TITLE: "Thumbs Up"
AUTHOR: Cindy ()
RATING: A
CHARACTERS: Toby, Josh and CJ
DISCLAIMER: The characters used from the West Wing do not belong to me; they are the property of Aaron Sorkin.
CJ sat alone in her office with her back to the door as she stared out of her window, her mind reflecting all of which had occurred during this past year.
There was a light rapping on her door and still she continued to stare out the window. The snow had begun to fall lightly and slowly began to rest upon her window.
"CJ," a voice whispered from behind. She still paid it no attention.
Soon the figure was standing on her left side. A hand reached out onto her shoulder that suddenly stiffened as she turned in shock to discover Josh Lyman looking down on her.
"Josh!" She said with surprise.
Josh motioned towards her door, "I – I knocked but-"
"It's fine Josh," she said as she tried to bounce out of her daze. She turned back around in her chair so that she was sitting in the correct position.
She rolled her shoulders back creasing her tan coloured jacket and then fluffed out her hair. "What brings you by?"
With concern Josh asked, "Are you alright?"
CJ gazed up at Josh as if his question was so uncalled for, "Of course. I'm fine."
"You don't look fine CJ. You look-"
"I'm fine," her voice raised with mild tension. "Now is there something I can do for you Josh? I've got a lot of things to do here."
Josh waited for a second lost in thought himself and then jolted to respond to her, "Oh yeah, I wanted to know if you had a chance to speak with Allan Gresnor about that Educational bit?"
CJ looked offended, "You know Josh I have other things in my job than running around trying to clean up every mess you guys make," she huffed her disappointment and roughly took hold of her keyboard and began to type.
Josh stood by watching CJ as she went on typing. Finally she glanced up at him and threw the rim of her glasses asked, "Anything else?"
Josh ran his hand through his hair as he decided upon asking CJ what was wrong again but thought better of it. He dropped his hand, "No. I'm good. I'm sorry to bother you."
"Goodbye," she said without looking up.
Josh took an extra second to watch his friend and then let himself out. He walked down towards his own office feeling like a failure as her friend. He took his seat behind his own desk and sighed, "Why won't you talk to me CJ."
Toby walked into his office and spotted CJ sitting behind his desk. He smiled at her and immediately noticed that there was something wrong. He gently closed the door and took a seat on his own sofa.
"How are you?"
"I'm fine," she replied quickly.
"Are you sure?"
"What part of I'm fine don't you and Josh understand?"
"You spoke with Josh?" Toby asked clearing his throat.
"I didn't tell him anything if that's what you're worried about," CJ glanced away letting her words trail off.
Toby began to caress his hands and glanced down towards his loafers, "Of course I don't think that."
"I really am sorry CJ."
"I don't need your sympathy Toby."
"It's an apology not sympathy."
"Well I don't need that either." She hesitated and then stood up. "This is a mistake. I shouldn't have come here."
"Talk to me," Toby pleaded as he looked CJ in the eyes standing up himself. He reached out for her hand but she shrugged him off instead.
"What is there left to say Toby? I think you pretty much covered the basics last night, don't you?"
Toby felt the sting and closed his eyes for a brief second. His voice was a mere whisper as he said her name, "CJ."
A few tears began to form in CJ's eyes making her more frustrated than she already was. She swiftly wiped them away in the hopes that Toby wouldn't see them. Abruptly she said, "I've got to go."
With more force than needed she opened and slammed the door to Toby's office catching a glimpse from both Ginger and Bonnie.
"Shit CJ," Toby said aloud to himself.
An hour later Josh knocked on Toby's door. Toby after taking a quick look and noticed Josh, waved him in. He threw his pen down and leaned back into his black leather chair.
"Do you have a minute?" Josh asked of him.
"Sure."
"Have you seen CJ today?"
"I have," Toby replied not giving any of his conversation with her away.
"Is she alright?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean," Josh shrugged and chuckled. "Is she okay?"
"As far as I know she's fine."
Josh eyed Toby trying to get a reading on him and thought he saw more than what he was letting on. "You know something don't you?"
"Josh, CJ's personal life is none of my business and it's definitely none of yours. So if that's all you came for-"
Josh stuck his finger out at Toby and waved it, "Oh no you don't. You're not going to give me the same brush off she did. You know damn well what's upsetting her. And it's obviously personal."
