
"Whattup, Shika-kun? Where's Choji-kun?" Minami asked. Shikamaru sighed boredly, although not too loudly, 'cuz it's too troublesome.
"He ate something and got sick. Such a troublesome guy." At that moment, Kiba chose to appear, running up to them from down the street.
"Hey guys!" He yelled as he ran up to them, Akamaru barking loudly from atop his head. Hinata immediately began twiddling her thumbs and turned redder than blood. Minami rolled her eyes at her friend when she saw this and hi-fived the Inuzuka boy exuberantly as he caught up with them and smirked as she began to bait the kid.
"Hey there, Dogbreath, Fluffball." Akamaru barked at the short blonde girl in indignation while Kiba stuck out his tongue childishly at her. Minami simply flipped them the bird, smirking smugly. Things would have escalated further had Hinata not quietly gathered the courage to speak(more like stutter) and interrupted their routine bickering.
"W-we ha-have t-t-to hur-hurry u-up or I-I-Iruka-se-sensei will b-be m-mad." Shikamaru sighed in response and replied customarily.
"What a drag. You troublesome lot up for ditching class with me and Choji?" Kiba broke off his squabble with Minami immediately and nodded as eagerly as a child would for candy. Hinata seemed to have turned even more pale than she already was at the thought of doing such a thing and risking her father's iron wrath. Minami just sighed boredly. The boys did this at least twice a week, if not more. Although she was the 'Phantom Prankster', wore dirty jeans and even dirtier t-shirts, and was a free spirit at heart, that didn't mean that she didn't value her education. It was quite the opposite in fact, for she took it as seriously as a child her age could be expected to; it probably stemmed from the fact that she had paid the academy's unreasonably high tuition fee with the hard-earned money out of her own pocket, unlike her boisterous friends, who had come from clans and were extremely rich and had massive funding given to them from the biased and corrupt Konoha government's surprisingly enormous gold reserves. She had even refused the Sandaime Hokage's very generous offer to pay for half of it, claiming that she 'wasn't a child' and that she could look after herself, thank you very much.
"You guys already did it the day before yesterday. Also, Iruka-sensei is gonna help us review for the test tomorrow; I want to have some of my friends on my team, thank you very much." Kiba made a face, Akamaru whined, and Shikamaru groaned. Minami was an awesome friend, but when her 'mother-hen' mode surfaced, there was no way to stop her from going on and on, not unlike what Iruka-sensei would do. Kiba discreetly gave Hinata a pleading look while Minami ranted, and she handed him a pair of earplugs, her eyes refusing to meet his and her face red as their hands made contact. Fortunately, she didn't faint, which was considered a miracle in itself.
Shikamaru, being genius he was, had anticipated this and was smart enough to bring his own earplugs. He pulled a black pair out of his back jeans pocket and put them in his ears, knowing from experience that Minami was very unlikely to stop her tirade until they reached the academy doors. So he picked up his pace and the rest of the small group followed, with Minami still nagging them; all of them quite blissfully oblivious to the fact that their routine, everyday world would shatter into unfixable fragments, all of which would never be able to be put back together.