Summary: "i hope she'll be a fool. that's the best thing in this world a girl can be, a beautiful little fool." Trina centric
Author's Note: Because of the prompt given to me by Lovely Amelie, I got the idea to write about Trina, because she is definitely underused. If anyone can guess where the quote in the summary is from, then I may write a prompt of your choice as well.
In Trina's world, everything is innocent and perfect. It is completely up to her standards; it's a world where she is a princess, she is a celebrity, she is loved and known by all. There is no ugliness in the world, no evil. Everything is as it should be.
Trina Vega lives and thrives in this world. But she knows that outside this little bubble, everything is not as it seems. She knows that if she steps out of this bubble, she will be slaughtered to the point of extinction. And she isn't ready to face those consequences.
.-.
In her own little world, she believes herself to be an absolutely wonderful singer. She listens to the cheering of the crowd and the love being displayed by the fans around her. They crowd around her, reaching out to her as her voice flows through naturally and she reaches out to them.
In her own world, everything is pure and innocent. Everyone praises her and everyone accepts her for who she is.
She doesn't realize how much she lived in her own little world until her innocence and purity is ripped away from her.
She watches her little world dissolve away into nothingness from that one night.
.-.
She's nineteen when this happens, and in her first year at the University of Utah. She doesn't even know why she picked UoU. Maybe it's because it's the only university that accepts her for their theatre program. Regardless of where she goes, she is hundreds of miles away from home, and she knows that she was stupid to even go to that party without any of her new friends.
It doesn't even happen at the party. It doesn't happen on the walk home even. So how does this relate to the party?
Easy. A guy that was at the party follows her all the way to her dorm room (single room of course) and sneaks into her room and decides to have some fun. Really, it isn't fun at all.
That February night at 11:11pm, Trina Vega is raped by a guy she doesn't even know. That night, her whole world crashes down on her as the cold, harsh reality sets in.
Nothing is as perfect as she wants it to be. Nothing is as oblivious or innocent anymore.
For the first time ever, Trina breaks free of the bubble that she had formed, never to enter it again.
.-.
Nothing is as perfect as she wants it to be. Nothing is as oblivious or innocent anymore.
For the first time ever, Trina breaks free of the bubble that she had formed, never to enter it again.
.-.
That night, for the first time in her life, Trina begs, pleads, cries for her innocence, for her purity.
She's never getting it back.
.-.
Unlike most girls, she immediately reports this guy to the police as well as the board at the university. Because she is not going to stand by like a victim and watch the opportunities she could have had float by. She isn't going to watch this guy do this again to another girl.
Within two days, they find the third year university student, Troy, and find out he has done this twice before. The two girls that he raped didn't tell anyone and he had ruined their lives.
One dropped out of school. The other committed suicide.
Trina feels proud that she has achieved peace for both of these young girls. She is glad that everything turns out right in the end.
Except that it doesn't.
.-.
She has trouble memorizing her lines. The words blur in front of her face, and her hands shake as she excuses herself from the room. The professor understands and lets her go.
She feels her legs shake as she runs, runs, runs, all the way outside. She grabs onto the railing as tears pool from her eyes as her breathing grows ragged. She is seeing everything clearly now, she sees her whole life and how it really looks outside of her bubble, and it isn't pleasant.
She sees people fighting and angry faces. She sees lonliness and terror. She knows how untalented she really is, and how the theatre really isn't made for her.
.-.
Two weeks after this realization, she applies for the visual arts program at Brown University to study fashion for her second year. She makes it.
.-.
She goes home May afternoon to find her sister waiting for her. She doesn't know about the rape.
That night, Trina has a heart to hear conversation with her sister. It goes better than expected. Her sister listens and sympathizes. She lets Trina cry on her shoulder and she sheds a few tears as well.
The most important thing to the nineteen year old is that her sister is there for her, and not judging her. This is the first time in a while that she feels safe and happy.
.-.
Cat takes her to a church that she used to go to as a child. It's a legit church, with a boring priest and a confession booth and everything. She sticks with Cat for the service (which is even more boring than she predicted) and Cat introduces her to Father Charles after the service, whom shortly goes into the confession booth to anyone that needs it.
Cat goes to flutter around the church while Trina takes a spot in the booth. It's silent for a good five minutes; she feels her heart beating rapidly as Father Charles sits quietly, letting her talk when she needs to.
"Father, I've never done this before, so excuse me for this rambling," she starts off nervously, and pauses for a moment before continuing. "I don't even know why I'm here, really. I don't believe in God anymore; I used to before... before an unforgivable deed, not done to me, but done upon me. This situation I got myself into open my eyes about what I've done in my past."
She stops there, sniffling once more as the memory of her screaming and the pain thrust upon her is getting to her. She has to compose herself before speaking again.
