Disclaimer: I don't own the Biker Mice From Mars. This short (ficlet?) is inspired by Adele's "Someone Like You" which I don't own either.
A small whimper wakes her. Carbine opens her eyes and waits trying to judge if she needs to get up to comfort the baby mouse in the next room. Funny, it used to be guns and bikes, now it's bottles and diapers. Her partner stirs in the bed beside her mumbling something about someone damaging the garbage disposal. "Those damn trees." He mutters.
What I would give to only worry about the state of the garbage disposal, she thinks.
The baby stirs again and whimpers a bit more urgently. Carbine sighs and sits up. She's probably hungry. How many times tonight? She's lost count. Chassis has managed to sleep through most of it. He could sleep through a bomb going off. He almost did, once.
Carbine slips her feet into her slippers and gets out of bed and walks down to the nursery, where her daughter, Rose sleeps. The amount of fussing increases when she opens the door. Carbine picks up the tawny colored mouse and holds her close to her chest rocking her to soothe her hungry cries. She hums an old lullaby as she checks her diaper, and then carries Rose to the rocking chair. When given the breast, Rose suckles greedily.
Her name should have been Polestar, but Carbine named her Rose after Throttle's favorite flower. He gave her a bouquet of them once. They were red.
Throttle.
Thoughts of him become unbidden to her mind. She shouldn't think of him. He should stay in the past where he belonged. However, she often thought of him in the early hours when everyone was asleep except for her.
She wonders what he's doing right now. Who he's with and if he's found someone. Many of the female mice found him attractive and she's sure he could have his pick if he wanted. Jealousy eats away at her. She knows how they watch him and whisper when he was in the vicinity. They made sure she was watching when they flirted with him. She knows what they say about her.
Carbine switches Rose over to the other breast. Mars was in semi-peacetime right now so her leadership isn't needed. Stoker's taken over. The war against the Plutarkians has stalled at the moment. A perfect time to have a child. A surprise no one had expected, including Chassis and Carbine.
Throttle and his bros were back and training for the Plutarkians' next move, because they never went quietly. He and his bros went back to Earth frequently to check on things and visit their human who kept them abreast of the situation on the planet. Charley. That was her name. At first, she had pegged her as competition but then she noticed how she doted on and put up with Vinnie's oddly endearing egomania.
She tries to remember their schedule. Not being tied down to a unit, they disappeared and reappeared as they pleased. Modo stayed here with his nephew Rimfire. Vinnie, to everyone's surprise spent it with Charley, the feisty mechanic from Earth. Throttle just seemed to split his time between both places like some sort of vagabond.
Yes, that would be a good word to describe him. And loyal to a fault. Him and his polar shades and leather vest. Gods, how he deserves better than her. The blame for the failure of their relationship lands squarely on her. I should have known better…. But the uncertainty. How was I supposed to know if he was going to come back alive or at all?
Rose finishes her meal and is now content with a full belly. She has a voracious appetite, just like her father. Carbine puts her over her shoulder to burp her.
"I hate myself," She says to no one in particular. "This wasn't the way it was supposed to go."
Throttle should be where Chassis slept. He should be helping her with the baby, not Chassis.
This harmless fling with Chassis was supposed to be a one night stand, but eventually it morphed into more. He's a good mouse. A good fighter. Loyal. He filled the space that Throttle left in his absence. He'd take care of them, her and Rose. And he loved them. That's all that mattered now. It wasn't about her any more. Rose's well being is a priority.
"When are you going to make us a priority?" Throttle's angry words enter her mind from one of their last fights. "Or was I ever a priority to you?"
Carbine bites back tears. "Us?" She had shouted back at him. "What about Mars? If I don't lead, then who will? Stoker's not what he used to be. What about the greater good for our people?"
"You don't have to fix everything. If you don't want to be with me, then tell me so I can get on with my life."
"Where does your loyalty lie?" She accused him. "Is there someone else? Some whore you found on Earth to warm your bed?"
His fist crashed through the communication consuls decimating the keyboard. The second one this week. "Seriously? After all we've been through, you're going to accuse me of that? You of all people. And if there is? What are you going to do about it? You haven't exactly been faithful."
What followed was a vicious cycle of apologies, empty promises, and mind-blowing sex. Carbine didn't break it off with Chassis because what if Throttle left again? Chassis helped ease some of the loneliness. One thing that terrified Carbine is being alone. A therapist chalked it up as a result of her dad walking out on her life when she was seven. Daddy issues. Great.
Give her lines of Plutarkians, blood and war, she's fine, but it's those times when she's alone with her own thoughts and feelings that scare her.
I should have ended it with Chassis, she thinks. I wouldn't be in this mess if I had. She cradles Rose and strokes her tiny forehead, feeling the downy fur underneath her fingers. She doesn't look anything like Chassis and she certainly didn't inherit his sleeping habits. Maybe it's too soon to know. The baby mouse smiles in her sleep as Carbine rocks her.
