I did it again! I made another IMPACT/Spongebob parody. This one was really fun to do.
I own absolutley NOTHING! And this parody contains a wrestler screaming "CHOCOLATE!"
Chocolate With Nuts- IMPACT Wrestling Style
One day in the IMPACT zone, we see a muscular wrestler with long, black hair in a ponytail hiding in a corner. This wrestler's name is Robert Roode and he is waiting for his mail. He hums to himself as he waits. The mailman is turning to Robert's direction.
"HI MAILMAN!" He jumps out and shouts. The mailman screams in fear and runs off. "Okay, see you tomorrow!"
Robert's friend and tag team partner, James Storm, arrives.
"Hey, the mail's here. What you get?"
Robert picks up the mail. "Let's see." He looks through the letters only to find out they belong to someone else. But he then sees a magazine. "Hey! A magazine!" He looks at the cover. "That's funny. I don't remember subscribing to Fancy Living Digest."
He opens the magazine. He and James stare in awe. "Whoa!"
"Look at all these glossy depictions of a higher standard of living. This guy is so rich, he has a swimming pool in a swimming pool!" Robert commented on a page showing a man with a huge swimming pool, then inside it there was another small pool.
James points to the next page, showing another rich man. "This guy's got shoes!"
Suddenly, the magazine gets taken away from them. The person standing in front of them is Eric Bischoff.
"Give me that! Stealing my mail, eh? You're lucky I don't call the authorities!" Eric said.
"Eric, how do those people get all that money?" Robert asked.
Eric answered, "They're entrepreneurs. They sell things to people."
Robert asked again, "What kind of things?"
"How should I know? Things people would want to buy!" Eric answered angrily. He walked away. "Now keep your hands off my mail."
Just then, Robert had an idea. "That's it, James! We've got to become entrepreneurs!"
"Is that gonna hurt?" James asked.
"Quick James, without thinking! If you could have anything in the world right now, what would it be?"
James answered while starting to sweat, "Uh… more time for thinking."
"No. Something real, an item, something you would pay for." Robert continued to think.
"A chocolate bar?" James suggested.
"That's it, James!" Robert accepted. "We'll be traveling chocolate bar salesmen!"
Later:
Robert and James are walking out of the store, carrying many chocolate bars.
"Fancy living, here we come!" Robert said.
"Make way for two "ontre-prenyouers"." James added. The two arrive at a house.
"Okay, James. Here's our first costumer. Just follow my lead."
Robert runs up and knocks on the door. The door opens and there is Gunner.
"Good afternoon, sir." Robert greeted. "Could we interest you in some… chocolate?"
"Chocolate? Did you say chocolate?" Gunner asked.
"Yes sir!" James answered. "With or without nuts?"
"Chocolate? CHOCOLATE? CHOCOLAAAAAAAAAAATE! CHOCOLAAAAAAAAAAAATE!" Gunner started screaming crazily as Robert and James slowly back away. The two then run off, with Gunner chasing them and screaming "CHOCOLATE!" behind them.
After the Chase:
The two arrive at another house. Robert rings the doorbell.
"Okay, that first guy didn't count. This is our real first step." The door opens and reveals Ken Anderson.
"Good day, sir. Would you like to buy some chocolate?"
"Chocolate bars, eh?" Ken asked.
"Yes sir, we are chocolate bar salesmen." Robert answered.
Ken chuckled, "A couple of mediocre salesmen if you ask me. That's no way to carry your merchandise."
It shows James with many chocolate bars in his pants.
"No no no, wrong! You guys want to be good salesmen, right?"
"Most certainly, sir!" Robert and James answered at the same time.
"Well, no candy bar salesman would be caught dead without one of these!" Ken holds up an orange bag.
"Wow… what is it?" Robert asked.
"It's a candy bar bag, you knucklehead! It's specially designed to carry every candy bar in velvet comfort." Before Robert can touch it, Ken takes it away. "But I'm wasting my time. You don't need these."
"We need them! We need them!" Both Robert and James shouted. Ken grins.
Later:
Ken is counting money in his hands while Robert and James are carrying armfuls of bags.
"So long, boys! Happy hunting!" Ken called out as the friends walked away. He laughed as he walked back in the house. "Suckers."
"Fancy living, here we come! La la la la, la!" They sang as they walked to the next house.
"Let's try next door." Robert went up and rang the doorbell on the next house. The door opens and Ken appears again.
"Yes?"
"Huh? Aren't you the same guy that sold us these candy bar bags?" Robert asked.
"I… don't recall." Ken answered. "But it looks to me you guys have got a lot of bags there. You two are too smart to be without one of my Candy Bar Bag Carrying Bags." He holds up two large red bags.
"We'll take twenty." James said.
Later:
They arrive at another house as Robert rings the doorbell. Madison Rayne shows up at the door.
"Oh, what can I do for you nice gentlemen?" Madison asked kindly.
