Ask for it and you shall receive!
This is all for Camy…my Shepmagan addition to the episode 'Critical Mass'…so before anyone goes any further…SPOILERS FOR CRITICAL MASS…
Okay now that that is taken care of…this was written for Camy…hope you enjoy it!
Never Alone
The imminent danger had passed, a day's turmoil fading away like the setting sun outside the glass panes of Atlantis… but the past events lingered on, making people question themselves and their ability to lead, doubting their choices…wondering if they were the right ones to make…
Lt. Col. Sheppard walked out of Elizabeth Weir's office.
The Atlantis team members that had been evacuated had long since returned. The Athosians as well had returned to the mainland to their homes… all except one...the one John needed to see the most.
John walked through the hallways of Atlantis searching for that one person and knowing without question where he would find her.
She was sitting on the bench in their gym, gazing out the window. She made a solitary figure, outlined by the last rays of the dying sun as they cast their remaining glow over her features as it sank into the ocean.
She didn't realize he was standing in the doorway. She didn't turn to greet him with a smile... she just remained lost in thought.
A tightening of his chest and an aching sadness filled John as he looked upon her… her head resting against the window pane and her knees hugged close to her…so alone.
John gripped his hand into a fist, a physical representation of the frustration coursing through him. The first time Teyla had truly needed him and he had failed her. How many times throughout this hellish day had he wanted nothing more than to come to her, sit by her, take her grief so she didn't have to bare it alone.
He could have shared that with her…loss…he knew it all to well. The empty void it left inside knowing that those closest to you would never come back to stand by his side…
Faces flashed across John's minds as old memories were dredged up…the smiling, cocky grins of his friends…afternoons spent over a beer, the good natured joking over the failed pick up lines…the camaraderie he had with them…the knowledge that they would put down their own lives to save his own when it was on the line… his fellow officers…his friends…the closest thing to a family he had ever known… gunned down in a moment's time…their grins wiped away, the laughter dead…leaving him empty…
Until he had come to Atlantis…and his life had begun again…when he had met Elizabeth, Rodney…Teyla…
…when he had met Teyla.
She had offered him her friendship, bowing her head in the greeting of her people and on that day his life had changed and he started to feel as if he belonged somewhere…with someone…with her…
John closed his eyes and breathed in a ragged breath.
And he hadn't been by her side when she had needed him…
He remembered the moment when he had found out from Carson that something was wrong with Charin…He had come looking for Teyla needing to warm her of the danger she and her people were in and instead had found Carson and a dying Charin…
Teyla had spoken often of the older woman and with such obvious affection…he had wanted to stay with Charin until Teyla returned but Charin, in her fading voice, had told him Teyla would understand…go protect us all…protect Teyla…
He wanted to have been by her side so she wouldn't have to face that loss alone. And for a moment his duty to Atlantis waged a war with his personal desires… but in the end duty won out. A need to protect Atlantis for the sake of the future had stopped him from going to her side and the knowledge that Teyla trusted him enough to protect her and her people.
He had always known where Teyla was and what she was going though. As time spiraled away and decisions had to be made his thoughts would travel to Teyla but instead of weakening his focus, it made him all the more ready to do what was necessary to protect Atlantis…protect Teyla.
After finding out Charin was dying, he had made sure that Carson had kept him apprised of what was happening and to watch over Teyla because he couldn't. Carson would be there for her when he could not.
But the knowledge that Carson had stayed with her did not lessen his guilt, unfounded though it might seem. He couldn't rid himself of the feeling that he let her down.
John must have made a sound or maybe Teyla finally sensed someone was near because when John looked up from his thoughts he found her gaze focused on him.
She slowly stood up and John watched as she smiled, a smile that did not quite encompass her whole face. The sadness…the loneliness lingered on in the depths of her eyes…even as she tried to fool him otherwise.
'Colonel…It is good to see you…I was going to come look for you and Dr. Weir to pass along the gratitude of my people…"
"Teyla" John said her name softly, filled with compassion.
"Col, I…"
John didn't let her finish. He just walked up to where she was standing and wrapped his arms around her.
"Oh, Teyla…I'm sorry…I wish I had been there with you."
Teyla stood still in his arms, still keeping up her strong front.
"You had your responsibilities…you needed to protect Atlantis…and I had my duty to…to…Charin…and…we…both needed to do…" Teyla broke off and John felt her hands grasp his arms as he felt her resolve start to crumble, "She is gone…the last of my family…Charin left me alone…"
John tightened his arms around Teyla, "You're not alone Teyla…you have your people…you have Atlantis…Weir…Rodney…Ronon….and…and you have me Teyla…" John felt Teyla stiffen in his arms but John didn't stop. "You have always had me." John felt his voice grow with his admission as he finally gave life to his feelings, "…I think you've had me from the very first day we met…I thought I was alone…I've lost so many people and then I met you…and I started to belong again...I found a home…a family…with you. You're not alone Teyla because if you are then so am I."
Teyla heard his words flow over her and through her filling her with warmth, chasing away the bleakness that had haunted her since the Ring Ceremony for Charin. She slowly rapped her arms around John, holding him close to her, breathing in his scent, absorbing his strength…she was not alone…never alone…she had John.
"You are not alone John" she whispered.
The two stood together in the middle of the gym, the sun had long since faded into night, but neither had moved apart, both still needing the human touch to dispel the day's events and replace them with something good.
…they were never alone
…even if they were far apart
…they were not alone
…never alone.
Okay…there ya go Camy!