AN: Post-ep for Golden Days (8x22). I think I've now written more proposal scenes than the writers on the show (and that's saying something when it comes to Densi, as we all know!). And if we don't get a proposal (which better result in an engagement) by the end of Uncaged (8x23) tonight, I might just be compelled to write another one.
Big surprise, I'm not one of the writers on the show, and am in no other way affiliated with it. Which means I'm also not making any money here. Sigh.
Kensi checks her watch. She hasn't heard from Deeks in a while and wonders if he's still at the beach. Not that she believes he's actually riding the waves right now. She has the same app he does, and knows the surf is lousy this afternoon. But he's gone to the beach after work every day this week, and Kensi knows that even if he doesn't get any actual surfing in, Deeks thinks better at the beach. And he's been needing to think a lot lately.
Ever since his meeting with Detective Whiting several days ago.
Kensi wishes he would talk to her about it, and Deeks promises that he will, as soon as his thoughts settle down and he can make sense of them himself. All she knows is that Whiting remembered Deeks' confession. Kensi has so many questions she wants to ask, and only Deeks can provide the answers, once he figures them out himself. He needs the beach for that, and she will not begrudge him the time and space to work through what he needs to work through.
She will not, however, let him think for one second that he is alone in this.
Since her recovery, Kensi has tried to let Deeks know how much she appreciates him and what he did for her from the moment she woke up under that helicopter in Syria. But he keeps pushing her acknowledgements aside, saying she had been the brave one, the tough one, the strong one. She may have been, but she couldn't have been any of those things without Deeks' love and support, and it bothers her that he can't accept that fact, and her gratitude. She recognizes that he had to be brave, tough, and strong in a different way while her future was so uncertain, so why can't he?
For all of his bravado and boasting, Kensi knows that Deeks doesn't truly feel he deserves accolades from others. He tends downplay or deflect praise when it is offered sincerely, especially from her, and more so when it isn't about work. Kensi doesn't like to dwell for too long on the why, because the past is the past and she can't change it, but she hopes there's a special place in hell for Gordon John Brandel and whatever role he played in making Deeks believe that he was undeserving of respect and admiration. For herself, Kensi deeply regrets any part she may have had in maintaining that opinion, particularly early in their partnership.
While she can't change the past, she can change the future. Sighing, Kensi decides it's time to go with the nuclear option.
Deeks sits on the shore watching the anemic waves roll in. The ocean is flat today, and he'd rather be surfing, but he finds it peaceful, regardless. The conversation with Whiting keeps swirling around in his mind, despite Deeks' desire for the water, sun, sand, and salt air to help him process it, as they often did when his mind or his heart were in turmoil.
The IA detective had it right when she commented that he and Kensi had been through a lot this year, but apparently she has no qualms about adding to their difficulties by blackmailing him. Deeks is still undecided if he hates or admires her for that move. But he probably shouldn't complain, since the alternative is facing a murder charge.
Try as he might, though, Deeks just can't make himself feel grateful for the opportunity Whiting gave him. Instead, he is troubled.
He and Kensi have survived a hell of a year, and Deeks is so happy and relieved that his ladybird is finally back to her old self, both at work and at home. Not too long ago Deeks' biggest problem had been trying to figure out how to propose to Kensi one final time. Now he doesn't know if he should.
In spite of Whiting's claim that she wants Deeks to trust her, he doesn't believe she won't still come after him for murder one day, even if he does what she wants. And for how long, and how many IA cases is she going to insist he work with her before she's willing to close his case for good? Deeks shakes his head in frustration; he didn't become cop to work for IA. But then, he didn't become a cop to work with NCIS either. Not that he would change that outcome for all perfect surfing days in the world.
But the question still remains in Deeks' mind: should he and Kensi be thinking about marriage with this particular noose around his neck?
Deeks smiles broadly when he feels the woman in question lay her hand on his shoulders. He had wondered how long it would take before Kensi got tired of waiting and hunted him down. As glad as he is to have her here, Deeks is almost disappointed. He has no more answers for her now than he did at the beginning of the week.
"This is a surprise," Deeks says as he tugs on her hand and encourages her to sit beside him.
"Is it really?" Kensi asks after she kisses him hello.
"Okay, let me rephrase. I'm surprised it took you four days to show up."
Kensi sits and puts her arm through Deeks', joins their hands, and leans against him, "You wanted some space, I gave you some space. I'm still giving you space."
He chuckles and looks down at their bodies, "Uh, Kens? This is the exact opposite of space, what's between us right now."
"I mean the figurative kind. I'm not here to talk about your meeting with Whiting unless you're ready. I'm here because I miss you."