"What makes you think that?" Toby quietly tapped his shoes on the floor and began to shake his leg.
"Uh, you just said her personal life isn't any of our business. So that leaves out it being work related. Come on Toby, gimme a break here. If there is something I can do to help CJ then I want too."
"There's nothing that you can do Josh but I'll let CJ know of your concern."
"Forget it, I'll tell her myself."
"Leave her alone Josh."
"Why? Tell me why Toby?"
"Because I said so," Toby said firmly. "And that's enough."
"Nah, I don't think so," Josh said before storming out of Toby's office.
**The Next Morning**
It was almost ten after six when Josh entered his office. He flicked on the lights and had just put his suitcase on his desk when Toby entered and closed the door behind him.
"Were you with her last night?"
Josh spun around, "I beg your pardon?"
"I think you heard me," Toby said not in the mood for any games.
"What business is that of yours?" Josh asked standing akimbo as he faced Toby.
"Anything to do with CJ is my business," Toby stormed back.
Josh jerked his head as he was taken back by Toby's comment, "Excuse me?"
"You know damn well how I feel about CJ."
"Yeah I do Toby. And apparently you still feel the same way about your ex-wife too," Josh shot back.
"Stay out of this Josh. It doesn't concern you."
"It doesn't does it?"
"No!" Toby shouted.
"Well that's too bad Toby. Because I'm not going to sit idly by and watch you tear her apart for your own amusement."
"My own amusement?" Toby repeated getting pissed off. "You think I enjoy this?"
"I don't know Toby. You tell me," Josh challenged.
"What goes on between CJ and I is between us Josh. Not you and I'm not going to tell you again." Toby was about to leave when Josh asked, "Who the hell are you to tell me anything?"
"We're not pawns on your chessboard of life Toby."
Toby glared down Josh trying to conceal the rage he was feeling inside, "What's wrong Josh? Upset that I'm the one CJ wants and not you?"
Josh swallowed hard, "Is that what she told you?" He leaned his left hand on his desk for support.
"She doesn't have to tell me. I already know."
"That's right," Josh flicked his arm in the air and let it twirl around in the air. "Because over night you became what? Sylvia Brown?"
"Well you were with her last night….you tell me Josh. Was she crying on your shoulder about you?" Toby waited for a few seconds before cutting deeper, "No. It was about how much she wants me. And how she doesn't understand why I don't want her….Am I close?"
"You son of a bitch," Josh growled.
Toby grinned, "Thanks! Coming from you that's a great compliment." He turned around and walked out the door leaving Josh standing there contemplating whether or not he could be fired for giving Toby a shot in the head. He raised his eyebrows and tilted his head slightly, "I'd probably get rewarded from Bartlet," he said to himself.
*** 2 Hours Later***
"Eleven messages Toby?" CJ said with her voice in the high octave range as she stood in his doorway.
"So you go them then I take it?"
"Yeah I got them. Every pathetic last one of them."
"The other day I'm the love of your life and now I'm pathetic?" He asked her with a small smile.
"Yeah well my father always said I was a bit slow," CJ shot back. She placed her hand on her hip while she stepped inside, "So at what time did you grace Josh with your presence this morning?"
"Ahh, did Joshy go running back to Mama Bear for protection from the Big Bad Toby?"
"My fish is more intimidating then you," CJ answered. "And for your information I haven't even seen Josh this morning."
"Oh I'm sure Romeo will come to hold you in his arms soon enough."
"Well that's good. Because I forgot to tell him to make his own side of the bed this morning," CJ said giving Toby a large smile. "Have a good one Jerk."
**Ten minutes later**
"Is he in?" Toby demanded of Donna as he kept walking by to Josh's office.
"He's busy," Donna tried to tell Toby. But he didn't stop to listen. Instead he barged into Josh's office and slammed the door behind him.
"What did you two do last night?"
"You know Toby it's none of your business. But I tell you what," Josh said rising from his chair. "Feel free to leave YOUR comments and I'll see to it that CJ gets them."
Toby lunged at Josh from the other side of his desk. Josh reached out to grab hold of Toby as he came across at him.
"HEY!" Donna screamed.