She picks up her comm and scrolls through the different contacts until she gets to Throttle's. She aches to talk to him and hear his deep husky voice. But for what? She wonders. He's probably moved on, and I should do the same. Besides, it's three in the morning. The comm slips through her fingers and bounces on the floor. She lets it lay there.
Rose sighs in her sleep, giving her another half-smile that semi-resembles Throttle's smirk. Or maybe that's what she wants to think. Maybe she secretly wants Rose to be Throttle's. Gods know, she certainly wasn't careful in her escapades and certainly a possibility. Carbine leans back in the rocking chair and rocks them both slowly trying to ease the guilt that settles in the pit of her stomach. What's done is done. Nothing can change it.
Memories of his expression when he caught her in bed with Chassis. It first started as shock and then horror that had come over his face. His eyes were obscured by the field specs, but they did nothing to hide the tears the flowed from his eyes. He attacked Chassis and dragged him out of the bed and beat the everliving snot out of him. Throttle was strong and experienced, Chassis not so much. Chassis came into his rank by inheritance being the Martian Army General's son.
Throttle needed to be pulled off of him by his two bros and Stoker. Modo refused to speak to her for two weeks preferring to get their orders through Stoker or have Rimfire act as a go between. Can't say she blamed him. Hell, she wouldn't have talked to her either if she pull that stunt on one of her colleagues. Vinnie made thinly veiled snide remarks about her. She looks down at Rose, if a man pulled that on her daughter he'd have hell to pay. She'd make sure of it.
A loud knock echos on the door. If someone wakes her baby, someone's going to get their tail kicked. Rose begins to cry. Not a faint whimper but a high pitch scream. Carbine swears under her breath as she storms to the door. "You better have a good reason…" The words die on her lips as Throttle stands there leaning against the door frame, arms crossed in front of his chest. He lets out a low whistle. "You look like hell."
"Thanks," Carbine snaps trying to soothe the baby over her shoulder. "Sleep is a little scarce around here with a two month old."
"Where's Chassis? Isn't he supposed to be helping?" Modo asks.
"Can't you turn that thing off?" Vinnie interjects covering his ears.
"She was was sleeping. YOU woke her up." Carbine says.
"Is…is that another phrase for you break it, you buy it?" Vinnie asks.
"How about I kick your ass."
Throttle steps in between them and holds up his hands. "You called me. I thought something was wrong so we came."
She always did admire his professionalism. He always treated her with respect even when she didn't always return the courtesy.
"I didn't." Carbine says.
"Yes, you did."
"You don't remember calling Throttle?" Modo asks.
And I called you back and there was no answer. I thought that bastard was hurting you. I…" Throttle's hand balls up in a fist.
"If I did it, was an accident." She tries to remember if she called anyone. "I don't even know where my comm is at the moment."
"Man," Vinnie whines. "And here I was all ready to blow something up. Kick some Plutarkian a—"
Modo clamps a hand over the white mouse's mouth. "Not in front of the little one," he says sternly.
"But she's a baby," Vinnie retorts.
The gray mouse glares at him with his one good eye. "Doesn't matter. You watch your mouth, understand? As my gray furred mama used to say babes are like sponges they soak up everything."
Rose fusses a little on her shoulder. Carbine strokes her back and rocks her attempting to placate her. As mad as she is about the Biker Mice waking Rose up, she's glad to see Throttle. "Can we talk?" she asks and then glances at Modo and Vinnie. "Alone?"
Throttle nods and enters the living space. He shuts the door behind him. "I really thought Chassis would be more help."
Carbine snorts. "He doesn't have the goods. More often than not, when she cries only Mama can fix the problem. Do you want to hold her?"
"Will she let me?"
"I guess we'll find out."
"What if Chassis wakes up and finds out I'm here?"
"So?" Carbine says. "It wouldn't be the first time. You're just not allowed to kill him. My child needs a father."
"He's a deadbeat, Carbine. His father was traitor to our planet, what makes you think he's any better?" Throttle asks.
"People change." She gestures to the couch, ignoring his previous comment. "Stay awhile?"
To her surprise, he sits down. "It's three in the morning."
"I know." She smiles tiredly. "I'm running on very few hours of sleep myself. I am quite aware of that. Anything new in the Plutarkian front?"
Throttle shakes his head and stifles a yawn. "No, everything is quiet. It's kind of strange, but…" He yawns again. "Maybe we got them good this last time."
"Or they're gearing up for something big and trying to lull us into a false sense of security." She answers. "Here hold out your arms. I'll let you hold her."
"What's her name?"
"Rose." Carbine says, as she puts the baby into his arms. "After your favorite flower, I know. Throttle. I'm sorry." The words flood out of her. "I shouldn't have treated you like that. I made a mistake. If I could do it all again, I'd end it with Chassis. I know what they say about me. It's true. I am a heartless bitch, and I have no excuse for my behavior. I'm selfish, and goddamn it, you were right. I never made us a priority. And I didn't because I was scared. I was scared that if you truly saw what I was you'd leave. You truly do deserve better than me."
