Angel of Perfection
To love a woman. Is harder than it seems, especially for a god. It shouldn't even be something that is possible; for a god among men to fall in love with his angel. His aloof, quiet, serene angel who talked to none but himself. This was the type of angel, the one person, who would devote their life to their god without asking for anything in return. But this angel had gotten something in return without even knowing it. They had earned their god's respect, their admiration, and most importantly their love. Love is a better gift than any other material possession. It is better than diamonds, or blood, or killing, or money, and a thousand times better than lust.
Pein shook his head and took a drink from a small metal container that held whiskey. He heavily sighed, he couldn't be thinking such ungodly thoughts. He was a god among men and that meant he had to act like one at all times, even inside his head. To love his angel? How silly of him to think such ideas and let such childish fantasies fester in his mind when he had work to do. He had to create peace among people, and love was most definitely not his answer. Pain was. And only pain could create the peace that both Yahiko and Nagato had longed for, for so many years.
"Pein, it's getting late," Konan softly spoke; her soft voice cutting through the thick silence as she entered Leader's office through the hallway that connected both their rooms to the lavishly furnished work space. Pein looked up and couldn't help himself but to notice how the dim light of the room made her sapphire hair look even more beautiful than usual. Her hair shimmered slightly as she stood under the faint glow of one of the candles placed on the wall for light. Her dark, heavy, yet unnecessary eye makeup made her deep and penetrating eyes glisten and look beautiful, yet at the same time give a harsh and cold appearance.
Konan was a women of an innumerable amount of contradictions. She was alluring and empathetic yet harsh and strict at the same exact time. She was a beautiful mess of misunderstandings and oppositions.
"I know that," Pein aloofly stated as he pulled himself from those silly thoughts of his. Konan only nodded her head as she slowly pulled up a chair next to Pein's. Pein winced when the metal legs of the chair harshly scraped against the stone floor.
"Perhaps I could help you," Konan quietly offered, also finding the unpleasant grating nose troublesome. She looked at the silver canteen next to Pein's arm and looked down at her folded up hands in a mournful manner. She hated it when Pein drank; she knew it would eventually shorten his lifespan by more than a few years in the long term. It made Konan's heart sink when his body would become momentarily weak from too much alcohol or his words slurred or his thoughts breached by the invasive substance. Konan couldn't stand to watch him whither away for something as nonsensical as some frivolous vice. No matter how much of a god he was, he wasn't immortal. Even Pein could not manage an impossible feat such as immortality.
Though, despite these worries Konan never told him of how much she disapproved of his vice, he knew by her impassive silence and even so it wasn't her place to speak out against her master of sorts. She was his angel, not his mother. She was to follow his orders to utmost perfection and in return do anything she could to ease the pain of being a god among criminals.
"If you would be so kind as to go through these mission reports. Read them and tell me anything abnormal or important about them. If you find nothing abnormal or important then file them away in the file cabinet. You've done it before," Pein said as he flipped through a file containing information on the Kyuubi.
"Hai," Konan said, her voice icy and detached as she picked up a file and began to read through it ever so slowly. Pein looked at her out of the corner of his eye and couldn't help but think she was the most graceful, beautiful, serene, independent, caring, yet aloof women ever. A woman with that type of combination is rare these days, but Pein had gotten lucky. Too bad he was a god and she was just his angel, nothing more and nothing else. Pein shook his head and snarled to himself. Foolish thoughts.
Konan looked at her beloved lord and faintly smiled with affection. All Pein was, was an extension of Nagato's thoughts, feelings, emotions, goals, and desires. He was Nagato's voice in a sense, they were the same but different. Nagato was caring, sweet, and affectionate towards those he wanted, no, needed to protect. However Pein was serious, aloof, and stressed, yet he still carried that air of wanting what was best for everyone around him. Konan looked down in shame, she didn't know who she loved anymore. Pein or Nagato. Or both perhaps considering they were the same person; just different personalities, different sides of that same person.
"Konan, is something bothering you?" Pein asked after noticing she had been more aloof than usual.