Josh and Toby both looked over at Donna who was glaring at Josh. "Josh, let Toby go." She then moved her glare to Toby, "And you can get off his desk please. I just had that cleaned and I don't particularly care to have your ass wax all over it."
She took a few steps towards them, "What the hell is going on here?" She looked at Josh for answers but he was for the first time, tight lipped.
"I think you should leave now Toby. And the next time I try to tell you that Josh is busy I suggest you listen to what I have to say."
Josh gawked at Donna completely impressed with her performance. Toby straightened himself up and walked past Donna. He stopped to point at Josh, "We're not done."
"Don't let the door hit you on the way out," Josh warned flippantly.
When he was gone Donna took another step towards Josh, he himself took a step back from her. "I'm serious Josh, what the hell was that about?"
"Uh," Josh stammered.
"And don't lie to me Josh. Just for once be honest with me."
"CJ," he said softly.
"Oh," Donna said pretending his reply didn't affect her. "I see," she awkwardly glanced around the more than familiar office. "Well I guess I should go back to work then." She backed herself to the door and then turned and walked out.
Luckily Josh wasn't able to detect the ripping of her heart as she cried her way back to her desk.
Josh hung his head down as he leaned onto the back of his chair for support. This was going to be a long day.
**Two Hours Later**
Carol popped her head inside CJ's door, "Don't forget you're exchanging gifts with the President for the Secret Santa in ten minutes."
CJ whipped her head up, "Oh my God. I almost forgot."
"Who did you get again?"
"Charlie."
"I thought it was only Senior Staff that does it?"
"Well Charlie is kind of Senior Staff in a way."
"Oh yeah," Carol laughed. "And what way would that be?"
"In the way that he says so," CJ smiled at Carol as she rose from her desk.
"What did you get him?"
"More than likely crap," CJ teased.
CJ was surprised when she arrived in the Oval Office to learn that she wasn't the last one to appear.
"Well this is a surprise. CJ's not the last one to show up."
CJ faked a smile at the President as he offered her a glass of champagne in which she happily accepted. She fixed her skirt before taking a seat beside Leo.
"We're still waiting on Toby and Josh as you can see," Bartlet quipped as he handed a glass to Will.
"So, who is the lucky guy, or gal," he said looking at CJ, "Who was lucky enough to pull my name."
"That would be me Sir," Will answered with a touch of nervousness in his voice.
"Ooh, I like it when it's the new guys," Bartlet teased.
"I'm here," Josh announced almost out of breath.
"Nice of you to join us Josh," Leo stated from his seat.
"I uh, had a phone call from Senator Borlen."
"Really?" The President inquired.
"Um…no," Josh admitted with a smile.
"You're right. Because had you been talking to him on the phone, he would have asked you why you were calling him in the middle of his vacation? Which by the way is on a cruise."
"Right," Josh replied pulling on his jacket.
"Can we open up some presents here? I'm itching to get something good."
"Patience Charlie, patience," Bartlet told him.
"We still have to wait for-"
Toby rushed through the door, "I'm sorry Mr. President."
Bartlet glared at Toby, "Don't tell me, let me guess. You weren't on an important phone call with Senator Borlen by any chance now were you?"
Bartlet deliberately let his eyes rest on Josh as he waited for Toby to reply. Toby cleared his throat and answered, "Of course not Sir. He's on vacation….a cruise I believe."
Bartlet smiled, "It's nice to know that someone at least pays attention around here."
He clapped his hands together and rubbed them with a bit of force, "Alright. Before Charlie has an aneurysm, how about we exchange gifts…..Will, hand it over."
Will glanced around at everyone else as he slowly began to give Bartlet his gift. Bartlet was full of smiles as held his hand out ready and waiting to receive his present.
It was a large box wrapped in gold wrapping with a bright blue fancy bow that had a lighter shade of blue covering it with sparkles. Bartlet took a few seconds to admire the wrapping.
"Nice job Will," he announced. "I'm impressed."
"That I can wrap Sir?"
"No, that you got me something big and heavy. Just the way I like them." Bartlet began to tear the wrapping off as he watched the others staring at him.
He flipped the box around and when the last piece of paper was removed he revealed the gift to everyone, "It's a game."
"Very nice Sir," Charlie said proudly.