"Before this situation I got myself into, I was an oblivious, little bitch- pardon my language. I thought I was so high and mighty, and I thought that I was popular and talented and pretty and I thought that everyone loved me. I thought I was so perfect; nothing could hurt me or bring me down. It turns out I was just living in a different world, a different reality than this."
She wipes some oncoming tears, and she hears the murmur of Father Charles to show that he is listening. She is grateful for this; she is actually feeling a little bit better about talking about this to a complete stranger. She just didn't feel right talking about this with her family, or her friends (what friends, a nagging voice shouts in her head).
"I'm nothing anymore, Father. I have absolutely nothing else left. My pride, my talent, my life has been ripped away because some sleaze thought it would be funny to take my virginity without my permission," she lets out a shuddering breath, "and it just hurts, you know? I was perfectly fine in living in denial. I was doing well in the theatre program, or I thought I was. I'm not happy anymore, I don't feel like I'm good at anything. I'm useless," the sobs start getting louder, "and I'm nothing anymore! I'm alone in this battle to find myself again. I'm nothing," she finishes.
Father Charles clears his throat before speaking to her. "I can't imagine what you're going through, but you're not alone. You came with Cat Valentine, which means you have her. And you have your family, I am sure. Rape is not a pleasant thing; actually, it can destroy a person's life, child. But how you come out of it and how strong you are is what defines you. You want to be able to move past this in time and tell your daughter or son someday that you went through so much and you came back from it. It's what's inside that counts, Trina," he tells her. Trina purses her lips as her sobs quiet down.
"If I have a daughter, I hope she'll be a fool. That's the best thing in this world a girl can be, a beautiful little fool," she says softly before exiting from the booth.
.-.
Her sister is the one who convinces her to go to therapy. It is the day that Trina is leaving to Rhode Island, to her new school, and they are all at the airport. Her father hugs her tightly, telling her to call often, and her mother smothers her with hugs and kisses. When it's time to say goodbye to Tori, they just face each other before her eyes fill with tears and she's embracing her little sister. She has to go farther away now, with nobody to look after her and protect her from everything in the world, and she's scared.
"Hey sis, it'll be all right in the end. You remember Jade two years ago, when she got attacked in the park by that strange guy and she had to go to therapy twice a week to deal with it? Maybe therapy will help you," Tori suggests. She shakes her head, though, mortified at the thought.
"I'm not crazy, Tor," she tells her strongly. Tori shakes her head as well, smiling a little bit.
"I know you're not; but you're broken, and you need to be fixed back up. I love you so much sis," she tells her before Trina boards the plane to Rhode Island.
.-.
She does go to therapy, like Tori suggests; or rather, she stumbles upon a support group while looking for the bathroom. She just happens to walk in, like luck is bestowed upon her, and she finds at least twenty people in a small room, who look at her when she enters. She sees some of the tears on their faces and she feels vulnerable, and weak.
"I-I'm sorry, I was looking for the bathroom," she stutters and wants to leave when a male voice stops her.
"No, stay. I think you're in the right place," he answers and she looks at the man who had spoken, and her breath catches in her throat. She first notices his eyes; they're bright green, and they are gorgeous. She likes green eyes. He smiles pleasantly at her and gestures for her to join in, and she reluctantly does so, even though she has no clue what kind of meeting this is.
She takes a seat right across from the mystery man, who nods at her. This girl beside her places a gentle hand on her thigh, and she wants to flinch away, but something makes her stay perfectly still. She manages an awkward smile as the leader, an older male, speaks.
"What is your name?" he asks her, and she utters her name with as much confidence as she can muster, but it comes out in a squeak. He just smiles at her. "Well, Trina, thank you for joining us. Not a lot of people have the guts to actually stay."
"What kind of meeting is this?" she can't help but as. The girl beside her answers her.
"It's for people that have been sexually abused or sexually harassed by somebody," she answers and her blood runs cold. But she decides to stay.
.-.
The guy that had convinces her to stay is named Hunter, and he invites her for a cup of coffee with the girl beside her, Aerie, and her boyfriend, Will, after the meeting. They tell her of their stories, and she finds them completely heartbreaking. Aerie had been raped by her ex boyfriend two years ago, twice actually, and she had tried to kill herself as a result. Will was the shining point in her life. They had met on the first day at Brown (him an engineer, her a psychologist), and have been together ever since. Hunter is only a year older than her, but his story is more heartbreaking (because what guy comes to that kind of meeting?)
He had been sexually harassed by his male teacher, who had tried to come onto him in high school. He had a criminal record of child molestation, and Hunter had been lucky to get away just in time. She listens with an open heart and an open mind, and she actually feels tears form in her eyes. She tells them her heartfelt story, and how it's opened her eyes to all of her flaws. They listen to her, and they console her.
She feels as if there is a huge weight being lifted off of her shoulders. She feels as if she can finally move on from that horrid part of her life, and start fresh. She doesn't have to be Trina Vega, talented singer and actress extraordinaire anymore. She can just be Trina.
And that's all she ever wants to be.