"No Pein," Konan murmured, her job was to support and assist her god in any way possible, not love him. There was no point in feeling a certain way about a person when the feeling will never be a mutual one. Her feelings were irrelevant in the grand scheme of things, not when compared to peace. Peace was the ultimate goal, and both Nagato, Pein, and Yahiko had told her many times that pain was the only means to reach that goal.
"I'm going to get some tea, would you like anything," Konan courteously asked as she gracefully stood and slowly walked over to the door.
"Konan, may I ask you something before you leave?" Pein abruptly said before thinking about his words, something that was extremely unusual for him.
"Of course, Pein. Anything for you," Konan politely said. She was so still, so serene as she spoke these words. Not even her shallow breathing affected her stillness in serenity.
"do you believe it is possible for a god to fall in love?" Pein said, deep in thought, even though he wasn't thinking about what he was saying. If he would've done that then the words would've never come from his mouth. Konan paused to think about her answer before responding.
"That depends on the god and who he falls in love with, and why," Konan slowly answered, wondering why she being asked such pointless, mundane question.
"What if it was because she was beautiful, thoughtful, understanding, independent, graceful, classy, and everything else a god could ever ask for. Then is it possible?" Pein slowly asked; listing all the traits that fit Konan all too well. Konan only stared at her god with a bland and seemingly uncaring expression for a few moments before carefully answering his question.
"I believe it might be. If that women...or man, truly cares about god," Konan slowly stated.
"It's a woman this god has fallen for. She's an angel among sinners, and she's saved this certain god more times than she knows," Pein slowly said. Konan wordlessly stared at her god, was it possible, even a little, that he was talking about her.
"May god's angel ask a question?" Konan whispered, her gaze resting on the still form of he wreary lord.
"Of course."
"Where did Nagato go?" Konan whispered and closed her eyes as tears threatened to spill over her opaque cheeks. This was a question she had needed to know the answer to for a very long time, but just now got the courage to ask.
"Konan," Pein whispered, suddenly right in front of Konan, "Normally I would say that Nagato died along with Yahiko. But today I have a different answer. He is right here, my angel," Pein whispered as he gently touched the tip of his finger to Konan's heart. Konan looked down at where his finger was pointing and softly nodded her head. It was a good answer, one that showed her that maybe this emotionless creature truly cared.
Pein sighed, it was the answer she wanted to hear, no, needed to hear. He wasn't sure if he believed it quite yet, but Konan had needed to hear it, even if she didn't know it. Her faith and inner-being was fading away because of him. She had been losing herself for years now because she was faithfully devoted to him, she was living for him and him only and it just wasn't healthy. And while she may not have known it, or cared that she was hurting herself, as long as she was helping Pein reach his goals she would continue on. She had been living without even a shred of hope for so long, he figured he might as well give her something to hold on to. No matter how meaningless a gesture it was.
"Then you should know, that this angel truly does care about god, she would do anything for him," Konan whispered.
"I think that it is about time that this god did something for his angel for once," Pein softly spoke.
"My beautiful angel, do you love your god, as much as he loves you?" Pein whispered softly into Konan's ear.
"Hai, sir, I do love my god. With all my heart, or at least whats left of it. Though I fear I don't deserve my god's love, not yet," Konan whispered.
"Don't be absurd, your god is the one who doesn't deserve your love," Pein whispered as his hand grasped at the frictionless marble skin of this beautiful woman who seemed to be the essence of everything perfect in the world. She was love, peace, beauty, solace, care, and everything else that seemed right in this pitch black world. She was everything a god could want and more, but it wasn't a god's place to love.
Love was a trivial useless emotion at best, an emotion not fit for a god of peace. But how could he continue denying this feeling? Every time he saw Konan and all her perfection he couldn't help but feel at least a little longing for her. And not in the lustful sense of the word, but he longed for her to love him the way he loved her. No matter how much he kept telling himself it was impossible for a god to love.
"But I love my god...more than he knows," Konan whispered before looking down in fear of rejection.
