A/N: All right, here's something probably done a million times before, but we took it to the extreme, I suppose. Although this "story" has no set time frame, meaning we can hop around to whatever cast of character at any age, we're going to try and give it some reasonable structure. Well, at least for a few of them. Yes, maybe. Anyway . . . read on and enjoy. Copyright junk will be at the very end, not that it's really necessary. I mean, do you actually think we thought up all this stuff? We're flattered, but sadly we only borrowed characters and made them do what we want to to cause us amusement. Yes, we're mean.
It's the Hogwarts' Musical, where devoted followers of the Harry Potter fandom can come and be amused as basically the staff and body and whomever else we decide to toss in and cause ever-lasting, therapy-causing embarrassments. Or that's the plan anyway . . . J
Channy Hoppy and Kim Hoppy
BE OUR GUEST
Authors pass out music to everyone, who then proceed to drop jaws, refuse to take part, take a deep drink, are drag and tied back down after trying to run away, etc, etc . . .
[Dumbledore:]
Honored Guests and Students, it is with deepest pride and greatest pleasure
that we welcome you tonight.
And now we invite you to relax, let us pull up a chair as the house
elves proudly presents - your dinner!
[Dobby:]
Be our guest!
Be our guest!
Put our service to the test
Tie your napkin 'round your neck, dear guests
[For some strange, unknown reason, Dobby chose to "tie" the "napkin" around Draco's neck]
And we provide the rest
Soup du jour
Hot hors d'oeuvres
"Ow!!! OWOWOWOWOW" House elf drops plate after burning hands, which bumps into elf carrying soup, which spills onto guest.
"I said hot! Sorry sir!"
Why, we only live to serve
[Various Ravenclaws, frantic]:
"Don't touch the grey stuff! It's poisonous!
Don't believe us? Ask the corpses!"
(this is corpses moving around!)
They can sing
They can dance
This is a one-in-a-lifetime chance!
And a dinner here is never second best!
Go on, unfold your menu
"We get menus? Pfft! This is a bloody school!"
Take a glance and then you'll
Be our guest
"Clogged arteries in the chest!"
Be our guest!
[Winky:]
Cheese souffle
Pie and pudding "en flambe"
"Oooh, sorry sirs!! You mustn't get so close to the flames!!"
[A Different House Elf:]
We'll prepare and serve with flair
A culinary cabaret!
"Oops, sirs! We been trying to catch the pizzas like fat man, but we no good!!"
Don't you moan
And don't be scared
"Hello!! Singing house-elves."
Hey the banquet's all prepared
No one's gloomy or complaining
While the flatware's entertaining
"AHH, they're throwing knives!"
"We're juggling, sirs!"
We tell jokes
"Really bad jokes."
We do tricks
With fellow castle hicks
[Drink serving Elves:]
And it's all in perfect taste
That you can bet
[All the House elves:]
Come on and lift your glass
You've won your own free pass
To be out guest
"I think I'd rather go to Disney World."
[Dobby:]
If you're stressed
It's fine dining we suggest
[All the House Elves, out of tune:]
Be our guest!
Be our guest!
Be our guest!
[Winky:]
Life is so unnerving
For house elves who're not serving
We're not whole without those to wait upon
Ah, those good old days when we're useful
Suddenly those good days turn to Summer!
Three months we've been sitting
Needing so much more than eating
Needing exercise, a chance to use our skills
Most days we just lay around the castle
Flabby, fat and lazy
You walked in and oops-a-daisy!
[Snape:]
It's the class!
Sakes alive, my labs are a-messed!
Ink's been spilled and damned the slobs
I've had the herbs freshly pressed!
[ Trelawny:]
Why! It's the Grim
In the cup for tea!
My dear, that means Death—fine with me!
While the cups do their fortuning
I'll be giggling, I'll be swooning
[Snape, holding potion bottle:]
They'll get warm
Piping hot!
Bloody gits!
You let the herbs go to rot!
[Filch *holding messy trophy:]
Detention! Your trophies are messed!
And you've got a lot to do!
[Fred and George Weasley from their seats:]
Is it one lump or two?
For you, Quidditch foe!
[Doddy:]
They're our guests!
[House Elves:]
They're our guests!
[Winky:]
The students, our guests!
[House Elves:]
Be our guest
Be our guest
Our command is your request!
Ten centuries over we're still here
And we're obsessed:
"Hell right," a student muttered.
With your meal
With your ease
Yes, indeed, we aim to please
While the candlelight's still glowing
Let us help you
"I can Serve myself! Thank you!"
We'll keep going
[Dobby:]
Course by course
One by one
'Til you shout, "Enough! I'm done!"
"I'm done!!!"
Then we'll sing you off to sleep as you digest
"You can't even sing!"
Tonight you'll prop your feet up
"Wouldn't we get detention for that?"
But for now, let's eat up
Be our guest!
Be our guest!
Be our guest!
Please, be our guest!
HELP!!!
Ending note:
Snape: I demand to know why McGonagall didn't have anything to sing! Our any of the other teachers!
Authors: Umm, we forgot about them . . .
Other Teachers: snickering or blessing their luck
Authors: And we like you to be embarrassd.
Snape: snarl
Trelawny proudly: They must like me, since they remembered me! And my part was perfect
Authors: We needed a nut. You fit the bill