Spaghetti Bolognese:
"How is it possible that you don't know how to cook anything?" Lily asked in exasperation, "I really doubt that your parents have been cooking all of your meals for the last 20 years."
"No; the House Elves have," James answered in confusion. At the glare he received from his wife, he added, "Well, House Elf. We only had one at home."
With a sigh of annoyance, Lily handed her husband a large, heavy-based saucepan, "Heat two tablespoons of olive oil and..."
"Which one's a table spoon?" James asked as he rifled through the cutlery draw one handed, "And what's olive oil?"
Grabbing to oil from the cupboard and a table spoon from under her husband's hand, "The big one," she said, nostrils flaring slightly. "Now put that over a medium heat and fry the bacon."
"I like bacon," he stared blankly at the oven, as if waiting for it to magically turn itself on – which, knowing his upbringing, was highly likely. With a sigh, Lily twisted the dial for him, put the pan over the heat and poured in the olive oil.
"I've already chopped the bacon for you..."
"Ooooh, pancetta," James interrupted.
"There's six rashers in total," she continued, ignoring her husband completely. "Now remember this, I will be testing you. You fry those whilst I chop the onions and garlic. It shouldn't take long. Lily quickly set to work peeling and chopping the two onions and crushing the three garlic cloves – it was easy to see how talented she was in potions.
"Alright, the bacon's done, so now you add these and fry until they all soften," Lily explained whilst adding the onions and garlic. "You can tell the bacon's done when it turns a sort of golden colour all over," She added at her husband's confused look.
"Once that's done, we need to add one kilogram of minced beef," She explained carefully, getting the meat out of the fridge.
"Kilogram?" James asked, wincing as Lily whacked him 'round the back of the head for wielding the saucepan like a sword.
"Two and a quarter pounds, then," She clarified, turning up the heat and tipping the meat into the pan and getting her husband to break it up properly with his wooden spatula. "Fry that until it's browned." While she watched her husband, Lily poured herself a glass of wine and drank slowly as she supervised.
"What's that for?"
"The chef gets to drink wine," Lily explained with a false haughty air.
"I'm actually doing the cooking, shouldn't I get some?"
"Assistants don't count." Once she'd finished her glass and deemed the meat sufficiently cooked, she refilled it and tipped the contents into the pan.
"Err... Okaaay..."
"The recipe requires to large glasses of red wine. I'm not trying to get you drunk, Potter." Lily replied to her husband's unasked question, whilst pouring a second glass of wine into the pan. "Boil that until it's reduced by about a third."
Lily began chopping the stick of celery, all the while keeping an eye on her somewhat incompetent husband. She retrieved two cans of chopped tomatoes from the cupboard, opening them both and settled onto the counter to watch James. Once she deemed it ready, she reduced the temperature and added the celery and tomatoes.
"That's a lot of tomatoes." James commented.
"It's only eight hundred grams."
"I don't like tomatoes."
"Well, you like bolognaise." Lily snapped, exasperated. "Put the lid on that and leave it to simmer – on a gentle heat – for about an hour, hour and a half. I'm going to go check on Harry." She handed James the wooden spoon with a serious expression on her face. "Don't forget to stir."
Lily came back into the kitchen just over an hour later to see her husband studiously watching over the pan, stirring every few minutes. "Is it done?"
"How do I know when it's done?"
"It'll have thickened."
"Oh. Then yes... no. I don't know." Lily sighed, and looked over his shoulder.
"Perfect. Give it about twenty minutes. We can get started on the pasta. Go boil some salted water."
"Salted water?"
"Put some water into a pan and add a pinch of salt." Once James had done this, Lily continued, "Now we add the tagliatelle."
"The what?"
"Tagliatelle. It's a type of pasta." She pulled a large bag of pasta out from the cupboard and set it on the side next to James.
"That's not edible," James wrinkled his nose as he pulled out a handful of dried pasta.
"Put about half of that into the boiling water," Lily said with a roll of her eyes. James looked sceptical, but still followed her instructions carefully. Lily turned her back to her husband and began to grate the parmesan cheese into a small bowl.
James' exclamation of excitement startled her, and she turned around to see her husband lifting a heaped spoonful of the now cooked pasta out of the pan and comparing it to the dry pasta. With another eye roll, Lily turned back to the cheese. Once finished, she turned back to her husband.
"James! That was a two kilogram bag!" She exclaimed, seeing that James had just finished pouring the remaining pasta into the pan.
"But look at this!" James lifted another heaped spoonful of cooked pasta into the air, "No magic at all!" Lily glared at her husband, barely managing to contain her smile at his contagious excitement.
"Go set the table," She sighed, with a shake of her head, drained the pasta through the spaghetti strainer and began to dish out the pasta and sauce.
After dinner, while Lily was doing the washing up, James crouched in front of the fireplace, looking at the face emerging from the green flames.
"Hey, Sirius, you're not going to believe this!"