Throttle doesn't answer as he cradles Rose awkwardly. "Does he make you happy?"
"Who?"
"Chassis."
"He's a good guy." Carbine says carefully. She picks up a pacifier that lies on the coffee table and pops it in the baby's mouth. She sucks at it furiously as she snuggles in Throttle's arms. "I'm happy enough."
"I've never known you to settle."
Carbine shrugs and doesn't meet his eyes. "I have her to think about now."
"What about leading the Freedom Fighters?"
"I don't know. I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get there."
"Did she inherit her father's sleeping habits?" Throttle jokes.
"Pfft. No. I could have killed you. I just got her back to sleep. But seriously, I was a monster when it came to sleeping when I was a child so this is probably karma." Carbine says.
Karma seems to be catching up to her pretty quick these days.
"I was too. I still have pretty bad insomnia. Part of it is I don't want to deal with watching people die over and over again and not being able to save them. Karbunkle's lab. I don't know why I'm telling you this…" his voice trails off.
"It's okay. I have them too," Carbine admits. She reaches out and touches his arm. He doesn't push her away.
"War is hell." He rocks Rose. "If I have my way, she'll live on a planet where there aren't any Plutarkians and lead a normal life. Not like us."
Carbine blink back tears. They trickle down her cheeks, she doesn't bother to wipe them away. "I hope so. I hope the peace holds."
"Why are you crying?" Throttle asks huskily.
"It's three in the morning. Why the hell not?"
"I don't think that's quite the reason," he chuckles.
"Because I don't think I'm cut out to be a mother. I can't even keep a plant alive."
"The Pinkseed plant?"
"I just transported it to Mars. I didn't touch it after that, and even then it still died. They were able to harvest the seeds and start new plants before it died. I killed a cactus. Do you know how hard it is to kill one of those?"
Throttle chuckles. "I think it's different with your own offspring. They're actually sentient and will tell you when they need something as opposed to a Pinkseed plant which just sits there. And being in Limburger's tower probably didn't help so I wouldn't be too hard on yourself."
She sighs. "Maybe."
The resemblance between him and Rose is uncanny. She wonders if he sees it too.
He gazes at Rose over the rims of his field specs. "What do you want from me, Carbine?"
"What do you mean?"
He snorts. "You accidentally call me at three am, let me hold your baby, and then apologize? That's not like you at all." He muses. "You never admit when you're wrong."
"Are you calling me a liar?" Carbine hisses. "I—"
"She's mine isn't she?"
Carbine opens her mouth and then closes it again. "I don't know. You really want to risk your reputation to find out?"
"The only reputation that's on the line is yous." He carefully hands the baby mouse back to her. "But if that idyllic family with the white picket fence and a dog, as they say on Earth, is what you want, by all means, go ahead. It's only a matter of time that Chassis realizes that she's not his."
"Don't you dare tell him."
An expression of surprise crosses his face. "Me? Oh, hell no. That's your dirty little secret."
"What? Are you jealous, Throttle?" Carbine spits.
"Jealous that he gets to raise that beautiful little girl? Sure. But having to deal with you? Absolutely not." Throttle gets to his feet and stretches.
"What's that's supposed to mean?"
"I'll tell you babe, you're so used to getting your way that you don't understand what it means to make room for other people. I would do anything for you, and you know that." Throttle says shaking his head.
"I still love you, Throttle. I never stopped. If you would just give me another chance—" Carbine says. She holds Rose close to her chest.
"If you thought your elaborate trap of calling me here to and holding the baby would bring us back together, you were wrong. I am not taking you back, now I know that you're only staying with him to spite me."
"How dare you accuse me of that."
"Oh, I dare." He chuckles pulling down his shades to reveal his red bionic eyes. She wonders if the med officers ever managed to make them work, or if their work had been in vain. Becoming blind had taken him down a few notches.
"Get. Out." She snarls.
"Careful. Don't wake my daughter." He taunts.
"Go to hell."
"Goodnight, Carbine." Throttle moves to the door, his hand rests on the doorknob. "We always did bring out the worst in each other."
"I thought things would have been different between us." Carbine answers, feeling her heart shattering into a million pieces. "Maybe we could have been friends again. Or at least that you still loved me."
"Sometimes the one you want isn't the one you need." He says quietly. "I hope he's good to you Carbine, and you can move on for both of our sakes, and for Rose's."
"Throttle wait. Please." She bites her lip to keep it from trembling. Tears well up in her eyes.
He hesitates. "Don't make this any harder than it already is."
"You could have ignored my call."
"Yes, but you should know me by now." A single tear runs down his face. The door clicks quietly behind him. He's gone.
Carbine carries Rose into the nursery and lays her down in her crib. Rose stirs a bit, but then settles back to sleep. The resemblance to Throttle is uncanny. There's no way, Chassis wouldn't be able to tell. Carbine slumps in the rocking chair and buries her face in her hands. Sobs escape her lips. It's truly over. Throttle would go on with his life without her.
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