"Oh crap," Josh and CJ grumbled together. Toby quickly scanned them both with his darkening eyes.
"I heard that," Bartlet said as he read the back of the box. "And I'll be sure to make sure you two are the first ones to play this me."
"Will, this is great thank you very much."
"You're welcome Mr. President. Merry Christmas."
Bartlet nodded at Will, "Merry Christmas indeed…..Okay who's next?"
"Me," Charlie said raising his arm. "I can't wait any longer."
"Very well then, who has Charlie?"
"That would be me," CJ said with a sigh. She handed over the Christmas bag to Charlie who eagerly accepted it.
Within seconds he ripped through the bag and got to what he had been waiting for. He pulled out two fleece sweaters. One was a Navy Blue and the other was a Dark Grey.
"Sweet," Charlie said.
"Those are nice sweaters Charlie," Leo said.
"Yeah, they're hoodies. CJ these are great." He leaned across to CJ and gave her a kiss and a quick hug. "Thank you very much."
"Oh thank God," CJ exclaimed. "I thought for sure you'd hate them."
"No these are great. Especially for playing basketball."
"That's what I was thinking too," she said happy that he hadn't thrown them back at her.
Charlie was about to throw the bag down on the floor when CJ told him there was something else inside. True to her word Charlie removed a wrapped present that when he opened was the new Bad Boys 2 DVD.
"Awesome," he exclaimed happily. "This is fantastic."
CJ sat back comfortable now that this part was over and that Charlie seemed to be pleased with what she had got him. "You rock," Charlie said as he gave her another kiss.
From Leo Will received a DVD Player, while CJ received the Kenneth Cole perfume that she had mentioned from President Bartlet. From Josh Leo received the new Jamie Oliver Cookbook. A fan of the Naked Chef, it was something in passing Leo had mentioned that he wouldn't mind having.
Charlie handed over his gift to Toby who took it and gratefully. When he had the box opened he paused and for a few seconds couldn't find his voice.
"What is it Toby?" Bartlet inquired.
Toby raised a large white shirt with sleeves and held it against his chest. In big blue letters read, 'PROUD FATHER', and below were the pictures of Huck and Molly.
"That's lovely Toby," Bartlet said to him. Toby nodded in agreement, still speechless.
"Charlie's that a very thoughtful gift," CJ said to him.
"I guess they ran out of personalities where you shop," Josh joked. CJ cast him a dirty look and Josh got the message.
"I don't know what to say Charlie," he finally said.
"Do you like it?"
"Of course I do Charlie. I love it. Thank you. Thank you very much."
Charlie nodded with delight, "I thought you wouldn't mind so much dressing casually if that's what you had to wear."
"I will definitely wear this."
"I'm sure Andi will love it. You'll have to wear it tomorrow when you go over to see her and the babies for Christmas," Leo said to Toby.
Toby quickly glanced at CJ who had turned her head and acted as if she hadn't heard. "I didn't realize Jewish people celebrated Christmas?" Charlie stated.
"Andi wants the children to be baptized as Catholics," Toby said almost in a whisper.
"Are you okay with that?" Bartlet asked carefully.
Toby shrugged, "I'm used to people not taking my feelings into consideration. Why should this be any different?" Toby delicately his gift back inside the box.
With the way it was folded, the smiling faces of his precious angels smiled up at him, causing him smile himself. He ran his finger over Molly's cheek before closing the box.
"Okay so that just leaves Josh," Will announced. He turned half way to Toby, "I guess that's your department since you're the only two left to exchange."
"Yeah right," Toby grumbled.
He reached inside his coat pocket and removed a box that had seen better days. The gift that was wrapped with a blue background and white happy snowman was crumpled and the box itself was dented in various places.
"Good Lord Toby," Bartlet exclaimed. "What the hell happened?"
"I dropped it," Toby stated. He placed the box down on the side table and walked away from it. "It's right there," he said dryly as he pointed to the damage parcel.
Josh didn't make an attempt to retrieve his gift. Bartlet moved to the table where the gift was sitting and picked it up. It made a loud racket as pieces began to slide around inside.
Leo and Bartlet both exchanged worried glances. Bartlet sighed, "Everyone. Have a Merry Christmas. I'm glad we had this time together but I've got to cut it short unfortunately."
