My fatigued body just a shell of my former-self lay dormant in my bed. I gazed down at my wrist I wore a paper ring, Kimimaro was my name. My restless eyes scouring the room for anything to help me forget the words numbed into my brain. Cancer. It was a word I heard frequently. It was always pityful nurses claiming "Oh, it's cancer" I thought to my self... Perhaps I deserved more than to die with their pity, without a cause, unfullfilled and undignified.
The room was very bland, white washed walls with white curtains and bedsheets that seemed to hang liflelessly. The faint smell of antistheptic that hung in the air filled my lungs it made me feel un-easy and light-headed, it wasn't at all helping my condition. I had come to realize that I was waiting to die, just a number just a bed waiting to be free'd up.
There was a window at the foot of my bed that stuck out about a meter further and a mirror that hung beside me glaring back at me as I gazed into it. I barely recognised my contorted face these days, my thinning white hair clung to my face, my skin was pale and tired, my clothes were unclean and creased.
Opposite the window beside me was a door into to the corridor where nurse and doctor often strutted past. Most of them I was now on first name basis with, a month here in this same bed with this same apathetic aura felt like a life time. I felt the depression weighing down on me like a tonne of bricks pilling down on to each shoulder and churning my stomach while I contemplated it. I hadn't ate for days, my mind told me to eat but my gut demanded otherwise.
I abruptly bolted forward, grasped a tissue from the box beside my bed, clenched it tightly and spluttered into it. I gazed down horrified at the now crimson tissue and lowered back into my bed fisting into the sheets and writhing as my stomach wrenched. The hospital bed was now splattered with my finely-spattered blood. The sight of the blood made me chuckle to myself as I thought "Better than the boring white sheets." My head whirled and I felt nausiated, I strugled to catch my breath. My bones ached and throbbed, the effects of my medication were wearing out. I reached out to find my pills and held the box infront of me "tramadol" the box read, I ached for something stronger. Shaking I opened the box and the contents fell onto my bed, I squeezed 2 pills from the packaging and forced them into my now dry lips, sipped the glass of water beside me and swallowed. I put the glass back, discarded the pills from my bed to the floor and sank back into my bed. I found myself drifting in and out of conciousness before I finally found myself falling asleep.
I awoke suddenly, glanced across to the sound of an unfamiliar voice, "Kimimaru" he said in a low and soothing voice, I saw my nurse through the door, she was pointing straight ahead into my room. The man beside her was of an athletic build, metallic silver hair that parted at the front and was tied back in a ponty tail, he wore slim glasses that complemented his face and had deep, dark, mysterious black eyes. His uniform was clean, a doctor. He had a swipe card that showed his name, Kabuto Yukushi. My glare met his, he smiled, turned and left, I tried to move, my head was screaming don't go but my body would not oblige. Who was this man? Where did he come from? Agitated, I wanted to know more...
The door squealed violently as my nurse wandered in, smug like a child who had a secret they couldn't hide. "I saw that smile he gave you Kimimaro-san." she said. "I don't know what you're talking about Karin." obviously lying, observing her hospital tag as she moved closer. "che, he likes you. You must be blind." She claimed. My heart took a double beat, I felt dizzy but not from the illness. It was a pleasant feeling. She chuckled. "What?" I demanded. "It's nothing." she gigled with an irritating undertone. "I need to eat" I said sternly. Still grinning she fluttered to my side. "What would you like? Ramen?" She enquired. "Beef" I replied. She pulled out a pad, scribbled on it and then pirouhetted back out of the door. I rolled aside grasped my pillow and sighed.
I shut my eyes breifly, opening them only to see Karin-sama darting back into the room with a hot bowl of ramen noodles. The aroma filled the room, I inhaled. Filling my lungs with the smell of the food, the smell was strangly nostalgic. Reminding me of home cooking. It was refreshing and it made a change from the same boring instant miso soup. It seemed I had regained my appetite somewhat. My nurse placed herself beside me wheeling a sweaky tray from the bed next to me and over my lap and stood the large, steaming bowl of ramen upon it. I peered down at the bowl, considering it maticulously before carefully pilling it into my mouth.I was surprised, contented, looking down at the now empty bowl that was still warm from the contents. I glanced up from the bowl only to see a very caring smile on karin-san's face. It was nice to have her there, even if she did tease me about Kabuto-sama. The thought embrassed me slightly.
"He's delectable isn't he?" She confessed as if reading my mind. I grimaced.
"Tsch, you are so idealistic, please leave me be" I commanded. Her face crumpled, horrified she turned and left the room.
I slumped back into my bed flung the now empty tray aside, it whirred until it made contact with the bed next to me...
Left alone with my thoughts, I pondered it. Why was he interested in me? Could he possibly be my doctor? I hoped he was. I found my self curious, his dark smoldering eyes and warm smile. I ached to see him again and it wasn't something I was used to. I had been waiting to see a pathologist now for days, it felt like an age. I understood I had leukemia, and I knew it was a cancer of the blood, but I didn't know any of the details, the hospital didn't seem to know anything either. It depressed me for them to be so clueless. My body was still so fatigued, yet also numb, like it did not belong to me. It was surreal, like a lucid dream I just wanted to wake from, screaming from the inside. I reached up clenched my hair frustrated and annoyed, slowly relased my hair and let my hand slide down my face, body and to my side. My body finally shut down and i fell into a troubled sleep.