She is serious, but Deeks isn't ready for that right now. "You miss me?" His voice rises in disbelief. "We spent all day together, three hours of that cooped up in your car on a stake-out."
"Are you calling me a liar?" Kensi's tone is light. She recognizes this move of his, and she'll play along, for now.
"No, because I don't have a death wish. But you have to admit, missing me is a hard sell."
"Not considering how much time we usually spend together in a given week."
Deeks nods, "Touché."
Kensi does too, "Touché."
"That's not –" he starts, before realizing she's baiting him. Instead, he turns his head and places a tender kiss on the side of hers. "Thanks."
"What for?"
"For trying to distract me."
"Can't be working too well if you figured it out so quickly."
He sighs. She's trying, and he appreciates it. "It's not that I don't want to talk to you about it, baby."
"I know, and I promise that's not why I'm here. But when you need a hand lining this situation up in your sights, I'm here Deeks. You don't have to figure it all out first, you know that, right?"
"Yeah, I get that," he runs his free hand through his hair. Deeks decides that maybe Kensi is right. Even if she can't help, it certainly can't hurt for him to just tell her what happened with Whiting. Maybe it will even help clarify things for him.
So he tells her. About how Whiting started off by thanking him, then acknowledged she was wrong, told him she was happy Kensi was alright, and finally sympathized with him over the year they've had. About Whiting's reports of tension at the precinct, the murmurs regarding corruption and Lieutenant Bates, and her query about whether she should take that seriously. About how Whiting thinks she can trust him, and perhaps no one else, to help her when the time comes, and then how she may as well have stabbed him in the chest the way she ever so casually told him that she remembers his confession and is willing to close the murder investigation into him if Deeks does help her. About how this is supposed to get him to trust Whiting too.
Deeks is gratified that as he recounts the conversation to Kensi, he sees her reactions mirror his own thoughts at the time. Had he not been trying to play it close to the vest waiting for Whiting to drop the other shoe, his expressions would have matched Kensi's perfectly that day.
"Wow," is all Kensi can say at first.
"Yeah," Deeks agrees.
Kensi speaks after almost a minute of silence, "Couple of things?"
"Sure."
"Wear a wire next time you meet. You'll need proof that Whiting is willing to be an accessory after the fact to what she claims is murder. This way even if there's never actual trust between you, you've got mutually assured destruction to fall back on."
"I like the way your mind works, Special Agent Blye."
Kensi smiles briefly, knowing her next words will snuff out any pleasure from the compliment. "Do you think you'll have to go back to LAPD full time?"
"I don't know. She just lobbed that grenade and then walked away. So you think I should do it? Agree to work with Whiting, uncover whatever corruption she thinks is going on?"
"What are your other options?" It's a serious question.
"There really aren't any. I say no, she has me arrested. I resign, same thing." Deeks huffs out a breath, "Son of a bitch, I knew she was up to something. I should have gone in wired. Then I could have blackmailed her right back and I wouldn't be in this situation now."
"Hey," Kensi squeezes his hand gently, "I could have come up with that idea sooner, too. Don't beat yourself up over this, babe."
"Why the hell not, Kens? I brought this down on us. I killed a cop and covered it up. And then I confessed to it, to the investigating detective! Who does that?"
"A good man, that's who. Stop beating up on my boyfriend and partner. Only I can do that," Kensi pulls away a little so she can bump her shoulder into his. "And that's as much abuse as you're going to get from me over this."
Deeks doesn't respond for a while, and when he does, his voice is forlorn. "I'm sorry, Kensi."
"Deeks, look at me." Kensi waits until he does. "You have nothing to apologize for. Your actions have always been selfless, and these were no different. You wouldn't be the man I love if you hadn't confessed to Whiting that day."
Kensi can see he is not convinced. She is glad she came to the beach prepared. "You know what will make you feel better?"
"What?" Deeks asks, only because it is expected, not because he's interested in the answer. There is nothing that will make this better.
"Marry me."
"What?" Now he's interested. How can she possibly suggest that right now?
"Let's get married. Sooner than later. I'll even start the ball rolling this time." Kensi separates herself from Deeks and gets up on her knees, still at Deeks' side. She reaches her hand into the front pocket of her jeans and pulls out a man's wedding ring. Holding it out to Deeks, she smiles as she begins, "Marty Deeks, I love you and I want to spend –"
"Kensi, wait," Deeks interrupts before he can hear his own words offered back to him. He takes the hand that isn't holding the ring and kisses it. "I love you too, Kens. You know that. But…but I don't think we should be doing this right now." Deeks braces for the anger, the hurt, the disappointment he expects to see in Kensi's beautiful face. Not to mention the punch she might deliver. But he gets none of it.