"We're selling chocolate bars." Robert answered. "Would you like to buy one?"
"That sounds heavenly! I'll take one." Madison agreed.
"One chocolate bar, coming up!" Robert takes out a candy bar bag and unzips it, but finds another bag in there. "Huh?" He laughed a little to Madison. He unzips that bag, and another bag comes out. He unzips it, and there's another one! The process continues, but James doesn't search for chocolate bars. Instead, he is zipping and unzipping his pants.
"I don't have time for this." Madison slams the door shut.
Robert finally finds a chocolate bar. "I got it! One chocolate bar for the nice-"
"CHOCOLATE! CHOCOLATE! CHOCOLATE!" Gunner is heard yelling.
"-lady." Robert and James run off as James is dropping chocolate from his pants and Gunner continues to chase them, screaming.
Later:
We see our two guys sitting in a diner. Robert is drinking water while James is drinking a bottle of beer.
"We're not doing so well, James. We need a new tactic." Robert wondered.
James thought for a little bit, then suggested, "I got it! Let's get naked!"
Robert shook his head. "No, let's save that for when we're selling merchandise." He began to wonder. "There must be something! What was the reason we bought those bags?"
"He said we were mediocre." James answered, frowning.
"That's it! He wanted us to feel special." Robert said.
"Yeah he did." James then smiled, "I'm going to buy more bags!" He ran outside.
"NO WAIT, JAMES!" Robert shouted, causing James to freeze in his tracks. "Why don't we try being nice?"
"Oh, okay." James nodded.
Later:
They were heading toward a house to begin selling again.
"Remember James, make the costumer feel good." Robert reminded as he knocked on the door. Alex Shelley answered it.
"Hello?" Alex greeted.
"I love you." James said.
Freaked out, Alex slams the door shut. Robert gives James a freaked out look as well.
"I think you did a little too much there, pal. Let me try." Robert rings the doorbell.
Alex opens the door slightly. "Please, go away."
"Um…" Robert clears his throat. "How you doing?"
"How am I doing?" Alex asked back.
"Wanna buy some chocolate?" Robert offered, holding out a chocolate bar.
"We got him now!" James shouted.
"Sorry, but chocolate has sugar and sugar turns to bubbling fat. Isn't that right, lover cowboy?" Alex asked as James lifts up his shirt and shows his stomach bubbling.
"It tickles." He laughs.
"As you can see, me and chocolate no longer hang." Alex takes out a picture of him when he was younger and obese. "You can have that for five bucks."
"I'll take ten." James said, taking out money.
The scene changes to the guys walking down the street.
"We haven't sold a single chocolate bar. I think we're too easily distracted." Robert complained. James was looking at the pictures of big Alex, not paying attention. "Let's stay focused at the next house."
"Huh?" James said, still not paying attention.
"Let's shake on it." Robert holds out his hand.
"Did you say something?" James asked. He was done looking at the pictures.
They arrive at the next house.
"Remember James, focus." Robert knocked on the door, revealing Matt Morgan.
"Yes?"
Robert greeted, "Good afternoon, sir. We're selling chocolate bars."
James moves up to Matt with his eyes going in and out and back and forth.
"Why is Cowboy staring at me?" Matt asked.
"Focusing." James replied.
Matt moves back into his house, but James's eyeballs follow.
"Back off, Jack!" Matt shouted as he slammed the door. James's eyeballs are caught in the door. His eyes are moving around.
"Nice place you got here." James commented.
Later:
"I don't understand what we're doing wrong." Robert complained.
"I don't understand anything." James said, eating a chocolate bar.
Robert thought, "There must be something here we are just not getting. Other people do it! I mean, look at that!" Robert points to a billboard.
"Eat Champion Chips, they're delicious!" James read.
"They are definitely not delicious!" Robert said.
"Not the way I use them." James commented.
"Yet they sell millions of bags a day!"
"Maybe they didn't stretch the truth, they wouldn't sell as many." James added.
That comment gave Robert an idea.
"That's it, James!" He exclaimed. "We have to stretch the truth!"
"CHOCOLATE!" Gunner was heard screaming again. They ran off as fast as they could.
At the next house, Robert and James were getting ready.
"We'll work as a team." Robert explained. "Let me get this costumer ready and you come in for the kill."
"The kill!" James says to himself.
Robert rings the doorbell, and there is Karen Jarrett.
"Yes?"
"Hello, young lady." Robert grinned and winked at James. "We're selling chocolate. Is your mother home?"
"Mom!" Karen called. A few seconds later, it revealed a woman who looked very, very old. She looks shriveled up to the point were it only is a head and spine! Robert and James's jaws drop and eyes widen when they see her come in on a wheelchair.
"What? What? What's all the yelling?" She shouted. "You just can't wait for me to die, can you?"
"They're selling chocolate!" Karen shouted.
"Chocolate?"
"Yeah!"
"What? What are they selling?"
"Chocolates!"