As everyone got up to leave Leo requested, "Toby, Josh? Would you please stay behind for a moment?"
CJ looked at Josh but he wasn't looking back at her. With trepidation she left the room with Charlie and Will.
Once Charlie had closed the door leaving the four of them alone Bartlet crossed his arms across his chest and asked, "Just what the hell is going on here?"
"Nothing," they both lied in unison.
Bartlet eyed them both, "Don't tell me nothing," he took a breath and stared at Toby. "We just witnessed you try and give Josh a broken gift. Friends don't do that to one another unless there is something going on. Now tell me what the problem is."
"We're not friends Sir. We just work together," Toby said as he rocked on his heels, his hands firmly held behind his back.
"Don't try and give me that bullshit Toby. I'm not buying it," Bartlet shouted.
"It's not bullshit Sir," Toby replied not making eye contact with the President.
"Since when?"
"I'm not sure of the exact time Sir. I wasn't quite paying attention. I was too busy retrieving the knife from my back."
Bartlet stared at Toby, he didn't know what to say. He looked at Leo for help, but as usual he just shrugged and rolled his eyes.
"What do you have to say about this?" Bartlet asked of Josh.
"I say throw the gift in the trash where it can keep our friendship company."
Bartlet stared at Josh in disbelief and then glared back at Toby. He couldn't believe these two men were acting like such children. He got an idea, "Leo and I are going to step outside for awhile and give you two some time to talk this over. I expect things to be worked out by the time I get back."
Both Toby and Josh were about to speak their minds when Bartlet raised his hand, "Quite frankly whatever you have to say to me I don't care to hear. I gave you a job and it's order that it be seen through. I don't care if it takes all night….I can work around you both."
He picked up his game and Leo got up from where he was still sitting and followed the President out of the Oval Office.
"Well this is just great," Josh cried out.
Toby flicked a harsh look upon Josh, "What are you complaining about? This is all your fault!"
"My fault? How is this my fault?"
"If you had just left well enough alone we wouldn't be stuck in here. And on Christmas Eve of all days."
"Oh spare me the "I'm a Holiday Supporter" crap Toby. We both know how you feel about Christmas considering we are both Jewish. Or need I remind you of that?"
They sat in silence for what seemed like hours but was only minutes. Finally after a few sighs Toby said, "I do care about her Josh."
Josh didn't bother to acknowledge Toby. He just sat on the sofa staring down at the stars on the carpet. "I've known her for many years and we have a great friendship," Toby continued.
Josh only grunted. He leaned back against the back of the couch and heaved a heavy sigh himself. "Why do I get the feeling there's a huge as but coming?"
Toby traces his fingers along the President's desk, "Because there is," he chuckled. Josh too gave a small snort.
"Maybe it's just me Toby but I was my mother's only son. And she raised me to love and appreciate women the best I can. Yes it's true I've made mistakes but she always taught me that if you are lucky to find a woman who can love you as much as you love her in return, you take hold of that and you run like hell and you fight like mad to keep it."
Toby turned slightly so that his view was of the large windows and replied gently, "I always said that your mother was brilliant."
Josh laughed as he said, "She'd agree with you on that one."
"But it's more complicated than that," Toby admitted. "She's my best friend and I love her with all my heart. She makes me laugh and irritated at the same time and by God I would like nothing more than to live the rest of my life with her…but I have the twins to consider now."
Josh jumped out of his seat, "Don't you dare do that. Don't you dare use those babies as an excuse to keep CJ at bay. Because we both know it's nothing more than pure crap. Why don't you just admit that as much as you want to be with CJ you can't tear yourself away from Andi?"
"She's my wife-"
"She's your EX-Wife," Josh almost shouted.
"She's also the mother of my children. Andi's always going to be a big part of my life and I can't change that."
"So then be honest with me Toby and for God's sake be honest with CJ."
"I am. Or at least I'm trying. It's not that easy Josh."
Josh walked up to where Toby was standing, "You're not trying hard enough and would you like me to tell you why?"
Toby smiled, "By all means enlighten me with your opinion."