Instead, her expression is one of understanding and compassion as she asks, "Why not?"
"Because of all this…crap hanging over me. Who knows when or how this is going to end?"
"That's exactly why we shouldn't wait," Kensi counters. "Our lives are never going to be perfect, Deeks. There will always be something lurking in the shadows as long as we do what we do for a living." She puts her hands on his cheeks, the ring now loosely around one of her fingers, and kisses him lightly on the lips. "Marry me," she urges.
He doesn't look convinced, but Kensi can see he's waffling. She tries again; she doesn't mind fighting a little for this. For them. "Listen, we're all in, remember?" Deeks nods. "So you know I'm not going anywhere. I will always be by your side, whether it's at work, or with Whiting, whatever. Let's just make it official. Marry me?" She pouts a little this time, for good measure.
Deeks smirks, wise to her game. "'Let's just make it official?' That's the best argument you got?"
Kensi's knees are starting to hurt from kneeling in the sand, so she settles herself in the seat made by Deeks' crossed legs and drapes her arms around his shoulders. "Oh, I can offer you plenty of better arguments if that's what you need, Counselor."
"Like what, Special Agent?"
"Like the fact that you'll have a hell of a proposal story to tell people." Kensi lowers her voice in an attempt to imitate him, "'My Kensalina was so desperate to marry me that she literally got on her knees and begged.'"
"Sugar bear, you do an awful Deeks impression. What is with that dreadful accent?"
"It's your drawl, and it's dead-on. Ask Callen and Sam."
"You've done an impression of me to Sam and Callen?"
"Don't try to change the subject, Deeks. The only acceptable response here is 'Yes, I will marry you.' And we both know you'll say it, ultimately. So let's skip all the drama. Marry me?"
Deeks scoffs. "Now you're practically daring me to say no."
"Everyone knows you can't say no to me, Deeks. Especially if I cry. Do you want me to cry? Because I will. Then you can add that to our proposal story."
Deeks puts a hand over her mouth before Kensi can imitate him again. "Stop. Just stop."
She pulls his hand away, and keeps ahold of it, "Is that a yes? That sounds like a yes. C'mon, you know you want to! I'm not sure I can make it any clearer that I want to marry you, too." Kensi runs her free hand through Deeks' hair.
"Tell me something, Princess. Why exactly is it that when you were in a bad place emotionally, it was okay for you to say no, but when I am, you try to bully me into saying yes?" Deeks' tone is light, and he slips an arm around her waist as he speaks, so Kensi is confident he doesn't really mean it.
But she softens and answers seriously, "Because I was an idiot and I was so lost in my own self-pity that I couldn't see beyond the confines of my wheelchair. And when I started crying, there was no way you were going to push me, like I'm doing now." She kisses him lovingly, "But I can tell you that if I was still in that chair today, I'd have realized what a fool I'd been and I would have accepted your proposal by now. So why don't you prove you're the better man and say you'll marry me?"
"Is that your clever way of trying to tell me I'm being and an idiot and a fool right now?"
"No. But now that you mention it, I do want to talk about something that bothers me." Deeks raises his eyebrows in invitation for Kensi to continue. "I think you don't believe, I mean really believe, that you deserve this. Deserve to be happy."
Deeks starts to protest, but Kensi cuts him off. "Let me explain." She takes a breath before continuing, "You make me happy, Deeks, and I think you're pretty confident that I want and plan to spend the rest of my life with you." He nods when Kensi seems to be waiting for a response.
"And I think that in your heart, you know how much I love you," she moves a hand to his chest. "But I also think that in that head of yours, there's a little voice, all the way in the back, that tries to convince you otherwise. I saw it the other day, on your face, when I told you that you're not alone. You wanted to believe it, but then a little seed of doubt started niggling its way through."
Deeks flinches slightly, "I didn't realize I was that obvious."
"You're not, I just know you that well. So maybe proposing to you today is my way of proving to that little voice in your head that your heart is right, and it just needs to shut the hell up." She kisses him quickly. "How's that for an argument?"
"Better than the first one."
"Here's another: I want us to be engaged, maybe even married, before everything starts to go down with Whiting. I need her to know that we're a package deal. That if she messes with you, she'll suffer the wrath of Kensi Blye. Or Kensi Blye-Deeks, once you finally marry me." She gives him another kiss. "Which reminds me, it's been a few minutes since I've asked. Will you marry me?"
Deeks chuckles, "You're relentless, you know that?"
"I'll stop as soon as you say yes, I promise. So marry me. Marry me? Marry me!" Kensi says this and it reminds them both of a particular evening on his couch, eating Korean take-out, with Kensi trying to convince Deeks to watch "Burnt Offerings" with her.