"What?"
"CHOCOLATES!"
"I can't hear you!"
"THEY'RE SELLING CHOCOLATES!"
"They're selling chocolates?"
"YEAH!"
"Chocolate. I remember when they first made chocolate. Sweet, sweet chocolate. I always hated it!"
"Oh, but this chocolate is not for eating! It's for…uh…" Robert tried to think of a lie.
Before he could, James butted in. "You rub it on your skin and it makes you live forever."
As Karen kept saying no, her mother said, "Live forever you say? I'll take one."
Karen sighs and gives the guys some money.
"Come on, you lazy Karen! Start rubbing me with that chocolate!" Her mother called.
"I hate you!" Karen said angrily before she shuts the door.
"That did it!" Robert commented. "If we keep exaggerating, we'll be fancy living in no time!"
"Hooray for lying!" James exclaimed.
"It'll make your hair grow." Robert said to a costumer, who was Kurt Angle.
"Great! My wife's trying to grow a beard." Kurt thanked as he held up money.
"It'll make you sound smart." Robert told Ric Flair.
"I'll take twenty!" Ric said as he handed them the money.
"It'll keep your face from getting uglier." James said to a costumer that looked exactly like him.
"Just in time." The other James said.
"They'll make you fly!"
"You'll fall in love!"
"They'll bring world peace!"
"You'll walk through walls!"
"YOU'LL RULE THE WORLD!"
Later:
The guys are now covered in casts and bandages. They are giggling as they wait for the costumer.
"This will be the best one yet." James was excited.
"Yeah." Robert agreed. "This person will feel so sorry for us, he'll have to buy all of our chocolate."
The door finally opens a little bit and the costumer is hiding behind it.
"What can I get for you gentlemen?"
"Hello, sir. Would you buy a chocolate bar? We need an operation." Robert tells the costumer.
The costumer walks out, revealing a cast over his entire body.
"Really? Small world. What's up with you two?"
"Um, we've got some head trauma and eternal bleeding. We wrestle." Robert nervously lied.
"Even wrestlers have all the luck. I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs, and every afternoon I break my arms. At night, I lay awake in agonizing pain until my heart attacks put me to sleep."
As the costumer explains the sad story, Robert and James start to cry. Then, a wire snaps on the costumer. He falls down the stairs and lands smoothly on the last step.
"Ow." He groans.
"Come on, James. Let's help him." Robert and James pick him up and take him into the house. "Okay, now gently put him down." James drops him, causing the man to hurt his head.
"Ow!" He groans again.
"You poor, poor man. Is there anything, anything we can do?" Robert asked.
"Well, as you can imagine, my hospital bills are extremely high. But luckily I can keep myself alive by selling… chocolate bars." The costumer shows them large boxes of chocolate bars.
After Robert and James leave the house, the costumer is looking out the window at them.
"Such nice men. It does my heart good to con a couple of Class A suckers like those two!"
The costumer takes off his costume and it reveals Ken. He laughs as he counts his money.
Outside, the two are carrying the boxes.
"Don't get me wrong, James. It's good we helped that man out, but there's no one left in town to sell chocolate bars to." Robert then falls on the ground, with the box falling on his chest. "Let's face it, James. We're failures."
"I can live with that." James sets his box on top of Robert's and sits on it.
"Let's change our name to Why Bother." Robert suggested unhappily.
But then, Gunner appears behind the boxes.
"CHOCOLATE!" His scream is powerful enough to blow Robert, James, and the boxes away.
"No! No! Please don't hurt us! Don't hurt us!" Both Robert and James begged.
"HAHAHAHA! FINALLY! I'VE BEEN TRYING TO CATCH YOU GUYS ALL DAY! NOW THAT I'VE GOT YOU RIGHT WHERE I WANT YOU…!" Gunner immediately calms down, "I'd like to buy all of your chocolate." He holds up a large pile of money.
Both men are shocked. James farts chocolate bars from his pants, along with a Hershey's kiss following. When that's done, the two melt.
"Thank you for your patronage." Robert said to Gunner.
Later:
James is pushing a wheelbarrow full of money.
"Are we living fancy yet, Bobby?" James asked.
Robert pops out of the pile. "Not yet, my friend. First we've got to spend all the money."
"But what are we going to spend it on?"
Robert begins thinking.
At a Fancy Restaurant:
Eric, who is dressed all fancy, walks up to the waiter.
"Good evening, sir. Table for one please." He told the waiter.
"I'm sorry, but the whole restaurant has been rented to a private party." The waiter said.
"But it's my only night to be fancy! Who would in their mind rent out the whole restaurant?" Eric asked.
The waiter answered, "Two rich salesmen and their dates."
At a table, we see Robert and James with Karen and her mother.
"So how long have you two known each other?" Robert asked.
There is a long pause.
"What? What did he say?" The mother asked out loud.
Well, there you have it! Another parody done! :)
BTW, I hate Immortal!