"As much as you want CJ you want Andi even more. Call it the past you two shared, call it because you both just became parents. Regardless of the fact, the truth is that you want Andi to take you back. You're praying for it to happen. That she'll one day wake up and realize that she can't live without you. But in the meantime," Josh stopped for a breath. "In the meantime you're dangling CJ just incase your biggest fears are confirmed and Andi moves on without you for good. You want CJ to fall back on. And that, is more than just cruel Toby, it's so unfair to CJ. She deserves better than that and you know damn well know it."
Josh ran his hand through his hair and rubbed his head twice before resting his hand onto his hip. He waited for Toby's rebuttal but none came.
Instead he heard a mumbled, "You're right."
Josh spun around to face Toby once again, "What?"
"You are absolutely right. I want the best of both worlds. And that's why I don't want CJ to get close to you."
"Because you're afraid there's a chance she might fall in love with me?" Josh asked more than stated.
"No….because I know very well she will. And I guess that is what scares me."
"I can't say that if you feel the desire to fight for her right here and now I'm going to walk away because I can guarantee you that's not going to happen. You take whatever time you need to decide which woman you want, but I am well aware of who holds my heart."
"So you really love CJ?" Toby asked afraid to hear the answer, knowing already what he was about to hear.
"I do. I've loved her for a long time but I've always tried to be considerate of your feelings. But I no longer feel the need to baby-sit them any longer Toby. If CJ doesn't want me then by all means I will accept that and just hope that she will still want to keep me as her friend. Because I know," he slapped his hand hard against his chest. "I know she is the one that I want to wake up to every morning and that she's the last person I want to say goodnight too. CJ is my future, at least the one I've been dreaming for."
Toby stood still as he watched Josh pour his heart out. He had never known that his friend's feelings had gone so deep for CJ. "What I'm about to say is the truth and you of all people know I don't like to admit feelings. But Josh you need to go to CJ now and tell her how you feel. Don't waste anymore time fighting with me or fighting with yourself. She deserves to know that there is someone like you who loves her with so much passion. She NEEDS to know it."
Josh shook his head, "I don't know."
"You have stood here in my face confessing your love for a woman who sits alone on one of her favourite holidays, telling me that you're going to fight for her and yet you can't even come forward to tell her that you're in love with her?"
"I do love her. But I'm not sure if I'm ready to hear that she can't possibly love me back," Josh answered.
"Oh for Christ's sake Josh stop wasting time and go tell her."
Josh looked up at Toby wearing an expression of shock upon his face. Toby looked back at him wearing his own. Josh turned slightly around towards the door of the Oval Office, "Was that Bartlet?" Josh asked whispering.
Had Josh turned back around he would have noticed Toby nodding his head in agreement. They both continued to stare at the door expecting to hear voices. They were startled as the door flew open, "Do you need me to take you by the hand? Gees you are so pathetic Josh….I'm going to be telling your mother about this in our next conversation."
Bartlet stood akimbo just inside the office. Both Leo and Charlie hung back a little watching to see what would happen next and straining to make sure they could also hear.
"You were eavesdropping?" Josh asked.
"No," Bartlet denied feeling somewhat foolish.
"Then how did you-?"
"It's no secret that you two have the largest AND loudest mouths in this White House," was Bartlet's defense.
Josh looked back at Toby and together they said, "Eavesdropping."
"Go to her already," Charlie called out from the doorway.
Josh glanced in Charlie's direction. Leo held up his hand and gave Josh a thumbs up for approval. Josh took a deep breath, "You really think I should?"
"Hit him," Bartlet ordered Toby.
Josh held his hands up in truce, "Alright, alright. I'll go." He took in a deep breath and his chest rose as it filled with air. "What's the worse that could happen?" He joked.
"CJ says no and kicks your ass," Charlie offered.
Bartlet turned around and directed to Leo, "Hit him."
"But what if she says she doesn't want me?" Josh pleaded for assistance.
From Leo's entry way a female voice asked, "What if she says she does?"
Turning to face the woman of his dreams Josh gulped, "Hi CJ."
CJ entered the Oval Office and crossed the room to where Josh was standing holding his breath. Taking his face into her hands she leaned into him and placed her lips onto his. The room drew quiet as the two kept kissing.
Bartlet smiled as he folded his hands in front of him. Charlie and Leo cheered on from the doorway and Toby, well the first chance he got when Josh looked over at him, gave him a thumbs up.
The End.