"I know, and he loves you too, more than he would ever like to admit," Pein whispered as he took hold of her jawline gently with his fingers and made her look into his eyes. Perhaps love wasn't so horrible, maybe it did have a purpose. Pein breathed deeply as he bent down and softly kissed his wonderfully classy angel. Konan wasn't all too surprised by the action, she had known Nagato/Pein long enough to know their every thought, every motive, every action, and every single want. And it just so seemed her wants perfectly aligned to his.
"I love you, my beautiful angel, though I'm not sure if even a god as perfect as myself is deserving of you."
"No my lord, I am the one not deserving. But if you would take me even with my imperfections," Konan said with sad eyes as she looked down and closed her eyes. Pein shouldn't love her, he couldn't. It was not his place to, just like it wasn't her place to feel emotions of any type.
"Don't say such things about yourself. Such horrible lies aren't healthy," Pein whispered before capturing her smooth and delicate lips with his.
"You see perfection where there is none," Konan murmured with heavy eye lids.
"And you see coal where there are diamonds, my dear," Pein whispered, his icy stare boring through Konan's emotionless veil of uncertainty.
"You see too much in me, I am nothing but a simple servant to my god," Konan whispered solemnly, refusing to believe what her god was telling her. She closed her eyes with solitude, despite her tumbling thoughts and conjectures.
Pein looked down at her, his partner was, in spirit, the embodiment of all the hopes and dreams he had left behind. She held his hope and trust, his dreams for peace. Her unwavering trust and strong resolve in him had given him strength to continue. Her honest words and actions that were devoid of the naivety that usually came with such words gave Pein a sense of power and even assurance. Their mutual respect for each other showed through their trust and recognition of the others power. It showed through the love they held for one other, the love they had buried under their deeply constructed facades of pain and an apathetic nature.
"We have lost too many members lately, I do not want to lose you," Konan quietly spoke, her head unusually angled down. Pein knew what she was referring to, she was afraid that Kyuubi might kill him. Pein fingered the heavy, metallic ring that heavily hung on his thumb.
"You have no worry of that. Kyuubi is no such danger to a person like myself," Pein said, gently forcing Konan to look up into his steely gaze. Konan retorted with her own cold gaze the reminded the Ame nin of jagged ice.
"I know..." Konan nodded her head an pursed her ethereal lips. Her long, pale, porcelain digits daintily ran through his tangerine hair with care. She stared into his bitter gaze that held no soul or life. It was common for a person to say that the eyes were gateway of the soul. As Konan looked into that empty gaze of nothingness she concluded that either people were wrong as usual or Pein had no soul to see into. Either way to Konan it didn't matter, people were often wrong about many things.
To Pein, Konan was an angel of perfection that had slipped through his taunt fingers numerous times in the past. She was a woman who could not be claimed by any man no matter how hard they tried. Hidan, Sasori, and Deidara had been perfect examples of that. Konan had brushed off each one of them with her icy stare, hollow words, and meaningless gestures of politeness. But Pein was an exception, for he was not a man, but a god. She had never once tried to brush him off or ignore him or try to do something nice because she felt she had to. Unlike with the others members her acts of kindness and courtesy are done because she wants to help, because she wants to make Pein feel better.
Pein looked down into those blue gray eyes of despair and lost hope. He knew what they said, their voice rang louder than the thick silence that enveloped the work space. Neither spoke, but neither stayed silent.
I love you. Konan's usually hollow and emotionless gaze solemnly said as her eyes searched her partner's empty ringed eyes. Even though they portrayed the same bitter and uncaring attitude as always, behind a those layers of hatred were feelings as deep and hidden as her own.
Pein slightly paused before responding, thinking over what he felt and what Konan would want to hear before answering. Pein mentally sighed and decided to answer with what he felt at that moment in time.
Your god loves you too...
(A/N): This is the revised drabbly oneshot I did a little bit ago, I think its at least a little better now, though I'll probably revise it again just because I feel like I need to. Though, I'm not so sure on the rating since I'm extremely paranoid about rating a story too low and all. If you think the rating needs to change to T, then let me know because I'm still not so sure about that. Anyways, hope you enjoy it! Oh and R&R would be MUCH loved! Constructive criticism is always appreciated.