Kensi can tell that Deeks is close to accepting her proposal, so she decides to bring out her secret weapon. "One more thing. Maybe I need the reassurance of us getting married, or at least engaged, right now."
"What are you talking about?"
"Maybe I know you well enough to know the thought has crossed your mind that I'd be better off not getting wrapped up in this IAB thing with you again." The look on Deeks' face confirms her suspicion.
"Kens, you know I would never –"
"Yes, I do know you would never willingly leave me, Deeks. But I also know how strong your protective instincts are when it comes to the people you love."
"And me saying yes would…?"
"Prove to me that even when those thoughts flit through your mind, you won't be tempted to act on them."
"I'm probably taking my life in my hands by pointing this out, Kensalina, but being engaged didn't stop Jack from leaving," Deeks finishes gently.
"No, it didn't, but Jack was suffering from mental illness."
Deeks lets out a real laugh, "So a man must be mentally ill if he leaves you, is that what you're trying to say, Princess? Thinking mighty highly of yourself for a woman who's spent the past half hour groveling for my hand in marriage."
"That's not what I meant, and you know it. And two words will fix that, anyway: short engagement."
"Okay then, yes."
"And there's –" Kensi stops mid-thought. "Wait, what? What did you just say?"
Deeks smiles at the absolutely adorable look of confusion on Kensi's face. "Yes."
"Yes? As in, yes, you'll marry me, yes?"
"Yes, as in Kensi Marie Blye, you have finally worn me down and badgered me to the point where I feel I have no option but to say yes."
"Hey –" but Kensi doesn't get to finish her complaint before Deeks' lips are on hers and she is wrapped in his strong arms. When they part, Kensi touches her forehead to Deeks'. "One last time, for me?"
"Go for it, darlin'."
She pulls back a little so she can look him directly in his beautiful blue eyes, "Deeks, I love you and I want us to spend the rest of our lives together. Will you marry me?"
"Yes." Deeks leans in to kiss his fiancée, but Kensi pulls further away. When she puts her hand between them, he looks down.
She has taken the wedding band off her own finger and is holding it out to him again. "You don't have to wear it after today if you don't want to. I'm not even sure if it'll fit. But I wanted to have a ring to give you when I proposed. It was my dad's."
"Kens," he whispers, moved by her gesture. He holds his left hand out to her and watches as Kensi slides the ring onto his fourth finger. Or at least tries. It doesn't go farther than the second knuckle, so she removes it and slips it onto his pinky. It's somewhat loose, but it'll work for now.
"Thank you," Deeks says, and cups Kensi's face to kiss her once more. It's several minutes before they break, and they only do so because otherwise they'd be horizontal on the public beach before long.
Catching her breath, Kensi smiles at her now-fiancé, "Where's mine?"
"Your what?"
"My engagement ring, Deeks. I know you have it with you."
"Oh, yeah, well…uh, I guess I just figured since you popped the question and gave me a ring, that I could hock yours and get that Segway I was talking about."
"Uhn-uh," she extends her hand. "I want my ring." At Deeks' look, she relents, "Please?"
He huffs, "Fine, but I was really looking forward to zipping around on that Segway." Deeks plants one more kiss on Kensi's lips before adding, "You need to get off my lap, Princess."
She stands and Deeks moves to his knees to access his pocket. When he has the ring in hand, he glances up at Kensi and shifts a foot forward so that he is on one knee. He holds the ring out and says, "Now it's my turn."
Kensi is surprised, but nods her approval excitedly and teases, "And you call me a one-upper."
He smiles at that. "Kensi Marie Blye, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, and we deserve to be happy together, so will you marry me?"
She nods and quietly says, "Of course I will." After Deeks puts the ring on her finger, Kensi pulls him up and into her arms. "I love you so much," she says, her head tucked into his neck.
Deeks has to admit that he didn't think his day would end this way, especially not with the mood he was in earlier. He's wanted for so long to slip that ring on Kensi's finger and call her his fiancée that he…Deeks' thoughts take a detour as he realizes something. "Kens?"
"Yeah?"
"How did you know I had your ring with me?"
"The 'I' does stand for investigative, you know." Kensi tightens her arms around Deeks.
He pulls back enough to study her face and grins, "You tore up the house looking for it, didn't you?"
Kensi drops her head, "I'll clean up the mess as soon as we get home. Starting with the bedroom, because there may be no room for us on the bed right now. Oh! I found that gift for Monty I'd been looking for last Christmas, by the way."
"God, I love you," Deeks laughs, skimming his hands down Kensi's arms and linking their fingers together. "Come on, let's go home. I'll help you straighten things up. Maybe after we put each room back to rights, we can celebrate our engagement in it."
"I like the way you think, Deeks."