You Don't Say!
"Wee, look at me, I'm the famous Harry Potter so I can run around in circles in the corner without anyone thinking it's weird," sang Harry, running around in circles in the corner. When he finally got bored with that after an hour, he jogged outside.
"Oh look, a bench. Wingardium Leviosa!" he yelled, wiggling his wand at the bench, which didn't move. Harry tried again, and this time the bench floated up. Around it went in circles above his head.
"Hi, Harry!" called a Ravenclaw girl.
"Die!" answered Harry, hitting her in the head with the bench. She dropped her books and ran away from him as quickly as she could.
"Oh my wizard god!" Harry shrieked, "there's something shiny on the wall!" He chucked cups at the wall over and over until the shiny thing finally popped out. Harry Summoned it and put it in his pocket. Then he did a happy dance.
When he was done with the happy dance, he ran up to the attic. "Oh, look, somebody's fighting next to a statue!" he exclaimed. "Let's go!"
A Gryffindor and a Slytherin were fighting over a Chocolate Frog card. It was the Slytherin's, but naturally Harry defended the Gryffindor. "Now, now, gals," he said in a horrible Texas accent, "yawls has to get along, ya hear?"
"Go to hell, Pothead," answered the Slytherin.
"Levicorpus!" yelled Harry. Immediately, the Slytherin was dangling in the air by her ankle. Harry Stunned her a hundred times in a row before she finally fell.
"Thanks, Harry!" said the Gryffindor cheerfully.
Suddenly, Harry noticed something shiny next to the statue of a lion. "SHINY!" he yelled, running to get it and doing another happy dance.
He ran back outside, wiggling his wand at birds and lamps as he passed. People stared at him as he passed. "Do you really think he's the Chosen One?"
In the Transfiguration Courtyard, he saw a group of Hufflepuff girls gossiping. "Pygmy Puffs are so cute!" said one of them.
"Oh yeah?" demanded Harry, backing up into the wall and then running full speed at the Hufflepuff girls.
He crashed into them and fell to the ground, his head throbbing. The girls took a glance at him and ran off. "Ugh! Ugh!" they shrieked.
Harry stood up and looked around. "Ooh, look, a box of fireworks," he said. "Inncendio!"
The box exploded. Hermione walked up to Harry, shaking her head.
"Harry, what the hell is your problem?" she demanded.
"Sorry," said Harry bashfully. "Death makes me weird."
"You don't say!"